I'M BACK AFTER A LONG DELAY! THIS IS THE SEQUEL TO LOST. THESE ARE MY AWARDS FOR LOST:#1 MOST FAVORITE STORY AND HAS BEEN SINCE OCTOBER 2007! #3 MOST READ #7 MOST REVIEWED Summary: Simmons is introduced to a certain female vampire that we all know. He has been a player, but what happens when he meets her? ~~~~~~LAST CHAPTER AND EPILOGUE~~~~~~~ Chapter 15:MAGNIFICENTChapter 16:(EPILOGUE) HEADLINE
Wow! This sequel has been a long time in coming. I want to thank everyone for keeping this story alive. I have loved reading every single one of your reviews! I have had everything from awesome people translating LOST into other languages, to yucky people plagiarizing my story and calling it theirs. No kidding! I started this just a few months after LOST, but I didn't think anyone would want to read it. It was just for me. But, I kept writing and many asked for a sequel, so . . . . . . . . If you hate it, I will understand. 3 REASONS YOU SHOULD NOT READ THIS STORY: 1. SIMMONS IS THE MAIN CHARACTER, EDWARD AND BELLA ARE ALL THE WAY THROUGH IT, BUT IT IS IN SIMMONS POV. 2. IT HAS BEEN LIKE A YEAR AND A HALF SINCE MANY OF YOU HAVE READ LOST. FOR SOME IT WAS JUST YESTERDAY, BUT FOR THE ORIGINAL READERS, YOU MAY NOT EVEN CARE ANYMORE! 3. I CAN'T THINK OF ANOTHER REASON. SO I GUESS THERE ARE JUST TWO. Lost is long, and I would never make you read it again. To help the original readers, I have given you a quick summary: Bella and Michael Simmons worked for a NYC firm called Berkshire-Hathaway. Bella was heartless and vowed to take down C-Corp Edward was C-Corp (yikes!) Bella had started to date a hot guy named Thomas Vaughn Bella ended up breaking Vaughn's heart Bella gave Edward back his company - after she put Edward through a lot Bella left to be with Edward after she quit the Firm Bella and Edward got married (yay!) E & B set Vaughn up with his first love from High School - Kristin Roberts Alice is very mad that she was not Bella's bridesmaid - it was Simmons Lola is the boutique owner who helped Bella pick out her dresses Rosalie wants Bella's awesomely expensive shoes - - - - - - - Simmons is a player, but he is also sweet and intelligent He is a 6'2 surfer boy from California He is very hotly handsome *Lucky for you this story is about 20,000 words shorter than LOST *THIS STORY IS ALREADY DONE. I WILL UPDATE EVERYDAY!
Rating 5/5 Word Count 5498 Review this Chapter
Chapter 13 - ANGEL
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I awoke to a strange feeling.
It was completely dark and quiet except for the steady beat of that dang heart monitor that let out a strange green glow. I had no idea how long I had been out this time. I lay there slowing coming out of my daze and once again had great appreciation for the sleep and pain medication Carlisle was giving me. Whatever it was, it was pretty good stuff.
I expected the peculiar feeling I had when I awakened to leave as the grogginess went away, but it stayed. Now that I was more alert, I realized what the feeling was. It felt like someone was in the room with me. I didn't feel alone. I had the urge to call out, but I felt foolish, so I just lay there waiting for my eyes to adjust to the penetrating darkness.
My body fidgeted as I tried unsuccessfully to find a comfortable position. I was restless from being in the bed for so long. After making an effort to shift my body three or four times and feeling sharp stabs of pain flash across my chest, and now also my abdomen, I finally gave up. I sighed hard, and that hurt my chest too.
So, there was nothing to do but just lay there. I never got the chance to process all the information Bella gave me about Tanya. Now, it was all coming back to me. It was hard. Extremely hard. To think that Tanya was going through so much alone. I just wanted so badly to talk to her. To try once more to convince her that I would never love anyone the way I loved her.
I couldn't believe that she had been watching me since I came to Moscow. I silently wondered if Tanya had followed me into that night club in Sochi. I had never been able to shake the feeling that it was more than mere coincidence that we were there at the same time.
I shook my head as I tried to reconcile the gentle Tanya I knew, with the one that would be indestructible enough to kill Stefan. I also chided myself again for all the fantasies I'd had of protecting her and keeping her safe. It seemed that she was quite capable of taking care of herself.
What if Bella was right? What if I had to accept it was over and move on? How was any girl ever going to measure up to this? How did Tanya think I was ever going to fall in love with anyone else when she kept finding ways to come into my life? Could I ever be confident that she wasn't following me? If it was really over between us, then that was something I had to resolve before I left this place. It would be just too much for my mind to constantly have to fight. Wondering if she was out there, somewhere, close by.
Perhaps, that matter was already resolved. Now that the vampire world thought I was dead. The danger was gone, and so was she.
I had a new emotion now, and it was a little surprising. It was anger. I was angry that she always managed to have the upper hand in what happened between us. Angry that she could feel justified in predicting I would one day leave and stop loving her because she was a vampire. I was angry that we had never had more than a fleeting moment together, but she had somehow managed to assume that my feelings were short-lived and shallow, and that I had not stopped to look into her heart.
Then suddenly, from the darkest corner of the room, someone hesitantly stepped out of the shadows. For a moment, I panicked at who would be waiting in the middle of the night for me. I could only guess it was another homicidal vampire, but then, I heard her voice.
It was Tanya.
Like clockwork, the heart monitor began speeding up erratically. As if it wasn't already painfully obvious that I was hopelessly in love with her.
"I hope I didn't wake you," her voice was like a breeze that came at the end of a long hot day.
"No," I struggled to keep my voice even. "If you hadn't stepped out just now, I never would have known you were there." I smiled a little and said, "You just can't seem to stay away from me, can you?"
She started at that comment. She looked away with an embarrassed look on her face, and I breathed in and said softly, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. What I should have said was, thank you for saving my life."
She looked down and smiled then. I wanted so much for her to come closer. Having her near me was a gift in any form. Very softly I said, "Please, would you come and sit down?"
She smiled again. With the pale green light, her skin was illuminated in a beautifully supernatural way as she came closer. As I had every time I saw her, I was amazed at her perfection and again berated myself for even thinking that she could ever belong to me. I couldn't even run after her now, and I painfully accepted that as I lay helpless in this bed, I would have no hold on keeping her here for long.
My mind flashed through all Edward and Bella had told me. How she was being forced through blackmail, to do Alexei's bidding, and how she had fought to keep me safe.
"You've been busy," I replied.
She raised an eyebrow, "So have you."
Fair enough, I thought.
"Bella warned me that she spoke with you," she said with a sigh. "She said you spoke about a great many things."
I smiled. "We had a nice talk, until my liver or kidney or whatever it was, interrupted."
She smiled for just a moment and I thought how I wanted to make her smile everyday for the rest of my life.
"Tanya, I am so sorry for all the trouble I've caused you. There doesn't seem to be enough words to describe how truly horrible I feel for what I've put you through."
She looked at me with sadness, but there was no anger on her face. "The difficulties I have had were set in motion long before you were born. There is no reason for you to feel regret for anything."
"I exposed Nikolai to the entire city of Moscow, and forced you to kill someone you were close to," I said remorsefully.
"I was never close to Stefan," she said harshly. "He was a mean and cruel fool who never understood anything but his thirst."
I watched her for a moment. She was looking away from me. Her arms were folded around herself, and she was sitting back in the chair, so that she was as far away from me as possible.
She was upset, and I didn't know how long I would have her close to me. I wanted to make this meeting a sweeter one for both of us.
"It's a surprise to see you here," I said quietly.
She sighed heavily and said, "Bella called me about your emergency surgery. I have been here waiting for you to wake up. I wanted to know for myself that you were all right."
I was sure it was just my wishful imagination, but she seemed different somehow. Less guarded, less ready to run away from me as soon as my head was turned. It thrilled me to an alarming degree that she had been worried about me and was here waiting for me to wake up. The heart monitor picked up on my delight, and again spiked and quickened.
"How long have you had to wait?"
She looked down, a little timid about answering. "I haven't really been keeping track of the time. I think the surgery was yesterday, but you were just taken off the medication that was making you sleep a few hours ago."
"How are you?" I asked softly.
She raised her eyebrows at me, "You just came out of a life threatening surgery and you want to know how I am? Perhaps I should tell you what Carlisle found when he operated on you."
Actually, all I really cared about was that I was alive, and that Tanya was close to me. Everything else was annoying details. I swallowed hard against the dryness of my throat and said, "You can if you want, but I would really like to know how you are doing, and what happened with Stefan."
She shook her head angrily. "I am fine, Michael. Not a scratch on me. You on the other hand, nearly died in my arms." She choked back a sob as she looked at me. She sighed hard and continued.
"Do you even know the extent of the damage to your body? Bella informed me that you've never even asked about your injuries. You have a broken femur on your left leg, and a broken ankle, and fibula on your right. Your left arm is broken in three places, and may never be the same. You have five broken ribs, and a broken collarbone. You had a serious concussion, and your jaw is all but wired back together. And that doesn't even include the internal injuries."
"Wow, I think I've heard enough," I interrupted. "I was feeling pretty good until you started telling me all the things that were wrong with me."
"Don't make a joke out of this, Michael," She said sternly.
I just loved hearing her say my name. Besides if I got too serious, there was a chance she would leave.
"Fine, I won't make a joke out of it. Did Carlisle say that I'm going to live?"
"Yes," she said petulantly.
"Well, then everything turned out all right then," I said reassuringly.
She gave me a scoff as she folded her arms and looked away. I watched her and wondered what I would do when I no longer had the original to gaze upon. Both of the other times I had been with her, I had not tried to commit all of her to memory. Foolishly, I thought I had all the time in the world with her. I would take much better care of these memories. I thought of all the things I would later chastise myself for not saying to her. I closed my eyes and tried to picture myself an old man. What would I have wished I'd said to her? What question would plague me to have answered? I knew there was one question that would haunt me above all the others.
"Yes." She still kept her head turned.
"Why didn't you just change me into a vampire?"
Her head shot around and the look on her face was pure shock and anger.
"How dare you say that to me," she almost hissed.
"If I were a vampire, would you stay with me?" I had to know this. She could leave at any moment, and I had to know if there was a chance for me in any form.
She shot out of her chair and I thought she was heading for the door, but she stopped at the foot of my bed and paced for a moment and then swung to face me. Her eyes were like dark cauldrons of heat.
"You have no idea what you are saying, Michael."
What I had no idea about, was that she was capable of such a temper. With all the pacing and the anger, she was beginning to remind me of another female vampire I knew.
"On the contrary, Tanya, I know exactly what I'm saying. You told me I almost died in your arms. If you had changed me right then, I would be a vampire by now. It would mean I was as unbreakable as you are. I am just wondering if the only reason you keep sprinting away from me is because I'm human. Now, if it's because you aren't attracted to me, or you're in love with someone else, those things I can't do anything about. But this little problem of my mortality, well, that's something I can fix."
"Little problem of your mortality?" She repeated through clenched teeth. Her eyes were blazing. She looked so beautiful.
"Tanya, please answer my question. I could start a library full of the volumes of questions you leave behind for me every time you disappear."
Her face softened. "I'm sorry about that."
"Why did you come here tonight, Tanya?" I asked flatly.
"Because I was worried about you, I already said that," she answered impatiently.
"Did you think I might die?"
She turned her head angrily and said, "We're not having this conversation."
"Because what I want, or what I am personally going through will have no bearing on your life."
Why did she stubbornly stick to the notion that she had to be alone?
"Tanya," I said softly. "I need to explain to you what I have been going through."
I was going to try to describe what my life was like without her. I was going to be skirting a thin line between looking like I was madly in love and just plain pathetic. I wanted to wait until she turned to look at me before I would tell her. When I knew her eyes were on mine, I began.
"At night, you are the last image I see before I fall asleep. When I awake, I awake to your face. All day long I am plagued by images and memories and fantasies of you. I see myself kissing you over and over during the day. I imagine touching your face and running my fingers down the small of your back."
She sighed hard and had folded her arms tightly across her chest. She was forcefully shaking her head, silently asking me to stop.
I didn't stop. "Your scent never leaves me. Your eyes never leave me. I don't see anyone. Just you. There is never going to be anyone else, Tanya. For the rest of my life there will only be you. So, this little thing about mortality . . ." I laughed darkly. "Sentencing me to a life without you is no different than you just leaving me to die in that alley. They are one and the same."
I had pretty much laid it all out on the table. When she left now, there would be no doubt for her what she was leaving me with. Her eyes were burning with gold and her face was somehow flushed as she came and sat in the chair by my bed again. She swallowed hard as she took her cold hand and laid it on mine. As soon as she touched me the heart machine began its little dance.
"Any woman would wait a lifetime to hear those words said to them," she breathed. "But, I am not a woman, I am a vampire. I don't have the luxury of being able to just fall in love with anyone and grow old with them. Don't you understand?"
I weakly held her fingers and spoke fervently. "Don't you understand? Why can't you see what is so obvious to me?"
I had lifted my head, and had to stop talking from the exertion. Tanya looked at me anxiously. I laid my head back down as I took a deep breath and pushed on.
"The first moment I saw you from clear across the room I knew you were the one. A voice spoke to me so clearly. It was as if someone was standing near me and whispered in my ear. It said just one word, and I can neither forget it nor deny it."
"What did it say?" She whispered.
Her head went down and she laid her granite cheek on my hand. Her eyes were closed and her chest heaved.
"Destiny comes in many forms, Michael." She said sadly.
"I remember that night how you spoke about fate, and how it could be cruel. Tanya, I realize that you feel that you are doomed by your circumstances, but I don't feel that way. It led us to each other. It led me to you."
She raised her head. Her chin was turned up in defiance as she said, "I may not be in control of my destiny, but I am putting myself in control of yours. This will not happen to you, no matter what voice I heard."
She immediately realized that she had said too much. I squeezed her hand. She sighed with her head down and her eyes closed.
"Yes, Michael. I heard it too." She spoke so softly I wasn't sure if I just imagined it.
"What did you say?" I gasped.
She turned to me and opened her eyes, and they were burning into mine.
"I heard it too."
I had always wondered. If one person is your destiny, don't you have to be theirs as well?
"Subda," I said softly. "That's why you said that to me at the club."
She laid her head back down so that her forehead was resting on my hand. She took a deep breath and said haltingly, "What if . . . what if you stayed with me and lived your life out as a human?"
"No." I said adamantly.
Although the fact that she was thinking in these terms at all, was thrilling, all-encompassing. It was the first glimpse I had that all these months I had not been living on just some mad hope.
"Please, Michael. I need you to think this through." I could feel her cold breath on my skin. I was almost willing to say yes just to appease her. Almost.
"No Tanya, I want all of you."
She kept a tight hold on my hand and brought her face up to mine. "You would have all of me. I would give you every part of me."
I had to blink my eyes to stop the yearning inside me for all she just said. But I shook my head and brought my hand up to touch her face. My thumb ran along her cheek and her eyes closed momentarily. "No, Tanya. You know as well as I do that I can't have all of you unless I'm a vampire too."
"I have had decades to come to terms with what I am, and I am still not sure. Michael, you are so full of life. That night at the ball, you filled up the room with your smile. You deserve all the good things that life can bring you."
"You like my smile?" I interrupted.
The side of her mouth went up as she tried to be serious. "You know I do."
"Actually, I had no idea. What else do you like about me?"
"Michael . . ." She was rolling her eyes with embarrassment.
"I love your hair," I offered. "I've never seen anyone with hair the exact color of yours." I reached out and ran a piece of it between my thumb and forefinger. "Now it's your turn."
She laughed under her breath and said, "Very well, I love your nose."
"My nose!" I laughed incredulously. Well, I tried to laugh. I had to stop because it hurt way too much.
"I'm being serious," she defended. "I especially like it from the side. It is a good strong nose."
"You're only saying that because it is the only bone on me that isn't broken, but okay, now it's my turn." I sighed and said softly. "I love your lips. I crave them actually."
She looked at me. Through her eyes, I could see the war within her. Her chest moved up and down rapidly, then before I knew what was happening, she was there. Her lips were on mine so gently it was like a moth's wing.
"Am I hurting you?" She breathed.
I groaned and pushed her lips hard onto mine. I wanted so much to hold her with both of my arms, to pin her against me. But all I could do was put my one weak hand on her face and neck. Luckily for me, it seemed she wanted to be there.
After a few moments, she pulled back and said, "We better stop. Someone is going to hear that machine and come charging in here thinking you're having a heart attack."
I waited until I caught my breath and then said, "I think you are a better doctor than Carlisle. I feel so much better now."
She laughed and it was like music. She sat in her chair and sighed. "Why can't it always be this way between us?"
"I've been trying my best, but you keep running away," I countered. Then I grabbed her hand and said, "Tanya, we are guaranteed a thousand lifetimes of this if you just make me a vampire."
She sighed hard and closed her eyes. She shook her head sadly and breathed, "I won't give in on this, Michael. I won't make you a monster."
"You're not a monster," I argued. "If you make me a vampire, I promise to be a good one, like you."
She abruptly stood up again. It was hard to keep up with her mood swings.
"Not a monster?" She emphasized each word as she all but hissed at me.
"Tell me honestly, Michael. When you first learned that I was a vampire, what was your reaction?"
"It doesn't matter, I . . ."
"Yes, it does matter. That night at the ball, the way you looked at me," she stopped and closed her eyes for a moment.
"The way you held me, you were so gentle, you were so beautiful about everything. And all I kept thinking was, how your look would change to horror and revulsion if you knew what I really was. If you knew what monster of a vampire was waiting for me by the entrance."
She moved a step back from me and continued. "You have no idea what I really am, you only see a woman with a pretty face and figure, and you have no idea what I am inside."
I opened my mouth to protest, but she apparently wanted to keep convincing me of what a horrible creature she was.
She clenched her teeth together and said, "You have no idea how close you really came to death that night with Stefan. No idea at all."
She was pacing again when she turned and said, "You were lying there in that alley . . . .Stefan was bending over you. I could smell your . . . I could smell your blood clear out on the street. When I reached you, I almost joined with Stefan in the feeding frenzy rather than save you." She slowly turned to me. She looked so ashamed as she watched my face. "Yes, Michael. You heard me. I almost helped him."
"But you didn't." I was using all my strength to keep my voice even. But the heart machine was giving me away.
"And after I killed Stefan, there you were. It would have been so easy. Your blood, it . . . it calls to me. You don't even know what it was like that night at the ball when in one ear I heard ‘Destiny' and in the other ear the monster was screaming ‘Take it! Drink it. Just drink it.' Her face was tortured as she finished. "It was like you were a gift in two very different, but two very powerful ways."
She turned to face me then, full of self-loathing. It was like she was standing in front of her accuser and ready to take any punishment I would give. Through the shame and horror on her face, she raised an eyebrow and said softly, "How pretty am I now? When you know that my looks are for nothing else than just to draw you in. That's all I am. I am nothing but a vampire."
I wanted to go to her, to wrap her in my arms. It was beyond frustrating being imprisoned by this bed. I understood so much more now. She had run away from me that night because of her horror at wanting me, and wanting my blood. Wouldn't that be enough to keep a sane man away? And yet, I couldn't stay away.
It was true, I had been flippant about all of this. In reality, I knew that asking her to make me a vampire, well, it was huge. This was no small thing I was considering. Up until now, I had only considered what the cost would be of not having her, and not the cost of getting everything I wanted. If she agreed to change me, would I be like this? Constantly fighting down the urge to kill? Still, the thought of leaving her was almost too painful to consider. I shrank away from it. I couldn't bear it.
"But I am alive," I argued. "I am here because of you. Because of your caring and your unselfishness. You are the most amazing, fantastic, warm, and loving woman I have ever, or will ever know." I grinned. "You are also the most maddening, frustrating, and challenging woman I will ever know. And I know Bella, so that's saying a lot."
She stared at me, with both astonishment and confusion. "I just told you that I have an extreme desire to drink your blood and instead of ordering me out of this room and out of your life, you compliment me? Have you always been so reckless and stupid?"
I grinned, "No. Actually I haven't. I guess you bring out those qualities in me."
She looked at the ceiling and let out a frustrated gust of air. "Michael, I would never forgive myself if something happened to you. To see you laying there pale and lifeless, it would be just . . . ." She was getting that desperate look in her eyes again.
"Hey," I interjected. "I'm alive, look at me?" You have been here with me all this time, and except for that brief, but fantastic moment when you were kissing me, you have stayed on the other side of room. Would you please come over here? I want to ask you something."
She walked over and gracefully lowered herself in the chair beside me. I reached out for her hand, and she placed hers in mine.
"Look, I am not asking you to change me right now. We can fight that battle another day. What I really want is just to be with you." I pulled her hand close to me and said, "I am asking you this. . . . . . .. please, can you just stay with me? Let's try for a day, and then if that goes well, then let's give it a week. All I want is a chance. If I end up having to go the rest of my life without you, I need to know that we tried to make it work and that I had you in my life for more than one night at ball, and one hour in Sochi."
There was a look of panic in her eyes. "Michael, I don't . . . ."
"You love me," I stated.
She opened her mouth to protest, and I stopped her.
"No, you can't back out of that now. At the nightclub in Sochi you told me you love me, and I am holding you to it. Now, what I want to know, is this." I took a deep breath, well, as deep as I could without wincing in pain. "Tanya, what do you love more, my blood, or me?"
She closed her eyes and sighed. "I guess I deserve that," she whispered. She still held tightly to my hand, then she brought the other hand up to gently touch my face. She looked right into my eyes and said, "I love you. The fact that you're alive right now should more than attest to that, but I understand why you had to ask. I'm just sorry you felt the need to ask it at all."
I felt like all the hurt and worry and desperation I felt the last long months just dissolved away with her words. I began trying to move. She sat up straight, startled at what I was doing. I groaned as I struggled to slide over. It seemed like such a simple thing, but the pain was taking my breath away.
"What are you doing?" She asked anxiously.
I finally laid my head back down on the pillow, weak and tired from the exertion. I patted the bedside next to me and said, "Come and lay by me."
She opened her mouth to argue with me and I looked at her sternly. "Did you see what I just went through? I just endured extreme physical pain just so that you would have room to lay beside me, are you really going to say no?"
One side of her mouth turned up and she moved up to the bed and began to climb on. She worked to move all my tubes so that she wouldn't pull anything out of me, and relaxed beside me. I lay flat and she turned on her side so that we could look at each other. I wanted so badly to take advantage of this situation, but all I could do was look at her and hold her hand.
I kissed her fingers and said, "You are going to be amazed at how quickly I heal from all this. No one has ever been as motivated as I am to get better."
She smiled and ducked her head down into my shoulder. I rested my chin on her head. She smelled like nothing I could ever describe. I felt intoxicated, dazed by her nearness.
"I am actually really pleased that you told me how you are attracted to me in two ways," I said softly. "I want you to tell me everything. You can talk to me about anything, okay?" She nodded her head into my shoulder.
She swallowed hard and said, "What about children, Michael. I would never be able to give you children."
I took a moment to answer. "Actually, I have thought very seriously about that," I said slowly. "I will admit, that in the beginning I had our lives planned out. I saw a little girl with just your color of hair."
Tanya made a small cry of pain.
I turned and kissed her forehead as I whispered. "I would never want anyone to be the mother of my child but you. If it can't be you, then I will never want children. I just want you, Tanya. Just you."
She sighed hard and she gripped harder to my hand as she breathed in and out.
"I know this sounds really strange," I said a little self-consciously, "Given the current circumstances. But I want to take care of you, Tanya. I want to protect you and defend you. I want to be your safe harbor in this world."
I paused to see if she would find what I said, silly or insincere. But she lifted up on one elbow and stared at me with a look that I could only hope was mirrored in my eyes back to her.
She put her hand under my chin and kissed me. I knew my body was broken, but I had never felt so whole, so complete.
The heart monitor, of course, began speeding up erratically, and she grinned against my mouth.
"You don't happen to have a hammer with you, by chance?" I murmured. "I really hate that machine. Just when I think I'm being so cool with you, that beeping keeps giving me away."
She laid her hand very gently on my chest. "Actually," she whispered, "I can tell you the exact moment I first heard your heart."
I looked at her quizzically.
"When I walked up to the table at the ball that night, I held out my hand to you. You took my hand and kissed it. Your heart was pounding, and I have been hearing it play over and over in my mind ever since."
She looked from my chest up to my face. She kissed my forehead, my eyelids, and my nose. Her lips slid back down to my mouth and I tried so hard to answer every question she seemed to be asking.
She lay her head back down by my shoulder and whispered, "Go to sleep now, okay?"
I stiffened and panicked. If she left now, what would I ever do?
She took my hand and pulled it with hers down into her neck and said gently. "I promise I'll be here when you wake up."
I kissed the top of her head, taking in her potent perfume. I then closed my eyes and finally after so many nights without her, I fell asleep with my angel in my arms.
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