A change of heart; Edward's New Moon
Banner done by the wounderful Eternitys_Charm After Edward is saved by Bella in New Moon, she leaves him for Jacob.... How does Edward cope with losing his love..... we shall see
Edwards POVThis is NOT a Jacob/Bella story, it's primarily Edward
Rating 4/5 Word Count 1351 Review this Chapter
I struggled against the chains that held me down. I was chained to Alice and Jasper’s bed by chains made of a special alloy which I couldn’t break. I snarled and growled. The scene on my return to the house had been horrible. Esme was sobbing. Carlisle, Jasper, Emmet and Rose were trying to hold me, I was screaming and Alice’s face was like stone. Now here I was, a one hundred and eight year old man chained to a bed. This was degrading.
I could hear my family talking downstairs.
“What are we going to do about this Carlisle?” Emmet said.
“He can’t go on like this, it’s driving him mad.”
“Driving him mad? He’s already mad Em.” Rose hissed from the couch, her fists clenched, almost breaking the arms of the chair, “And it’s all because of that stupid bitch Bella.”
I snarled. No one spoke about Bella that way. No one. I struggled harder against the chains.
“Rose,” Carlisle said his voice firm. “Bella made her choice. She had a right to. We cannot change it and we have to deal with it.” He met the eyes of everyone in the room. “All of us.”
“But what can we do to help him? I’ve never seen him like this.” Esme sighed.
Carlisle remained silent. He’d seen me like this a long time ago. I was a newborn and struggling with the blood lust. The living room was silent for some moments.
“A change of scenery,” Jasper murmured. He had been leaning on the piano, staring at the floor. “We need to move.”
I stared out the glass window of our new house. It had been two months since our move. Esme had decided she wanted to go to a similar place, so we returned to Carlisle’s homeland, England. I loved England, as much as I could love anything these days, my emotions felt odd, as if I was a third party observing them, but not experiencing them for myself.
I was alone in the house. The rest of the family was at a hospital benefit with Carlisle. I rarely went out. I preferred to stay inside and dream - not normal dreams that humans experience. My dreams were memories, but I preferred to think of them as dreams. It hurt too much to think of them as memories, because in order for something to be a memory it had to be finished.
I turned from the window and walked up the stairs to my room. It wasn’t much of a room, the walls and floor was bare. Like most of our houses one wall was glass, the window looked out onto the pool that came with the house. I went into a corner of the room, lay down on the floor and shut my eyes, letting the memories wash over me.
Bella and I lying in our meadow... The sun warm on her skin, her scent washing over me. Her beautiful brown eyes wide with wonder at my skin yet filled with trust and love.
The first time I ran with her on my back. Her fear of hitting a tree... The first time we kissed......
My eyes snapped open. I was curled into a tight ball on the floor, whimpers coming from my throat. I had delved too far into the memories. The hole in my silent heart was ripped open with new fury. The pain burrowed into my chest like a white hot stake. I pressed my fists against my temples and rocked back forth, immersing myself in the pain. “The humane vampire getting staked,” I laughed grimly to myself.
New pictures washed into my tortured brain. Bella with him... Being held in his arms... Having a bright happy future with him, who could give her everything I couldn’t. I was happy for her and in no way did I wish her any harm. I still loved her, and as much as I hated to admit it I was happy for him, he was lucky to have gotten her and he had better realise it.
I heard the sounds of my family returning. Esme stared towards my room but drifted away again, her thoughts troubled. Jasper opened the door to my room and stuck his head in. When he saw me curled on the floor he came fully into the room
“Why does he do this to himself,” Jasper thought to himself.
He sat down on the floor near me, his legs crossed under him.
“Edward, you have to stop this, you cannot keep torturing yourself like this.” he said his voice soft.
I remained silent.
“The entire family is worried about you. Please at least just try to deal with the situation.”
“The situation,” I repeated softly. “Is that all you see it as..... A SITUATION!” my voice tore through two octaves as I continued. “HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF ALICE LEFT YOU? WOULD YOU JUST DEAL WITH THE ‘SITUATION’?”
Jasper winced as I sprang to my feet, now towering over his sitting figure.
“How would you feel, Jasper, if you thought Alice was dead and then she saves you from killing yourself, only to rip out your heart three weeks later for a dog? Do you think you’d DEAL WITH IT?”
“Edward, don’t ....be-
“I’m not angry with her. Of course not! I am angry at myself! For not holding on to her, for not being able to give her everything that would make her happy, for not-
“You gave her all you could!” Jasper said interrupting me. “She moved on, stop blaming yourself! Stop being so blasted masochistic!”
I just stared at him, my gaze slick and black, clenching my jaw so hard I thought it would break.
“Get out.” I growled.
Jasper just stared at me his eyes narrowed in frustration, “I just want to help, Edward, I just want to help. Talk to me, let me help you.”
“GET OUT, JUST. GET.OUT” I shrieked, shutting my eyes with the force of the scream, that made the glass wall shake.
He was silent for a few moments, just standing there. I felt an unnatural breeze pass me and then he was gone.
I sat on the couch in the living room arguing with myself. The fight with Jasper had been bothering me. He was only trying to help and a part of my brain was beginning to think I needed that help. I sighed and thought back to the past afternoon.
I had gone for a walk along a lonely side road to escape my family or, more specifically, Jasper. As I walked I thought back to my days with Bella. So I didn’t see the girl until she bumped right into me. I automatically put my hands on her shoulders to prevent her from falling. Our eyes met for a moment and her thoughts flowed into my brain. I saw my face reflected in her mind’s eye.
My eyes were wide and dull; their hazel colour looked washed out. My jaw was hanging slightly open as if I was in shock, my expression blank. All this coupled with my chalky pallor made me look like a monster from the movies......like a zombie.
I leaned my head back on the couch and shut my eyes. I knew I couldn’t go on like this. A simple encounter with a human girl had opened my eyes to just how far-gone I was. Bella would want me to move on, wouldn’t she? I sighed again. I had to at least appear happy for my family. I stood up and flitted upstairs to Alice and Jasper’s room. With a deep breath I knocked on the door.
“Come in.” A soft voice said.
I entered to find Jasper on the bed with a book in his lap, some Latin novel.
“Jasper,” I said looking at the floor, “I need – I want help.”
He just nodded
I looked up at him and he patted a spot on the bed next to him, “Come and talk to me.”
I sat stiffly on the bed next to him, feeling the calming waves he emitted washing over me. I took a deep breath and began to tell my newest brother everything.