Something To Remember Me By
Bella/Edward One-Shot. I should have known. I shouldn't have let my guard down so easily. But with Edward, it was exactly that: easy. The way he looked at me; worried about me, had to be proof that he loved me, didn't it?
... Yet here I stand in the forest, staring at the one and only man I'll ever love - staring, but not really seeing - trying to figure out what I'd done wrong; why he'd want to leave me; why he no longer loves me.
1. Something To Remember Me By
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You broke my heart.
You promised me
the moon and stars.
I fell for your dreams.
I fell for your lies.
There was no other way,
you know I tried.
And I knew you could never love me.
I had so much sorrow inside,
you could never reach.
But can I still keep a place in your heart?
-The End by Silverstein
What is wrong with him?
I couldn't figure it out. It's been bothering me like an itch under my skin for days. I have inspected my brain a thousand times over, looked for signs, or anything out of the ordinary other then the problem at hand, but I just couldn't figure it out. I doubt I would have been able to if my very life had depended on it.
This, however, this was definitely not what I'd expected. Not in the slightest. Sure, I'd had my doubts at the beginning of this liaison, but as time passed by I slowly began to accept that he really loved me; that he'd never leave me.
I slowly began to believe the promises of love he sent to me through his every kiss, touch, whisper, and sigh of my name.
No, I never would have dreamed that the past few days of avoiding me and preferring solitude to my company were a result of the way he felt now. In fact, I never would have dreamed he had felt this way in the first place.
I should have known. I shouldn't have let my guard down so easily. But with Edward, it was exactly that: easy. The way he looked at me; worried about me, had to be proof that he loved me, didn't it?
After everything we'd been through; the numerous amounts of times he's saved my life - from Tyler's van, from James's hunting habits, from creepy serial rapists - it should seem obvious that he loved me.
Yet here I stand in the forest, staring at the one and only man I'll ever love - staring, but not really seeing - trying to figure out what I'd done wrong; why he'd want to leave me; why he no longer loves me.
What did I do?
My mind began to shut down; my knees going weak; my world crumbling beneath me. I felt my chest begin to tighten into a knot and my throat began to close. My breathing had become short gasps of air as I tried, with all of my strength, to keep myself composed; to make sense of what he'd just avowed.
I did my best to make eye contact with him, dragging my eyes slowly up his face to look into a pair of cold topaz pools. I had to blink to bring everything into focus. That seemed to help me find my voice.
"You don't...want...me?" I asked, breathless. I heard myself say the words, but it sounded so far away. Nothing was in focus now; everything was wrong - it always would be from this moment on, for the rest of my life without him. I watched as he gave me a curt nod.
A heavily grief-stricken sigh escaped my lips. That sigh alone seemed to make these unfortunate events even more final then they already were.
I bowed my head in defeat and because of the worst pain I'd ever felt, and fixed my eyes on a rock on the ground. It seemed to call to me; to pull me away from the confines of the harsh reality that my life was soon to become. It was an ordinary rock; nothing even remotely special about it. A dirty grey rock that had a slight point on one end. In some small dark corner of my brain, it reminded me of an arrowhead.
I took a deep breath, keeping my eyes steadily on the rock so I might have some - extremely low - chance of holding back the tears that so badly wanted to expose the depths of my internal grief and said, "Well, that changes things."
For you, Edward, I thought, only for you. You will always hold a major piece of my heart in your very hands.
And I knew my life would never be the same. I would be forever scarred to my very core; to the darkest most secret depths of my soul. I wasn't sure how I would live after this - or if I would even be able to for that matter.
All I knew was that I was hopelessly in love with Edward, and that he was standing in front of me, saying his goodbye's. Internally, I began to panic. I had to do something - anything. I involuntarily reached out to him - a result of my panicking - and was overjoyed when he stepped forward and reached for me as well.
Maybe he changed his mind!
It was a vain, irresponsible hope. He grabbed both of my wrists and held them tightly against my sides. We stood there for a moment, my heart pounding in my ears and breaking into a million tiny shards of nothingness at the same time. My eyes were still glued to the rock. I felt my resolve begin to crumble with my heart as he leaned in slowly and kissed my forehead.
And then he was gone.
I fell to my knees and at the same moment I heard the most heart-breaking wail pervade the air around me. It took me a moment to realize it had come from my lips.
I couldn't breathe at all now. I had to stop him - to at least give him something to remember me by. I didn't want him to forget me. There was no way I could go on if he'd forgotten me.
"Edward, wait!" I screamed as loud as my voice would allow. It came out as more of a pitiful cry, like I was begging - which I was - then the intended scream it was supposed to be. I wasn't sure if he'd come back, or what I'd say if he did.
And then it came to me. As I stared at the rock, I knew exactly what I'd give him to remember me by. I quickly seized up the rock and held it tightly in my hand. Before I could lose my nerve, I thrust the rock to my arm and slid the sharp pointed edge quickly across my bare skin. I didn't feel the pain yet - I doubted I would - but the blood began to exude from my arm and drop onto the ground.
I ignored it; I was determined to give Edward what he wanted.
Something he has always desired.
I heard a gasp from somewhere in front of me and looked up into the angry eyes of the love of my life.
"You came back." I whispered. I was surprised he came back at all.
"What do you think your doing, Bella?!" He snarled at me.
His hands were clutching the low branches of the trees surrounding him and I could tell he was struggling to stay there. I slowly got to my feet and took a step closer to him, releasing the rock from my hand.
"Bella what are you doing?" Fear laced every word, and I could see it in his eyes, "Stay back. Stay away from me."
His last words brought me to a halt, cutting me deep, but all I could see in his eyes was fear. He doesn't want to hurt me - does that mean he does love me? But then again - he is a good liar; he has to be.
I had to convince him. He had to know how much this means to me; how much this hurts me.
"Edward, please." I held out my trembling bloody mess of an arm towards him, "I need you to take a part of me with you." I said this with so much conviction that it startled me.
"You know that I can't." He divulged in a strained voice, still clinging to the vegetation for dear life - in every sense of the words.
"Edward, you can." I urged, taking another step towards him, "Despite the...hurt...you are causing me right now, I still love you and trust you with all that I am." I had to use whatever strength I had left inside of me to hold back the tears that threatened to expose me.
"Bella I'm not going to kill you! I can't end your life! I won't!" He choked out, visibly struggling now. He was shaking.
"I'm not asking you to kill me." I explained, taking another step closer - we were only about five feet away from each other now - and squeezing the cut in my arm to increase the flow of blood. I was strangely calm.
"Dammit Bella, stop!" He growled. I could tell he was conflicted.
The tone in his voice and his choice of words caused my own anger to flare up a little. "No. You don't realize how much I need this, Edward." I stated, the anger ringing clear in my voice.
I continued to close the distance between us quickly - there was only about two feet to go now. Edward was trembling hard, shaking the branches he had a death grip on. I was vaguely aware of the sounds of the crisp fall leaves rattling as they threatened to fall off of the trees.
Edward just stared at me, wide-eyed, anger and fear clearly etched across his face. He wouldn't let go of the branches for anything. I knew it was because he was afraid he would kill me, but if he was going to leave me, then that is exactly what I wanted - to die. I'd never admit that to him though.
I stepped closer still - only a foot away from him now - and held my bloody arm right up to his face. He stopped breathing which brought forth a fresh wave of anger inside of me.
So your going to be stubborn about this?
"Get away." He whispered, no doubt trying to preserve his breath to be able to speak.
"Edward, do it." I ordered.
I'll show you stubborn, you stupid stubborn vampire.
"Get away from me!" He yelled this time. I flinched at the tone his voice had become. I knew he was angry, but he had no business yelling at me. I also knew that that had to have used up his oxygen supply.
"Edward, do it right now!" I shouted back, unable to contain my fury now, "Do it!"
He was shaking violently now. I could see I was getting to him. "Do it!" I screamed again, blatantly this time.
The tears were flowing freely now. Blood was still dripping without hindrance down my arm to the forest floor, the adrenaline now pumping through my veins causing it to flow quickly, my heart beating tripple time.
"Fucking do it!" I screamed, slapping him across his face. I knew it wouldn't hurt him - I'm surprised it didn't hurt me with the force I put behind - but it gave me an excuse to touch him, and now my blood ran down his face, over his lips, which he aversely licked.
The anger in his eyes evaporated and was hastily replaced by hunger. I'd seen that look in his eyes before - when he saved me from James, and again at my birthday party - it all seemed like distant memories to me now. I heard a growl building up in his chest as the predator in him was released from its cage and I smiled because I knew I'd get what I wanted.
The built up growl came out as a vicious snarl and this was it - he leaped at me.
With all of his weight on top of me now, I had nowhere to go - and it would certainly be useless to struggle - but I didn't worry because I had no plans of going anywhere or doing anything. He looked down at me with the most disgusted look on his face, then grabbed my bleeding arm and brought it swiftly to his lips.
I didn't feel anything as I laid here on the ground - no pain from the venom like I felt when James bit me, no pain as Edwards razor sharp teeth ripped through my skin - just nothing but a wetness and a warmth. I looked over to see what he was doing but all I could see was the back of his head. His breathing was heavy and he held my arm tightly against him while he drank my life away.
"Thank you, Edward...I love you." I whispered. He didn't respond, but I knew that he heard me, and that is all that mattered.
I began to feel drowsy, every nerve in my body was relaxed and tingling. I closed my eyes and let the darkness come and surround me.
"I love you..." I managed to say before the black consumed me.