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Something To Remember Me By

Summary:
Bella/Edward One-Shot. I should have known. I shouldn't have let my guard down so easily. But with Edward, it was exactly that: easy. The way he looked at me; worried about me, had to be proof that he loved me, didn't it?

... Yet here I stand in the forest, staring at the one and only man I'll ever love - staring, but not really seeing - trying to figure out what I'd done wrong; why he'd want to leave me; why he no longer loves me.


Notes:


2. Alternate Ending

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1875   Review this Chapter

She won't make a sound.
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears
whispering if she stands she'll fall down.
She wants to be found.
The only way out is through everything she's
running from wants to give up and lie down.

So stand in the rain.
Stand your ground.
Stand up when it's all crashing down.
You stand through the pain.
You won't drown.
And one day, whats lost can be found.
You stand in the rain.

-Stand In The Rain by Superchick

My life did not flash before my eyes. The world did not slow down. Everything simply faded to black, and that was the end. My death - the end to my suffering - was quiet, peaceful, easy.

There was, however, a light. Not at the end of any tunnel - just a light that I could see behind my eyelides, like someone turned on the lights in a dark room.

Am I in Heaven?

I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn't move.

I must be in Hell!

Trepidation was commencing inside of me. I had done nothing wrong to deserve to go to hell -

Unless offering my blood to a vampire is enough to earn that punishment? Or am I in Hell for wishing death upon myself? I'm only human. I don't get the privalege of immortality - I would have died anyways! God, why have you forsaken me?

"Bella?"

That voice! It's so sublime, so harmonious, so indulgent.

God? Is that you?

"Bella, please, open your eyes."

The voice - whomever it belonged to - sounded perturbed. Was God worried about me? It must be God; I just don't see how any demon could say my name so beloved. Or perhaps it's the voice of an angel.

My guardian angel. Whoever you are, I attempted to converse with the 'voice' through my thoughts, I'm trying to open my eyes, but I can't. Why are you afflicted? I'm okay now. There's no more hurt.

As I said the words, I realized they weren't the truth. There was a void. A hole in the depths of my heart. Like a piece of me had dissipated, vanished infinitely, never to return again.

I suddenly felt trapped, like I was burried alive, awaking to the confines of a dark tomb, thrashing around desperately in the coffin my head became, struggling to get out. Struggling to scream; to be heard, but no one came to my rescue because there was no one to come.

Edward had been my guardian angel of sorts, my hero, always coming to my rescue - but he was no longer with me. There was nobody to save me now. I am lost.

The panicked thrashing in my head calmed and eventually halted all together as that realization emanated throughout my mind. Reverberating off the walls to come crashing down on my again and again.

Edward left me. He doesn't love me.

The hysteria had rapidly been consumed by pain, and it burned every essence of my being, like it was taunting me. Reminding me that I'd lost, that I was just some boring ordinary distraction he'd used for a time then discarded and moved on to the next.

But I'm dead! I screamed these thoughts to whoever was listening, Why does this still hurt?! Please!! Take my pain away! It's all I'm asking for! ...I can't take it... My thoughts had become a whisper, Maybe I'm in pergatory? I never made it to Heaven or Hell...

Then I felt something. It was a strange sensation that I couldn't perceive at first. Something cold, and hard but gentle, caressing me...somewhere. My arm? Maybe my hand?

"Bella, love, please open your eyes."

The same voice from before called to me. It sounded distinctly familiar, but I couldn't put a face with that velvety voice.

"Bella, can you hear me?"

I decided it had to belong to a male - his voice was deep and masculin but affectionate, heavenily and luxurious. It was the most exquisite voice I'd heard since Ed-.

Wait! Is it Edward?! It has to be! It's his voice. I know it! But...he left me...it can't be Edward. Unless...

Now I was desperate. I had to open my eyes now! I had to see if Edward was here with me, whispering in my ear.

Please Bella, I pleaded with myself, open your eyes!

I probed for the tenacity to encounter other things. I felt so heavy; then I felt a rocking motion. I couldn't make any sense of it, but the cold hard feeling was more prominant now - I could feel it all over my back, all across my right arm and in small places on the left side of my body.

I concentrated on the cold for a minute, trying to cipher what it was, but it only conveyed one idea, and until I saw him and knew he didn't leave, then I didn't allow myself to ponder on that specific idea. I wouldn't allow myself to hope. Hoping only got me into trouble.

I decided to concentrate on the density of my body, when I heard something else. It sounded obscure and reposed like the alluring voice, but it was...morose...like someone was crying. I listened more carefully, and the sound become more pronounced. It was definitely somebody crying.

Where the heck am I?

Everything just seemed to confuse me.

"Bella, please," the voice took on the qualities of defeat this time, murmuring through sobs, "wake up." He sounded demoralized and crushed.

I still couldn't shake the feeling that the voice belonged to the man I love; and he was crying. I had to stop his pain. I could not - would not - allow him to be hurting.

I impelled myself to open my eyes, but all I felt was a tiny flutter - which was progress. I tried again, growing impatient, but only got the same outcome. Truly angry now, I shrieked at myself, Dammit Bella! Open your eyes!

And then they flow open to reveal a scene that only managed to confuse me even further. First was the bright light - I had to blink and squint while my eyes adjusted. Once they did, I looked around and saw I was surrounded by green - trees were everywhere.

I'm in a forest?

This new knowledge seemed excessively aberrant to me. I continued to look around and noticed I was lying awkwardly on the ground on top of what felt like a block of ice...

Edward is cold... My memory thrust that information at me instantly.

That's when my ears decided to perform its functions and I heard those mystery cries coming from right above me. I slowly moved my eyes towards the sound, and what I saw broke my heart all over again. It also put the puzzle of confusion in my head together.

Everything finally began to make sense. The cold, the rocking motion, the extravagant voice. I was lying in Edward's arms and he was slowly rocking us back and forth. What I didn't comprehend was why he was crying.

Edward's head was hunched, his eyes were closed tightly and his bottom lip was quivering. He was convulsing violently because of the tearless cries that assaulted him. He was sobbing vehemently and uncontrollably, and I couldn't hinder the tears that flowed down my own cheeks now.

I unconsciously raised my hand to touch his face - to smooth away the pained expression he wore. He gasped loudly and opened his eyes.

Our eyes met for a long moment - each of us, no doubt, wondering if this was only a figment of our imagination. Then Edward released another cry and pulled me up into a sitting position in his lap and held me in his arms. I wrapped my arms around him, too, unwilling to let go.

"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry." Edward whispered, "I'm so sorry."

He pulled me back now and held me at arms length, staring directly into my eyes, "Bella please forgive me?" He begged in the most serious voice, "Please Bella, will you forgive me?"

Forgive you for what my love? I was confused again.

"Forgive you for what?" I asked in a hoarse voice. He looked away from me now, looking unbearably ashamed.

"Edward, look at me." I said, placing my hand under his chin and guiding his head back to make eye contact with me, "Forgive you for what?"

"For almost killing you." He choked out, "For telling you I didn't love you. For telling you I didn't want you."

I was baffled; at a loss for words completely. He continued, "Bella, it was all a lie. I love you so much. I never wanted to leave you. I only said those things to protect you from...from what just happened..." He trailed off for a moment, "I could never live with myself if you were killed by mine or my families hands. But I didn't bite you! That's why the venom didn't spread through you, I didn't bite you. I...I only...sucked on your arm..."

"Edward..." I said, placing my hand on his face - I noticed the cut on my arm had stopped bleeding and was bandaged with...what?...some kind of cloth material, "I forgave you already. I could never stay angry or upset with you."

He held me in his arms then, and said, "I'm so sorry. I'll never leave you again, Bella. I promise."

And I believed him. The void in my chest swelled immediately, and for the first time I felt a pain in my arm. It shocked me, "Ow." I breathed.

He let go of me, "What? Are you okay?" He asked, frantic.

"No, I'm fine," I stopped short when I looked at his face again. He looked very angry. He brought a long white finger up to my face and pointed it at me, "If you ever pull a stunt like that again, Bella," he gestured to my arm, "so help me, I will-"

I didn't want us to argue, so I swatted his finger out of my face and pressed my lips to his. He kissed me back with the most passionate kiss he'd ever sanctioned between us. My arms wrapped around his neck, and my hands tangled in his hair.

He pulled away - too soon - and smiled at me. "We should get a real bandage on that cut and get it cleaned up so it doesn't get infected." He advised, standing up and lifting me off the ground with him.

I looked at my arm again and realized he must have ripped his shirt to wrap the cut in - it was the same material. I smiled back at him, "You didn't have to use your shirt."

He looked more serious now, "It helped to cover the smell of the blood...even if it was only just barely..." He confessed.

I just nodded.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he pulled me onto his back.

"My house. We have medical supplies there...you know." He laughed.

I laughed with him, exuberant that he was here with me.

"Bella?" He asked, before we began our little journey through the forest to his mansion.

"Yes?" I replied, curious - always curious - as to what was on his mind.

"I love you." He declared.

And I was glowing.