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My Tortured Angel

Summary:
This is just a fluffly little one-shot where Bella and Edward are disscussing heaven, and Bella keeps talking about their eyes. This is my first one shot, so I'm not sure how it turned out. DISCLAIMER: I don' t own anything in this story. It's all Stephanie Meyer's.


Notes:


1. An Angel's Eyes

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1541   Review this Chapter

“Bella, I will not change you. You are much too innocent to be damned to this existence. This conversation is over, so would you please just focus on getting us to your house in one piece?” Edward’s voice became rough, as rough as velvet can be, that is, so I knew this was not the time to pursue the subject. So I closed my mouth, for the time being, at least.

When my prehistoric Chevy pulled into Charlie’s driveway, Edward was already by my window, opening the door. He steadied me as I tripped down the step, and as I fell trying to find the spare key under the eave on the porch.

Charlie wasn’t going to be home tonight, he had left a note before he left for work saying something about a case that was leading him into Seattle. I shuddered as I remembered the things lurking out there. Victoria, Laurent, James, werewolves…

“Bella? Are you alright?” Edward was suddenly there, leading me inside and turning the kitchen light on.

I nodded distractedly, not wanting to get into what had brought on my gooseflesh. I mindlessly began cooking dinner, still trying to think of ways to convince Edward that I should be changed, and that he should be the one to do it.

“What are you thinking?” He asked suddenly, his small bit of patience dissolving in a few moments. He had been asking that a lot lately, probably wanting to make sure that I wasn’t going to do anything stupid, like call Jake, or go cliff diving. Especially after our last encounter, I hadn’t been especially eager to call Jake, I was still just too mad.

“Bella!” Edward snapped irritably. I glanced into his eyes, taking in the darkness of them, and the bruise like shadows beneath them. He would need to go hunting soon, but he was still afraid to leave. He hadn’t gone hunting since we got back, two weeks ago.

“Why don’t you go hunting?” I asked thoughtlessly.

His eyes became shadowed, and pain showed through. He still believed I wanted to be rid of him, that I couldn’t possibly have forgiven him for abandoning me like that.

I reached over and touched the perfect stone-like features of his face, touching every part of his cold visage. I watched as his eyes closed, he seemed to be savoring my touch, as if he may never feel it again. As if.

“I’m not trying to get rid of you. I just noticed that you seemed a little… crabby…lately, and that you haven’t gone hunting since we got back from Italy.” He cringed at the reminder of our last journey, and his eyes pleaded with me not to bring it up.

I realized that I wasn’t hungry, and began to put the things away.

“What are you doing? Just because I’m not eating doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.” Edward sounded panicked. I gave him a reassuring smile, and said, “I’m not hungry, you actually just took me out for dinner, remember?” He stared at the ground in embarrassment, and I grinned.

“Time for bed, Mr. Cullen.” I headed for the stairs. Of course, being me, I tripped, cutting my knee on a protruding nail.

“Damn!” I cursed, praying that Edward would not come in.

I heard a feral snarl coming from the kitchen. “Bella, get out of here!” Alice’s musical voice came from Edward’s direction.

I gasped, an ran out of the house, knowing Edward would never forgive me if I stayed.

Rosalie was waiting outside the house anxiously. “Bella, let’s go! I’m supposed to take you home until they get Edward under control, and take him hunting.”

I slid into the car wordlessly, in utter shock. Edward, my Edward, had just tried to attack me.

You always knew this could happen. Stop acting so surprised. It’s what happens when a human is dating a vampire. The voice in my mind sneered relentlessly.

“Bella? Are you ok?” Rosalie’s voice broke into the vicious voice’s rant.

“Fine.” I whispered. She nodded, and focused back on the road.

We drove the rest of the way in silence. We pulled into the drive, and Rosalie shut off the car.

“Come on, you look exhausted.” She led me into the mansion, and up to Edward’s room.

“You can sleep here until they get back.” Then she left, still not comfortable being around me. Things had been better lately, but still not great. Alice said that she was still jealous, and that she couldn’t understand why Edward loved me when he hadn’t even found her attractive. I could relate, I couldn’t understand either.

Sleep eluded me, and I tossed and turned restlessly. Alice must have seen Edward attacking me, I mused. She had known that he hadn’t fed, and that he had been too weak to resist his blood lust, the blood lust that was intensified by my blood.

I was so stupid to have allowed myself to fall like that. What if he didn’t come back? I would die this time. There was no way I could survive another blow like that. I could feel the phantom scars of the hole tearing open again, and I was drowning…drowning… in the black abyss….

The door burst open, and Alice stood, glowing in the light from the hallway. “Bella, calm down, what’s wrong? It’s ok, shh…” She sat on the edge of the bed, stroking my hair and cheeks, murmuring reassurances in m ears.

I had screamed, I realized, and hadn’t known it. I couldn’t take it…. I just couldn’t.

“Edward?” I managed to choke out.

“He’s downstairs. He wanted me to make sure that you still wanted to see him, after…” She trailed off, looking for some sort of understanding in my eyes, some hint that I wasn’t afraid.

She must have found it, because she smiled, and said, “I told him that it wasn’t necessary, but he insisted.”

The couch groaned as she left it, and a moment later, another weight replaced it.

Edward sat at the very edge, as far away from me as he could manage. My first Biology class all over again, I thought with a smile.

I threw myself at him, my arms flying around his neck, and my head resting against his icy chest.

“I thought you left again.” I wept, my tears soaking into his shirt.

“I’m so sorry, I should have been more careful. I knew that nail was there, I just wasn’t thinking-“

“Bella, stop!” Edward’s voice broke as he uttered those words, and then he fell forward into me, his head resting in my lap. I stroked his hair, trying to comfort him, to take away the years of pain that were etched onto his face.

“I almost… I almost lost control. If Alice hadn’t…” He was shaking now, with anger or sobs, I couldn’t tell.

Then, he spoke again, and his voice was strangely calm. “What do you think Heaven is like?” I stared at him, wondering if he was serious.

“What?” I asked, wanting him to clarify.

“What do you think Heaven is like?” He replied, his eyes piercing mine, utterly and completely serious.

“I don’t know. No one can know, not until you die.” I said, wondering where this abrupt change of topic had come from.

“You don’t believe in God, then?” He continued the questioning.

“No, I do. He knows what Heaven is like, I just meant that no one on Earth can know what it is. Why do you ask?”

“I want to know.” He said quietly.

“Why don’t you just wait until you get there? It might not be for a while, but everyone dies eventually. And we can find out together.”

His eyes hardened, but he didn’t say anything about my reference to being changed. “I won’t go there, Bella, even if I do die. Look at what happened tonight! And you don’t know what I did, all those years ago…”

I knew that he was talking about those months that he had left Carlisle and Esme, when he had fed from humans. I also knew that it was true, he had killed people. But still…

“Edward, there is no way that you are going to Hell. You are the only good thing in my entire life. Without you, I would have nothing good. You saved my life, many times, and risked my telling the world your secret to do so. No one who is truly evil could do that.”

He opened his mouth to argue, but I covered it with my hand. “No. And you know what? It still doesn’t matter to me. I told you a long time ago that it was too late, that I was already in love with you. Well, it’s still true. I love you, and if being with you for eternity means that I have to go to Hell… well, bring on the fire.”

He looked into my eyes, and I could see that for the first time, he knew that I was dead serious. But looking into his, I saw the same thing I always did.

I saw an angel’s eyes.