Seriously, what is it she sees in that jerk? Money? Nah, I have money, my parents own a store. Couldn’t be that. Good looks? No, can’t be that either. I’m a sexy beast. I mean, who WOULDN’T want to go out with me? Mike loves Bella, we all know that. Just what exactly will he say to make her like him? A heart-wrenching tale of boy love girl, girl love different boy, and boy who originally loved girl gets SHUT DOWN. This one will get you laughing.
1. Chapter 1
Rating 4.5/5 Word Count 1129 Review this Chapter
I sat in the lunchroom, surrounded by Jessica and her posse. I could hear her jabbering away to me about some movie they just saw the other week, but I didn’t even bother to pretend that I’m listening. No, my preoccupation was watching my Bella eat lunch with that retarded Cullen. She only seemed to be nibbling at the pizza in front of her, while that selfish Cullen demanded her attention. They appeared to be talking. Or rather, Edward appeared to be doing all the talking, while Bella looked at him with wide eyes. God, he’s such a jerk; he’s not even letting her eat.
All of the sudden, he turned towards me and gave me a superior stare. Then, as if he had heard my thought, he motioned at Bella to eat her food. Bella quickly complied and he continued talking.
What makes that vile Edward Cullen so great? God, he’s not worth BELLA. Bella. Sexy Bella. Intelligent Bella. My Bella.
She should be mine. I would never hurt her like that disgusting Cullen did. God, who does he think he is? With his shiny, wavy hair…and his ripped bod…
I mentally slapped myself. Okay, so he’s good looking. But he STILL doesn’t deserve her. Seriously, what is it she sees in that jerk? Money? Nah, I have money, my parents own a store. Couldn’t be that. Good looks? No, can’t be that either. I’m a sexy beast. I mean, who WOULDN’T want to go out with me? Jessica practically drools over me every day.
Then it hit me. Cullen, that dude’s smart, right? Maybe that’s what she sees in him. Pfff, I can be smart too. I just got an A on my test in Geometry. Maybe I could tell her that? No, that may seem like I’m showing off. I don’t think she likes show-offy guys. Even though Cullen is the definition of that word. Erm, term.
So what should I do to show her that I’m smart? I leaned forward and strained to hear their conversation. I could barely make out what they were saying.
“How can you tell that’s what he meant?” Bella said through her sexy, kissable lips. How I wanted to press my lips against hers. I bet she’d be a wonderful kisser. Cullen suddenly turned around and growled at me. Yes, GROWLED. Is that even humanly possible? Something weird about that Cullen….
He suddenly turned back to Bella. “I just know. You know how great at understanding people I am.” He said suggestively. Bella nodded cutely, and stared at Cullen with worshipful eyes. Eew.
So THAT was it. His understanding of human nature is what attracted Bella. That’s easy, I can do that. Impulsively I tried to make eye contact with Bella. She was currently staring thoughtfully at Cullen. Stupid Cullen. Suddenly his laugh filled the lunch room, and Bella’s eyes glanced over to mine.
I quickly lifted my finger and curled it a little at her, indicating that I wanted her to come over. She looked back at Cullen, and for a minute I thought she had just dissed me. I looked back at them, and they seemed to be arguing about something. She quickly slid out of her seat and walked over to our table, Cullen eyeing me frostily the whole way.
“Hey Mike?” She said confusedly.
“Wha ‘sup Bella?” I mentally slapped myself again. No, I had to talk like I was intelligent.
She didn’t answer and just stood there. So I took that as a cue to keep on talking. What was I going to say again? Oh yeah, something smart about human nature or something. I opened my mouth to talk, and realized that I had nothing planned. She continued to look at me confused, but I could see a smile forming on her face.
Come on, quick Mike, think of something to say! I looked around for inspiration. My eyes fell on a girl walking towards the restroom. Voila!
“So, Bella.” Keep it smart, Mike. “Did you ever happen to notice that a person walking to the bathroom and have their legs squeezed together tightly have to pee? Or, if they are walking slightly bow-legged, that they have to uhh….” What’s a smart word for poop? “get rid of excrement very badly?”
Bella’s confused look changed to that of one in an uncomfortable situation as Cullen’s laugh rang through the lunch room. The weight of what I had just said struck me, and I felt my ears turn as red as Bella’s face.
Stupid Mike. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Now she's going to think you like potty humor. I mentally slapped myself over and over again.
A huge silence settle over the lunch table, and I could feel everybody staring at me.
“What the heck?” Tyler exclaimed.
Crap, I had to fix this with some big words. "Hey Bella, you're looking very exanimate today." She glared at me. What had I just said? "What were you and Cullen conversationaling about?"
Conversationaling. Is that a word? I had no clue, I just made it up. Maybe she won't notice.
Bella looked at me angrily and turned to walk away.
I heard Eric snigger. Stupid Eric. What did he know? He was just a dumb chess playing loser. I quickly got up and grabbed Bella’s arm.
She turned around and eyes me warily.
“Uhh,” My last chance to say something smart, and recover my embarrassing faux pas. I grabbed at the only they available in my mind. “Bella, did you know that there are 6 sides on a hexagon?”
She walked back to Cullen. “You ready to go?” He asked, not even trying to smother his laugh.
Stupid Cullen, I hate him. Honestly, I do. He suddenly smiled, and flashed his ultra-white teeth. God, why’d he have to be so perfect? His teeth are so white…he must get his teeth whitened or something…stupid vain jerk. I thought Bella didn’t like vain people?
I quickly tried to fix my hair into that messy style Cullen mastered, and called out to Bella as a last hope. They were half way out the door when I yelled to them, and Bella turned around. “Bella! Guess what? I got an A on my geometry test!”
She turned away, embarrassed and continued walking out the door. I could see Cullen's shoulders shaking with laughter as they walked out, he quickly turned around and smirked at me. God, I hated him.
I sighed. Stupid Cullen. Didn’t he see that Bella and I were meant to be together? God, maybe I should just kill him… Yeah, that would work…
“Umm, Mike?” A meek voice said behind me. I turned around. It was Jessica. “Are you ready to go to class?”
“Yeah, sure, whatever.” I said as I walked with Jessica out the lunch room doors, her chattering away about something or other. Why did I always have to be left with Jessica?