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Boys will be boys... even if they are vampires

Jasper and Emmett go shopping. Please keep in mind that this is Jasper and Emmett, shopping with them is never just shopping. Somehow they manage to find the one store that will drive Edward insane... when he finds out what they've done he will surely make the Volturi look like little kittens. It's rated Adult because of consequent chapters. (Adult humour and themes) Chapters 3 and 4 are now up!

*All the wonderful characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.*

1. Boredom

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One of the worse things about being a vampire was definitely the boredom. Things could get very repetitive; it was only exciting when some new invention came along or when something really unexpected happened. Unfortunately things were usually mundane and dull; we were all doomed to an existence of monotony.

Today Emmett and I had decided to stay home, neither of us wanted to go on the school trip- the idea of walking around a museum was just irritating: I had lived through most of those events, and if they weren’t exciting then they sure as hell weren’t exciting now.

Both Emmett and I were sitting on the sofa...well, technically Emmett was only leaning against the sofa- he had his legs up and his head on the floor, watching TV upside-down.

“Jazz, we should do something.” He was using his annoying voice, the one he reserved for when he was bored, really bored.

“Yeah... we should, any ideas?” I already knew what they would be, so I didn’t really pay much attention.

Emmett reached for the TV remote without disturbing his position. “We could do the usual: hunting, wrestling, or destroy some of Edward’s things.”

His mood was starting to really affect me; sometimes Emmett could be so lazy. “Nah... Let’s do something different- something that doesn’t result in Edward throwing a hissy fit, that boy gets more and more dramatic as time goes on.”

Emmett gave a quiet laugh- just another indication of how lethargic he was feeling. It was getting on my nerves, we had to do something before the boredom really got to me and I did something rash, like watch America’s Next Top Model.

“Em, get up, we’re going shopping.” I said, as I put on my jacket and went to retrieve the car keys. I tossed Emmett the keys to his jeep and we were in the car within seconds.

I was surprised that Emmett hadn’t complained- shopping was not one of his favourite activities, he preferred manly things: anything that involved him destroying, wrestling or winning was fine with him. Usually I would have agreed, but I thought that we needed to do something more relaxing... and we couldn’t really risk breaking another piece of furniture or Esme might decide that she no longer had need for two extra sons.

“Jazz, why are we going clothes shopping? Don’t you think it’s enough that your Mrs. drags us to the mall nearly every week?” He asked... actually, he practically screamed it- he had turned the music on so loud that I could barely hear his voice.

“Oh Em, how little you have learnt.” I shouted back. I can’t believe he hadn’t caught on to the possibilities. “We aren’t going clothes shopping. We are just going to find something to amuse ourselves with.”

Emmett nodded. I didn’t know if he was accepting my explanation or if he was just moving his head to the beat. I think it was probably the latter.

The mall was like a second home to us. All the shop assistants knew us by name, so as soon as we entered a store they were prepared with baskets and trolleys- they knew how Alice liked to splurge. But today was different, without my little Alice here we were probably not going to get noticed, we were usually the ones in the background carrying bags and bags of shoes anyways, and that was good- I wanted to shop in peace.

“So Emmett, where do you want to start?” I asked, I was feeling a little bit like a lost child- usually Alice was the one that told us where we went and when we went there; not having her here telling me what to do was... odd.

“Umm...” I could sense that he was feeling just as disorientated. “Electronics, definitely electronics.”

We took the escalators to the third floor where all the manly shops were located, along with some other stores that we never visited. Alice had said that the third floor was boring, so we rarely went there.

The electronics store was enormous, but it seemed that Emmett already knew exactly what he wanted. He went directly to the IT section.

“Do you need a new laptop, Emmett? Didn’t you just get a new one last week?” I asked.

He scowled at the laptops in front of us. “The last one beat me at Solitaire. What was I meant to do? Take it lying down? Hell no!” I could feel him getting angry just at the memory of his constant rival... the computer. “It’s not my fault they make these things so flimsy.”

I just grinned and left him to his own devices. I went to look at the new cell phones and then at the game consoles. I was just about to go look for Emmett when I heard his booming shout coming from the DVD section, but more importantly I could feel his excitement.

“Oh. My. God. Jazz? Get your butt here and look at this.” He called out. Obviously everyone in the store was now staring at us but it didn’t really matter, they were just feeling curious or annoyed, not suspicious.

“What is it Emmett? Did you find something interesting?” I asked, as I reach his side.

He just pointed. He looked stunned.