Isabella Swan has a good life, ‘good’ being the key word. Her life is just fine and ordinary. But will her world be turned upside down when she gets a job working as a PA for Hollywood’s latest darling? And is he as cold as he seems? First impressions can be very deceiving indeed. (Please note its rated adult for a reason. The story contains adult humour, some strong language, and it will have sexual scenes in later chapters.) Chapter 16 is up!
Disclaimer: All the wonderful characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.
16. Blur and Clear
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As I arrived back at Rosalie’s house all was silent. She and Emmett had gone to dinner to spend some time together before we left for Europe tomorrow morning at the ridiculous time of 7 am, which meant I had to be up at four. I was thankful I didn’t have to talk to anyone; I was tired and cranky, and all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to sleep.
I quickly made my way to the guest bedroom I had been staying at since being forced to accept Rose’s hospitality. It was really a very nice room; light and stylish, just like the other rooms in their huge mansion.
I took off my clothes, neatly putting them near my suitcase, and got in the shower. I sighed as the warm water hit my body; relaxing me marginally and easing the ache in my muscles.
After showering I went straight to bed. I closed my eyes expecting sleep to over take me immediately, but I wasn’t so fortunate. The week’s events were on replay. I shifted to my side and just let my mind think of whatever it wanted.
Surprisingly, Jacob, and the immense weight that had been lifted off my shoulders, was the first thing my brain conjured up.
The first time I’d left my apartment nothing had been resolved. My emotions had been all over the place, as had Jacob’s. We never touched upon my reasons for not wanting the relationship, my issues with what I felt was missing. Jacob hadn’t expressed his real feelings on our lack of intimacy. Nothing important had been talked about. But after our discussion on the day I packed up my things I felt a lot better about leaving. At the time I didn’t see this; I only saw the man who had pinned me to the sofa and stuck his tongue down my throat while groping me like a piece of meat. The conversation hadn’t been pretty. I said things out of spite. I told him things he didn’t need to know just for the sake of upsetting him. But in the end, I tried to make Jacob understand why I left. Yes, I was cruel, but this was one of those situations where you had to be cruel to be kind.
Even though he still didn’t understand why I’d picked Edward over him, Jacob had looked resigned to the fact our relationship had come to an end. And that nothing was going to make me leave Edward and go back to him.
Nothing would make me leave Edward. Not even his eavesdropping.
I mean, I was having a difficult private conversation with the man whose heart I broke, basically pouring my heart out, and Edward was out there listening to everything I had wanted to keep to myself. Now Edward knew just how much I had fallen for him. It was embarrassing having him know the extent of my feelings.
I had wanted to be mad at his little antics but his face had been so gentle and in awe. I couldn’t make a bad word come out; I couldn’t reprimand him when he looked like he had just seen the Seventh Wonder of the World.
And, as always, Edward was there to catch me when I couldn’t seem to catch myself. Anything requiring a lot of emotion made me tired— exhausted, really—but Edward knew how to make me feel better. He always complained about my constant taking care of him, but in reality he took care of me too. Maybe not physically, but when it came to my emotions he was my protector and the only one who really understood what was going on within my mind, my heart.
As the week progressed I could tell Edward was worried about me. I was still slightly shaken by my conversation with Jacob and I was under a lot of stress. Not only was I doing my job as Edward’s assistant but in many ways I was acting as Jasper’s PA also. There was simply so much to do, and even though Edward offered to hire more staff, I could tell he was reluctant to have new faces come in to his team. But as I had said to Edward, I knew I could cope with it all; I had dealt with similar high stress situations in my past jobs. It was just the combination of working so much and then the Jacob thing happening all over again, and Edward insisting our relationship be kept secret... Yeah, there was just so much. Too much, really.
I was exhausted.
But I was looking forward to Europe, ecstatic about seeing all the new places. I was thinking of it as a vacation, not work. All of my work was mainly done in the two weeks prior to the European tour. When out there I would be expected to follow Edward around, handing him bottles of water and cups of coffee, maybe holding documents and backstage passes, but nothing would require full brain function. All the important tasks were in Jasper and Gray’s hands. I knew all the interviews were going to be tough on Edward; his hair would probably be falling off by the end of our week visiting the countries he needed to attend in order to promote the film. I really did feel sorry for the beautiful coppery strands; they were going to suffer. A lot. But I would try to make the trip comfortable for him... just the thought of how I could make him comfortable had my insides all tingly and excited.
Not only was I eager to do all the usual sightseeing abroad but I was also looking forward to all the things Edward and I could do stuck in a hotel room.
I had compiled a mental list of all the experiences we would have to cover before returning to American soil. Firstly, I wanted to see Edward naked. Secondly, I wanted Edward naked in bed. Thirdly, I wanted Edward naked in bed with an equally naked me. Fourthly, I wanted Edward above me kissing my body, hands roaming and caressing. Fifthly, I wanted him thrusting into me, making passionate love until we were both sated. And finally, I wanted him to repeat points one to five multiple times.
With that final, butterfly inducing thought, my mind gave up reality and let me drift off to a dreamless sleep.
I awoke four hours later feeling a little refreshed. After dressing in a grey jersey dress, leggings and Uggs—the most comfortable outfit possible—I went downstairs where I found Emmett already cradling a mug of coffee to his chest.
We exchanged sleepy good mornings before he went to say goodbye to Rose. After putting our suitcases in the Hummer we were on our way. The drive to Edward’s house was quiet, both of us not accustomed to waking up at this ungodly hour to make proper conversation.
When we arrived at the house Jasper was outside instructing those who were responsible for orchestrating the trip to the airport. Emmett immediately began hashing out the final details with the security team while I went inside to make sure Edward was ready to go.
Edward was not in bed like I thought he would be, instead he was dressed and lying on the sofa downstairs. There were people going in and out of the house so I couldn’t run my fingers through his hair like I wanted to. We had agreed to keep the relationship between us and Edward’s inner circle, which really only contained four people and two of them were there because they dated Emmett and Jasper.
I didn’t like keeping secrets, in fact, I hated it. It made me feel like I was living a lie, or that Edward was ashamed of me in some way. I knew I was silly to think that when he always made me feel wonderful, cared for and valued. But even with all the logic in the world I still felt like I was being kept secret for ulterior motives and not so our relationship could progress without media intrusion. It all felt forced; we couldn’t just be. There was always something to worry about. But such worried didn’t need to waste my time right now.
I sat down on the cream armchair opposite the sofa.
His head rose and his sunglass covered eyes looked at me.
I chuckled as his head flopped back to the arm rest and he pulled his hood up to cover nearly all of his face.
“Still half asleep, I’m guessing.”
His sleep thickened voice was quiet as he complained. “I want to punch Jazz.”
“No, you don’t.” I knew he did. It wasn’t even five in the morning yet. Heck, I wanted to punch Jasper too, after all he was the one who insisted our flight be at 7 am sharp.
“I really, really do. Doesn’t he see the moon out there? Normal people don’t wake up at this time.”
“It’s a good thing you aren’t normal then.”
“Bella, can you please insult me sometime after noon; it’s too early to think of a comeback.”
I laughed and stretched. “I wasn’t insulting you. I was pointing out the obvious fact that you aren’t normal. Normal people don’t travel on a private jet.”
Edward made a noise somewhere between a chuckle and a groan. “Point taken.”
We feel into silence and my eyes began to droop. I needed to get caffeine in me pronto.
I yawned and got to my feet. “Have you had coffee yet?”
Jasper spoke before Edward had the chance to answer.
“You can get coffee later. Everything is ready so we are set to go.”
I nodded and started making my way out only to realise Edward wasn’t following.
Edward, in all his adorableness, had fallen asleep.
I was going to wake him up with a soft nudge on his arm but instead Jasper woke him up by hitting the top of his head.
“What? We need to get a move on if we are going to keep to the schedule.” He turned to Edward who was starting to get up and scowled. “Get your ass off that sofa and into the car.”
People began filtering out of the house, leaving Edward and I alone momentarily.
“Do I get to punch Jazz now?”
“No...Maybe. If he keeps being annoying then you can punch him.”
Edward smiled crookedly and touched his lips to mine.
“That’s all I’m asking for.”
The drive to the airport was long. For some reason I didn’t even get to sit in the same car as Edward. Instead I was ever so lucky—insert spoonfuls of sarcasm— to get a ride with Gray and his staff. The situation wasn’t right.
At the airport there was the usual commotion of paparazzi and security. Edward was instantly swarmed by people as he stepped out of the car, and it was only 6 am.
When I left my car the paparazzi had thankfully dispersed and no one was paying attention to the entourage. I could see Edward in front with two beefy bodyguards surrounding him, as well as Emmett and Jasper. Edward didn’t even seem to be missing my presence.
I felt right then more like a thing on the side— something detached from his real life— than I had ever done.
I only got to be with him inside the privacy of his home; outside he wasn’t mine.
Blinking back tears, I took out my passport and ticket.
This is what I had signed up for; this was what I’d told him time and time again I wanted. I just... needed to adjust and get use to not being able to be with him all the time.
As I neared the check-in point my phone buzzed.
I flip it open and answered.
“Where are you?”
Edward’s voice sounded anxious and annoyed.
“I’m checking in.”
“Oh. I can’t see you. What number is your check-in desk?”
I looked up to check. “Twenty-two.”
“Yeah, I can see you. Why aren’t you with me?”
I looked around trying to find him. I wasn’t able to. I shrugged in answer to his question, knowing he would be able to see my movement.
“Check in and then wait there.”
“Ok,” I answered flatly.
“I’ll see you in a bit.”
I gave my passport and boarding ticket to the woman manning the desk and then waited.
A few minutes later Emmett came to get me.
He was not a happy bunny.
“Where have you been? Edward’s been whinnying for over half an hour. You know I can’t stand when he gets all high pitched and stars threatening to fire anyone within a ten mile radius.”
I rolled my eyes and followed him. I didn’t know who to blame for not being with Edward, but I was certain it wasn’t my fault we’d been separated back at the house.
Emmett led me to a first class lounge where Jasper and Edward were waiting.
Jasper just gave me the stink eye for making us eight minutes late and Edward impatiently ran his hand through his hair.
He didn’t make a move to come closer to me. There were other people in the lounge so that wasn’t a surprise. But even though I expected his non-reaction it still hurt to be ignored by him. It took me several deep breaths to keep emotion from showing on my face.
“Ok, now that Bella is here, we can go. I’m going to see if the jet is ready for us to board.” Jasper left quickly and came back quickly; everything was ready for us.
I looked over at Edward as we walked out and found him looking at me with a small smile ghosting his lips, but it faded as my face remained void of any emotion.
As soon as we entered the private jet, Edward took my hand and squeezed it, before letting it go. The small action nearly made me burst into tears; it symbolised our relationship so well. He could hold me but he would, eventually, always let go.
I shook my head trying to keep the tears back and keep my dignity intact. It was hard and I didn’t look at Edward or any of the others, rather I took in where I would be spending the next eleven hours.
The plane only had eight seats: two seats facing another two seats with what appear to be a foldaway table in the middle and the same on the other side. I sat facing Edward, and Emmett sat opposite Jasper on the other side of the plane.
I waited for takeoff, for the air steward to bring coffee and snacks and go back to the cockpit, before making eye contact with Edward.
His eyes were on me, offering a silent apology.
“I don’t how it happened, Bella. One moment you were there and the next you weren’t. I already told Jasper to fire the imbecile who took your seat in the car.”
Jasper hummed in agreement and went back to leafing through a magazine. Emmett had his earphones on and had put his seat back—ready to catch up on lost sleep.
I tucked my legs under me and nodded. “It’s fine.”
I didn’t sound the least bit ‘fine’. I didn’t even manage to fool myself.
Of course I didn’t fool Edward. I could see by his expression that he didn’t believe me. But sensing I wasn’t in the mood to talk about it he just sighed and got a book out.
I looked out the window for over half an hour. There was a tense feeling within the small cabin, no conversation was made. The only noise came from the plane turbines and the quiet music escaping from Emmett’s iPod.
Jasper gave up on reading his magazine around the time I gave up trying to understand what I was feeling, and chucked it to me before putting his earphones on and closing his eyes.
The magazine sat on my lap for a few minutes. It was Vanity Fair’s latest issue with Edward on the cover. He looked incredibly handsome in the simple brown clothes they had styled him in. I wanted to read it but for some reason the magazine remained closed.
I narrowed my eyes at it. I wasn’t sure if I was mad at the magazine/ media or at Edward. Yes, the media were always intruding into people’s business, but then again, it wasn’t the media that concocted this ridiculous secrecy plan. When I agreed to it, I hadn’t considered how much it would upset me, but now I knew for certain that the more Edward kept me separate from his life the worse I felt. I just wanted him completely, but Edward preferred to pretend I didn’t exist when in public. This whole thing made me question myself, my self-worth, how much Edward wanted me. It was irrational, but insecurities rarely do have their rational heads on.
I was angry, sad, annoyed...I was so many things that I just wanted to hurl the magazine at something. But instead of inflicting violence on someone, which would have very likely been Edward, I opened the magazine and turned to the interview.
I skim read the four page article and by the time I was finished the tears had broken free. There was no way I could keep them in my tear ducts. Not when I was reading this and remembering that the day Edward gave the interview I had been kidnapped by Rose and taken on a shopping expedition.
Maybe I had read it wrong? That can happen when you skim.
I turned back the pages and re-read the words that were the catalyst for my waterworks.
“...Edward Cullen’s reputation precedes his every move. He has been described as the best actor of his generation, and few have questioned his status as a legend in waiting. While his talent is undeniable, it is not the topic tabloids concentrate upon. His films have taken up less space in the weekly magazines than discussions on his behaviour on and off set. Supposed insiders have labelled him as ‘difficult’, ‘moody’ and a ‘diva’. However, as Edward Cullen walks in to the suite where the interview was scheduled to take place, he breaks out of the typical Hollywood mould. With him are his manager and head bodyguard, whom I later find out are childhood friends, and not the large entourages commonly seen following stars with his level of fame. He greets me politely and apologises for being ten minutes late. There are no outlandish requests or any hints of his infamous temper. Instead he sips his coffee and answers my questions, albeit in a reserved manner, only hesitating when they become of a personal nature. His manager is quick to intervene and re-direct the interview into neutral ground, but his bodyguard is not as diplomatic and states that I’m being “uncool” by asking about Edward’s love life. This earns a small smirk from the quiet star...
...I show Edward the photographs from the photo shoot. He doesn’t obsess over them as many image conscious celebrities do. He simply says that they are “nice” and that the photographer was “great”. As we take a break and I leave to answer a phone call, I briefly overhear Edward ask his manager if it is possible to have a copy of the photographs made because “She really wanted to see them”. This she becomes a constant presence in the room, her name is never disclosed and they don’t talk about her directly to me, but she is mentioned several times in the last hour of the interview. Edward checks the time repeatedly and asks his bodyguard if “she will be back yet” and “when will she get dropped off”. And as the end of the interview approaches he fidgets with his phone, opening and closing it several times until his manager tells him to “stop being annoying” and for him to just “call her”...
...I begin to put away my interview notes. Edward Cullen is still in the room waiting for his car to be brought to a secure location so he can leave without paparazzi interruptions. It is then that conversation between him and his friends becomes candid. Thankfully my Dictaphone is still recording and it is able to capture everything said. His bodyguard sighs and states that “Dude, the next time we are just bringing her; she’s the only one that can shut you up.”, to which Edward responds “It was your girlfriend’s fault she isn’t here... Man, I just wanted—” He is interrupted by his manager who has a grin on his face, “Yeah, I know. You just wanted to see her. And you will. I bet you your Vanquish she will be at yours when you get back.” Edward Cullen looks at his friend and smiles for the first time in the three hours we were in the suite.
It appears I can answer the question on the lips of every gossip queen/king in Hollywood. Is Edward Cullen single? From what I witnessed I would have to say ‘Definitely not’. I would even go as far as saying that People Magazine’s Most Beautiful Man 2008 and 2009 is rather in love with whomever this she is. Then again she could be his mother (even though his mother is never mention in interviews), sister (which is unlikely considering he is an only child), friend (he has described himself as a loner with two friends)... the list of possibilities is endless...”
My vision was blurred and cleared as tears appeared and fell. I’d believed I was never on his mind or at least not on his mind to the extent he’s always on mine. But from reading his interview I can tell he thinks of me, mentions me and is excited to see me—just like me with him.
I close the magazine and look at the amazing man in front of me. His hair is a disarrayed mess and his brow is furrowed. Edward’s stance is tense and I’m the reason for it. He doesn’t deserve my silence but rather my understanding and acceptance; he is just trying to do the best with the situation at hand and I should do the same.
I unbuckle my seatbelt and pluck the book from Edward’s hands, placing it on the seat beside him.
He looks at me with wide eyes. They are apologetic, matching my own.
I sit down on his lap sideways and kiss his neck telling him how sorry I am for blaming it all on him without even intending to. Edward hugs me close and brings his lips to my jaw, apologising in his own way.
“I was a bitch. Nothing was your fault and I shouldn’t have acted like it was,” I mumbled quietly so the others couldn’t hear, even if they had their iPods on.
Edward shakes his head. “You had every reason. If I had put my foot down this wouldn’t have happened.”
I leant away from him so I could see his face. “No, I didn’t have every reason. I overreacted; there was nothing to justify me being mean. I...just didn’t want to be separated from you.”
Edward didn’t accept my reasons and started to shake his head again.
I knew him too well and I could see the words that were going to escape his mouth. He was undoubtedly going to put all of this mess on his own shoulders rather than put some of the heavy weight of blame on mine. And that I wasn’t going to accept.
I trapped his stupid words with a kiss. It didn’t take long for Edward to respond and he quickly wrapped his lips around mine. He was gentle but I could feel the passion simmering beneath the surface. I didn’t know why I ever questioned how much he wanted me, from the way he was pulling me closer until there was no space between us and the intensity I felt as his hands clutched the fabric of my dress, I knew for certain that he not only wanted me but that he needed me. I couldn’t ask for more.
The knowledge of our mutual want for each other made us frantic, like it always did. Our kisses had increasingly escalated to near dry-humps and this one was no exception.
Without a second thought to Jazz or Em’s presence, I straddled Edward’s lap and started unconsciously lifting my body up and down against his, feeling his hardness under his jeans, all the while making sure our lips were not once separated.
His hands unclenched and went to my hips to guide my actions and speed up my movements. I manoeuvred just so, hitting the right spot, making me shudder completely. My head fell to his shoulder as I tried to keep back a small moan. Edward followed my movements, trying to silence the groans my body was eliciting from his.
We moved together, straining so we could both reach our imminent pleasure. Edward’s hands moved up and down my sides and I began to lose control of the sounds escaping my mouth. I was breathing rapidly as my muscles tightened. Sensing how close I was, Edward caressed me where I needed him.
He slowly started to rub me with his thumb but his touches were unfulfilling, the layers interfering with the intimate act. I whimpered in frustration. I could feel it, it was just there...but I wasn’t going to reach it if he didn’t touch me fully.
I grabbed his hand and plunged it under my dress and leggings. I heard his sharp intake of breath when his hand made contact with my underwear. With wet kisses to my neck, his thumb circled me, bringing me closer and closer.
His other hand guided me to his length, telling me silently what he wanted. I wrapped my fingers around him, feeling how hard I had made him, despite his jeans being in the way. My touches were fast and determined—His thumb was getting me closer to mine and I was going to make sure I brought him to climax.
I ran my finger where I thought his head would be and pressed down. His hips buckled under me and his thumb was replaced by his hand. My pleasure increased and I could tell I was about to come. One more little circle and I was biting down on his shoulder, ridding the amazing sensation running through my body.
When I came down from my high, I was panting and sated from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. Edward was immobile as he sensually licked my throat and jaw. And even though he was lavishing me with attention, I could feel his body stiff full with want. Redoubling my efforts to get him to his release, I used both hands. Soon he was breathing hard, just as I had been, and mumbling incoherent nothings in my ear.
He thrust his hips eagerly to meet my strokes and bit my earlobe whenever I touched him a little more vigorously. I let my fingers caress his hardness until he stilled my hand with a sharp hiss.
“Shit. Uh...It’s...going.”—he stopped talking and took a deep breath—“It’s going to be very messy.”
“Mmm, I don’t mind.”
I began to stroke him again and had to bite my lip from smiling at Edward’s mutterings.
“Messy, messy...Yeah....Oh God... Messy, very messy.”
I was suddenly lifted off his lap and deposited on my seat. Edward ran to the compact bathroom on the other side of the plane and I couldn’t help be both turned on and amused by his reaction to just my touch.
During Edward’s time in the bathroom taking care of his business, I righted my clothes and melted against my seat.
My limbs felt like jelly, and I was on cloud nine... maybe cloud twelve. The last time I had something wonderful like that happen to me was, well, never. Nothing had ever felt as good as a dry-hump on a private jet. And I was sure the only thing that could top it was going to be Edward and me making love for the first time.
When Edward came back a few minutes later, flushed with a sated smile firmly in place, he sank next to me and dropped a kiss to the top of my head.
I really wanted to return to his lap and fall asleep, but in reality I felt a little bit...yucky.
I stood up and pulled my jersey dress down further.
“I’m just going to... you know...”
Sure I could dry-hump the man but I sure as heck couldn’t tell him I was cleaning myself up. Oh, how life is full of paradoxes.
I straighten myself up and pulled my hair into a ponytail. When I returned to the cabin Edward had pulled his seat back so it resembled a single bed.
I climbed in beside him, squeezing into the small space, and we began to kiss again. There was nothing hurried or hungry about it, just tender lips giving tender kisses.
“Does that mean I can join the mile high club now?”
I laughed at how he managed to break the romantic moment so quickly.
“Er, no. I mean, I don’t think so. Maybe you’re half way into the club.”
Edward’s chest bounced as he chuckled. “Who decides this things? With my connection I’m sure I can get them to agree to let us into this exclusive club.”
I slipped my leg in between his and used my best sexy kitten voice to tease him.
“Or we could just go the old fashioned way.”
One of his hands travelled up and down my thigh and the other tilted my chin so he was looking at my face. I thought he was going to make a joke but instead he pecked my lips softly.
“You’re amazing.”—He shook his head as if trying to put his thoughts back into place—“The best thing in my life, without question.”
Those treacherous tears returned, but now they made an appearance because my happiness was spilling out. ‘Lucky’ didn’t cover how fortunate I was to have been able to meet Edward. He was all that I wanted. And I knew for certain that whether he worked in Mc Donald’s or earned millions, I would still love him the same.
For the remainder of the flight we talked about nothing and everything. The conversation was sporadically interrupted by us making out like sixteen year olds in the back row of the cinema.
Half way through our eleven hour flight we fell asleep. I snuggled closer to him and laid my head on his chest; his heartbeat my lullaby.
We were awoken by the captain telling us that the seatbelt signs were being turned on and we should return to our seats and buckle up for landing.
It didn’t take long for touchdown and before we could set foot outside, we were promptly escorted to a first class lounge. I didn’t hold Edward’s hand or act like his girlfriend in any way. But even though it was hard and I felt a tiny tear rip through me at our distance from one another, I was ‘okay’ with it. This is what I had to put up with in order to be with him. It was worth this and much, much more.
The wait in the lounge was only for half an hour, just long enough to organise Edward’s transport to the Savoy Hotel. Unlike last time I was safely sat beside Edward. Now my hand was in his and all was well in my little Edward world.
Outside the car windows the English weather was grim but exceedingly beautiful. The sky was a murky grey but the ground was covered in fluffy white snow. As we took a left at a roundabout I saw a sign, ‘Welcome to London Heathrow’. I don’t know why it made my skin rise up in goosebumps, but it did. For some reason I sensed this trip was going to change everything.
- Remember To Breathe
- Hard To Believe
- To The Barbecue
- What Just Happened?
- Waking The Demon
- Bad To Good
- Shoot Me Now
- Under The Covers
- Building Castles: Part 1
- Building Castles: Part 2
- Doorways into the inconceivable
- Silence Says So Much
- A Worried Mind
- Jigsaw Pieces
- Blur and Clear
- I Heart London
- Silver Silk and Red Leather
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- 16 Jun 09
- 22 Dec 10
- In Progress