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Probably around New Moon/Eclipse; no exact time period, but definitely not too late in the story. Fluffy Bella/Edward moments, but this story becomes serious and violent when Jacob rapes Bella after she decides to talk to him about her and Edward. warning: Sexual assault

My first Twilight fan fic! :)

1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 11264   Review this Chapter

I cried as he pressed himself into me. I saw nothing but russet, gleaming skin and the raven locks whip around me in a fog. I wore a blue, light buttoned henley shirt underneath my thick wool jacket. And even then I could feel the hardness of the wall scrapping my back. But I was not thinking about such trivial matters at the moment. I was not thinking that it had been Edward who had given me the jacket I wore. Nope, no trivial matters hereÑnot when all I could focus on was the heat of his breath fanning across my face and into my neck. The feeling of him was everywhere. Omnipresent and overpowering. I could only cry harder. I wished that it would go away. I wished terribly that it would end. I wished terribly that my feet could touch the ground, that I was not held up against him and the wall. I wished so hard.... * * * I had awoken this morning, and as usual Edward was by my side. ÒHow did you sleep, love?Ó he asked, his eyes displaying the concern across his face. ÒYou mumbled incoherently a bit. It seemed you werenÕt...having that great a time. But I didnÕt want to wake you. I wasnÕt sure I should.Ó I couldnÕt remember dreaming anything, and I told him so. I felt a small twinge of...something. I wasnÕt sure what it was, but I didnÕt want to burden him with it. I brushed it off. It was nothing, I was sure, because when I slept in EdwardÕs arms I felt good, I felt safe. It was nothing. I smiled to him and he smiled back, seeming untroubled after my assurance. He gave me a crooked grin, the one I loved so much, as he heard a slight growl from my stomach. I blushed pink, remembering that I had missed dinner last night since Jacob, Billy, and Charlie had ordered pizza while watching some game on the television. Jacob was still not in complete talking terms with me. It had hurt him that I had picked Edward, in spite of all his warnings. And it had hurt me that he couldnÕt just let things go and be happy for me the way a real friend should. I knew the two could get along, if they got over this enemies-from-the-beginning-of-time nonsense. From his place on the couch, he had looked at me with his warm, dark eyes, but for a moment I could still see a tiny flare of resentment in them. I knew we would have to talk about this sooner or later, but I had to think things clearly. Think about what I would have to say. I had decided to make myself scarce, assuring Charlie that I didnÕt want any pizza. I turned and went to the table, taking a small apple from the kitchen before running up the stairs to my bedroom. I did my bit of homework knowing Edward wasnÕt due for a couple hours still. Alice was borrowing him for a new wardrobe project. I smiled at the thought of Edward going through that. Alice dressing him. A small laugh escaped my lips in the dim light of my lamp. She was known to do this at the start of every fashion season and since spring was upon usÉ Suddenly I could hear the slight vibration of my phone from somewhere in my room. I scrambled about trying to locate it. I thought I had left it in my book bag, but then remembered that I had left it in the pocket of the jeans I had worn to school today. I dove to the end of my bed, snatched up my pants, and held the phone to my ear. ÒHello Edward,Ó I said, feeling a pathetic smile light up my face. ÒBella? Are you alright, love?Ó I didnÕt understand why he sounded concerned. ÒOf course. WhatÕs the matter?Ó ÒAlice saw you disappearÑÓ ÒOh! No, please tell her not to worry. ItÕs because Jacob is here,Ó I said lightly. I could hear the tense silence on the other side and rushed to explain. ÒDonÕt you worry, too, Edward. WeÕre still not speaking.Ó My voice sounded slightly bitter and I couldnÕt help it. ÒHeÕs downstairs with his father and my dad, watching some game.Ó I rolled my eyes. ÒIÕm in my room...waiting for you,Ó I said with a smile. Although I had meant for my voice to sound a bit flirty, it came out breathy with longing. Typical, really. “IÕll try to go as soon as Alice letÕs me,Ó he chuckled. I could hear a slightly indignant sound issuing from her. ÒShe insists on some new French designs. And prepare yourself because I think youÕre next.Ó I groaned. I would have to come up with some excuse to not let her spend money on me. Also, I definitely didnÕt think I could be graceful enough to pull off anything French and fashionable. He laughed at my reaction. Ò...Now please tell me you donÕt want Jacob in your home. Give meÑor AliceÑan incentive to let me leave.Ó This time I laughed. ÒI donÕt need to be rescued, Edward. IÕm happily sitting in my bedroom. Just let Alice have her fun. I'll be seeing you soon anyway.Ó He let out a low groan. ÒOh, fine.Ó I giggled a small laugh. ÒTime doesnÕt go by fast enough until I see you again.ÓÊ It shouldnÕt startle me when he says old fashioned, albeit poetic things like this, but it always manages to catch me off guard regardless. And as always his words sent my heart in a flutter, and I smiled so content and happily that I was surprised to not see flowers and rainbows sprouting from me. ÒTimeÕs cruel to me. I hate being away from you, but remember that tomorrow will be sunny and Emmett wants me to go hunt with him and Jasper....Ó I sighed and told him I remembered. I would cherish the time he did spend with me. That night passed peacefully in EdwardÕs arms; like every other night for the past week and a half. No bad dreams. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to feel but the happiness that came with being with the one you truly loved. I was peaceful, and calm, and I couldnÕt be happier. I was momentarily brought out of the stupor induced from recalling last nightÕs events when Edward said; ÒItÕs time for breakfast, I think.Ó ÒYes, but I need some human moments first,Ó I said, my voice sounding timid. I knew my hair would be a tangled mess of slight curls like it was every morning. He smiled, seeming to find it endearing. His arm was still wrapped around my shoulders before he let it fall away. I kissed the end of his jaw and he kissed my forehead, caressing my pink cheek. ÒWould you like me to fix you something for breakfast while I wait? Your father left an hour ago.Ó I smiled. ÒYou donÕt have to do that, Edward.Ó ÒAlright, I will surprise you then.Ó He smiled that perfect crooked smile again. He was looking so perfect that I rushed to the bathroom to get myself taken care of with a good warm shower and proper brushing of teeth. Once I had finished I used an old blow dryer to dry my hair half way. I rarely used one, but I hated to have it dripping down my back, soaking through my clothes. Especially in the mornings when it was already cold enough. Why make it unnecessarily so? I went to my room with a blue towel wrapped safely around me. I saw through the window that the sun was shining bravely between passing clouds. The cold morning temperature still lingered, but I knew it would be warmer later on. It made me smile as I walked to my dresser. I looked into one of the drawers and snatched out an old pair of jeansÑ ÒBreakfast is ready when you are.Ó I dropped the jeans, gasped and whirled around, clutching one hand over my chest, securing the already secured towel by instinct, while my other hand shot up to my throat. There he stood. His hair tousled in the casual disarray that was so becoming of him. He wore black jeans and a grey thermal shirt with the sleeves pushed up his forearms. His strong arms crossed over his chest lightly as he leaned against the doorway looking so....Edward. It should be illegal for someone to look so good. I felt a blush creep into my cheeks. ÒI didnÕt mean to startle you,Ó he said. A glint of playfulness gleamed in his amused eyes. He walked over to me, but it was more like a graceful glide. The one I associated with my beautiful vampire. I could feel one corner of my mouth twitch up involuntarily as he placed his hands on either side of me, against the dresser. I loved being so close to him. I just wanted to wrap my arms around him, never letting go, and feel him do the same. ÒItÕs okay....Ó I whispered lightly, looking up into his golden eyes. I wondered how beautiful they might have been when they were their original shade of green. He was several inches taller than me, and as he stared down, deep in my eyes I felt the urge to hold him again. He smiled my crooked smile and his lips moved forward to linger around my forehead. I didnÕt know what I had done to deserve something so absolutely beautiful in my petty life. I could feel my heart beginning its wild frenzy. I knew he could feel it, too. He brought one hand and smoothed it across my left shoulder, lightly rubbing it against my skin. I relaxed, but my heart was still thrumming wildly and I could feel my chest heaving slightly. I could feel my right arm still splayed across my chest, my fingers clutching the thick fabric of the towel, tingling with want. His nose traced its way from my hair to my ear, and I lost myself in the feeling of his cool skin against the heated flush of mine. He whispered, ÒYou smell so good right nowÑand it hasnÕt even been raining.Ó I didnÕt know how to answer that. Maybe they were putting something new in the Forks water? I shrugged lightly and breathed in his heady scent. It made my belly tingle in appreciation. Gods, I loved him. He kissed the skin under my ear. My heart stuttered and I gasped a barely audible gasp and wrapped the hand that wasnÕt holding my towel in place around one of his arms. He chuckled at my silly human reactions. I only grinned and tried to stand on the ends of my toes to reach his lips. He smiled and stood up a little taller. I wrinkled my nose at him, which made him tremble with soundless laughter. His eyes were so warm when he slowly moved his hand from my shoulder to the fingers that were grasping the towel so tightly. Ever so gently his palm rubbed lightly. I could tell my reactions pleased him because his eyes grew tender, if a little amused. I could feel my breathing hitch up a notch. His gaze moved to where I was holding on to the towel. He gently broke the hold of my fingers from the fluffy material. My chest heaved slightly faster as one of his fingers lingered on the flushed skin there. ÒBlue always looks so lovely on you.Ó His fingers still lingered on the skin above the cerulean colored towel. ÒEverything looks good on you,Ó I told him. My face canÕt help but smile happily at him. ÒItÕs about time I had something over you.Ó He grinned his wide, wicked smile and put his arms around my waist. I finally moved my hands and locked them behind his neck. I sighed, content, when he gently kissed my lips with his cool marble mouth. ÒYour breakfast is getting cold, love. And IÕm sorry; itÕs my fault for keeping you up here. IÕm dazzling you.Ó This time he laughed out loud and I nearly choked with embarrassment as my whole body went scarlet, even though I knew he was right. Stupid, smug vampire. ÒYou wish.Ó I sounded breathy as I always did when he was like this. He laughed, completely at ease. He kissed my lips and I melted again. My mind filled with warmth and my thoughts chanted lovingly stupid, smug vampire, I love you! I giggled at myself and he kissed my forehead again, seeming to not get enough. But alas, he disengaged himself from me and walked out the door leaving me to my own devices. I was so overwhelmed that I leaned against my dresser for support. I could feel my pathetic smile plastered all over my face. I calmed my breathing for a couple minutes and finally moved to get dressed. I looked out the window again, and the sun still shone brightly, reflecting my mood. It looked like it would be a beautiful day. I felt so happy that I even decided to dump the jeans I was going to wear and opt instead to wear a medium wash denim skirt that came up a couple inches above my knobbly knees. I moved to my closet and picked out the first blue top I saw; a light buttoned henly shirt that I slipped on. It clung to my torso, but not so much that I minded. He likes blue. The thought made me laugh heartedly as I slipped on my usual black low-top Chucks. I came bouncing down the steps like a child, and when I got around the stairs into the kitchen I stopped short as to not run smack into him. He reached out to me and handed me a magenta rose. ItÕs one of those that are pale pink in the inside and the further the petals go out, the more intense the pink coloring grows. Yes, today would be perfect. I smiled widely. ÒItÕs not exactly like it, but itÕs the closest color IÕve found to match your blush,Ó he said in his velvety voice. And to my great embarrassment my pale pink face flushed. Of course he laughed at my reaction. ÒOh, you stupid, smug vampire, how I love you.Ó I reached and wrapped my arms around him. He grabbed my waist and lifted me a few inches off the ground and into his arms. ÒWill you kiss me now or do I have to make you?Ó He laughed and picked me up completely, cradling me in his arms. ÒYou look nice today,Ó he said, looking at my legs in his arms. ÒThank you, Mr. Cullen.Ó That made him grin his wide, wicked smile at me. He placed me on one of the non-matching chairs and finally kissed me before he moved the plate of food towards me. It was a grilled cheese sandwich with a side of scrambled eggs. There was also a small plate with my favorite strawberry poptart on it, and a bowl of fruit salad with a glass of orange juice adjacent to that. ÒIÕm not going to be able to eat all this, you know!Ó The table looked like I was eating with my dad rather than alone. I usually just had a poptart or a granola bar for breakfast. ÒIÕm not quite sure what you like for breakfast just yet. IÕm usually only with you after youÕve finished, and for lunch and dinner.Ó He flashed me another heart melting smile. I tried to remember my original thoughts.... ÒThere are starving children out there, you know. We shouldnÕt waste all this food.Ó I didnÕt sound as strong as I meant to sound. ÒWe donate many dollars to many charities.Ó His eyes glinted warmly. ÒIÕll give even more this month to make up for my lack of sensitivity here,Ó he gestured to the table. He smiled and I couldnÕt say anything to reprimand him anymore, so I tucked into my sandwich. It tasted good, and I told him so. ÒFor someone who usually never cooks, nor eats this stuff, I mean.Ó I even gave him a small wink. He laughed merrily. ÒYou should remember by now that IÕm good at everything.Ó Stupid, smug vampire! ÒI suppose youÕre right this time,Ó I grumbled. His smile became more pronounce before he changed the subject. ÒWhat would you like to do this beautiful Saturday?Ó ÒOh, right, itÕs Saturday....I wonder where Charlie went...Ó HeÕd usually say something to me before leaving on weekend days. ÒBilly called him this morning. Something about how Harry Clearwater finally purchased a big flat screen television. Apparently he had it on layaway. They sounded very cheerful because itÕs the first game for the mariners this season. They might be there all day.Ó He grinned. I smiled, too. Yes that would be just like them. Men and their beers and their sports. I smiled, imagining how rowdy and loud I knew they could get. Old people, jeez. I grinned at myself again. ÒHe peaked into your roomÑof course I hid before that,Ó he flashed me a sly smirk. ÒHe thought about waking you but decided heÕd call you from Billy BlackÕs home later on. He was thinking that he would ask you to come join them if you wanted to.Ó He looked down before continuing. ÒHe definitely likes Jacob Black more than he likes me,Ó he said with a surprising impish grin. ÒThat doesnÕt matter.Ó I stood up and made my way to him to sit on his lap. ÒBecause I love you.Ó His arms held me at my waist tightly. His eyes locked with mine and he gave me his lopsided grin. I leaned forward and kissed him, unable to help myself. ÒAnd as long as you want me, IÕll be here.Ó ÒI will always want you. You might as well slip on that ball and chain now.Ó He threw his head back and roared with velvet laughter. ÒGladly, my love!Ó I finished my breakfast and after that we decided to go to his home. He told me that Alice was still going on about her infatuation over the French designs she liked so much. I hoped she wouldnÕt want to test anything on me. I knew IÕd never get rid of her if I let her use me as a guinea pig. Fortunately we spent a good time watching Jasper and Emmett play their game of chess with their own complex set of rules. Other than at the CullensÕ, I had never seen a game of chess like this. It was rather interesting but I was rather lost half the time, even though Edward tried to explain certain moves to me. Sometimes in the middle of his talk heÕd turn just at the right angle and the sun caught his skin. Of course I was lost. He sat next to me on a comfortable black couch and Alice sat on my other side. By the expression on her face, she was itching to mouth EmmettÕs next moves to Jasper, but she promised to not tilt the balance of this game. We were in one of their family rooms; well, it was more like a playroom since the game of chess Jasper and Emmett were playing was made up of life size pieces in a chessboard that covered half the room. I thought it was pretty cool and I wondered briefly where on earth they had found such things. Esme was kind enough to cook stir-fry for me to have for lunch. She said she and Carlisle had had fun in the kitchen. I wasnÕt sure what she meant exactly but she looked so sweet and gracious leading me to the mahogany dinner table that I didnÕt dare ask. As always, Edward followed shortly behind me. ÒIÕll eat quickly,Ó I assured him. ÒYou donÕt have to stay, you can go back to watch the game if youÕd like.Ó ÒYou must be joking my sweet Bella. ItÕs much more fascinating to watch you rather than the two vampires up there.Ó He motioned with his eyes to the ceiling as he said the last bit, and I felt my cheeks glow red. He chuckled and asked what I wanted to drink. ÒSodaÕs fine,Ó I smiled. ÒDo you have a preference?Ó he asked, ever watchful. ÒErm, well, IÕm rather craving orange soda, but if you donÕt have that, itÕs not a problem, whateverÕs in stock will do.Ó I smiled again, but I hoped it wasnÕt Dr. Pepper or root beer; both tasted like medicine to me. He chuckled and brought back with him a glass full of orange fizz with a few ice cubes bobbing on top. He scooted his chair so he was angled very closely to me. Without warning a vibration startled me and I jumped before I realized that my phone was going off. I knocked over the cup of soda, but luckily Edward caught it before it could tilt over. I quickly made to take the little cell out of my pocket. ÒHi, Dad.Ó ÒHey, Bells. Sorry I left without saying anything this morning. You were still asleep when I left, and I got a little sidetracked with HarryÕs new TV.Ó He sounded happy and I could hear more cheerful male voices in the background. He went off to tell me what Edward had already told me this morning. ÒSo if youÕd likeÑand youÕd make your old man happy if you didÑcome down to HarryÕs place to join in on the fun. JakeÕs here. I think heÕd like to talk to you, Bells.Ó I wondered if he was just trying to get me to go or if Jacob had really said something. ÒUh, listen, Dad. IÕll call you back with an answer. IÕm sort of having lunch with Edward and his family.Ó I pursed my lips as to not let a laugh escape me. Edward grinned at me, making little circles with his fingertips on my hand; It was a little distracting. ÒOh, okay, thatÕs alright Bella.Ó ÒOkay, IÕll talk to you in a bit.Ó I hung up my phone and turned my head to look at Edward. He stopped drawing out little playful circles and took complete hold of my hand this time. ÒAre you going down to La Push?Ó His eyes were very much hesitant as if he expected a lash out at any moment. ÒI donÕt know,Ó I answered truthfully. ÒIÕm sure it would please Charlie, but JacobÕs still not really talking to meÑÓ ÒYouÕre father said he would want to,Ó he pointed out. ÒYes, but with Charlie, well, IÕm not sure if he was just saying that or not....Ó ÒIf IÕm honest with myself, Bella, IÕm sure Jacob wants to see you and talk to you.... But I donÕt want you to go. I wonÕt prohibit it, I canÕt do that to you anymore, but it still makes me anxious and I canÕt help that,Ó he said this slowly, his voice sounded sad. ÒLook, Edward, I know I should talk to him. Get all this out of the way, but IÕm not sure what I will say to him when we come face to face....I should go, though. Besides youÕll be away from here by this evening.Ó ÒI can postpone the hunting trip if youÕd like,Ó he said in earnest. ÒNo, please donÕt. ItÕll be a good time to talk with him, I think. And when you come back, hopefully all this will be sorted out once and for all.Ó ÒI donÕt want to be away when you talk to him, Bella,Ó he said tersely. ÒI couldnÕt possibly afford it if he suddenly became angry and I wasnÕt there to protect you from it.Ó ÒEdward, thereÕs no way you can be present. I know what ignites when you two are near each other, and itÕll probably get worse with the subject at hand. Besides, I donÕt think Jacob would hurt me anymore than you would.Ó He stared into my eyes, clearly unconvinced. I tried to soothe him. ÒEdward, please, IÕll be just fine.... IÕll tell him the plain and simple truth, that I want to be with you, and nothing can or ever will change that,Ó I told him gently, trying to make my face warm and tender, it wasnÕt really hard to do with him. I never realized when exactly I had gotten on his lap with my arms around his shoulders, but I did, and now his lips were molding themselves to mine in complete harmony. ÒI love you, Bella, so much so that I canÕt possibly leave you alone with him. IÕm sorry,Ó he said sadly. ÒI will tell Emmett and Jasper that IÕm not going hunting with them. Either that or that we post pone the trip until after this problem with Jacob is settled.Ó ÒI was alone with him yesterday, remember,Ó I pointed out. ÒNo, you werenÕt. It was hardly the same. He was with your father and his father. You were in your room and you most certainly werenÕt talking to him about anything as serious as what you plan on talking about with him tonight. ThereÕs no way I can trust him to be good to you with a subject like that at hand.Ó ÒThen trust me, Edward. I know I can handle Jacob. HeÕs just an overgrown puppy.Ó I tried to smile sweetly at him. ÒOf course I trust you! Silly Bella,Ó he grumbled. ÒBut I donÕt trust that he will behave himself around you. I donÕt trust that he will hold back and mind the fact that youÕre so fragile. What if he becomes violent? What if he canÕt control himself? What ifÑÓ ÒEdward,Ó I said sternly, having enough of his little rant and his silly concerns about my human body. ÒListen to me, Jacob will be just fine. I canÕt keep putting this off and you know it. My conscious has been eating at me and I need closureÑand I know he does, too.Ó ÒYouÕre right.Ó I lit up in hope that he would finally ease up. ÒBut still, it doesnÕt make me feel any better about letting you go off alone into the wolves cave. Please, at least let Alice watch over you.Ó I shook me head. ÒYou know it gives her headaches when sheÕs trying to see something she canÕt see. I donÕt want to submit her to that. And you know her presence would have almost the exact same response yours would.Ó ÒWell, I would rather Alice suffer a little bit of pain in order to keep you safe, than to leave you off wandering.Ó ÒEdward, please stop this, alright? ...IÕll be close to Charlie and the rest of them. They won't let anything happen, okay.Ó I tried to sound as confident as I could. After all, I was a bit excited to see Jacob, even though I was a complete coward inside and detested the fact that I would have to talk to him about us. He hung his head in defeat. ÒI suppose my only option will be to put my trust in the mutt. IÕll have to warn Alice that youÕll be disappearing tonight.Ó I smiled warmly at him, and I couldnÕt help but give him a kiss. It turned into the most intense kiss weÕd had in quite a while. I was completely breathless and blushing red sitting on his lap. His hands had snaked themselves just under my top and he held me tighter. ÒThank you,Ó I said in that same breathy voice I couldnÕt help. ÒI love you very much.Ó ÒI spoil you too much,Ó he grumbled. It was true, I couldnÕt argue with the fact thatÑfor the most partÑhe gave me everything I wanted. Right then a corner of his mouth lifted and he looked at me gently and lovingly. ÒI love you, too, you know.Ó I smiled warmly and nodded. ÒWell, then, IÕll be leaving quite soon. Can I at least drive you to the border before I go?Ó I shook my head, smiling. ÒNo, thank you, I would rather drive myself down there. Also, I hate doing homework on Sundays so IÕll have to finish up the last minute Trig homework I left.Ó He sighed. ÒAlright...Did you need any help with that?Ó he added, his voice smooth and soft in my ear. I giggled slightly. ÒNo thank you, I think I can fend for myself with this, too.Ó ÒMy, youÕre getting a little too independent just now.Ó ÒDonÕt worry, it wont last. Come Monday IÕll be giving you a much shorter chain and much heavier ball.Ó I gave him an impish grin and he tickled my belly while hiding his head in my hair and growling playfully in my ears. Once Edward had to get ready for his hunting trip I called Charlie and told him IÕd be going down to La Push within a few hours. ÒDad, donÕt worry, IÕll finish up my homework and drive myself down there, okay?Ó ÒSure, Bells, just hurry or all the hamburgers weÕre grilling will be gone.Ó I smiled as I recalled how much those boys ate. I assured him IÕd go as soon as I was done and hung up once our call ended. The sun had shone through the CullenÕs long clear walls and it had been nice to feel the warmth radiating on my skin, through my light shirt and warming my hair, but now the evening was coming and I knew the sun would be gone within an hour and a half. The night was bringing with it a cold chill in the air. I shivered as I stepped outside, ready to go home. Well, not ready exactly, but I knew I had to go anyway. The thought made me shiver again. Edward came up behind me and put a dark wool jacket around my slender shoulders. I looked at him questioningly. ÒYou can pretend it belongs to Alice,Ó he said, Òbut to be truthful I like to keep a coat handy for you. YouÕre very unreliable when it comes to your safety and warmth.Ó I narrowed my eyes at him. ÒIÕll pretend it belongs to Alice then.Ó Edward drove me home in his Vanquish. He said Jasper and Emmett would be waiting for him to pick them up on the highway so he wouldnÕt have to go back home. I figured they would run, and with their speed they would probably be waiting by now. ÒSo where exactly are you going this time,Ó I asked casually once he stopped on my driveway. The truth was, I didnÕt want him to leave me just yet. He smiled and leaned across the seat to kiss me. His face hovered a few inches away from me and he said, ÒDonÕt you worry about anything, weÕll be back by tomorrow afternoon. WeÕre only going south, around the Oregon border. I wonÕt be too far.Ó He smiled crookedly again and suddenly I wished with all my might that it were tomorrow afternoon again. I really was pathetic, but I couldnÕt help it no more than I could help my clumsiness. He got out of the car and with his vampire speed he raced to my side and opened the door for me. I took his hand gratefully and we walked to my porch. He unlocked my door even though I didnÕt see him reach for the key. I figured he was just too fast for my slow human reactions. We stepped inside and he wrapped his arms around my waist. ÒIt still smells a little like dog in here.Ó He wrinkled his nose playfully. ÒWeÕll have to exterminate,Ó he said cheerfully. The corners of my mouth twitched involuntarily, and I reached with one hand and punched his shoulder slightly. ÒEdward, stop it.Ó He smiled at me and kissed my forehead, his lips lingered on the top of my head a little too longingly. I sighed sadly, wishing he wouldnÕt have to go. ÒI still hate to leave you, knowing what youÕre going to do....Ó ÒYouÕll be back soon enough.Ó I tried to make my voice sound strong. ÒDonÕt worry, IÕll be asleep half the time anyway.Ó I pulled away a little to look into his face. ÒNow donÕt make Jasper and Emmett wait any longer. The faster you go, the faster you have to get back to me.Ó I reached up to kiss him and he leaned down so I wouldnÕt have to stand on the ends of my toes. ÒLove you, Bella,Ó he sighed. I smiled as warmly as I could and told him I loved him, too. It was the easiest thing in the world to do. He kissed my forehead goodbye again and left quickly. I was glad for that, other wise I might have pulled him and held him to me, never to let go. I sighed and turned around to rest my back on my front door. The dim lamps Edward had turned on with a flip of the switch glowed abysmally without his presence here to cheer the room up. I pressed myself into the coat he had given meÑI figured perhaps Alice had helped him with the picking of the size because it fit me perfectly. I inhaled the scent of it. I thought perhaps this had been in his room for a while because it smelled like him. It was wonderful and my heart longed for him the way it always did. I walked into the kitchen and took from the fridge the fruit salad Edward had prepared for me this morning. I chewed on the fruit pieces happily, lost in thought as I walked slowly up the stair steps. I settled, lying down with my belly on the bed, the small bowl of fruit salad on the side and my gross Trigonometry homework in front of me and set to work. Within fifteen minutes I felt my mind wander to him and I crossed my ankles in the air. I forced myself to focus on the problem at hand. It was hard but I somehow was able to concentrate hard enough on math to not let myself stray for more than a few minutes at a time to thinking about Edward. I sighed happily when I had finished the work. I closed my notebook and set it carefully on the ground next to my bed. I uncrossed my ankles and flipped over on my back. I looked up to the ceiling, but not really seeing it, instead I saw EdwardÕs face. The way he smiled his crooked smile. I couldnÕt help the happy grin that spread itself across my face. I inhaled the scent from the jacket again. I was a little disappointed to find that it was fading just a bit. Suddenly, I remembered that I had to go down to La Push in a bit. I groaned. I didnÕt want to dwell on that. I was definitely happy to be able to see Jacob again, to hear his voiceÑmaybe even a laugh or two, but I wasnÕt happy about having to have to tell him the things I would. The quiet sound of tires wheeling their way onto the pavement and dirt of the driveway pulled me out of my thoughts. I told Charlie he neednÕt bother to come pick me up, that I would drive myself. My motive for that was that I had my own truck to drive back home if I needed to get out of La Push before Charlie was ready to leave. Although the sound of this car didnÕt exactly sound like CharlieÕs cruiser. I wondered briefly if he had driven BillyÕs newer truck, or HarryÕs old pathfinder. I sighed and walked out of my room, towards the stairs. Once I reached the bottommost step I stopped short as I saw him open the door and walk in. It was Jacob. My Jacob. His dark hair fell loosely, framing the sides of his face, ruffled slightly by the cold wind that had sneaked past the door before he shut it; I was glad I was still wearing my jacket. I looked at him, taking him in. He wore a dark shirt, paying no mind to the cold evening, and also wore actual jeans. His lips were pursed together, but his smile was warm. That triggered something in me. I walked over to him slowly, almost in a trance, and placed my arms around his middle. He was so tall, no giant bulging muscles like Emmett or Sam, but the strength was visible in his frame from a mile away. He put his arms around my waist and back and I felt like a rag doll with his arms surrounding me. He pulled away from me and his expression was pained, but only for a second before he masked it. He moved to sit in the middle of the old couch. I stood in front of the door before I turned towards him. ÒYou look pretty, Bells,Ó he said with a slight smile that was almost rueful. His eyes gleamed in a way I wasnÕt sure about, but I didnÕt let it bother me. Instead I gave him a half smile and felt my cheeks color pink slightly. ÒI thought you were Charlie,Ó I said quietly, after a few silent moments. He looked to the ground before answering. ÒNo. He told me you would be coming down later after he talked to you on the phone earlier, though.Ó I didnÕt say anything, so he patted the spot next to him. I settled beside him, but still kept a safe distance. I clamped my knees together and put my interlocked hands on my lap. His stare was intense on me and it made me look down if just to look away from his dark eyes. His warm fingers pulled the locks of hair that had fallen to cover my face, and placed them gently behind my ear. ÒI told him I wanted to speak with you. He seemed pleased, so I told him IÕd come here where we would be free to talk, instead of waiting for you in HarryÕs rowdy house. He said to take my time. That they didnÕt really need us there for now.Ó He smiled in a strange unfamiliar way. Maybe I just hadnÕt seen him in a long time. ÒTheyÕre having a good time, I assure you. TheyÕre just getting worse with old age.Ó His smile was mischievous and warm in the dim light. It didnÕt take a lot to keep my father happy, and for that I was grateful. I looked at him again and his face became serious. ÒHe likes me for you, Bells.Ó I already knew that, but unfortunately for them both, Jacob wasnÕt whom I wanted. I sighed. I could see he was slowly moving his hand to my lap as if to take a hold of one of mine. I didnÕt want that so I moved my hands away and instead his outstretched hand fell on my lap next to one of my knees. ÒHave you thought about it, Bella? Really thought about it?Ó I didnÕt ask what he meant; I knew what he was talking about. The last time I saw him he had told me to think about my options. He wanted me to pick him, but how could I? How could I do that when I had Edward? My Edward. My feelings for him would never change. I knew I would always love him. No matter what. I looked down at his hand on me, it was too warm and I moved it away. I rubbed my lips together; I didnÕt want to sound all croaky when I spoke with him. I needed to sound firm. I needed to give him complete closure. I sighed and turned my head to look into his dark eyes. ÒJake, there arenÕt many things to consider. I love him. I canÕt change thatÑÓ ÒYouÕve never tried!Ó His voice was low, but passionate still, trying to make me see something I would never see. ÒIt doesnÕt matter, Jacob. I love him and thatÕs that. It wonÕt change and I know that. And you should really get it through your head, too.Ó He took a hold of my shoulders, firmly setting his large hands on either side. His eyes were electric, full of raging passion as he tried to reflect on to me something I would never see, again. I could see him trying to keep from shaking sense into me. His voice was carefully controlled, but intense nevertheless, ÒBella, listen to me...I can give you so much. Everything.Ó His face was almost pained. ÒEverything that leech canÕt.Ó He placed one large hand on my belly, covering more than half of it. I moved my hands to it, trying to remove it from my body, but regardless of my attempts, he held it there easily. ÒI want us to grow old together eventually. I want us to be a family. I want us to be happy with little children in our arms.Ó I could see in his eyes what he saw for the future. I could see myself being happy with a small child with his same darker skin and Jacob holding us lovingly, protectively. I could see him trying so hard to convey those images in my mind. ÒYou would never have to hide from Charlie or Renee. It would make them so happy. I know youÕd be happy, too.Ó Our life together in his mind was beautiful. Beautiful in every sense. But deep inside I knew they would never be true. Because in that life, Edward didnÕt exist. And in my life, Edward did. ÒNo, Jacob.Ó I shook my head sadly; I could feel my gaze start to water up. I saw something in him then, something that snapped in his eyes, even though his sorrowful expression remained. His hand moved to curl around my waist and he squeezed his fingers to my skin. ÒJacob remove your hands away from me.Ó He didnÕt move at all, and I decided to go on while I still had some courage in me. ÒAll I have to say is that you have to understand that I love him. I want to be with him, no matter what it takes. Please accept that. IÕd understand if you wish not to see me anymore, but I need you to know that I want you in my life anyway. ItÕs simpleÑÓ ÒNo, Bella.Ó His voice overpowered mine in urgency. I could hear a growl trembling in his chest and it reminded me of the wolf I knew he could be. He grabbed me so that we were both standing. ÒItÕs not that simple!Ó He took my head and cradled it a bit roughly in his warm, calloused hands, and leaned down so that my face was a mere few centimeters from his. ÒI donÕt want you to die, I donÕt want him to turn you into one of them!Ó he said in earnest. ÒItÕs a mistake! You canÕt possibly give your life to him this way! Please donÕt do it! You have to understand that I love you! I love you! You canÕt! ....You canÕt!Ó He didnÕt yell at me really, but the outburst of anger, sadness, and heartbreak in his voice was so evident and plain to read that a lash out would have been better than to of had to face this disheartened Jacob. He dropped his hands from me and I saw him completely break. He didnÕt look away from me and instinctively I took steps back. His stomach heaved in a great sob, his eyes just barely hinting the wetness of coming tears. Suddenly he took the lamp that was sitting quietly on the side table next to him and launched it across the wall in one great, powerful move. I didnÕt have to see the damage to know there would be a great gash on the wallÑthe deafening rumble told me all. I could feel my whole body trembling, rooted on the spot, and suddenly I wished that I would have let Edward stay, or that Alice would have watched over me in his absence after all. He came at me in two long strides. Without warning, he grabbed me by the arms and threw me, vigorously, against the wall where the door was. ÒWhy do you want him?Ó he asked in anguish. ÒHow can you choose him? He canÕt give you anything I can. HeÕs just a cold bloodsucker! Bella, weÕll have a beautiful life together, beautiful children.Ó One of his hands moved to my belly again, almost caressing. ÒNo one will touch our happiness. I wouldnÕt let them.Ó ÒNoÑno, Jacob, no.Ó My voice sounded sad and alien to me, a little too weak, a little too breathy. He didnÕt seem to have heard me, and I cried as he pressed himself into me. I saw nothing but russet, gleaming skin and raven locks whip around me in a fog. I wished I wasnÕt here. I wished he hadnÕt touched me. I wished his fingers werenÕt squeezing my arms through my thick wool jacket. I could feel bruises forming already. I could feel the hardness of the wall scrapping my back. But I was not thinking about such trivial matters at the moment. I was not thinking that it had been Edward who had given me the jacket I wore. Nope, no trivial matters hereÑnot when all I could focus on was the heat of his breath fanning across my face and into my neck. The feeling of him was everywhere. Omnipresent and overpowering. I could only cry harder. I wished that he would go away. I wished terribly that it would end. I wished terribly that my feet could touch the ground. That I was not held up against him and the wall. I wished so hard.... ....so hard that I was in Edward's arms.... I could hear him panting with lust and anguishÑa sound so foreign in its intensity. Our faces were so close, and I could feel his rapid hot breath on my face. His eyes glinted in the same manner that I couldnÕt understand earlier. I knew my face was streaked with tears and pale. I swallowed, frozen under his intent gaze. I knew what was coming but I was rooted on the spot. He brought his lips crashing down onto mine. I regained myself and thrashed under his lockÑpushing, pulling hair and hitting whatever I could reach. I felt something and it made me yelp in surprise. He moved his face away from mine a couple inches. I tasted the gross, copper taste of blood in my mouth. I looked at him wide-eyed and I couldnÕt help it. I could feel how my lips became swollen and I was sure they were probably red from his forced kiss. My breathing was coming in and out through my mouth too fast. He looked at my face wistfully. I didnÕt know what he saw there, but it didnÕt seem to matter because again he brought his lips to mine. I wanted to yell at him to stop, that he was hurting me. I wanted to say No, but an urgent whine escaped my lips instead and he used it to thrust his hot tongue in my mouth in such an unfamiliar way that I wanted to vomit. It felt like he was absolutely everywhere, covering every single cell of my body in a sheet of unrequited love that I couldnÕt even begin to fathom what he was thinking, nor did I care. All I wanted was to crawl into my bed and wrap myself in a tight blanket and make myself as small as possible. His kisses became bolder as his mouth snaked its way down my neck. I balled my fists and jammed on his shoulders, punching and hitting non stop. I was growing tired, but I couldnÕt let him go on. He had to realize what he was doing to me. He had to. The groan I heard in my ear was ecstatic. He grumbled something about how I tasted. I didnÕt want to listen. DidnÕt want to be there. I could feel him starting to sweat. He smelled of dirt and soap, completely male. The overwhelming need to vomit washed through me again. His hands moved to my waist and hips, squeezing through my clothing. His powerful thighs held my legs in place and I couldnÕt move anything besides my hands, still trying to hit him, still trying to make him go away. I could hear my voice protesting, squealing in anguish, like a cat about to die. I struggled to clear my mind, quickly thinking of ways that I could get away intact. Nothing came to mind. He was just too big, just too strong. But I needed to get away from him. I needed to! I told myself I was smarter than thisÑthat I needed to be, but he was just everywhere. His hands, his legs, his face. I could hear my voice sobbing. I felt as if the true reality hadnÕt yet sunk in. I felt like I was watching this rather than being a forced participant in this morbid scene. I could hear my crying grow louder. I tried to work up a scream, but I choked on a lump in my throat. I felt frozen, but I couldnÕt freeze up in shock right now, I struggled against the temptation. I forced myself to look around for something that could help me, anything, but my view was limited. I just could not see around his black hair. My body felt sore from being pressed on, but that didnÕt matter. I had to do something. This would all be my fault if I didnÕt try. He kept mumbling my name. Kept mumbling that he loved meÑ Something broke me out of my frozen mind. If he loved me he wouldnÕt, couldnÕt, be doing this to me right now. I threw my head against the wall, looked at the dim ceiling, but didnÕt really see it. I found my voice. ÒJacob, stop!Ó I could feel my tears falling off my face into my neck. It seemed to work. He released me and my feet slumped to the ground. I felt weak with relief, so much so that I just wanted to fall on the floor. I couldnÕt look at him, even though I felt his gaze on me. I had to get out. I had to move as far away from him as possible. I did the only thing I could and turned to the door and opened it. My body felt too slow, my mind too frantic. I couldnÕt get away fast enough. It took him a few seconds to react before he began to follow me. It was dark outside. Evening had settled ominously, cold and stiff. I walked fast. I didnÕt know where, but as long as I kept moving I was okay. I was nearly jogging now. I still didnÕt know where I was going, didnÕt even know which direction I had taken, I just moved one foot in front of the other in quick succession. I could hear him calling my name, not loudly, but I heard him clearly anyway. I knew if I ran he would panic and race towards me. I knew heÕd catch me within seconds, but I didnÕt care. I ran. I had to. My instincts were panicking, telling me to put as much distance between us as possible. I suddenly realized with a start that there were some trees around me. I think I ran around my house, a little further beyond my backyard. ÒBella, wait!Ó It was louder this time. I started to cry out of fear and panic. I didnÕt want him near me. I ran harder, but I couldnÕt see in front of me, or I couldnÕt focus enough to see; my eyes were swimming. Too late I felt I root on the dirt floor and my clumsy foot was caught. I braced myself for the ground but he grabbed around my narrow waist and the ground never came. He lifted me off my feet slightly and I tried to kick but the next thing I felt was the harsh bark of a tree against my back and him in front of me. His hands were hungry and desperate, like a dog, drooling over a piece of meat that would disappear at any moment. I wished I could disappear. He was mumbling things but I didnÕt want to listen. I smacked my palms on his face and he looked taken aback enough to release me. My palms stung but I took my chance and ran again, back the way I had come. I ran as hard as I could and the back porch light was glinting bravely, beckoning at me like an angel. I felt him grab the back of my jacket, trying to bring me back, but I shrugged out of the arms, the seams hurt at my shoulders and I knew they would be sore. He was still talking but I couldnÕt hear anything beyond the ringing in my ears. I was rigid with cold within seconds but I kept moving. The weak light from my house gleamed like a beacon of hope. Just as I was escaping the trap of the trees he grabbed the hair flying behind me. I yelled in protest as I fell back against him. My hair tangled in a black mess with his as he held my back against him. My chest heaved and my legs burned from the running. I could hear his rapid breathing in my ears as he held my belly tight to him. His arms covered me in a vice and I kicked wildly before I felt my shoulder collide with a thick tree. Pain lanced through my spine and skull. He turned me around and a weak, Òno,Ó escaped my lips before I coughed. He was very warm. It shouldnÕt come to a surprise to me, but I wasnÕt normally so closely pressed against his body. ÒJacob, stop, please!Ó Surely he could see the pain he was causing me. ÒHow can you love him?Ó he asked with such tangible venom in his voice that I was sure I could taste it. He squeezed my arms so hard, it felt like he would break them off. He skin was so hot that I felt naked before him even through my clothes. One hand moved to my waist and snaked inside my thin shirt. I pushed at him, trying futilely. One of his thighs pushed itself against my legs, forcing my clamped thighs apart. I could hear my voice crying out in anguish. This couldnÕt be happening to me. My best friend couldnÕt possibly be the one holding me against a thick tree in this dark place. He couldnÕt possibly be the one trying to force entry uninvited. He couldnÕt be the one placing disgusting, unwanted kisses on down my face and neck. I cried and cried. I wanted to scream, to scream as hard as I could, but the sobs wouldnÕt stop and they left no room for anything else. He released my upper body long enough to quickly pull off his shirt. And just as fast as he was gone, he was back to attacking me again. I couldnÕt move anymore. This was becoming too real. I didnÕt know what to do. DidnÕt know what to think anymore. His hand made its way to my throat, slowly moving down carelessly as if he was too preoccupied with kissing my face to wonder what he was doing. He fingers lingered on the skin of my collarbone. I was shaking with tears, trembling, even as he tried to hold me still. His fingers drew shapes down my chest, unbuttoning my top, not minding if the buttons ripped off. I cried harder, still, when he smacked my arm against the tree with one of his hands, trapping it there. My other arm was still hitting, pushing at him. He moved the hand that was kneading the skin just under my breast down to delve in between my thighs. I thrashed my legs harder, yelling out in protest, but it was hard when he held them so tightly with his own. I squirmed, telling him to stop, to realize what he was doing. He cut me off by placing his mouth on mine. He sucked hard on my bottom lip as his hand was rubbing against the sensitive skin of my inner thighs. He released my mouth long enough to sigh in desire. His hand was so warm as it inched higher on the inside of my legs. ÒOh, Bella,Ó he whispered so quietly I almost didnÕt hear him. ÒStop! ...Stop!Ó I cried out in anguish. My voice had gotten quieter and hoarse from the constant sobbing. He released my arm from his trap and moved it to my hair, grasping a fistful. He shoved his head in my neck and I could hear him inhaling deeply over and over next to my ear. He was sweating freely now. The light from my backyard didnÕt quite reach us, but sometimes when he moved just in the right way, I could see his broad chest glisten from the reflection of the weak light that did manage to peek through the trees. His left hand held possessively on my hip, bruising, while his right hand shoved my denim skirt higher. He pulled on the band of my underwear, almost as if teasing himself, and humiliating me at the same time. I knew my face was puffy and red from crying and his constant kissing. I knew my hair was tangled and messy. I knew my clothes were ruined. I felt disgusted, dirty. I couldnÕt go on anymore, I knew it. Is this how he pictured us together? Is this how he wanted me to have his child...? Multiple chills of terror ran down my spine uncontrollably in a succession of spasms. I felt something hot on my thigh and I realized with horror that I hadnÕt realized when he had unzipped his pants and pulled himself out. Suddenly I thrashed with all the energy I could muster. My voice came out in a whiny gasp. ÒNo! No, please, Jacob, donÕt!Ó He looked at me, his eyes glazed. ÒI love you.Ó I looked into his eyes and saw the resolve there. I knew I had no chance. He grabbed my weak legs and held them around him. One of his hands ripped the bands of my underwear and dropped it to the ground, completely ruined. I had loved those. They were a sort of dark aqua blue, and satin. They were a gift from Alice. She new how much Edward loved the color. All this time I had struggled against him for self-preservation, but now the thought of Edward made me hunch my shoulders inward on myself. It shook me with the saddest grief I had ever known. Tears flooded down my face, onto what was exposed of my torso. He wrapped one of his arms around the middle of my back, bringing me closer. His chest pressed against my breasts, holding me in place against the harshness of the tree bark and his arm. His other hand scrambled and fluttered down in between my thighs. I could feel his palm caressing me there. I wanted to vomit so much so that a choked heave escaped me. He kissed the skin next to my hair and eyebrow and then he buried his face in my hair again, panting, breathing in my scent. I could feel one of his fingers entering, intruding on my warm flesh. My body went rigid and instinctively my chin tucked and my shoulders hunched inward again trying to block him out, trying to fight his invasion. No one had ever touched me there.... The tears streamed and even fell on him, but it didnÕt matter, he noticed nothing. He panted with visible effort to keep control. ÒSo soft...my Bella...Ó His arm tightened again, trying to press me closer than I already was. I felt locked, fully humiliated, invaded. I kept saying, Òno,Ó over and over, growing weaker by the minute. He kissed my forehead and suddenly I could feel his gaze on my face, but I wasnÕt looking at himÑI couldnÕt, I would surely die if I did, never to see Edward again. The thought broke the very core of my heart. Instead my glazed expression turned to the blacker darkness of his hair, next to his shoulder. His eyes were still on me; I could feel them. He let out a harsh breath, sounding hurt by whatever he saw at first, but he kissed me and I shuddered, shaking my whole body. I felt his fingers twitch and he became aware of his needs, which outweighed his conscience. He finally removed his hand from inside me and instead pulled one of my legs up higher around him. My skirt was bunched at my hips and I felt him then, truly felt him. He pressed himself inside me, slowly, as if trying to prolong it. My eyes were full of tears, and I was glad that I couldnÕt see what was beyond the darkness. I was a virgin. I didnÕt know if he knew that, but it shouldnÕt have been hard for him to guess now. I could feel him forcing me to accommodate his girth when my body was instinctively trying to fight him. He pushed in further. I wished he would just get it over with. Suddenly he gabbed me completely in his arms and moved us gently to the filthy ground. He didnÕt move out of me, and in the new position he only went further in. I was crying; the sobs wouldnÕt stop. He held still, hesitating for a moment, I didnÕt know why....but in the moments that followed the pain became unbearable. It was hurting worse than when James had broken my leg. It hurt because he had completely broken the barrier inside me that separated one threshold from another. I felt a warm liquid spilling from me. I heard him groan in my ear. He felt enormous inside my virgin flesh. Like he was absolutely everywhere, like he couldnÕt possibly fit, but he moved in, inch by inch, bit by bit. I tried to hold as still as I could, trying to lessen the pain, but the further he went in, the more I felt myself stretch around him, the more I felt the tearing. This was the ultimate, most precious gift that I was saving for Edward. The fact that it had been taken, robbed, from me this way was killing me. It was too much to take in. And he took it all from me. He took it all. I groaned beneath him, sobbing again, tears flowing freely down my cheeks as he brought one arm around under my head, shoving me closer into him. When is this going to end...? He grabbed my thigh and brought it up next to his hip, caressing it. The new position brought a new pain that began to burn through my body. Never going away, just changing in intensity. If I tried to move, my body would scream out, desperately telling me to hold still and just bear it. Suddenly he released my leg, and instead grasped my hip. His thrusts had initially moved slowly, but now he was beginning to intensify his speed. His breathing was rapid and traced with an occasional mad grunt that, under normal circumstances would be interpreted as sheer joy and ecstasy. He kissed my cheeks, my forehead, sometimes my lips, gently. His chest bumped into my breasts, the friction causing me to become even more lightheaded. He moaned a couple of times in pleasure, and I shut my eyes as tight as I could, trying to block his voice and all the pain out from me....it was pointless. I could still feel it everywhere, surrounding me. His fingerprints were all over my hips, all over my body. And if by some miracle I reached some moment of clarity, it was quickly robbed by another thrust, another shot of pain. I felt so weak, physically and mentally. I felt like I would die in any moment... The slightest movement, the flutter of my lashes hurt. And still he rocked back and forth on top of me. In and out in a pattern so grotesque I knew IÕd pass out. I welcomed the blackness though. Finally, he arched upward and then downward into my neck with a sigh as he spilled himself inside my hurting body. I felt a gush of warm liquid swim out of me, trickling down my thighs and to the ground beneath. He collapsed, pumping softly until he completely emptied himself. He stayed there, still inside, kissing my throat, my wet cheeks, wiping away my tears until his breathing slowed. He kissed my ear and my temple almost delicately, then whispered to me as he withdrew, ÒI love you....Ó After that I remembered nothing but the welcoming darkness. I had lived through it. I knew I wasnÕt deadÑthe gods werenÕt going to be that generous to me. All I could think about was Edward. I knew he would hate me. I actually wished never to wake up. I knew he would hate me...