Bella and Edward had a beautiful wedding and very passionate honeymoon. Now, it seems, they are paying for all their happiness. Bella is pregnant with Edwards child but he doesn't want it. This is Bella's POV of her pregnancy. We know what Jacob saw but what did we miss behind Bella and Edward's closed door? Rated adult for later chapters.
Hello all you wonderful readers. As the summery says, this is the pregnancy from BPOV. Some of it is sad, some is a little kinky, but mostly, it's revealing. I usually don't post unless I have the entire story mapped out but this time, I'm posting as I write. Hopefully you like it. Also, please review and help with ideas. Finally, I do not own the Saga or it's characters, those honours belong to SM.
1. Chapter 1
Rating 3.6/5 Word Count 2103 Review this Chapter
I knew that this was going to be a very complicated pregnancy. My stomach had grown even bigger, simply on the plane ride back from Isle Esme. Within 8 hours, I went from a barely noticeable baby bump, to looking like I was three months pregnant.
Edward was incredibly scared. The entire flight he wouldn’t take his eyes off me. He would hold my hand tightly, never letting go, until I would feel a nudge from inside and place my hand on my stomach. As soon as his hand touched the bump he would pull it away.
He really did hate the baby growing inside of me.
This was our baby, Edward's and mine. We made it together and yet he wanted nothing to do with it. In fact, he wanted to kill it. It broke my heart that he wouldn’t even look at, let alone touch my stomach. I thought it was a miracle growing inside me, and it frustrated me that Edward didn’t.
I looked into his eyes as I grabbed his right hand again.
“Please” I said, begging for him to trust me. I slowly placed his hand on the left side of my bump, directly on my stomach, under my shirt. I could feel him try and pull away, but he resisted, knowing that it would hurt my feelings if he did.
I slowly slid his hand around the top of my stomach and down the centre, over my bellybutton, letting it rest just at the bottom. His cold touch not only had a tingling effect on me, but it made my little nudger react as well. The baby started moving softly against Edward’s hand, as if it was trying to touch him.
“Bella, I can’t” Edward said, as he abruptly pulled his hand away from my stomach. “I can’t be happy or excited over something that is killing you. Something that is my fault.”
He had a very distinct look of fear and shame in his eyes. And yet, there was also anger. He was mad at me for wanting to keep the baby.
“Edward, we don’t know that the baby is killing me, we don’t know what exactly I’m carrying. But I do know that I can’t just get rid of it like a piece of garbage. I’m carrying a baby in me, something that we created together. Our child.”
He was about to interrupt me but I wouldn’t let him. I was too angry at the fact that he was blaming himself for something he thought was going to kill me.
“And this is not your fault! Neither of us knew that this was possible. Carlisle didn’t even know this was possible. How could we have ever known that this would have happened?”
Edward turned his head away from me for the first time since we’ve been on the plane, to look at the floor with utter guilt. I think that if he were actually capable of crying, a tear would be running down his cheek.
I took my left hand off my stomach and gently caressed his right cheek, trying to get him to look at me. Of course he was being stubborn and wouldn’t move.
“Edward?” Nothing. It was as if I hadn’t said anything at all. He didn’t move an inch. “Edward please look at me”.
“I can’t” he choked out in a broken voice that made my heart sink. He hung his head even lower, resting his elbows on his knees and his face between his hands. My hand slid off his cheek, but I didn’t return it. I was too much in shock from what he just said.
“What do you mean you can’t? You can’t look at me?”
“No, I can’t look at you Bella. Not when I know that the thing inside you, that monster I put there, can kill you and you’re happy about it. This is all my fault.”
That was it. I couldn’t take his self loathing anymore. If he wasn’t going to look up at me, then I would come down to look at him.
I unbuckled the belt of the airplane seat and slowly got to my feet. I had to carefully maneuver myself between the seats of the plane and Edwards legs before I knelt before him. Good thing we were in first class or I would never have been able to fit between Edward and the back of the seat in front of him.
I placed myself between his legs and kneeled down on the floor so that I could look at his face. His eyes were closed and his beautiful mouth was twisted down in obvious suffering.
I placed my hands on either side of his face and kissed him softly on the forehead.
“Edward,” I whispered, “remember when we first talked about changing me and you said that you didn’t want to take my life away, you didn’t want to rob me of human experiences?”
“And remember when I spoke to Rosalie about why she didn’t want me to join your family? Both of you were worried that I was giving up too much, that I was giving up on being a mother, having a child and a family, even though I didn’t even know if I wanted to be a mother.”
His head slowly lifted and his golden eyes focused on mine. With my hands still on his cheeks, I gently ran my thumbs across his cheekbones and around the back of his neck into his hair. I looked into his eyes with all the love that I had, in hopes that he would understand.
“This is my chance to have it all Edward, to have a family with you. I got to marry the man that I love, had the most perfect honeymoon with you and now I’m carrying the child we made together out of the pure love we have for each other. And after our baby is born, I’ll be changed and get to be with you forever. I’m not giving up anything Edward, I’m only gaining things.”
His eyes grew impossibly sadder as I said this. He leaned his forehead against mine, closing his eyes and taking in a large breath.
“But aren’t you scared? We don’t even know what that thing is”
“Of course I’m scared Edward, I’m 18 years old and having a baby with my vampire husband. I don’t know what to expect. I only know what human births are supposed to be like. Even Carlisle is unsure what to expect. We’re going in blind, but I’m still happy that this is happening. I’m having your child.”
He pulled his head away from mine and looked at me with a look that would have scared me if I didn’t know his so well.
“But how? How can you be happy about this?”
“Easily” I said with a little more angst then intended. “I’m happy because I made a baby with you, the man I love more than anything else in the world. I get to give you a child.”
“But I don’t want it!” My heart stopped. Tears started to flood my eyes while a single drop slid down my right cheek. I was both heartbroken and defeated. There was no way that I was going to get Edward to understand.
He slid his hand up my cheek to wipe away the multiple tears that were now escaping my eyes. I just let them continue to fall, looking into his eyes and seeing the hurt we both felt. He leaned forward and gently placed a kiss on my lips. Both our eyes fell shut the instant our lips touched, taking us back to Isle Esme for the briefest of moments.
“I don’t want to lose you. I can’t.” He softly said after separating our too short kiss.
I took a deep breath so that there was no wavering in my tone. “Edward, I want this baby.”
With our foreheads still together, I swear I felt his shutter. Edward’s hands gently pulled my face away from his so that he could look straight into my eyes. “I won’t sit by and watch you die Bella,” his voice pleaded, “and neither will anyone else.”
In an instant, I was furious and hurt, stupid hormones. He was so convinced that I was weak and frail that there was no way in his mind that I could pull through this. There wasn’t even a point in trying; I was just some brittle human.
I pushed my hands against his chest to push him away from me. He was now sitting back in his chair while my back was leaning into the back of the chair in front of him. “I’m not going to die Edward!”
He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me with his “scary vampire look”.
“Damn right, you’re not! ‘Cause we’re going to take care of that thing as soon as we get back”
Suddenly, we heard a throat clearing from the seat across the aisle. We both looked over to see an elderly woman looking at us disappointedly for disturbing her sleep and subsequently, her flight.
We just stared at each other, while we heard people start to shuffle in their seats. Apparently our argument had gotten a little louder than we thought.
Edward slowly leaned into me, placing his lips right against my left ear. “You can’t stop a bunch of vampires from saving your life Bella”
“You may not think so now, but wait till we get home.”
Edward pulled back to look me in the eyes with a suspicious glare.
“What do you mean ‘wait till we get home’?”If it was appropriate to laugh, I would have. There was a hint of fear in Edwards question.
I slowly leaned forward, resting my hands on Edward’s knees. “You may be able to read their minds, Edward, but you can’t tell them what to think or how to feel. They might not all be on your side. “
Then there was silence. We just stared at each other, with me still kneeling on the ground, wedged between his legs and the back of an airplane seat, and him leaning over his knees, just looking at me.
I could see so many emotions in his eyes; guilt, fear, anger, love, agony, helplessness, sadness and so many more. All he was trying to do was help me, but he wasn’t helping me the way that I needed him to. I needed my loving and caring husband, not a violent and irrational vampire. Clearly getting mad and yelling at each other wasn’t getting us anywhere.
I leaned closer to him, resting my forehead once again on his. I gently closed my eyes while I grabbed both his hands and entwined our fingers. I spoke very softly and gently, hoping that my tone would make him understand.
“I need you Edward. I need the man I love, my husband. I need you to smile at me, to hold my hand, to look me in the eyes and show me that you still need me. I need you to hold me tight, to touch me, to kiss me, to love me and support me. I need you to be there for me, but most of all I need you to trust me.”
I felt Edward take in a large, unnecessary breath before pulling back to once again look me in the eyes. He didn’t say anything. At least he wasn’t telling me I was going to die again.
We just sat there, holding each other’s hands and looking at each other until a short man in a steward’s outfit came down the aisle. He stopped beside Edward and me when he noticed that I was kneeling on the ground.
“Um is everything alright over here?” Neither Edward nor I answered him. We just continued to stare at each other. Finally Edward closed his eyes and nodded to the steward.
“Miss I’m going to need you to get back in your seat, we’re close to landing.” The steward gave us one more confused look and walked away.
With his eyes still closed, Edward leaned back into his chair and rested his head against the headrest. I braced myself against his knees to help get up but I fell into the back of the seat as soon as I tried to stand. I could feel the embarrassment creeping to my cheeks.
“Um Edward?” I said hesitantly.
“Yes love?” he answered with his eyes still closed.
“I need your help…I’m stuck. “