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Backfire

Summary:
Emmett loves picking on his newest sister. When he searches online for the best prank ever, he can't wait to test it out on Bella. Will he succeed on his mission? Who said Emmett Cullen wasn't smart?! The sequel is now posted, so go to Payback and see if Bella gets her revenge! Enjoy! The beloved characters I reference do not belong to me, but the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. I am just playing with them for awile. Cheers!


Notes:
The beloved characters I reference do not belong to me, but the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. I am just playing with them for awile.


3. Chapter 3 - The Prank

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1610   Review this Chapter

I glanced up at the clock and realized it was already 11:40.

Crap.

I better get going in the kitchen and pretend to whip something up for Bella or I was gonna blow this.

I strutted off to the kitchen and found the cupboard Esme kept stocked for Bella and grabbed the two boxes on the second shelf.

Thin spaghetti and spaghetti.

What the heck?

I guess if they have thin spaghetti and regular spaghetti, a girl would obviously want the spaghetti that would make her thin, right?

Bingo.

Okay, now what do I do with it?

Ah, the instructions: Boil water. Add salt to taste. Add pasta. Wait for reboil. Stir frequently. Cook until al dente, approximately 8-9 minutes. Remove from heat and drain.

This shouldn’t be too hard.

So I boiled the water and threw in the noodles.

Salt?

I fumbled through the cupboard.

“There you are!,” I smiled at the salt, and poured it in.

Setting the timer, I heard Carlisle’s Mercedes turn onto the end of the drive, and realized how close I was for my plan to unfold.

Woohoo!

I bounded to the living room just as Alice and Jasper scurried down the stairs.

“Coming down for a front row seat, huh?!” I grinned in excitement, crossing my arms across my burly chest.

“Oh yeah, Emmett, we wouldn’t miss this for the world!” Jasper snickered as an evil grin formed across his face. Alice was trying to suppress a smile, but it managed to break free. They graced across the living room to the far end by the couch and set up shop at the little table and chairs and started a game of chess.

They must be ready to see Emmett Cullen pull this off! Watch the master do his work!

Bing!

Ah, Bella’s thin spaghetti must be done.

Sweet!

I hurried to the kitchen and plopped the glob into a bowl.

That was easy.

Man, that looks gross!

“Hey Carlisle!” Alice chimed from the other room as he walked through the front door. She seemed to have a bit of excitement to her voice. She was as giddy as I was for this ultimate prank!

“Here’s a book I picked up the other day from Barnes & Noble when I was in Port Angeles. It’s a book on solving the greatest medical mysteries. It caught my eye.”

“Alice, that’s perfect. Thanks. Esme and Rosalie aren’t back from Seattle?” Carlisle found a spot in his favorite chair, I heard him flop his feet onto the ottoman, thumbing through his new book. Alice must have got the book to keep him in the living room to bear witness to my glorious plan. I’ll have to thank her for that later….

“Nope. They got caught in a detour. So they are running late. But they’ll be here soon enough”, she confirmed.

Crap. Crap, crap, crap….

Why didn’t she say something?

Oh well.

Rosalie was bound to ramble on about how immature I can be blah, blah, blah….

And Esme would be mortified for Bella. She would try her hardest not to laugh while she glared at me with her motherly scowl thinking I should know better. They would’ve killed the mood anyways. Hmph!

“Emmett, Bella and Edward are going to be here in 2 minutes flat.” Alice chimed in.

Yes!

I was so ready for this momentous occasion when I would catch Bella in her ultimate embarrassment. I couldn’t wait to see the look on her face! I had my mind pre-occupied with a fun little tune so Edward wouldn’t see through my plan.

Your table manners are some cryin' shame
You're playin' with your food, this ain't some kind of game
Now, if you starve to death, you'll just have yourself to blame
So eat it, just eat it

You better listen, better do what you're told
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole
You better chow down or it's gonna get cold
So eat it
I don't care if you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Open up your mouth and feed it

Just as Edward and Bella walked through the door, the plan was in motion….

Edward gave me the most puzzled look as they walked toward me, most likely pondering why his brother was repeating Weird Al in his head.

Carrying the bowl of spaghetti, I thrust it out toward Bella.

“Your spaghetti madam!” I smiled widely, bearing my pearly whites.

Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it….

Emmett, um thanks, but where’s the sauce?”

Confused, she reached out for the bowl and I surprisingly pulled it back.

“What sauce? The box didn’t say anything about any sauce?” I was perplexed.

Stunned, she suppressed a chuckle. Edward still look confused as he moved his eyes back and forth from Bella to me.

“Here, I’ll get it,” she headed toward the kitchen.

“NO!” I yelped. “I mean…let me get that for you.” I hugged the bowl to my chest.

“O….kay?” she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

“Go find a seat in the living room and I will bring it to you when it’s done.” I smiled confidently heading back to the kitchen.

Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it….

She turned toward the living room shaking her head. Edward glared at me suspiciously while taking Bella by the waist and leading her toward the couch.

Here we go…

I thrust one of my hands into my sweatshirt pocket and gripped my super duper flatulent farting remote and looked into the living room just as Bella squatted to plant herself on the couch. I pushed magic button….

“Wait Bella, No!” Edward held a hand up to the air as she was about to sit.

Pppppppppppbbbbbbbttttt!

The sound echoed the living room from the cushion beneath Bella rear end. It was loud, it was juicy, and it was FUNNY!

She froze mid squat.

Yesss!!!

Simultaneously, I watched as Carlisle paused mid-page flip and looked up from his book in shock .

Jasper held his pawn in the air, heading bobbing in laughter as he clutched his stomach.

Alice threw both of her hands to her mouth giggling fiercely. And if tears could have existed, they would have been there.

Bella, still frozen mid-squat, was wide-eyed stunned as if she had been shot in the butt. The blood rose in her cheeks, heading straight north. Her mouth formed in a perfect ‘o’.

“Bella, say ‘excuse me’!” I roared.

She spun and glared at me and if Bella Swan was a vampire, I would have been running for dear life.

That’s when I got Edwards reaction.

“Oh crap!”

I dropped the bowl.

In a flash, he flew up over the couch, bounding off the back of it and launched himself at me. We went crashing to the floor as the audience looked on. Bella on her knees peeking over the back of the couch, pleased at the show.

“Give me that stupid remote!” Edward grunted, trying to pin my arms behind me. We were a mumbled ball of body parts rolling across the floor. Edward managing to get a few blows in, I chuckled getting him into a headlock.

“Ugh, remind me to harass Alice for not informing us of that ridiculous detour!” Rosalie announced annoyed as she came through the front door flopping her shopping bags to the ground beside the door. Glancing at us, then turning toward the couch.

“What on earth!!” Esme exclaimed stopping in her tracks as she watched us roll about the floor.

“Typical Emmett.” Rosalie mumbled rolling her eyes ignoring the juvenile display she encountered.

And she flopped herself onto the couch… just as I ripped the remote from Edwards grip.

Whoops!

Pppppppppppbbbbbbbttttt!

Everyone froze. Literally. Even Bella. Wow, that’s impressive for a human.

Very, very slowly, everyone’s eyes went to Rose. Her face turned from annoyance to pure, unleashed anger. Her eyes formed small slits as she glared a hole into my forehead, pursing her lips.

Uh oh.

She shot upright off the couch, hands folded across her chest, and made her way over pausing in front of Edward and I, who were still frozen mid-fight on the floor watching Rose.

“Of all the stupid, idiotic, brainless things Emmett! That is not funny!” she shrieked as she stomped toward the stairs. “Grow up Emmett”, she yelled over her shoulder. I heard her slam the bedroom door, and the candelabra on our bedroom wall fell to the floor and shattered.

“I don’t care how OLD you are,” I yelled up toward the room, grinning. “A fart will always be funny!”, my laughter booming. Edward shook in laughter as we released our hold on each other and both stood up.

I was still staring up toward the stairs with a smile on my face.

Then my laughter stopped.

A thought ran through my memory of the previous day.

“Alice?” I said in monotone. I was motionless. My family fell silent, knowing something serious was going down.

“Yes, Emmett?” I could feel her sly grin forming on her face and I turned to look at her.

“How long?” I asked in fear. My family watched me in concern, not sure what was taking place now.

They flashed their attention back to Alice.

“Why, what do you possibly mean Emmett?” she said still grinning as wide as she could, full row of razor sharp teeth.

Stupid little pixie….

“Yesterday you said, ‘you are gonna need love from anyone you can get love from when you’re done with this’, “ I replayed for everyone in a high pitched imitation of Alice.

Everyone turned to her for a response.

“29 days.” She said matter-of-factly.

All eyes back on me.

“29 days! You’ve got to be kidding me!!” I threw my hands in air and put them on top of my head squeezing fistfuls of my hair.

Ugh!!!

Yes, this was going to be a memorable day in the Cullen house.

The day Emmett Cullen started his abstinence program…