Bella and Edward had a beautiful wedding and very passionate honeymoon. Now, it seems, they are paying for all their happiness. Bella is pregnant with Edwards child but he doesn't want it. This is Bella's POV of her pregnancy. We know what Jacob saw but what did we miss behind Bella and Edward's closed door? Rated adult for later chapters.
Hello all you wonderful readers. As the summery says, this is the pregnancy from BPOV. Some of it is sad, some is a little kinky, but mostly, it's revealing. I usually don't post unless I have the entire story mapped out but this time, I'm posting as I write. Hopefully you like it. Also, please review and help with ideas. Finally, I do not own the Saga or it's characters, those honours belong to SM.
8. Chapter 8
Rating 3.7/5 Word Count 2646 Review this Chapter
Shock and fear dominated Edward’s face. “What do you mean you have to leave? Are you saying you want to leave me?” He was starting to panic. His eyes shot wide with terror. His hold on my hand was tightening and becoming painful. “Bella…you can’t. I love you, please, just please don’t go…” I had to cut him off before this got any more complicated. He was clearly jumping to the wrong conclusion.
“No Edward,” I said with a heavy sigh, “I don’t want to leave you. I will never leave you. I love you too much.” His body relaxed an infinitesimal amount, but his hands still gripped me tight, and his eyes now shone with confusion.
“But you said…”
“I just need to leave the house for a while, Edward. I didn’t realize how much I was hurting everyone, simply by me being here.” Confusion was still evident in his expression, but his grip had loosened. I slowly pulled my sore hands from his grasp, flexed them a couple of times and reached my right hand up to place it on his left cheek.
“I just need to get away, give everyone some peace.” We just sat there, looking into each other’s eyes while my right hand gently slid back and forth against his impossibly soft skin.
Edward opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, clearly unsure how he was going to respond to what I just told him.
“Edward,” I simply said, trying to make this easier on him, “take me to our meadow.”
“Bella…no,” he said, reaching up to remove my hand from his cheek, and slowly started to shake his head. My heart sank a little at the pain behind his adamant ‘no’ but he softly held both my hands in his again. “You can’t leave the house. What if something happens? You need to stay here, close to Carlisle, just in case.”
“Edward,” I grumbled, “I’m pregnant, not an invalid. And besides, if I don’t feel right, you just have to run me back and we’ll be here in no time.”
Edward continued to shake his head. He removed his pained eyes from mine to look at our entwined hands in my lap. “Bella…”he began to whine. I reached up with our hands still entwined, and gently tried to lift his chin. I ducked down a little and peered up into his gaze through my lashes.
“Please Edward, I’m going crazy in here and I’m clearly hurting everyone else too. Just for a little while, just a couple of hours,” I begged.
“Bella, it’s not safe,” he pleaded, now fully looking me in the eyes.
It hadn’t escaped my notice that Rosalie had now perched herself against the door frame that Alice had occupied and was fully listening to our conversation. She just remained quiet and shook her head at Edward’s stubbornness. He clearly knew that she was back as well, as he randomly shook his head and let out a loaded sigh of anguish. I had to refocus and steel myself for my argument. There was no way that I was staying in this house today, hurting the people I loved. I was starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home, and I wasn’t going to let that happen.
“Edward,” I said, more forcefully than before, “I’ve been stuck inside for 3 days, restricted to either Carlisle’s office or our bedroom. I’m going nuts.” I let out a heavy sigh and paused for a moment. “Either you take me there voluntarily, or I’m going by myself and you’ll have to physically retrain me to keep me here.” I could faintly hear Rosalie’s chuckle coming from the doorway.
I just kept looking into Edward’s eyes with a very deliberate look of determination. I wasn’t going to back down. Sure, this was probably the stupidest thing I could have threatened, seeing how I barely made it down the stairs, and it would take nothing for Edward to restrain me if he wanted to, but I was going to try as hard as I could to get out of this house.
Edward kept his eyes locked on mine, obviously trying to find a point of weakness.
“Eat something first,” he finally said in a very flat and solemn voice, never taking his eyes off mine. “I’ll check with Carlisle, get some blankets and a pillow for you to sit on.” I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him close to me. I buried my face into the crook of his neck. “Thank you Edward.” I whispered as I gently kissed the side of his throat.
I felt Edward release a deep breath before he reached up to release my arms, and stood from the couch, making his way to Carlisle’s office in a blur. I sat there, looking at where he had disappeared to, feeling confusion and a tinge of regret at his sudden departure. He basically just ran away from me. I slouched back into the couch, eventually rolling onto my right side, staring blankly at the stairs to the second floor.
“Don’t worry about him,” Rosalie said as she made her way towards me and sat gracefully on the arm rest beside my head. “He’s just being an ass ‘cause he’s not calling the shots anymore.” I looked up to see a smug grin on her face.
I just stared at her with a blank expression before I got up and waddled to the kitchen. I went straight to the counter to find some bread for a sandwich, but once I looked at all the food piled in the fridge, I immediately lost the small appetite that I had. I knew that in being pregnant, I had to keep my strength up, but I couldn’t bring myself to force food in me. So I absent-mindedly made a sandwich and put it into a brown paper bag with an apple and a juice box for later.
Walking back to the family room, carrying my pathetic picnic lunch that would probably go uneaten, I spotted Edward sitting on the back of the couch, staring out the windows with a blanket, a pillow and backpack at his feet. He stood as I approached him and turned to look at me. Again, the look of emptiness shrouded his face. The lifeless Edward from this morning had returned. I tried not to cringe at the realization that I was the one who was making this lifelessness appear.
“What’s that?” he asked as I stopped in front of him. He was eyeing my little crappy lunch.
“Food for later.”
“Bella,” he implored, “I asked you to eat something.” He gently took the lunch bag from my left hand and looked into it.
“I’m not hungry,” was all I could reply, especially seeing how the look on Edward’s face was now making me feel nauseous.
Edward closed my lunch bag, apparently satisfied enough to not question my dietary choice, put it in the bag at this feet and stood back up to stare over my shoulder. Then there was silence. After at least three minutes of him staring off into complete nothingness and me meticulously watching for a single movement in his frozen face, he closed his eyes and spoke.
“Are you sure?” I knew exactly what he was asking. He was asking if I was sure I wanted to risk leaving the house, being away from Carlisle and completely alone with him. He was asking if I was feeling well enough to venture outside, away from the comfort of our home, away from the protection that this structure provided. He was ultimately asking if I was sure if I was ready to venture into the unknown with him, without Rosalie to “protect” me. And I emphatically knew the answer.
With a slight nod, Edward bent down, slung the bag onto his back and picked up the blanket and pillow. With everything in hand, he started to aimlessly walk towards the door. He made it three steps ahead of me before he came to an abrupt stop, lowered his head and slowly turned around. I was expecting him to face me with pleading eyes and beg me to reconsider one last time, but instead, he lifted his eyes straight over my head and pleaded with whatever was behind me.
I turned to follow his gaze and noticed that Rose had removed herself from the arm of the couch and was following Edward to the door. Before Edward could even get out the sigh that was obviously building in his chest, I reached out my left hand, taking his right one and interlocking our fingers while meeting Rosalie’s gaze.
“Rose, I need this. I need to be alone with Edward” I begged in a weak voice that I almost didn’t recognize as my own. I clearly needed this more than I realized.
“Bella, you can’t be serious,” she immediately snapped back. “You call me from the island, tell me that you need my help with Edward, and yet, here you are alone with him in the house for 3 days, and now you want to leave the house alone with him and go to a deserted meadow with him?” She was now starring at Edward with what I can only describe as ‘death eyes’. “You know he wants to get rid of the baby. What’s to stop him from trying when you two are alone in the damn wilderness?”
I could feel Edwards cold fingers slowly fall away from mine. It wasn’t that he was pulling away from me, but his hand slid away in a type of self-defeat. I broke my gaze from Rose, looked at our now separated hands and slowly moved my look up to his eyes. And that’s when I saw it, his realization that he couldn’t be trusted; the realization that no one in his house, in his family trusted him. You could tell at that point that he didn’t really trust himself. We both knew that he would do anything to keep me safe. Only he knew the true extent of those words. His eyes fell shut as the look on his face started to break me apart. A single tear escaped from the outside corner of my left eye.
I closed the three step distance between us, pulled the blanket and pillow from his arms and grabbed both of his hands in mine. I looked at his closed eyes for a single second before I reached up on my tiptoes and softly kissed his smooth lips. He did not reciprocate the kiss, but when I pulled away, he eyes opened and his look was pleading with me. I didn’t know if he was pleading with me to realize that he couldn’t be trusted, or if he was pleading with me to realize that he could. The only thing that I knew was that this was my husband, this was Edward, and trust had never been an issue between us.
“I trust you,” I whispered to him, staring intensely into his painful look and lightly squeezing his hands.
His eyes once again fell closed, but there was the slightest hint of movement in his face. I don’t think that anyone, even the rest of his family, would have seen the change, but I knew Edward’s face better than my own and the corner of his mouth twitched the slightest bit into an unnoticeable sideways smile.
I released my right hand from Edward’s while slowly bending over to pick up the pillow and blanket that I dropped on the bench beside the front door, as well as Edward’s car keys that were hanging in the key box above the bench, and started to make my way out of the house. Edward followed me without a sound, while Rosalie stood in the living room and continued to make her concerns well known.
Once outside, with a closed door separating us, Rosalie’s disapproval seemed to fall into the background of the unimportant. I walked straight to the Volvo, still slightly dragging Edward behind me and pressed the unlock button on the keychain. After putting the pillow and blanket in the back of the car, I turned around to get the bag off Edward’s back. He stood there unmoved, face still covered in defeat and numbness. I didn’t say anything, I just walked up behind him and reached up to slowly pull the straps down his shoulders. Luckily, Edward just stood there, there was no resistance to me removing the bag from his back.
Once everything was in the Volvo and the hatch was closed, it was time to leave, but Edward still hadn’t moved. I was not only worried about this new perpetual state of glum that he was in, but I was slightly angry that he didn’t know that I trusted him and that I needed to be with him, alone. And although we have been together, basically just the two of us since we got back, you are never truly alone in a house full of vampires.
But mostly, I was just hurting. Edward and I were so connected that whatever emotion he was feeling, it affected me also. Not in the same way that Jasper felt and sensed emotions, but whatever seemed to be flowing through Edward, flowed through me. His sadness made me sad, his happiness brought me joy. And now, the pain that he was feeling, it was breaking me apart. I had to try and break him out of this.
I held up the keys between us, slowly shaking them side to side, making them jingle in the silent air. “Are you going to drive or am I?” I asked, with a sly smile on my face. Edward would never sit by and let me drive his baby at the speed I drove. His car was meant to be driven fast, not taken for a leisurely ride. He immediately knew what I was hinting at and slowly walked up to me.
I held the keys in the air above his open hand while never taking my eyes off his face. We just stared at each other as I started to lower the keys into his hand. But instead of releasing the keys, I curled them up into my hand with my thumb and slowly brushed my fingers over his palm and down his fingers to their very tips and repeated the movement back up his hand. The electricity that I felt in my body from that one simple movement, that simple touch, made my heart flutter. Once my hand reached his wrist, I gently placed the keys in his waiting palm and slid my hand away from his.
The simple touch seemed to affect Edward also. His face softened the slightest bit, and love was starting to replace the numbness. He stepped even closer to me, slowly lifting his left hand to caress my cheek. He gently pressed his lips onto my forehead, while his thumb made a single, gentle brush against my right cheek.
“Thank you” he whispered against my forehead, his lips tenderly moving against my skin. I didn’t know if he was thanking me for believing in him, for trusting him, for loving him or for trying to simply lighten the mood, but it didn’t matter. I did love him, believe in him and trust him and I would for the rest of our existence.
Edward pulled away and placed the hand that was just moments ago caressing my cheek on my lower back and led me to the passenger door. He followed slightly behind me, held my door open and helped me into the car before making his way to the driver seat. Within seconds, we were down the driveway and on our way to our sanctuary.