Bella and Edward had a beautiful wedding and very passionate honeymoon. Now, it seems, they are paying for all their happiness. Bella is pregnant with Edwards child but he doesn't want it. This is Bella's POV of her pregnancy. We know what Jacob saw but what did we miss behind Bella and Edward's closed door? Rated adult for later chapters.
Hello all you wonderful readers. As the summery says, this is the pregnancy from BPOV. Some of it is sad, some is a little kinky, but mostly, it's revealing. I usually don't post unless I have the entire story mapped out but this time, I'm posting as I write. Hopefully you like it. Also, please review and help with ideas. Finally, I do not own the Saga or it's characters, those honours belong to SM.
6. Chapter 6
Rating 5/5 Word Count 1990 Review this Chapter
I woke up in the middle of the night feeling strangely warm and separated from Edward. I reached my right hand over to pull myself closer to him but my hand landed on the mattress. My hand continued to roam the bed for Edward but came up empty. I opened my eyes to realize that I was alone in our bed.
“Edward?” I whispered into the night. I heard a soft shuffling from across the room. I instinctively sat up as my eyes slowly focused on Edward sitting on the couch that was against the opposite wall.
“I’m here love,” he quietly answered, “how are you feeling?”
“I’m fine,” I answered with surprise and confusion colouring my tone, “but why are you all the way over there?”
“I just wanted to give you some space.”
I knew Edward was lying. He knew that the last thing I would ever want was space from him. I sat up and tried to look at him closer. The room was dark but I was still able to make out his face, and his expression told me everything; it was the baby. He didn’t want to be near it. My heart immediately sank as I slouched back into the empty bed. Once again, I was feeling rejected. Was this how it was going to be now? Edward keeping as far away from me as possible because he was repulsed by our child?
A thought quickly sprang into my head. If Edward was repulsed by our child, was he, in turn, repulsed by me for carrying and wanting to keep the baby? It would explain why he didn’t want to touch me, why he pushed me off him yesterday morning and why there was a tortured look on his face when we made love. It would also explain why I was here alone and naked in our bed after a night of incredible passion and he was sitting as far away from me as possible. I could feel tears coming to my eyes. This impossible theory actually made sense.
“Edward?” I asked, having to pause to swallow back the sobs that were inevitably coming, “do I disgust you?”
I faintly heard him gasp and he was immediately by my side. He sat in front of me on the bed and put both his hands on my cheeks to cradle my face. He wiped away the tears that escaped my control.
“No Bella,” he pleaded while staring deep into my eyes, “how could you ever think that? There isn’t a word in any language that I know that can adequately express the love that I have for you. ” He pulled me into his embrace and held me tight against him. Our faces were nestled in each other’s necks while he gently ran his right hand down the back of my head and continued down my bare back.
His hand ran this path a couple of time before he gently kissed the right side of my neck up to my jaw and laid a gentle kiss on my quivering lips. He pulled my face back to look at me. His eyes were so sad, that it made the aching I already felt even worse. I had to look away from him. For the past three days, every time I looked into his once captivatingly brilliant eyes, they told me a different story of the pain I was putting him through. First on the plane there was guilt, suffering and self-loathing, and then in the airport there was fear, panic and desperation. Since we’ve been home, there’s been nothing but pain, worry, torture and most agonizingly, there was rejection and disgust. I was putting Edward through so much suffering, how could he not be put off by me.
He continued to study my face while I continued to advert his eyes. He finally put a soft finger under my chin, lifting it to meet his eyes. “Bella?” he asked, his voice dripping with concern, “how could you ever think that I was disgusted by you?” I didn’t know how to answer. I didn’t want to add anymore guilt onto his already overflowing plate of self-loathing. He just stared at me, slowly shaking his head in disbelief, waiting for my answer.
I pulled away from him, resting my back against the headboard, looking down as my hands crossed over my naked, pregnant stomach. I could feel Edward’s gaze follow mine. He let out a loaded sigh as his eyes fell onto my stomach. Even though it was dark, it was clear that I was spotted with bruises from yesterday and I looked like I was at least another week along. I looked up to finally answer Edward’s question, but his head was bowed and his eyes were shut. I guess my actions told him my answer; I thought he was repulsed by me because he was repulsed by our child.
“It’s not you Bella,” he whispered, still not looking up, “it’s what you’re carrying. I could never feel anything but complete adoration for everything you are, but you cannot blame me for the way I feel about the thing that is killing you.” He slowly looked up at me, his eyes tracing up my naked body that was sitting cross legged in front of him. Embarrassment rose to my cheeks as he got up and grabbed the throw blanket that was on the foot of our bed.
“Edward…” I began to refute as he came to sit beside me on the bed.
“Bella,” he interrupted, gently wrapping the soft blanket around my shoulders and pulling me into his right side, “you can’t argue with me about this, this time.” He kissed the top of my head as I rested it on his shoulder. “You know what it’s doing to you.”
“It’s not that bad,” I tried to convince him, “I can handle it”. Edward pulled me away from him so that we were looking at each other. Both of our heads were resting against the headboard while our eyes studied each other’s face. “The baby is killing you,” he started. “The headaches that drop you to the ground and cause you to shake in pain, being beaten up from the inside, being covered with enormous bruises and welts, and you look like you haven’t eaten in weeks Bella.” The torture in Edward face has never been more present. “It is destroying you and you won’t let any of us do anything to prevent what’s happening. You won’t let us save you. You’re letting that thing take you away from me and you’re asking us all to sit back and let it happen. I love you Bella, I love you so much that just sitting here, watching this happen is tearing me apart. It’s torture. Bella…I…I can’t…” His body started to shake and his breathing became ragged. For the first time, I saw Edward tearlessly start to cry.
I quickly got to my knees and wrapped him in my arms, throwing myself around his neck and pulling his impossibly close to me. The blanket was encompassing us both as he slowly slid his arms around my bare waist and ducked his face into my hair. He continued to softly shake against my naked body as I moved into his lap and held him tighter than I ever have before. I was completely at a loss, as the tears he would never cry, filled and fell from my eyes.
“Edward,” I choked out, “it’s ok. Please… just please don’t cry…I…” I couldn’t finish my thought as a single sob escaped my lips. We held each other as we silently shook and cried in each other’s arms. Once Edward stopped shaking and his breathing was steady, I pulled back to look in his face. He looked as if he was just at my funeral. My heart fell to my feet and my stomach rose to my throat.
“I’m sorry Bella,” he said, sounding hollow and lifeless, “I shouldn’t have broken down in front of you like that. I just couldn’t hold it in any longer.” I pulled him with me to lie down on the bed, lightly resting his head in my chest and kissing the top of his head.
“Edward, please never hold anything back from me,” I said, while resting my cheek against his forehead, “we’ll get through this. I promise.” We lay there for hours, my arms wrapped tightly against him, gently running my hands through his hair, down his back and along his arms. I didn’t know what else to do. Edward just laid there, eyes glazed over and staring at nothing. He was here with me but somehow unbelievably far away. Every so often, he would shutter and the tortured look would return to his eyes. It would stay there for a while, contorting his face into pure pain, but then it would slowly disappear, returning back to a vague expression of nothing. We stayed like this until the sun started to rise outside our bedroom window.
I had come up with a plan. It was a weak plan and I was sure that it would somehow blow up in my face, but it was the only thing that I could think of that would possibly help. I was calling a family meeting, but first, there was someone I desperately needed to talk to.
I slowly slid out from under Edward, relishing in the warmth that engulfed my body. I would never tell him, but I was freezing and my body was aching from his cold touch against my naked skin. I grabbed the throw blanket that was still around me and slowly made my way across the room to the closet. One I reached the doors, I looked back at Edward. He hadn’t moved an inch, he was in his “statue” mode, still staring out at nothing. Grabbing my black sweatpants and one of Edwards old gray t-shirts, I quickly got dressed and made my way back to the bed.
I stood behind Edward, staring at his back, and gently ran my hand along his left shoulder. “Come on,” I whispered, reaching my hand out to him. He slowly sat up and turned to look me. He took my hand in his as his eyes met mine. I had to swallow back the bile that was rising in my throat from the look his was giving me. It was no longer a look of pain or torture, but a look of indifference, defeat and surrender. It looked as if there was nothing left inside him; no love, no spirit, no life at all. He was just an empty shell.
“Where are we going?” he asked in a flat, detached tone. I awkwardly knelt on the floor in front of him and tenderly cupped his face in my hands. “I’m going to prove to you that I’m going to be ok. That all this worry and torture that you feel is completely unnecessary.”
“But…” he started to protest but I cut him off. “No Edward, we’re doing this. So either you come with me, or I’ll get Rose in here to force you to come with me.” I swear that I heard an evil snicker from the other side of my bedroom door. Rose was still standing guard and heard everything.
Edward gently closed his eyes, leaning into my right hand before taking in a big breath and standing up. He held both my hand and slowly helped me onto my feet. “Where are we going?” he asked again. I didn’t even realize that I hadn’t told him.
“We’re just going downstairs, I just need to talk to someone. We need to have a talk with Alice.”