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Love is a War

Summary:
Love is like war ~ easy to start, hard to end, impossible to forget. They meet, they fall in love, they have to part. He promised to contact her, but never did, she promised to wait for him. A year later they have to live in the same residential community. She is hurt, broken. He wants her back. *lemons* - very OOC BannerFans.com


Notes:


10. Chapter 10: Need (part 1)

Rating 0/5   Word Count 8711   Review this Chapter

A/N

I'm sorry it took this long. I really am. There were some problems with the validation of this chapter, so I needed to re-write this and the next and at the same time I had to continue writing the next chapters to post them here.

Also, Bella's thoughts in this chapter are going crazy, one moment she is thinking one thing and the next she is thinking the opposite. Don't let that fool you. She is under immense pressure. Same will go for Edward in the next one... you'll realize how irrational their thoughts are ^^

And now enjoy it!:

~*~

Chapter 10: Need (part 1)

~*~

You Don't Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You're Told), The White Stripes

In some respects
I suspect you've got a respectable side
When pushed and pulled and pressured
You seldom run and hide
But it's for someone elses benefit
Not for what you wanna do
Until I realize that you've realized
I'm gonna say these words to you

I can see your man
Cant help but win
Any problems that may arise
But in his mind there can be no sin
If you never criticize
You just keep on repeating
All those empty "I love you's"
Until you say you deserve better
I'm gonna lay right into you
...

~*~

EPOV

What the FUCK?

That creep James was kissing my girl.

I wanted to kill him.

How dare he?

I grabbed Bella's arm, dragged her some steps back and then pulled her into an embrace and stared at James. I could feel Bella's panicked eyes on me.

Why was she panicking? Did she do that on purpose?

James smirked then and that's when I snapped.

“Don’t you ever touch her again!” I hissed and then punched him in the face. He fell backwards on the floor. His nose was bleeding, surely broken. “Ever!”

With that said, I turned around and started walking out. I was still holding Bella’s hand, dragging her behind me. We left the club and came to a stop in front of my car.

I turned around to face her.

“What was that?” I wanted to know.

Why was she with James? Why did he touch her? Kiss her?

“You are asking me what that was? I should be asking you that question!”

I laughed dryly. She was asking me what that was? Me? What had I done wrong? It was her who was with him! I had been nothing but faithful to her all the time we were together!

“Bella, don’t fuck with me! Why were you kissing him? No, why were you even dancing with him in the first place? Why did you let him touch you?”

I could see anger flicker across her face before she answered.

“You are asking me why he was touching me? How about I ask you why you touched that Victoria? Or should I also bring up Leah? Oh and I am sure there was some Jessica and Mary and Brenda as well!”

Her answer did take me aback. My only thought in that moment was 'Shit, she found out.'

What was I supposed to do now? I didn't want her to find out this way. But now she had and I started to panic.

Would everything Jasper had said come true? Was it too late to explain now? Was it too late to tell her the truth? Would she listen to me if I tried?

And what if not? Would it be over?

No, I couldn't let her go. Not, now. Not now, that I found her; that I knew how beautiful life was. Not now, that I found my life.

But I would loose her. I would. She had already found out and I was sure she wouldn't listen to me trying to explain. No, she wouldn't.

She had already decided what she would do. She decided to let James touch her. She decided that she was too good for me.

But James? Why him? Didn't she realize that he was even worse than me?

And why? Why didn't she come to me after she found out? Why was she betraying me in the worst way possible?

I was hurt. Hurt and angry.

And as if all this situation wasn't fucked up enough this way, Bella chose to turn around to leave in this very moment!

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“Why do you care?” she answered in an angry, very defensive tone.

“Because I do.”

“Well, you didn’t seem to care earlier. I am sure you felt just great when you fucked all of them and then came to play with me.”

What was she saying? Did she really think that I was happy fucking all of them? Did she really think that I did feel nothing for her? She was my life! I had told her over and over again and I just waited for her to get that in her head already! How could she say something like that! Like I could change it now!

“So you think that is a game?”

“Yeah, that is exactly what I think Edward!” she shouted at me. Her words stung. They hurt. I loved her. I loved her with everything I had and here she was accusing me of never doing so! I was not the one who was afraid! I was not the one laying and not telling the other one his true feelings. It was her who was not telling me that she loved me, nor was she telling me that she didn't. It was her using me! Not the other way around. She only played with my emotions.

“You have no idea,” I stated angry now sure that everything was only a game to her. God, how could I have let her fool me this way?

“No, I don't. And you know why? Because you didn't bother telling me. God, you haven't even mentioned it! If I wouldn't have found out on my own I would still be in the dark not knowing what exactly was up, thinking that I love you!” she screamed at me and then turned around and ran to the bus station, taking the bus that came in that very moment and not even turning around to look at me one last time.

Wait.

She said she loved me!?!

She had!

I couldn't let her leave me now. No!

“Bella!” I shouted after her., angry that she left me in such a moment. “Bella!” I tried again but she wouldn't turn, she wouldn't look at me, not even out of the window.

Was this the way she was supposed to tell me she loved me? Was it this? The moment everything was over? Would I lose everything now?

No, that wasn't how I wanted things to happen; how I had them planned.

But still...

She loved me.

I couldn't let her go.

I fall to my knees, clutching my car’s door.

That was it. She left me. She didn't want me anymore.

I should have told her earlier. Why didn't I?

I couldn't make it right anymore.

As if on call Jasper, Emmett, Alice and Rosalie all came out of the club and to my side. The looks on their faces told me that they had heard more than I wanted them to. They had probably heard everything.

Jasper was the first one to act.

He came and hovered over me, grabbing me by the collar of my shirt and lifting me from the ground only to have me fall there again as soon as his hand came in contact with my face.

“I have told you to tell her, hadn't I?” he roared at me.

I spat out the blood that had gathered in my mouth when he hit me and looked up into his face. I couldn't help but be pissed at him.

“Yes, Jazz you have. Now fuck off. I have work to do,” I said and pushed him to the side.

Instantly Alice was next to me.

If I wouldn't have learn that you don't hit girls, I would have beaten the crap out of her for the next thing she said.

“You are dead. How dare you, Edward! You had time! And now what? What are you going to do now? It wouldn't surprise me if she would leave you for that guy she was with earlier or even to go back to Newton. You are sick Edward, if you think that she'll stick around for you. You are so not worthy enough for her!” Then she slapped me. Fucking pixie slapped me.

I growled at her and Jasper was instantly on me again, pinning me to the ground.

Emmett just stood there with a very pissed off look on his face.

Rosalie on the other hand took a step forward.

She motioned to Jasper to let me go and he reluctantly obeyed. She came and knelt beside me, slapping me first hard and then spitting on me. She smirked then.

“You liked that, didn't you?” I asked her. “You have been waiting long to do that,” I said and sighed.

“Yes and yes. And now I feel as if I have done the right thing,” she said as a small smile played on her features.

I looked at her with questioning eyes.

“Edward, I know you. She has changed you. You deserved that one slap, I spat on you because I always wanted to, but that's not the point. Listen. Before her you were so fucked up I didn't even want to come near you. If it hadn’t been for Emmett I would have probably killed you,” she chuckled a little bit, “but since you met her you changed. Yeah, you were frustrated and in a bad mood when you came from that camp but look at the other things. Since she came back you have become another person. You have showed us the nice Edward, the caring one, the one we love. And she loves you too.” I raised my eyebrows. Could she love me? “And don't ever question it. I may not have known her for a long time but I noticed the looks she's giving you. Edward, you love her too. And what happened now is your fault. Entirely your fault. You can't expect her to find out about what you did in the way she did and for her not to overreact. It would be crazy.” She stoop up, looked over to Emmett, who was now smiling and then back to me. “Think about what I told you. Go get her.” With that she turned around and went over to Emmett, who captured her in one of his huge bear hugs.

I turned to Alice and noticed that although she scowled at me, she was also smiling.

“If you harm her in any way, you are dead. You get that? We head home now. You stay here or go somewhere else, wherever, calm yourself down and, after you got your shit together, come home and sort that shit out!” Leave it to her to make my mood.

Jasper looked into my eyes dead seriously and said, “We are going to take care of everything here. You go and figure out what to do.”

And with that they all left me.

I didn't know what to do now. I knew I had to solve this problem somehow or I would loose her. I probably had already lost her.

I couldn't let that happen. That was the only thought that crossed my mind over and over again. I couldn't loose her now.

I knew that I would never find a way to make things straight between us by only sitting around here in the parking lot and mourning over losing her. I had to do something.

First off all I had to come over the anger I was feeling. I entered my car, started the engine and made my way home, hoping that at the time I arrived I would have calmed down a bit. At least enough to be able to talk to her without fighting right away. We had to clear some things first.

It didn't take that long to arrive home.

As soon as I left my car I felt that urge to simply run to her, take her in my arms and beg for forgiveness, but I couldn't do it. I knew that as soon as I saw her I would get angry again and we would fight. I needed to calm down. We needed to talk first. She needed to understand.

I entered the house and found the guys sitting in front of the TV. They both turned their heads to me and Jasper shot me a warning glance. Emmett had his whole attention on the TV again.

I nodded at Jasper once and then made my way up the stairs.

I could hear the girls talking. Well, I could hear Rose and Alice pleading with Bella to open the door and let them in to talk.

I went over to them and sat down beside the door, listening to their one sided conversation.

Twenty minutes later I was angry again. She simply ignored everybody. Was she even there?

“Bella, open that freaking door before I have Jasper break it down,” Alice threatened her.

I could only imagine Jasper trying to break this door down. But then again, I knew he was able to do so.

She didn’t answer.

“Bella,” Rosalie whined.

“She is not answering. Let her,” I finally made my presence known.

All the time I sat here I hadn't spoken one word. She didn't know I was here. I was sure she would have never opened the door if she knew I was sitting right outside and it bugged me to no end. Here I was trying to speak with her, wanting to make things right and she simply didn't care.

That was it. I would not waste my time here. She made her intentions clear.

I stood up from the spot I was sitting and Alice shot me a pleading glance. She still hoped Bella would open the door and talk to her. She still wanted us to figure out everything.

But it was too late apparently.

“But, Edward!”

“No, Alice. Let her. She wants to hide? Let her. She wants to be alone? Let her. But she has to know that the decision she makes now will affect everything that happens in the future.” I answered her try to make me stay. What did she expect from me? It was clear that she didn't want to talk to me.

Great. I thought I found the love of my life and I sacrifice everything for her; I decide to change, to become a better person and what do I get from her?

Nothing.

She doesn't want to face me. Not even a normal break up.

No. I wouldn't let that happen. I wouldn't let her leave me just like that.

With that thought crossing my mind once again that day I made my way down leaving the girls behind.

I sat on the couch next to Emmett who was shooting me questioning glances all the time. He hadn't spoken one word to me since the scene with James and still didn't. Fucker.

Jasper sat in the arm chair now and was looking at me too.

“What?” I asked annoyed. Not only had she found out, cheated on me and left me, but now I would also loose my friends because of her. No fucking way.

Emmett looked at the TV again, not paying attention to me anymore.

Jasper on the other hand started talking to me.

“I was serious man. Either you figure your shit out or I kill you. I have warned you before.” Great! Now I would also have to fear him!

But was death really that bad of a choice? I mean, did I even want to live without her?

No, I didn't. Jasper's offer sounded more appealing with each passing second.

We sat there for some time before Emmett decided that he and Rose had more important business to attend to than to have her beg Bella to open the door, so he went to take her. What can I say, he was really a great help right now and much of a help. But maybe Bella did really need some time to herself, to think matters over.

Jasper also decided that there was no use to the girls’ begging and went to have remove Alice from the door.

I sat there in our living room until I couldn't take it anymore. This was so wrong. The whole situation. I couldn't just sit around in here doing nothing. I had to do at least something to be more productive.

I decided to go out for a walk. The clean air would surely help me clear my thoughts and find a solution.

I thought about everything that brought us to the point we were now in. What was it that destroyed everything? Me not telling her the truth or was there more?

There definitely had to be more.

But what? Was that something specific or was it the whole situation we were in?

But what was there she didn't have, that I didn't give her? I thought she was happy. In those two weeks she was here I made sure for her to have everything. I took her on a luxurious date, every girl would dream about, I told her over and over again how much I loved her, I was there in the night when she needed me because of her nightmares. So what else was there?

The last thing stayed in my mind though.

Nightmares. Nightmares... Nightmares, I caused. I was the cause of it. She didn't believe me when I said I loved her. That's it. She didn't believe that I loved her and that I would stay with her.

She didn't believe me earlier, she would never believe me now. Surely not. She would leave me.

And I knew, I had decided to let her go if I she wanted to, if she thought that I wasn't good enough for her, but could I now? Could I?

No, I couldn't.

But how could I prove to her that I wanted her, that I loved her and couldn't live without her. What else was there that I hadn't given to her? Is there anything she had asked me for, ever?

I knew the answer.

Yes, there was.

It made me furious.

I would give her anything, everything. But she wanted the one thing I wasn't willing to give her. I couldn't give her.

I wanted to, but I knew it was wrong... so I couldn't.

And now? What now?

Was that the only thing that would bind me to her?

I felt so stupid right now.

I could have had her.

I could.

And now there was no such way.

It was the one thing that she wanted from me.

The one thing that would have made her believe that I loved her.

And now it was too late to give it to her.

She wouldn't want it.

She wouldn't want to be with me in that way.

After all she had chosen to kiss that James. She decided that since I wouldn't give it to her she would take it from somebody else.

I laughed out dry.

That's what she was.

She needed somebody to show her physically that she was wanted, other way she wouldn't believe. And she didn't even believe me.

So why should I hold myself back now?

Why?

Not to hurt her feelings?

I don't give a shit about her feelings. She doesn't give a shit about mine, so why should I?

Not drag her through the mire the same way I did with all the other girls?

Why? Because she was special to me?

So what? I wasn't special to her. She didn't care if it was James touching her or if it was me. She really didn't care.

And now that I thought about it... How could I have been so sure that she loved me? If I remember correctly the last time I heard that word from her was at the summer camp. So much time had passed since then and she didn't say it back one time, even after I asked her.

So here was the truth.

She didn't love me.

That was only a lie. A lie to make her feel better about what she was doing.

She only preyed on me. That was it.

And I, the asshole, let her fool me. I thought she loved me. I thought she wanted to be with me, when nothing of all that was true.

How could I?

She was nothing.

She only wanted to use me.

But I wouldn't let her go just like that.

No.

Not before I gave her the one thing she wanted.

Not before I showed her what she would loose.

I would give it to her, and then it would be over, the way it was supposed to be.

I quickly made my way back to the house. But how was I supposed to get to her? She had the door locked and I didn't think she would open it just because I would go there and tell her to.

No she wouldn't.

But she was in my room.

My room.

I stood outside of the house and looked the the window.

The tree was near it.

The tree.

That was it.

I quickly made my way over to it and climbed up. It wasn't easy, I have to admit it. I hadn't climbed up a tree since when? I couldn't even remember.

And there she was. The light in the room was switched off but I could make out her frame on the bed.

She was still wearing that dress she had on today. Fucking dress. It enraged me only more.

The window was open and with one swift movement I was inside.

BPOV

Sleep was about to take me when suddenly I heard some rather loud thud. I stood up from my bed to look what it was that fell down. I made two steps towards the door and then was suddenly pressed against the wall in my room.

Cold lips touched my collarbone and started their way up. Hands were roaming all over my body gripping and tugging. One hand squeezed my right breast and another hand was gripping my ass hard. His chest was pressed against mine so hard that it hurt.

You want me to show you how much you mean to me? You want to be fucked in the cruel way you deserve to be?” he said and then kissed me hard on my lips parting them forcefully and sliding his tongue inside my mouth.

This kiss had nothing in common with the others we shared before. It was rough, demanding. And I can’t say that I was unaffected by what he had just said. His words made me shudder.

I let out a half moan half cry and he responded by pressing himself even harder against me. One of his hands traveled up to my head and buried itself in my hair. He drew on it hard and pulled my face harder against his. His other hand was still on my ass, gripping it, pushing me against him. His erection was pressed into my stomach and it grew harder with every whimper I let out.

When the need for air was too much, he released my lips, though his hold on my hair didn't lighten. His lips traveled to my collarbone and my neck where I could feel him sucking and biting hard. I cried out in pain and his other hand went up and covered my mouth.

“That's what you want, isn't it?” he roared at me. “Well, you don't have to try anymore. You'll get it and then it's over!”

I was too shocked by his actions to react in any way to what he did or said.

Was this really Edward? Was this the caring person I learned to love? Was this the one who claimed I was his everything over and over again? The one who didn't want to touch me because he thought I was to good for that?

No. That wasn't him.

That was the asshole, who didn't call me. The one who slept with every woman in this school. The one who made promises and broke them. The one who now was about to take me. The real Edward as it seems.

I felt anger rise in me again and the next time his lips were pressed against mine I struggled to get free. He wouldn't have that though and his grip on me tightened. “No,” he said after he broke the kiss. “You are going to obey.”

“I am not! Get off of me!” I shouted back at him, but as soon as I had said something he slammed me against my locked door.

“Yes, you are,” was the only thing he said before taking one of my legs and wrapping it around his waist. As soon as he let go of it I wanted to let it down, try to unlock the door and get out of here but he realized what my intentions were and quickly placed his hand again on it to hold it in place.

His lips found my skin again and he started sucking while the hand, that was gripping my ass all the time, started to travel over my hips and to the inside of my thigh. I let out a small yelp when he touched me there. He hadn't done this before. At the sound of my cry his mouth traveled higher until he found my lips again to silence me.

His hand traveled higher and stopped by the edge of my dress. He took a step back, leaving me panting pinned against the door.

He took in my appearance and smirked at me. “You played your role good, you know? I was fool enough to let you in; to believe you. To believe you were innocent and something special. How could I be so stupid? The way you move, the way you speak, the way you dress. Everything shows clearly what you are.” He laughed darkly and shook his head.

Then his angry face suddenly looked different. Like he spaced out. As if he wasn't there in that moment. As if he was somewhere else. I started to panic. What had happened to him? But as soon as I made a move, his expression changed again. Suddenly he looked hurt. Broken. Sad. His eyes lost that sparkle and I wanted to reach out and soothe him. I wanted to tell him that he was wrong. That I loved him. That all I always wanted was to be with him. And yet I couldn't. The anger that rose in me because of what he said simply was too much. He wanted me to be who I really am? He wanted to see the real me? How, now that he had destroyed me? Everything was his fault!

But then I looked at him again. And he looked so hurt, so vulnerable, as if he had lost everything he had and just realized it. As if somebody had told him that everything he had in his life was gone forever and he stayed behind, without anything or anybody.

And then I remembered. How I was the moment I saw him with Victoria, when he brought her home. How I felt, how I acted.

I thought that if I was loosing him... I couldn't. I couldn't even go there.

I didn't want to lose him again. No matter what happened.

Why couldn't we be somebody else? Living somewhere else? With another history? Why did everything have to be so complicated?

But was it so complicated or did we make it out be?

I only knew one thing. I couldn't loose him.

I was aching to touch him again. To have his touch on me, no matter what the circumstances were. I needed it. I needed to feel him. Feel that everything I thought we had wasn't just a lie. That he was willing to be with me in the ways I wanted to be with him.

If I was about to loose him, then I wanted to have everything with him first, share every experience. I wanted him to be my first for everything. I wanted to remember him that way. I didn't want anybody else to be it. I couldn't even imagine it. I needed him in every way even if it was only one last time.

I watched as Edward lost his balance and fell to the ground. He buried his face in his hands and started shaking it and sobbing.

I hurt with him. There was no anger inside of me anymore. No urge to make us even. Just this look, this one moment was enough for me. How could I have done this to him? How could I break him? He gave everything to me. He told me he would tell me eventually and that he simply wasn't ready... he would have told me...

Why didn't I believe him? Why did I have to hurt him to feel satisfaction? Was that the kind of person I was? Was that the kind of person I had become? When did that happen? I didn't like it at all.

I didn't want to see him suffering. I wanted my happy Edward back. The one I loved. I didn't want to see him hurting and even less I wanted to be the cause of it.

“Edward,” I whispered and my voice broke. A single tear fell from my eye.

How could I have done this to him? How did I manage to bring him down to this point?

But he didn't look up. He simply sat there on the floor.

“Edward, stop,” I half whispered, half cried. I wanted him out of the trance he suddenly seemed to be in. I couldn't bear to see him this way.

He didn’t answer me. He just sat there looking like he was in pain, deceived and broken.

“Edward, talk to me,” I pleaded with him. “Please, Edward.”

He still wouldn’t even look at me, he was staring at his hands, shaking his head from right to left.

Couldn't he even look at me? Had I hurt him that bad? A sob broke through as I realized how much damage I had done.

What had he done to me? Since the moment we got back together he was nothing if not perfect to me. Why did I have to go and fuck everything up? Why didn't I confront him first.

And why were all this thoughts coming to me only now? Why not when the time was right?

I pushed myself off the wall. I walked over to him and sat directly in front of him.

“What do you want?” I asked him.

Still no response.

“Edward, tell me what you want!” I yelled at him. Yes, I was crying, but I needed to get everything together right now, safe whatever was left to save.

Then his eyes landed on me. He looked much older than he was. His eyes sad, tired.

“What do you want me to tell you, Bella? What?” he whispered.

He didn't even have words for what I did. He didn't even want to talk to me about it.

I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let it end here because of my stupidity, because of everything I did.

I snapped.

More tears fell from my eyes and then I threw myself at him, whispering “I hate you, asshole”. Because in this moment there were so many emotions swirling around in me, that I didn't know what else to say. I ached to say that I loved him and that I didn't want him to leave me, but I couldn't do that. I couldn't burden him that much. I had my time to say it... and I didn't. Now it was too late. It would only hurt him more.

I hit him with so much force that we both fell to the ground. He hit his head, but as cruel as it might seem, I didn't care. I needed to feel him now, a last time. I needed to be with him, no matter what.

I started kissing his chest, sobbing at the same time, realizing that it would probably be the last time I would do it. I didn't want to lose him and yet here I was doing exactly that.

Eventually he wrapped his arms around me, which only caused me to cry more. He started kissing my hair, which almost made me fall apart.

Slowly and without looking up into his eyes I started kissing higher. I kissed his collarbone and started working my way up to his neck. I needed the contact. Nobody could deny me it in that moment except for Edward. And even if he would... I would fight for it.

Edward was kissing my head repeatedly and when I was high enough, he placed his hand under my chin and lifted it. He looked me straight in the eyes but in there were so many emotions that I couldn't even begin to name them.

Suddenly he crashed his lips to mine and started kissing me.

He wanted it as much as I did.

I parted my lips willingly for him, allowing him entrance. His tongue slipped into my mouth and we kissed as if our life depended on it. There was no slow and romantic start, it was pure need. Need for each other.

Our tongues battled for dominance but he didn't let me have it. While his tongue guided mine I placed one hand behind his neck and started pushing his head to mine. I needed the contact. I was craving it tonight.

Edward did the same. Slowly and very carefully he raised one of his hands and placed it on the base of my head and the other one he placed on my waist. He pushed me to him with as much force as he could without hurting me.

But that still wasn't enough for me. As I had said before, I wanted him to be my everything. And I knew that this was my very last chance.

I broke the kiss and looked him in the eyes. I knew that mine were red from crying and my face was wet and red from all the tears, I hadn't expected him to look the same way though.

And then the words came out of my mouth that I never expected myself to say in such a situation, but it still was what I now wanted more than ever before.

“Edward, make love to me,” I pleaded.

I was sure he would reject me. Nothing could have prepared me for what he said next.

“Are you sure?” he asked. He asked me! He was willing! It depended on me! I could see it in his eyes that he wanted it more than anything else, but he was holding back for me. Even now. Even after all that I did. And I was so selfish that I was going to use him.

I nodded.

In a matter of seconds Edward had picked me up and brought me over to my bed where he lay me down.

He sat beside me and simply stared into my eyes.

I was aching to tell him that I loved him, so much. But I still couldn't and I probably would never again.

Random thoughts were running through my head all the time. And I could concentrate on nothing. How did we end up here? In this position? Doing the things we were about to do?

One moment I was afraid, the next I was mad, then happy. One moment I thought what we did was wrong the next I thought it was the right thing to do. Everything went crazy inside of me.

But about two things I was sure all the time.

I knew that I loved him and I also knew that everything had to come to an end... and that this was probably ours.

Edward leaned down and started kissing me. This kiss was as heated as the one before. Nothing about what we were doing tonight was romantic. Everything was pure need for each other. It was what was leading us. Nothing else.

My breathing picked up and he started gliding his hand up from my ankle to my thigh. He leaned farther down to me and rested his weight on his other hand right beside my head.

Slowly I brought my hands up and buried them both in his messy hair.

I could feel his hands on my legs leaving a burning sensation behind, causing me to crave his touch more and more.

I released his hair and went to unbutton his shirt. Before I had time to work on opening the first one Edward had his hands already on my zipper and was trying to tug it down. He fumbled around for a little bit without any success, so I decided to help him. I quickly got up from the bed and opened my zipper. At the same time Edward had his shirt over his head and was now opening his shorts.

I went over to him and knelt in front of the bed down. I slapped his hands away and began working on his jeans. After a second they too were added to the pile of clothing on the floor.

Edward wrapped his hands around my waist and picked me up. Soon I was next to him, lying on the bed.

He started trailing kisses up and down my neck, sucking on my skin at some parts causing me to moan. Then he started kissing lower and lower until he got to my exposed breasts. He took one of them into his hand and started massaging it. Then he lowered his head to the other one and took my nipple into his mouth. He started playing with it, teasing me, twisting it with his tongue. They hardened under his touch.

I buried my hands into his hair once again and started tugging on it, to bring him closer to me.

Edward released my breast with his hand and let it travel farther down. The light touch on my stomach caused me to shiver.

He brought his hand to the edge of my thong and let his hand trace the pattern. I was burning on the inside for his hand to go a little bit farther down and release some of the tension that was building there. In attempt to do exactly that I started rubbing my legs together. Without much success I might add.

Edward must have realized how desperate I was for him and placed his hand on the inside of my thong. He guided it farther down until he reached the spot I wanted him the most. I moaned and arched my back at the contact, which caused him to smile his beautiful crooked smile.

He started rubbing my clit furiously, causing wave after wave of pleasure to run over me and making my legs tremble.

Then he let his hand go farther down. He parted my lips and started running his finger between them, bringing his fingers from my now very sensitive clit to my entrance, but always avoiding touching exactly that part. He was teasing me, spreading the moisture he had caused.

“E-Edward,” I panted. I couldn't wait anymore. I needed him to be inside of me.

Edward slowly let one of his fingers enter me, causing me to moan even louder and arch my back for more contact. He slowly started moving it inside of me. Massaging my walls, bringing it in and out.

Then he added another one and sped his movements up.

I was panting hard and I could feel the pressure in me building. But it still wasn't enough. I needed more of him.

“Edward,” I panted again.

He only picked up his pace and went faster and faster.

The he repositioned himself, spreading my knees with his and then crawling above me and between them.

“Soon, Bella,” he said still pumping his fingers in and out of me.

I could feel my walls starting to tighten more and more and I new that I had almost reached my climax, when he pulled them out of me. He also released my breast and then looked up at me.

“Are you really sure, Bella?” he asked me then, his voice husky with lust.

He wanted to give me one more out. But I was sure. I was selfish... I needed this.

I nodded and quickly wrapped my legs around his waist.

Edward looked into my eyes for a little bit longer and then finally reached down with one hand to remove his boxers. I helped him tug them down with my legs. Then he started pushing mine down and I lifted my ass so that he could do it easier and faster.

After freeing ourselves from the last bit of clothing, there was nothing between us anymore.

Edward lowered himself so that his member was now at my entrance. He hesitated there a little bit but I kissed his shoulder and he slowly allowed the tip of him to enter me the tiniest bit.

We both let out a moan at this sensation.

Then he started entering me farther and farther, centimeter by centimeter so slowly that it was painful.

“Edward, now,” I panted but he still didn't increase his speed so I pushed him down with my legs.

And then I felt a sting. And it hurt badly.

“Fuck,” I almost screamed. “Fuck that hurt Edward!”

“I know, Bella. It will just a moment longer,” he said and then with one swift movement entered me whole.

“Shit!” I yelled at the sting I felt and then hoped that nobody did hear me. The pain was so intense, as if somebody was ripping me into two pieces from inside. Yet, I felt unnaturally full and stretched from the inside.

Edward groaned and stilled inside of me. He didn't move an inch. He left me time to get used to it.

When a tear left my eye, he slowly brought his hand up and wiped it away. He didn't say anything and I did neither.

After the pain subsided a little bit, I nodded and gave him a slight push with my legs to continue. Edward lifted himself almost all the way out of me, leaving only the head inside and then slowly lowered himself, filling me again.

The feeling was new. Uncomfortable at the beginning but then, after he did it some more times, it started turning more and more into pleasure. It felt right the way it was and soon I could feel the burn I felt previously return... and I wanted more.

I started lifting my hips and meeting each of his thrusts. With every single one I could feel myself tighten a little bit more around him, the burn increasing and even though I thought I couldn't take anymore of that burning pleasure I still craved it.

I tightened the grip of my legs around him and he increased his speed. I was moaning with each thrust, arching my back, lifting my hips trying to meet him and create more so much needed friction.

Edward's speed picked up even more, he repositioned us. He placed a pillow under my waist and then took one of my legs and threw it over his shoulder.

The new angle allowed him to go so much deeper into me and immediately I noticed that he was hitting a certain spot that made me shudder each time he met it.

Realizing that, Edward declared it his mission to thrust exactly into that point every time.

I was panting his name, crying out, moaning. I could feel my walls tightening more and more to the point where I didn't know if I could take any more of this.

Then I suddenly felt myself clenching down around him. All of my muscles went crazy. I was shuddering , my whole body shaking. But Edward didn't stop. He continued thrusting into me causing wave after wave of pleasure to run over me.

And then his movements suddenly slowed again.

“Bella,” he moaned in a voice that sounded as if he was pleading with me when he began moving again, faster than before, and I answered each of his thrusts by pressing my hips into him. “Bella, please.”

His words were so full of emotion that I couldn't stand hearing them. Here he was moving in me, thrusting in me, sure that I didn't love him, thinking that I was only using him and still his voice was so full of emotion, so fragile. I had to close my eyes.

“Bella, please,” he said again, his voice breaking. No. I didn't want to hear him pleading! NO! Not now. Not when I was doing this. Not when we were doing this.

What was he pleading me for anyway? It was over, wasn't it? It was the last time he would touch me in any way, the last time we would be together. He wouldn't want to see me after that. I would only become one of his other many girls.

Tears started running down my cheeks.

“Please, Bella, don't,” he said than and it took me aback. Don't? Don't what? Had I said anything?

It was getting harder to concentrate with every thrust. I hadn't had time to calm down from the other orgasms he caused me and I could feel myself tightening around him once again.

“Please, baby, open your eyes,” he pleaded and thrust in me harder and faster. “Open – them.”

Baby? No. Please don't use that. Please, I thought crying now.

Reluctantly I opened my eyes and looked at his face. I could make out traces of tears on his face, too.

He was crying? Why was he crying?

“Please,” he whispered again.

I shook my head. “Please what, Edward?” I managed to rasp out. The pressure in me so high, not only the physical but also the emotional, that I could barely talk.

He was silent.

He looked at me for a long moment as if he was searching for something and then said, “Please, don't leave me, Bella.”

Then I was silent.

I don't know what he took the silence for but he started thrusting faster, making me moan with each one.

“Don't leave me! Did you hear me?! Don't!” he said between pants, before he gripped my hips hard and started moving them in synchronization to his thrusts.

I was crying by now, sobbing. I didn't understand what his words meant in this moment. He surely couldn't think straight now. He would change his mind as soon as he calmed down again. I couldn't let this get to me now. I couldn't believe his words now.

“Bella, love me,” he whispered in a barely audible voice and kissed me. My next orgasm hit me then, my walls were clenching down around him, squeezing him, pushing him farther in me. I was screaming out his name. My whole body shaking, vibrating. I was gasping for air. The same moment I could feel him twitch in me as he also came violently, releasing his seed and biting my shoulder.

After some more thrusts, not nearly as urgent and hard as the ones before he rested his head on my shoulder in pure exhaustion.

Still panting hard, he slowly lifted his head and looked me in the eyes.

We lay there, in each others arms, still connected in the most intimate way, simply staring into each others eyes for who-knows-how-long, dreading to say really anything and so remaining silent.

After we both calmed down and caught our breath Edward was the first one to speak up.

“I am sorry,” he said and I could feel the pain in his voice.

“What for?” I knew there were a many things he should be sorry for and I was sure he did know that too, but I didn't know what exactly he was sorry for. There were more things I should feel sorry for. I should apologize for. I destroyed this after all, not him. I used him.

“Everything.”

Everything?

He was sorry for everything?

Hahahaha! Of course he is sorry for everything girl! He is sorry for meeting you; for telling you that he loves you; for promising you the things he did; for doing everything he did for you; for wasting his time with you; for not using it to go and have some other random fuck that he knew would not destroy his relationship with friends and family.

What kind of sick voice was that in my head?

“It's not what you think,” Edward said and brought me back from my thoughts.

I didn't answer him so he continued. “Bella, I am not sorry for the things you think I am.”

“No?” I croaked.

“No, you silly girl,” he said sweetly, giving me my so loved crooked smile and kissing my nose.

Why was he so sweet to me now? Everything was over, wasn't it? Why now? I didn't want this!

His face turned completely serious again and I, realizing the position in which we were wasn't exactly right and appropriate for a final break-up, started to push him away. He stopped me by placing one of his hands on mine and holding them in place.

“Bella,” he said my name and looked so sad again, “I am sorry for everything I did today. I am sorry for keeping this thing from you. But...”

~*~

A/N:

That was it... I know it took me pretty long... but to my defense, I wasn't sure if Twilighted would validate them. After waiting for a month for a response from them, I still have not recieved, I decided to simply post it here.

Also, you probably know that I added four more stories to the poll on. You are welcome to check them out and vote.

Dangerous Liaisons – Bella, the head cheerleader, and Edward, the captain of the baseball team, are both in relationships with the twins Jasper and Rosalie. And... they hate each other. Still, they are fuck buddies. What happens when Bella finds out she is pregnant and Edward is the father?

I'll Prove You Wrong – Bella, an actress, is doing her best while filming a new movie she is staring in. The only problem? Edward is the arrogant, cocky director, with very high expectations, who can't stand her. Read as Bella tries to prove him that she is good in what she does and how Edward tried to prove her wrong. Could there possibly be more between their antagonistic attitude, or will exactly that destroy everything for them?'

When Reality Catches Up With You – What if the rumors are true and Kristen really is pregnant with Robert's baby? How will this affect their relationship? Their careers? Read how they face the world together and figure out what to do. (My sister threatened to kill me if I don't put this one on the list ^^)

Worlds Apart – After graduating college plain Bella and her friend Alice decide to tour Europe, where they meet the arrogant BMW owner Edward Cullen. Bella and Edward feel the attraction between them immediately and act on it. Eventually their ways have to part. Bella returns to Seattle while Edward continues his life as business man in Munich. What will happen to them? Will their feelings build while being apart? Will they be able to close the gab their social lives and status have created between them and be together? And IF yes, how will it work out, since they not only figuratively but also literally are worlds apart?

PS: Dangerous Liaisons is leading! ^^

Thank you for reading,

Caroline