Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

The Joys of Parenthood

Bella and Edward find out the hard way just how much little eyes can see, and how innocent questions can make even immortals squirm.


1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1058   Review this Chapter

The Joys of Parenthood

DISCLAIMER: If you recognize a character from the Twilight universe, they ain’t mine.

Cause this idea just amused me too much, and I needed something a little lighter than SotS at the moment.


Carlisle had never given more than a passing thought to having children, never mind grandchildren, so he had no true idea the precociousness of a young mind. So when Renesmee bound in to his study on a rainy February morning, curling into his lap while he studied ancient text, he had no idea how his day would evolve. He was, as always, thrilled to wrap his arms around the deceptively strong young body in his arms, planting an absent-minded kiss on the crown of her head. She was content to sit in his lap for quite a while, only squirming after half an hour.

Carlisle paused in his reading when Renesmee spoke, an event that should have alerted him to the fact his day was about to get very interesting.

“Granddad, if I show you something, will you explain it to me?”

His grand-daughter’s tone, a mix of curiosity and, oddly enough, fear was enough to garner his complete attention.

“Of course, sweetheart. You know you can ask me anything and I’ll give you the best answer I can,” Carlisle vowed.

Renesmee hesitated, biting her lower lip (she must have picked that up from her mother, Carlisle mused) before putting one hand to his cheek.

It was easy enough to recognize the hallway in the cottage, even if the perspective was of someone much shorter. Carlisle watched through Renesmee’s eyes as she traversed the short corridor, coming to a stop outside her parent’s bedroom before swiftly peeking her head around the corner.

Carlisle jerked his head away from his grand-daughter’s hand, wincing. He really never wanted to see either of his children sans clothing again, let alone the position they had occupied.

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” Renesmee guessed, her face screwing up in worry.

“No, sweetheart,” Carlisle rushed to reassure the child. “It just…” it was, to borrow one of Emmett’s phrases, chickenshit of him to do so, but if he had to explain the birds and the bees to his less than a year old grand-daughter, his wife was certainly going to be involved. “I think you need to show this to your grandmother and then we’ll discuss this.”

Standing, Carlisle carried Renesmee with him in search of Esme.


They found Esme in her study, her oils and paints surrounding her as she worked on a family portrait. It was coming along rather well, Carlisle distantly noted, sparing an appreciative look at the canvas.

“Grandma, Granddad says he needs your help explaining something,” Renesmee began.

“Oh? What did you show your grandfather that has him stumped?” Esme mused, setting down her paintbrush and palette, absently wiping her hands off on a towel.

“You’ll see,” Carlisle muttered, gratefully passing the child off to his wife.

A second later had Esme gasping, staring down with consternation at Renesmee.

“Well, I can see why you wanted my help,” she began, shooting Carlisle a knowing look.

“What is it, grandma? Momma and dad aren’t hurt, are they?” The innocence in Renesmee’s tone had both adults rushing to assure her everything was okay. “Then what were they doing? It sounded painful.”


“Nothing is wrong, Renesmee, your parents are fine. However, this is something that they’ll have to explain to you,” Esme said firmly, readjusting the child in her arms as she stood. “We’ll all sit down and talk about this when they return. For now, why don’t we get you a snack?”


Carlisle sat next to Esme on the couch; Renesmee snuggled between them as she happily munched on chocolate chip cookies and watched television. Of course it would be her sweet tooth that would get her to eat human food, Carlisle thought, rolling his eyes. And of course Jacob would be the one to get her hooked on the things.

The sound of the Volvo’s engine turning onto the drive had the two adults looking at each other, suppressing smiles. Edward and Bella were in for another of the joys of parenthood, that of explaining embarrassing things.

The door had no sooner opened than Bella was before them, swinging her daughter up into her arms.

“Momma!” Renesmee squealed. “Momma, I-“

“A shield around Renesmee, please, Bella,” Carlisle interrupted, smiling blandly at his son when he gave him a questioning look.

Curious herself but complying, Bella immediately wrapped her mental shields around Renesmee, turning so that she could see her in-laws.

“Renesmee asked me to explain something to her, and after seeing what it was, Esme and I decided that it would be best if her parents were the ones to provide the explanation,” Carlisle started, all the while reciting poetry in his head to deflect Edward. It was obvious Esme was doing something similar from their son’s frustrated expression.

Carlisle waited for Bella to sit on the couch, Renesmee in her lap. She beckoned for her husband to join them, patting his knee reassuringly when he sat.

“Alright, Ness, show your mother what you showed me.”

The two young parents’ groaned simultaneously, Bella from the images projected to her, Edward seeing the memory directly from his daughter’s mind, Bella having dropped the shield.

Carlisle was amused to see Bella turn to smack her husband on the shoulder.

“I told you I heard something, but no…you told me I was hearing things,” she groused, smacking Edward again on the shoulder.


Her daughter’s anxious voice pulled Bella back, her gaze turning apologetic as she looked down.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Bella assured her daughter. “What,” Bella closed her eyes briefly, steeling herself for the talk to come. “What would you like to know?”

The questions began to pour out.

“What were you guys doing?”

“This is payback for me asking Renee the same question at the same age,” Bella muttered before answering. “Well, Ness, your father and I were…having intercourse.”

“What’s intercourse?”

“A physical expression of love between a married couple,” Edward interjected, groaning just before his daughter asked another question.

“Why does it hurt?”

“It, er, doesn’t hurt,” Edward replied.

“It sounded like it hurt.”

Carlisle was sure, if it were possible, both Bella and Edward would be cherry red at this moment. “Well, I think that’s our cue to leave,” he stated, grinning as he helped Esme off the couch. We’ll just be upstairs.”


The twin cries had him laughing outright. “The joys of parenthood, kids, the joys of parenthood.”