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Boys will be boys... even if they are vampires

Jasper and Emmett go shopping. Please keep in mind that this is Jasper and Emmett, shopping with them is never just shopping. Somehow they manage to find the one store that will drive Edward insane... when he finds out what they've done he will surely make the Volturi look like little kittens. It's rated Adult because of consequent chapters. (Adult humour and themes) Chapters 3 and 4 are now up!

*All the wonderful characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.*

2. Evil genius

Rating 5/5   Word Count 787   Review this Chapter

In front of us were The 40 Year Old Virgin poster and DVD.

We looked at each other and smiled...let the fun commence.

“Jazz, we have hit the Jackpot.” He was jumping up and down like a child who had just won his first wrestling match. “Just look at that catch phrase ‘The longer you wait the harder it gets’ Doesn’t it remind you of someone?”

“Emmett, please tell me that you are thinking what I think you’re thinking.” My face had by now erupted into a huge grin.

“Damn right I am! Now we only need to replace 40 with 108 and we have a perfect present for our little brother. Oh, he is gonna kill us. I can’t wait.” His excitement was building and I couldn’t help but add to it.

“You are a genius Em, an evil genius.” I grabbed a copy of the DVD but I didn’t really know how many posters to get. “Do you think ten will be enough?” Emmett looked at me like I had lost my mind. “Yeah, better make it twenty.”

The person at the checkout looked calm but I could feel that he was both surprised and amused. I tried to control a laugh, I hadn’t expected shopping to be this much fun.

As we left the store Emmett was contemplating what we could do with the posters, we settled on just putting them up... of course, they would contain a few minor adjustments. After our scheming was done we decided to separate to see if we could find any more ‘interesting’ material. Unfortunately I was coming up empty- nothing. All the stores just had clothes or shoes, there wasn’t anything that could further our plan to torment Edward.

I was looking at some other DVDs, hoping to gain some inspiration, when my phone rang.

I answered.“Hey Emmett, come across anything good?”

“Jasper, you are needed on level 3. Go back to the electronics store, when you get there take a right, walk past Mc Donald’s, and then turn left.” Emmett’s voice was very controlled. Oh, this is gonna be soooo good.

“Be there in two.” I shut the phone and hurried to meet Emmett. I hope I was just walking fast and not at vampire speed.

When I got to where I was meant to meet Emmett he was nowhere to be found. Had I got it wrong? Wasn’t it: store, right, McDonald’s, left? Yeah, I’m sure it was. I suddenly felt Emmett nearby. I turned around to see him walking towards me swinging a black thing around his index finger, and he was wearing his most mischievous smile: the one he held back for special occasions only, or when he was about to do something so wrong that it would likely get us ripped to shreds- this time Edward would probably be the one doing the ripping.

“Jazz, please put this blindfold on, and close your eyes as well, just in case.” By his expression and relaxed emotions I could tell that he was hiding something from me.

I did as he asked. I was eager to find out what silliness he came up with. “Why exactly are you making me look like a moron? And where did you get this from?” I was starting to lose my patience, curiosity was eating me up inside.

“Be patient, little one... you shall be rewarded for it.” I couldn’t help but laugh, Emmett was using his posh English voice. He was great at nearly every accent but his posh English one was particularly good; it wasn’t just hilarious but it annoyed the hell out of Edward. I would remind myself to use it at some point.

Emmett had been guiding me for twelve seconds before we came to a halt.

“Ok, you can remove the blindfold.”

My mind went blank. But soon enough all the space was taken up by possibilities.

“NO WAY! A sex shop? How- why- how?” I opened my mouth trying to form coherent sentences but it was no use, I was just too ecstatic. Alice had never taken us here...

“Em, I love you, man. There isn’t a better brother out there.” I impulsively gave him a man hug.

Emmett let go of all his feelings and a great surge of nearly euphoric emotion hit me.

“Oh, Jazz. I’m so happy.” He said as he punched the air with both fists. “ This right here,” he pointed to the store, “this is what we have been looking for... what are the chances of coming across something like this when we’re plotting Edward’s downfall? Come on lets go, I don’t want to waste time.” He grabbed my arm and led me into the store.