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To Find Heaven in Hell

Summary:
Things were never meant to have turned out like this .The Volturi were meant to have been scared away, someone was meant to have made a passionate speech swaying them against a fight, our powers and the powers of those who supported us were meant to have defeated them. But things never turn out the way they are meant to, do they? Do Vampires go to heaven? Yes...some Photobucket What will Bella do to save Edward? Everything. The amazing banner is by the very talented DM-is-my-God


Notes:
BPOV. First of five chapters. *All the wonderful characters belong to Stephanie Meyer*


4. Hallucination

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1544   Review this Chapter

Devon had been right; it wasn’t the hell I had imagined- there was no fire and no demons torturing Edward with pitch forks. But in a way it wasn’t better either, somehow it hurt me even more.

In front of me was an exact duplicate of Charlie’s house. Why would this be Edward’s hell? It still didn’t make sense to me. I just wanted to get him out of here- it was dark, gloomy, depressing and the atmosphere was heavy with sorrow- I didn’t want any of the sadness this place evoked to touch Edward.

“Emmett, I think you should wait here while I go in. I won’t be long; I’ll get Edward and be right back.” My voice was barely a whisper, the house was already making me feel distraught, and I didn’t even know why- I guess it was because somehow Edward thought this was the worse place imaginable.

Emmett nodded and leaned against the wall.

I took measured steps to the door and then walked in. Everything was exactly the same: the sofa was still a tatty old mess, and the kitchen was as spotless as it had always been, but the house had the aura of a museum. It was as if nothing ever moved, as if no living being inhabited it, and above all there was an eerie feeling to it all.

I looked around but I couldn’t see Edward anywhere, so I guessed he must have been upstairs. I stood in front of my bedroom door for a while, preparing myself for what I was about to see. No matter what it was I knew it would shatter my heart.

I slowly and silently opened the door.

My room didn’t look the same, everything was out of place; the window was smashed, the rocking chair was split in two and all my CDs looked like broken mirrors on the floor.

And there he was- my angel. Edward was sat on my bed, both his hands gripping his hair and sobbing. He was surrounded by my old books, many with pages torn apart.

I moved into the room and closed the door. Edward looked up.

His eyes were utterly soulless, I had never seen anything like it- they were pitch black, but not from lack of hunting, instead it was as if someone had turned off the light in him. The torment behind his eyes was tangible; I could feel every emotion on his beautiful face. The anguish and suffering were so clear. I didn’t want him to feel any pain; I just wanted to make it all go away - to make him see that everything would be alright.

Edward looked away. “Be with me always - take any form - drive me mad! Only do not leave me in this void, where I cannot find you.” His lips trembled as he began to rock himself forwards and backwards.

I approached the bed and sat down near him, moving the books out of the away. “Edward?”

He shook his head. “I cannot live without my life, I cannot live without my soul.” A small sob escaped and Edward squeezed his eyes shut.


“Edward it’s me. It’s Bella.” I reached to touch his cheek, but thought better of it. “Why are you here, sweetheart?” My voice was so quiet, I didn’t even know if I actually spoke the words.

“Heaven did not seem to be my home; and I broke my heart with weeping to come back to earth. That's where she will be... where my angel, my love, my everything will be. So I’ll wait- wait an eternity for her to come.” Edward was now trembling all over.

So that was the reason for choosing Charlie’s house, he thought maybe that's where I would go if I ever returned. It wasn’t exactly his hell; it was more like his purgatory- his only hope.

“Edward, please. I’m here, I haven’t disappeared. And you have to stop quoting from books; we won’t be able to get out of here if we can’t figure things out, if we can’t talk about it.” I gently took one of his hands.

“Classics were her favourites, she was always reading them.” He stopped rocking and looked directly into my eyes. “To the world she was but one person, but to me she was the entire universe. How could they take her away from me? How could they? There was nothing beyond her...” His voice was a tortured whisper.

Edward wasn’t making a lot of sense, and why didn’t he believe it was me? I was sitting there next to him, holding his hand and he still didn’t believe it. I just didn’t know what to do. All hope was becoming lost.

“Edward, please listen to me. I know... I know what happened in the clearing was... I don’t think there are words to describe it, but our life didn’t end there. We can have a life in our heaven, together.” I grasped his other hand and moved an inch closer.

Edward swallowed. “All my other hallucinations say the same thing; they all want to take me away from my Bella. But I won’t go. I will wait until she comes- she has to come.”

“Edward, I’m here, I came. But I need for you to start to understand that this place isn’t where you are meant to be. You are meant to be with me in heaven; laughing, loving and living. Please let’s go, please.” Desperation was beginning to fill by voice.

Edward laughed without humour. “You are definitely the best hallucination I’ve had so far. I bet if I touch your hair it will feel exactly the same as Bella’s. You are certainly as beautiful as she was.”

I bit my bottom lip hard. He would never believe I still existed, he would always remember those heartbreaking seconds in the clearing. I knew I was fighting a losing battle- Edward would never come with me to heaven. It left me no choice.

I moved even closer and stroked his cheek. “You are so wonderful you will make me choose hell over heaven any day just so I can be near you.” I kissed his lips gently and tucked my head under his chin. “When it was dark you were always my hero and when it was light you were always my dream- now it’s my turn to show you how much I love you. I won’t leave; I’ll stay with you for eternity.” I arranged myself on the bed so I was next to him with both my arms around his neck.

Edward was a statue next to me, he didn’t even breath. “You are so much like her- everything about you is like her. But you aren’t her, you don’t know what she knows, the illusions never do.”

I hated that he was still referring to me as a hallucination, if I could prove that I was the Bella he loved would he return to me? “Ok, ask me any question and I’ll answer it.” I moved away so he could see my eyes.

“What’s Bella’s favourite colour?” Edward sighed. I think he had been through this many times- trying to discern reality from illusion.

I shook my head. “I don’t have one. It changes.”

Edward blinked slowly, letting his eyes rest for a second. “A good answer, but one I’ve heard before. You don’t want to stick to anything specific; it gives you a better chance to be right.”

He had a point. “Fine, give me a question no one will know the answer to, something obscure, something you wouldn’t normally ask.” I knew I was clutching at nothing, but it was so difficult to give up hope, especially when Edward was concerned.

“What’s your favourite gemstone?”

I smiled. “Easy. Topaz when your eyes are a golden, and Onyx when they are deep and dark, like now.”

Edward suddenly moved away, sending Wuthering Heights tumbling to the floor. He was now standing in the corner, his eyes never leaving me.

He grabbed two fistfuls of his hair. “Why did you come here?”

I got up from the bed and moved closer to where he was standing. “To find heaven in hell.” I intertwined my fingers with his. “The best thing about me was always you, so it didn’t seem fair that you would end up in hell when I was heaven. And people always say you go to hell for the best company, and I have to completely agree.” I gave him a shy smile and pulled him into a tight embrace. Behind me my favourite chair was screaming to be repaired.

“Why did you break the chair? It always reminded me so much of you.” I said before I kissed his chest.

“Why?” Edward’s arms were still by his side, not returning my embrace.

“Every time I came in, or woke up you were always there- waiting for me with open arms. I guess it’s because we have shared so much on that chair, that's why it reminds me of you.” I snuggled closer as I remembered all the wonderful kisses and hugs exchanged on the rocking chair.

Edward pulled away and his coal black eyes bore into mine. “Bella?”