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A Dark Adaptaton of New Moon

Summary:
It's been a year since Edward left Bella. Strong ties bond Jacob and Bella together, but one night of surpise and misfortune will forver change the lives of these three people. What would you do when all you love is violently taken away?


Notes:


33. Chapter 33 - Red

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1519   Review this Chapter

Chapter 33 - Red

Bella's POV:

"Bella"

The voice breathed as softly as feather. My eyes shot open, searching the room around me, but not moving an inch. It was a voice I could recognize anywhere. It was and will be forever instilled in my memory. It was Edward's. My heart began to flutter and before I could sit up, I felt a movement behind me. Then a lean and muscular arm fell over me. I stopped breathing. No.

This morning, I had convinced myself that he came back for me, that he had found me. I looked into his honey colored eyes, and I believed... no... I made myself believe that it was him. I couldn't contain myself and I kissed him, seduced him. All along, I knew that my mind was playing tricks on me, but I was so caught up in his embrace, enchanted by his caresses. There was no detaining me. I indulged myself with his body, savoring every moment. His fingers wrapped in mine, pinning my hands beside my head as he made love to me.
But there was something different. He didn't feel the way he normally does. His skin was warm, not cold. His tongue was hot in my mouth. His body was more muscular and larger even. His love making was more erotic, brazen and bold. But there was something more... something I know was never there before. It was the feeling of my heart tearing its way out of my chest, my breath escaping my lungs... my soul abandoning my body. As I look at the single braided leather band wrapped around his wrist... I know. Hanging from the bracelet is small golden ring. I gasp quietly.

What have I done? Just how fucked up in the head was I to allow this to happen? Tears begin to silently rush over the bridge of my nose. I do my best not to sob, not to weep or even make the slightest move so that I don't wake him. I can feel his warm breath against the back of my neck and shame hits me like an avalanche. Only a month after Edward's death, I already fucked someone else. A vampire, at that. What a fucking worthless piece of shit am I? Yes, I knew it... I was always right about it... Edward was too good for me. I never deserved him.

After about half an hour, I carefully begin to shift in small tenths of an inch movements to the edge of the bed, careful not to wake him. Another half hour later, I am slowly walking away from the room. As I reach the door, I stop and realize something. I slowly turn and look back at him. The pull is gone. The invisible magnetizing string was no longer there, pulling myself to him. Odd. I stop and stare at him, lying on the bed, facedown, tangled in sheets. His back is exposed and is almost entirely covered in scars. For a moment, I catch myself sympathizing him. Surely he had some cruelty to his nature, but yet, there is something virtuous about him. I look back for a moment longer before exiting the room.

How many lives will I fuck up? How many people will I endanger? First it was Jacob, who helped me build the strength and courage I so desperately needed when Edward wasn't there, only to later leave with his heart in his hand. Then my father, who was sick with worry over me and who loved me more than he loved himself. Because of me, he is now dead. And Edward... my love, killed because of loving me. Even Gabriel is not safe around me. If they find out that I am with him, surely, they'll kill him too. That's what I am, I suppose... a plague, a parasite, a bad omen. It seems to be that everything I love most... dies.

I walk down the dark hallway into the main bathroom and run hot water in the tub. I catch my reflection on the bathroom mirror and walk over to look at it, at this person I've become. I try to find something of that sunny, outgoing girl I use to be in Phoenix, but nothing is there. Only a washed away face, with blood shot watery eyes and frown lines... no... pain all across my face. So this is the face of misery. I can't bear to look at it any longer. I open the faucet and rinse my face.

Once the tub is full, I shut off the water and dip my foot into it, jerking it away momentarily at the intense heat of the water. I slowly step in and sink my body into the steamy water, feeling all my muscles relax. The feeling is comforting though it does nothing to wash away the shame I have subjected myself to. I sit in the bath motionless until the water is still and undisturbed. I suppose there is nothing left for me here. I mean, there is my mom but I'll never come anywhere near her for if I do, surely, she too, will die. I have my friends, but what good are they to me when I can't ever share with them the full content of my life? No, there is nothing left. Nothing at all.

I reach over to the edge of the tub where the small sharp razor rests, untouched and uncaring of its intended use. I remember once, during one of my insomniac nights, watching a movie where a woman slit her wrists in the tub and my curiosity got to me. I googled ‘why do people in movies always slit their wrists in the tub?' and to my surprise, I got back a bunch of hits explaining why. Most of them were bogus,,, to feel at peace, to feel warm when your blood runs out... but one site in particular explained it more scientifically. It stated that the reason why was because water helps the blood flow faster. The hotter the water, the more relaxed your skin is, so the wound would not tighten as it would with cold water. I never thought I'd find the information to be of any value to me, but then again, I was different then, oblivious to the unseen abnormalities of the world, where vampires and werewolves roamed the earth.

I hold the razor firmly in one hand as I press it deeply in my wrist, feeling less than what I had anticipated. I then switch it over to my other hand and slice my other wrist, dark blood flowing almost instantly. I drop my arms into the water and wait, unafraid, welcoming death. After a few minutes, I begin to feel death washing through me, replacing my blood with its promise. Slowly I begin to sink until my head is completely submerged and all I see is red. I begin to see the faces of everyone I have loved, their smiles calming my thoughts. I see Edward, holding my hand in his as he slides a diamond ring onto my finger. I can hear my heart slowing and tranquility setting in. I close my eyes, but when I do, everything changes at once.

The still water has now become a raging sea and I feel my body being pulled, violently. I can't open my eyes and I find that I don't want to. Somewhere far away I hear a voice... "No... no, no!"

****

Edward's POV:

"Edward!" cries Alice and already my mind is losing it. Something is happening. Something is wrong. I few minutes ago, I could sense the familiar desolation in Bella but now it's fading in such a way that's sinister. As Alice runs into the room, I see her vision. It's not clear at all but I can make out Bella's face surrounded in a pool of what appears to be blood. The vision is gone faster than I could make it out.

"Fuck, Alice!" I snarl, "stay with her."

She eyes focus intently ahead of her and he face trembles in determination. I catch a quick glimpse of her again... sleeping but her face begins to disappear. Once again the vision is lost and Alice's eyes are wide in horror as she gasps for air.

"Dammit Alice" I yell, "let me see" I say I rush up to her. Her eyes move to slowly to mine.

"I can't" she whispers, almost inaudibly. "I can't."

I grab my hair, growling in frustration, fear, and panic. I can't feel her. I can't fucking feel her.

Alice walks over to me as I pace back and forth.

"Edward, I think I know where she is."