Bella and Edward had a beautiful wedding and very passionate honeymoon. Now, it seems, they are paying for all their happiness. Bella is pregnant with Edwards child but he doesn't want it. This is Bella's POV of her pregnancy. We know what Jacob saw but what did we miss behind Bella and Edward's closed door? Rated adult for later chapters.
Hello all you wonderful readers. As the summery says, this is the pregnancy from BPOV. Some of it is sad, some is a little kinky, but mostly, it's revealing. I usually don't post unless I have the entire story mapped out but this time, I'm posting as I write. Hopefully you like it. Also, please review and help with ideas. Finally, I do not own the Saga or it's characters, those honours belong to SM.
7. Chapter 7
Rating 5/5 Word Count 2645 Review this Chapter
Edward and I slowly walked out the room and down the hall. I was right, Rosalie was still standing guard outside our door and was now following us down the stairs, snickering quietly to herself.
“What’s so funny?” I asked as I clung onto the wall with my right hand and onto Edward with my left, trying to safely make my way down the stairs.
“Nothing, it’s just funny. You’re starting to waddle,” she said, somehow sounding jealous and sincere at the same time.
I hadn’t even realized that Rose was right. Looking down as I continued to walk the stairs, I noticed that first, I couldn’t even see my feet anymore, and second, I was rocking back and forth between Edward and the wall. It actually was a little funny, thinking how I looked, swaying back and forth while trying not to fall. I let myself let out a soft chuckle at the thought and looked up to Edward, hoping that my silly waddle would have lightened his mood. Man was I wrong. He was desperately clinging onto my left arm with his left, while his right arm was supporting me around his back. His face was glued to the floor in a serious gaze.
“Edward?” I asked, not even sure he was mentally present.
“Yes love?” he asked, his eyes shooting to me, and for the first time today, showing deep emotion. Only it wasn’t the emotion I was longing to see, it was once again worry and panic. He thought that I called him because there was something wrong.
“Didn’t you hear what Rosalie said?” I asked, hoping to get a hint of the smile I loved. “I’m starting to waddle.” I couldn’t help but chuckle again at my own mental image.
“Oh” was all Edward replied. I looked up at Rosalie who was still behind us on the stairs. She just shook her head, shrugged her shoulders and let out a sigh. She was obviously paying attention to how Edward’s behavior was affecting me. She could tell I was worried, but didn’t know what to do to snap him out of this stupid stupor.
When we finally made it to the bottom of the stairs, I was exhausted. I never knew that just walking down stairs cold be so much work. I walked to the couch and sat down with Edward still cradling me in his arms. Rose sat to my right in the large, white chair and was closely watching every move that Edward or I made.
“I don’t know if this is such a good idea Bella,” Edward said as we all settled. I gently laid my left hand on Edward’s right thigh. “It’s the only way to know for sure.”
I looked straight in Edward’s eyes as I softly called for Alice. Fear hit me when he slowly pulled away from me, only remaining connected by my left hand in his right. His eyes closed, he turned his head to face the open room and slowly lowered it to the floor.
“He’s right Bella, you’re not going to like what I have to say.” I removed my eyes from Edward’s tortured face to meet another one leaning in a doorframe between the kitchen and the family room.
Alice’s face was scrunched up in pain, her hands on either side of her head, slowly rubbing circles on her temples. Jasper was behind her, gently rubbing his hands up and down her arms.
I didn’t know what I was going to ask her anymore. The look on her face and her response to me calling for her had a million thoughts running through my head. None of them were good.
“Alice?” I asked in a timid voice, “what’s wrong? And what do you mean I’m not going to like what you have to say?”
Alice painfully opened her eyes to look at me. There was the same sadness and fear in them as there was in Edward’s eyes. She slowly closed them again, continued to rub her temples and rested her head backwards on Jasper’s chest. He bent forward and softly kissed the top of her head.
“I don’t know,” Alice whispered, almost to quiet for me to hear. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, Bella. I can’t see you.” I just looked at her, completely dumbfounded. What does she mean that she doesn’t know what’s going to happen. She sees the future. But wait, did she just say that she couldn’t see me?
I opened my mouth to question her, but she cut me off. “I’m sorry Bella, I can’t,” she shook her head very slowly, letting out a heavy sign and slumping her shoulders forward. “Jasper?” she whispered. “Ok” was all he said, before wrapping her tiny body in his arms and leading her out of the doorway and back into the kitchen. Before he was out of sight, he turned his head to look at me. Once again I was faced with an expression of despair. He simply mouthed “sorry”, turned back to Alice and disappeared behind the wall.
I just sat there, staring into the now empty doorway, thinking about what Alice had just said. It made no sense, and why did Jasper have to usher her away as if she would have fallen down without his support? I slowly turned my head to face Edward, who was of course, still hanging his head towards the floor with his eyes closed.
“Edward, what’s going on?” I asked, knowing that he would know what was in Alice’s head.
He continued to stare at the floor, sounding pitiful in his response. “Bella, I really don’t think that this…” he started but I cut him off.
“No Edward, tell me what’s going on. All of it!”
He slowly lifted his head and turned his body to completely face me. He took both my hands in his and turned me to face him. We were both sitting cross legged on the couch, staring at each other. He quickly shot Rosalie a questioning look. I turned around to face her, just as she was stopping a nod. I looked back to Edward who once again had his eyes closed and his head lowered. This was obviously hard for him, and regardless of how upset I was for him holding back whatever was going on, I would give him the time he needed.
“She can’t see you,” he began. I didn’t say anything. I was going to let him get everything out, process everything for myself before I would question him.
“Since we’ve been back, she hasn’t been able to see you. She keeps trying, but it’s causing her physical pain to try and focus as hard as she is.” I didn’t answer, I didn’t even know how to begin to respond to what he just said. I just continued to look at my love’s tortured face. He slowly lifted his head to look at me. One second of looking into his eyes and I was holding back tears. There was so much more to say, but it was clear that he didn’t want to and didn’t know how to.
I removed my right hand from his and gently pressed it against his left cheek, trying to encourage him to keep going. “All of it Edward, I need to know everything.”
He turned his head and kissed my palm, slowly entwining our fingers once again and lowering our hands back into his lap.
“You won’t want to hear everything,” Edward said, a look of pleading in his face. He was right, I didn’t want to know what else was going on, how else I was hurting Alice, but I needed to know. This was no longer about what I wanted, this was a need to know situation. I needed to know.
I slowly leaned forward, resting my forehead on his chest. I removed both my hands from his and slid them around his back. After a shaky breath, Edward wrapped both his arms around my back and slowly stared to trail his fingers up and down my spine. I could feel his cold lips pressing into the top of my head. He slowly kissed me and then rested his cheek where his lips had just been.
I slowly started to pull away from him and I lifted my face to meet his. We were so close that I couldn’t help myself. I slid both my hands up his chest, wrapped them around his neck and gently leaned up and in to kiss him. I missed his lips on mine so much that it was painful. I wanted to pull him closer to me but I knew that if he even remotely touched my stomach, he would push me away. So I simply kissed him, kissed my husband, my life, my everything. Surprisingly he kissed me back immediately. His cold lips felt like home. Our lips were only connected for a short time, but flowed with an immense amount of love.
When we pulled back, we simply looked at each other. “Please Edward, I need to know” was the only thing I could say. He closed his eyes and nodded his head. I lowered my hands to my waist, grabbed both of Edwards in mine and rested our interlocked hands in my lap. Once he was ready, he looked over to Rosalie, stared at her for a couple of seconds and surprisingly, she got up and left. Clearly this was something that Edward wanted to tell me in private.
“You’re pregnancy” he stared while returning his eyes to mine, “isn’t just affecting Alice and myself, Bella. This decision is affection everyone.” He seemed to pause and wait for a response. All I could do was ask how.
“Jasper is probably suffering the most, apart from me,” he continued. “His emotions are all over the place. Between what you’re feeling, what I’m feeling, Carlisle’s confusion and what Alice is going through, he is being bombarded from every direction and is struggling to keep from pushing those emotions back out on everyone.” I just shook my head. I didn’t even realize what this was doing to Jasper. No wonder I haven’t seen him since we got back until today with Alice.
“I already told you about Alice’s vision and what’s she’s going through,” he continued, “but there’s more. Apparently the…what you’re carrying is causing her headaches, it’s blurring her visions and blocking you out completely. That’s why she hasn’t come to check up on you. She feels so bad, you’re her sister, her best friend and she is being forced to stay away.” A single tear rolled down my left cheek. I really was hurting the people I loved most in the world. I didn’t want him to continue, I wanted to beg Edward to stop. He hadn’t even gotten to Emmett, Rose, Carlisle or… Esme. Oh God, what was I doing to her, my sweet, loving mother.
Tears were running faster now and I had to look away from Edward. I had to pull myself together. I had to endure this. I had, no, needed to know what I was doing to everyone I loved. I felt a cold finger wipe away a tear and Edward’s cold lips press once again on the top of my head. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you,” he said into my hair. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him.
“Keep going,” I said into his chest, “I need to know.” I looked back into his eyes as he continued to wipe stray tears from my cheeks.
“Bella…” he began, holding my face in his hands.
“No Edward, I need to know what I’m doing to them. Please.” Again he merely nodded and reluctantly continued, once again, entwining our fingers in my lap.
“Carlisle is struggling between his role as a doctor and a father. He loves you as a daughter and only wants what will make you happy, but knows that this might very well, and probably will kill you. He wants to get the fetus out, but knows that’s not what you want. The doctor side is completely baffled and doesn’t really know how to proceed. He’s doing so much research, but frustratingly coming up with nothing. He’s at a loss.”
I closed my eyes, “What about Rosalie and Emmett?” I asked. I couldn’t even think about Esme yet.
“Rose is worried for your safety. She clearly sees everything that you are going through since she isn’t leaving our side, but she’s also very jealous. She has surprisingly become very overprotective of you and the…baby, wanting to make sure that both of you are safe. I’m afraid that she may start to think of this as her own child, with how possessive she has become.”I knew that Rose was concerned, possessive and obviously worried. Deep down, I also knew that she was jealous that I was the one having the child and not her. That is mainly why I called her. But could she really start to think that this baby was going to be hers in the end? This was one concern that I was sharing with Edward.
“Emmett is concerned for his little sister. He really loves you Bella and like the others, is worried about what is happening to you. But he’s also concerned for Rose. He knows how much she’s always wanted and child and is worried that this is going to end up being too much for her and she’ll have a break down. He also thinks that she may end up getting too possessive.”
I had to do it, as much as I didn’t want to. It was the only person left. I had to ask about Esme.
“And Esme?” I asked, my voice breaking slightly at her name. Edward looked me straight in the eye, as if understanding my pain. None of us wanted to ever hurt our mother. She had always shown us so much love and devotion. Hurting or disappointing Esme was the last thing that any of us wanted to do.
“Esme’s struggling against what Carlisle thinks is best, and what she knows you want. As you know, she has always wanted to be a mother, and ended up losing her child. She has found a family in us and is happy, but since we’ve been home, she’s been remembering what it was like to be a ‘real’ mother. She wants you to have that experience. But at the same time, she can’t ignore Carlisle’s medical opinion.” Tears started to fall down my cheeks again. I looked down, staring as we held each other’s hands and simply let the tears fall. There was no point in trying to wipe them away, more would come to replace them.
I couldn’t believe that I was so oblivious to how this decision was hurting everyone. Just simply being in the house was causing so much pain, especially for Jasper and Alice, and so much worry. It wasn’t fair. Everyone, the Cullen’s, my family, have always been so loving and caring towards me, accepting me and making me feel welcome (apart from Rosalie, but I was hoping that it was somehow different now), and all I was doing was hurting them in return. I had to get away, give them some peace.
I looked back up into Edward’s eyes. I knew that this would be difficult, nearly impossible, but I had to do it. I had to do it for my family.
“Edward, I have to leave.”