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The Sharpest Lives

“So, there are real werewolves?” Bella asked. “With the full moon ad silver bullets and all that?” Jacob snorted. “Real. Does that make me imaginary?” “You know what I mean.” “Full moon, yes,” Edward said. “Silver bullets, no – that was just another one of those myths to make humans feel like they had a sporting chance. There aren’t very many of them left. Caius has had them hunted into near extinction.” (Breaking Dawn 745) You’re the one that I need, I’m the one that you loathe… ---JokesOnJane, you're AMAZING!!!1! Thanks for the banner!

*All publicly recognizable characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **All song lyrics in this story are from the album The Black Parade, by My Chemical Romance. The title of this story is also a title of a song from that album.

7. Pleasant Surprise

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1570   Review this Chapter

Your misery

and hate will

kill us all.

So paint it


and take it

back, let’s shout

it loud and clear.

Do you fight

it to the end?


Alice was not uncommonly whimsical that day. But Jasper could feel that her mood was less than bubbly as she bounced around Sloan, taking pictures of him in the new clothes that she had bought him. Sloan was very adamant about how girly it was to model for pictures. As a result of Alice’s pestering, he would do everything in his power to ruin the pictures. But he was too slow and, finally, Alice got the picture she was hoping for.

“It’s perfect!” she cooed, petting Sloan playfully.

Sloan grumbled something but wanted to see the picture. After he had approved of the shot, he found a mirror. When Emmett asked what he was doing, Sloan simply replied, “Looking good” and moved on with his life.

Alice sauntered over to Jasper, who was in Carlisle’s study comparing observations of Sloan.

“He seems very in control of himself. And he hasn’t once shifted into a werewolf,” Carlisle praised.

Jasper snorted. “Of course you would think that. I’m just saying, you really shouldn’t underestimate him.”

Carlisle eyed Jasper quizzically. “And why is that?”

Turning to Alice in order to avoid the subject, Jasper asked, “Is there something you want, love?”

She grinned and pulled out the slimmest digital camera technology had to offer. “Look at how cute he is!”

“Adorable,” he agreed. More to satisfy his mate than out of any actual interest.

“Come on, then!” Alice demanded, tugging on Jasper’s sleeve and leading him out to the garage.

“Where are we going?” he asked, though not expecting any real answer.

“It’s a surprise!” Alice chortled, jumping into one of the many expensive cars. Jasper followed suit, up for any sort of fun that day. Alice offered some useless bits of conversation, like a new line of clothing that she had fallen in love with. It was by her favorite designer and it was a mash of chic-New-Yorker meets Austrian-royalty tied together with ruffled sleeves and short skirts. Jasper permitted her to ramble on for a few miles until he was sure they were out of earshot, and mindshot, of the others.

“Really, Alice. Where are you taking me?”

Alice turned and smiled gloriously. “To our dear friend, J. Jenks.”

Caught off guard, Jasper laughed. The visits with Jenks amused him. Jenks was one of his favorite opponents in the game of Cat and Mouse, with Jenks starring as the mouse. After his fit of chuckles was over, Jasper returned the grin. “And what’s the occasion? A vacation to France? A trip to Jamaica? Surely our passports are still good and we wouldn’t need another one any time-”

Dead silence filled the car.

We don’t need another one…” Jasper trailed off. “But…Sloan would? And the pack?”

Alice never broke her smile. “Sloan, definitely. The pack…no. They won’t be traveling at all. In fact, I daresay that they are really going to want to stay in town.”

Jasper drew in a breath. “What are you talking about?”

“I had a vision this morning,” Alice began, “and I saw Sloan getting on a plane. I had the sense that he would be running away from something-”

“The same something that is still chasing Runt and Pivot?”

“Exactly.” Alice’s mouth slimmed from a smile to a thin line. “The rest will stay in Forks to protect Runt and Pivot. It will be just you and me and our ‘son’.”

“Son?” Jasper growled. He wasn’t friendly with the idea of parading around with a werewolf as his child.

“You’ll like it, don’t worry,” Alice assured him.

Jasper sighed. He didn’t bother to argue with her. She was always right.

Soon after that, they arrived at the intended office of J. Jenks. Jasper made sure to practice his intimidating face before he stepped out of the car. Turning around, he saw Alice giggling at him.

“What?” he asked, combing through his hair and grinning at her.

“You don’t need to practice your intimidating face. It’s always very fierce.”

“I don’t want it to be too fierce, though,” he explained as they walked into the lobby of the building. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen Jenks, now that Bella has been insisting that she is the one to handle our passport business. I don’t want to give him a heart-attack. Not when we need him the most.” The last comment was heavily sarcastic.

Alice elbowed him daintily in the ribs, but Jasper chose not to take notice. Instead, he lead the way to Jenks office. Ignoring the secretary and walking straight through the door, Jasper gave Jenks quite the surprise.

Jenks jolted in his chair. “H-hello, Mr. Jasper. How a-ar-are you this evening?”

Jasper’s face was cold. “I need a passport and a birth certificate.”

“Right down to business, as usual.” Jenks rummaged around his desk for a pen and notepad. “Information?”

Before Jasper could rattle off a fake name and birthday, Alice was already speaking. “Brandon Whitlock Cullen.”

Jasper glared daggers at Alice as Jenks quickly jotted down the name. “That’s an interesting name,” he commented when looking up at Alice. “And you must be Mr. Jasper’s wife, I presume?”

“You presume correctly!” Alice winked slyly.

Jenks smiled a little at this and dabbed his forehead with a handkerchief. Being in the presence of such intimidating people made him sweat nervously. “It’s good to finally meet you, ma’am.”

“The pleasure is mine.”

“Might I ask who Brandon Whitlock Cullen is?” Jenks posed the question carefully.

“Certainly,” Alice bobbed her head in a nod, moving closer to the desk. Jasper watched the outcome closely. Jenks locked eyes with Alice, not used to such friendliness accompanying Jasper’s visits. Alice pulled the small camera out of her pocket. “Brandon Whitlock Cullen is our son.”

Jasper didn’t bother hiding a cringe.

Jenks looked up at Jasper and then back at the camera. “Your son? That’s strange… Mr. Jasper never mentioned him before.”

“For good reason,” Jasper seethed, glowering at Alice. She simply grinned triumphantly and waggled her finger.

“Does his name mean anything special?” Jenks asked with a professional tone. He had learned that clients love it when their offspring is taken notice of.

“Brandon is my maiden name and Whitlock is an old family name of Jasper’s.”

Jenks watched the slideshow that Alice flickered through. “He looks very much like you,” he said, motioning to Jasper. Jasper couldn’t hide the irritation and Jenks immediately corrected himself. “In stature, you know. In the way he carries himself…” When nothing he said seemed to cover his initial statement, Jenks just laughed nervously. His next move was to compliment the couple on the charm that the small boy held. “He’s a very handsome boy, you know.”

Alice nodded. “Very. He gets his good looks from his dad.”

“Does he, now?” Jasper growled. He didn’t like the way Alice was playing along. Taking the camera, he examined the picture currently on the screen. Sloan had exceptionally dark hair that had grown recklessly long. His once gaunt face had fattened up and was cherubic, the paleness was made up for by the rosy cheeks. Sloan’s smile was mischievous but lovely and his deep brown eyes seemed to lock onto Jasper’s, even through the picture.

“He looks like he’s up to something,” Alice said lovingly. “Kind of like you, love.”

“I see more of Alice in him,” Jasper snorted, handing her back the phone.

“But he does have a lot of your characteristics,” Alice noted. “You know, how you two are just so in touch with your feelings.”

Jasper growled. “Really, because he takes a lot after you. Always causing so much trouble.”

Alice chortled her wind-chime laugh. “Don’t be so silly.”

Turning his attention back to Jenks, Jasper growled, “How soon can you have the papers done?”

“When do you need them?” Jenks asked promptly.

“Yesterday,” Jasper snapped.

“In two weeks,” Alice corrected, nudging her husband in the ribs.

The two said their goodbyes to Jenks, who immediately began working on the passport and birth certificate. Jasper didn’t speak to Alice at all when they climbed into the car and started driving home.

“You’re mad at me,” Alice accused.

“What would make you think that?” Jasper’s voice was thick with sarcasm.

Alice tsked. “You can’t stay mad at me forever,” she sang, prodding Jasper playfully in the side.

He rolled his eyes and sighed in defeat. “You’re right. I can’t.”

It wasn’t until they arrived home that Jasper’s cooling mood was completely calm. He even laughed a little when he saw the small werewolf. Sloan was parading around the house in shorts that were riding low around his knees. He had stolen some of Edward’s boxers and one of Jasper’s favorite baseball caps. Sloan had placed it on his head sideways and was using some of Esme’s gold necklaces as ‘bling-bling,’ as he so accurately described it.

“Guess who I am!” he demanded of Alice, making a serious face and a gang sign. “Holla at yo’ pimp, sucka!”

“Hmmm…” Alice pretended to be stumped. “Give me a hint.”

“I eat grizzly bears and break houses,” Sloan said simply.

Jasper chuckled. “Emmett, you’ve created a monster. By the way,” he turned to Alice, “he’s definitely your kid.”