" NOOO!" Edward felt himself falling down the black pit of despair! His reason for life was no more! What could he do. Anything. He would do anything to get it back." What do you want of me" Edward questioned, raising his eyes from the ground, the burning of his soul painted in them.
1. Getting Nowhere
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Jasper rushed through the forest, the trail of his urgency marked out behind him. Crushed branches saturatedthe air with fragrant pine. Jasper followed the invisible pathway...
... towards the banana that he was hunting. He had never before craved human food, but this banana was so...Alive. It moved and everything.
Perfect. that was the only word for it. His own holy grail. He would get it. Another scent surfused the air: someone else wanted his banana!!!NO! Carlisle would not have it! He could try as hard as he liked, but the banana belonged to Jasper only! As the telling scent of Carlisle got stronger, came closer, Jasper felt ever more angry. HIS BANANA! He would fight to the death for it! But it would not come to that; Jasper had a secret weapon - his chocolate eclaire!
But what was this? Was Carlisle concealing some hidden treasure too? Jasper became even more certain the closer he came ...yes, it was... FONDUE! Shit. Jasper was in trouble.
Edward watched this with a smirk on his face. His plan had worked. They had followed his decoy. Now it was time for him to claim the ultimate prize: HIS banana. Then it would be so easy to get Carlisle's fondue and Jasper's eclair. And he would reign supreme, owner of BANANA, ECLAIR and FONDUE! Here it was: his prize. His worthy prize. Edward glanced around: no one. Good, it was all his.
SUDDENLY, Emmett sprung from the bushes. "What? You thought you were the only one to get here first? No. It is not so. You were lured here by me. That banana, is merely an illusion, and you have chased it all this way, fooled by a false scent!"
"NOOO!" Edward felt himself falling down the black pit of despair! His reason for life was no more! What could he do? Anything. He would do anything to get it back. "What do you want of me?" Edward questioned, raising his eyes from the ground, the burning of his soul painted in them.
Jasper and Carlisle finally arrived. "How could you!?" Jasper accused Edward. "You tricked us!"
"I tricked you! It's HIM you should be accusing!" at the word "him", he pointed his finger dramatically towards Emmett. "HE is the true culprit here!" Three angry vampires turned to glare at Emmet. Who promptly grinned.
"Well. Isn't this cozy. Us boys all together for once." The tense atmosphere abated as each one relaxed
"So there isn't a banana?" asked Carlisle.
"Oh there's a banana alright" said Emmett. Everyone stared up at him, barely daring to hope. to believe.
"OOOOOhhh yes. you didn't think I'd just disappoint you all like that did you?" There were a few non committed murmurs and apologies from the assembly.
"But then where is the banana? " muttered someone after some time.
"The banana...Well. I have it right here." At that moment, Emmett reached into his. . .
(ooh such naughty thoughts!!! Honestly!)
...shoe, unfolding a piece of paper. Edward growled
"Thats not a banana!" He accused. Emmet grinned and simply extended the paper so all could see. Carlise was the first to respond in the monotone of confusion
"It's a certificate?"
"Drawing of a banana?" said Jasper
"Small pencil circle?" said Edward
"Dont be stupid, you dumbasses, it's psychic paper!" said Emmett. All three vampires looked up at him with identically raised eyebrows. Emmet was reminded of school children. The Jasper's face lit up in recognition.
"That's got something to do with Doctor Who hasn't it?" He chirped, almost bouncing in excitement. The other two seemed utterly confused.
"Doctor... Who..." repeated Carlisle, as if struggling to pronounce foreign words. Jasper rolled his eyes.
"The Doctor. Rose. Tardis." He implied, as if the answer was encoded in those words.
"YES! are you Retard-ed"
"OOOOOOOh!" said Edward.
"You get it now?"
"No...I just hadn't said anything since 'small pencil circle'"
Emmet meanwhile was attempting to slip away into the undergrowth, unnoticed, suddenly aware of the value of what he held in his hand.
"Wait up there! Where do you think you're going banana-boy!" called Jasper.
"Nowhere. Especailly not to Mumbai, India."
"Ah Ha! India! Thats where we need to go!" Edward snatched the peice of paper out of Emmett's hand and Carlise, Jasper and he ran off in search of the answer. Emmett waited for them to go. Fools! They were so easily manipulated. Pulling out the real psychic paper, he rushed of into the undergrowth. Now to get that banana into his stomache, where it belonged. He could already feel his taste buds beginning the party in preparation. He just had to- Edward ground into him as he jumped onto Emmett's back, bringing him to the ground.
"I knew it!"
"Damn, I forgot you could read minds."
Jasper followed the pair and pulled out his Eclaire, rasing it high above his head in a dramatic way as he uttered the holy, ageless words
Suddenly, all was chaos. It seemed that Carlisle must have joined the action, as fondue was soon flying through the air, slapping into rock hard skin like sloppy, wet missiles.
But Jasper was quick to retaliate, his éclair right on target in Carlisle's eye.
Alas, this only fired Carlisle's inspiration, and soon the fondue was being flung into amber eyes left, right and centre, in an attempt to blind his opponents
Only one thing could stop this madness...
"BAAAAAAAAAAAATH TIME!!!" Esme yelled from the house. Suddenly all opponents were united in terror. Esme stepped down from the porch, the sounds of squeaking and rustling alerting her to the young vampires positions.
"Into the mountains, quick!" said emmett.
"Dont be stupid!" said Edward "She'd know to look there."
"Mumbai, India?" asked Carlisle
"We cant, she overheard some of the conversation"
"Mexico!" suggested Emmett
"Lets just go!"
They ran off, not looking where they were going...until they suddenly realised that they were headed for La Push. At that moment they were greeted by a pretty tour guide who began to show them destinations.
"We don't have time for this!" Emmet squealed as Edward jumped from the grasp of a stone hand on his ear.
"Ahh Bella, we were just..." Edward's voice died away at her expression.
"Why... why are you looking at me like that?"
"Because I am very, very, very disappointed." she paused for a dramatic second.
"You're IT!" she said, tapping him on the shoulder and darting in the forest. Edward persued her with haste. Usually his speed would have been enough, but today she had a head start, it had taken him a second to realise what was going on. But soon he was after her and gaining ground.
"Can't catch me!" she squeale.
"Yes I ruddy well can!" he growled
Esme sighed and using a nearby rope, rounded up all the young vamps. "Come on." She grumbled tugging them home.
Three hours, a lot of soap, water and fighting later all four of the vamps were in bed. Aro, teenager from hell had made a brief appearance before returning to his dungeon of a room, Alec was helping Ciaus tidy up his clothes and Esme, Alice, Rosalie and Jane slouched on the sofa
"Kids." Jane mumbled.
"Boys." Rosalie grumbled.
"Such silly games! So immature!" Alice added.
Esme smiled, slowly revealing the confiscated psychic paper with an evil grin. The four women squealed with excitement and the four vampires took off in search of the wondrous Banana.