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Love is a War

Love is like war ~ easy to start, hard to end, impossible to forget. They meet, they fall in love, they have to part. He promised to contact her, but never did, she promised to wait for him. A year later they have to live in the same residential community. She is hurt, broken. He wants her back. *lemons* - very OOC BannerFans.com


13. Chapter 13: First Steps

Rating 5/5   Word Count 7825   Review this Chapter


Ok, here comes chapter 13!


Chapter 13: First Steps


Ok, no song this time, but a quote... I think it fits Edward’s situation...

The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That's pride fucking with you. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps." - Pulp Fiction



I woke up, safely curled up in the arms of Edward. I wasn't exactly happy about the turn of events yesterday, but neither was I sad or angry about it. Not anymore. But I knew that there were many things we still needed to talk about and event though we had this peace right now, there was more to come. We had to really talk matters over.

Edward had his arms wrapped tightly around my waist almost cutting my breath off. He had me pressed hard against his cloth covered form, my head resting on his chest and my left leg wrapped around his legs. That was the common position we slept, or rather used to wake up, in.

The sun started to shine through the window and fall on his face, bringing a light glow to it. His hair was plastered to his forehead and looking like he just woke up. Well, he didn’t even yet, but that was another story. Truth be told, his hair was always like this. He had a light smile on his lips. They would twitch a little every now and then. He looked like an angel. An angel that came right out of hell and could bring it’s flames to swallow you alive if he wanted to.

I lay this way for some more, just looking at him and taking in his features, when I decided it was time to get up. I really, really didn’t want to, but I desperately needed to go to the bathroom.

I pried his hands off of me and slowly got up from the bed. I tiptoed over to my bathroom and quickly took care of business. I also brushed my teeth and hair and then entered my room again.

Edward was awake, lying on his back and looking at the ceiling. He looked like he was thinking about something, concentrating hard on it.

I made two steps in his direction and he noticed me, turning slightly to me and smiling his breathtaking smile.

“Hey, beautiful,” he said as he extended his hands towards me, for me to crawl into bed with him.

“Hey, handsome,” I answered as I flung myself into his awaiting arms.

I snuggled myself closer to him and then looked into his eyes. They had a glint to them, I first saw.

Edward closed his arms around me, pressing me against him much like the way I was all night long. He buried his face in my hair and took a deep breath.

“I love you,” he whispered letting it out.

“I love you, too,” I whispered back to him.

“Why does that sound as if a ‘but’ is going to follow?” he asked me sighing. I could practically feel him grimace.

“Edward we need to-”

“Bella, I thought I made my point clear to you yesterday,” he whined.

“That doesn’t change the fact that there is a lot more we need to talk about, Edward,” I said with a soft but stern voice. We had to talk about this, no matter how much we didn’t want to.

He sighed.

“I know,” he muttered under his breath.

He snuggled himself a little bit closer to me, pushing me on my back and resting his head on my breasts. “But can’t this wait a little bit? I am too comfortable right now.”

Now I was the one to sigh and shake my head.

“No, Edward. We need to talk about it now or we never will and you know that. And since when are you the one to baby yourself?” I countered.

“Since I am lying with the hottest woman alive in one bed after sharing a hot as fuck, well, better than that, night with her,” he mumbled burying his face between my two breasts.

Wow, he had never had been this straight forward with me, but I have to say that I liked this new closeness between us and the way he talked to me. No more Emo-ward.

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?”


“Well, I’m sorry to burst your small happy bubble if it is so, but we have to talk about it now,” I said with a firm voice.

“Why do you sound more and more like my mother with each passing day?” he groaned, lifting himself off of me and lying on his back beside me. He placed one of his hands under my head and one on my waist.

“I will pretend I didn’t hear that remark.”

“Yes, please,” he said nodding lightly. “Bella? Don’t you… Don’t you want to open your presents first?” he asked his voice with a small edge but still full of hope.

Oh how I liked torturing him like that.

“Um, I don’t think so. We really need to do it now.”

“Oh, do it we can,” he said with a smirk.

What. The. Fuck?

I was turned on to no-believe with his words. It would be a happy distraction, yes. But my mind had to stay at the matter on hand.

I smacked his shoulder and glared at him. The fact that his hand was gliding up and down my spine didn’t help at all.

“Edward. Stop it, please. You know this is important.”

“I know,” he sighed.

We were lying like that for a little more, gathering our thoughts, when I came to the decision that there was no reason to waste any more time and that we could as well bring it on and have it done with.

“Ok, I think it’s time to get it over with,” I whispered as I wrapped an arm over his chest.

“Ok, bring it on,” he growled. Oh, yes. He wasn’t pleased at all with what was going to come.

“Edward, I am not your property,” I simply stated to begin with. That was one of the lighted issues we had to deal with.

“I know that. And we discussed that already.”

“Yes, but you don’t act like you understood and we also didn't cover the whole meaning behind 'I'm not your property'. It isn't only that you made decisions for me. I am an individual being and not some dog you can have on the line that will listen to you and that you can punish when it doesn’t.”

“You don’t think that a dog is an individual being with rights? Wow, and that from a-”

“Don’t change the subject. You know what I meant.”

He sighed. Again.

“Yes. I know that. It’s just… It’s difficult for me Bella. You are the first person I opened up to wholeheartedly and it hurt like fuck to see you this way with someone else. And you can’t say that it wasn’t your fault either and you know it.” I decided to let his last comment drop. I didn’t want to get into a fight with him over that now. We had more important things to discuss. And it’s not like that one wouldn’t come up later in our conversation.

“Edward, I know how you feel, at least to an extend, but you have to know that it isn’t simple for me either. I was always controlled by my father since my mom left me with him and I did whatever was in my might to prove to him that I have my own life and am not some over proportioned doll he can play with and plan her life out for that matter. I don’t like it at all when somebody makes decisions for me, much less when one forces me to do something or wants to forbid me from doing anything. And I expect you to understand that.” I was going to tell him everything. If I wanted to do something then I would, no matter what he thought of it.

Edward looked like he was thinking about something and then turned his attention to me again.

“Will you tell me what happened with your mother?”

Well, will I?

I knew I had to be honest with him about that thing since it was something that influenced my life for very long, practically took control of all my thoughts, but was I ready to let him in just yet?

No, I wasn't.

I knew I would tell him someday, but I wasn't really to do it now.

“I will Edward. But not now. It is a very sensitive subject to discuss and I don't think that I am ready to do it nor is it the right time.” Why did he keep changing the subject? Was there more he had to hide and was he trying to distract me with everything he got?


“So, will you be able to deal with that?”

“Deal with what?” I groaned. This didn't get easier at all. He was as stubborn as ever and wasn't going to let it go.

“Deal with the fact that you are not allowed to act like my father. I don't want you to be the overprotective, possessive boyfriend.”

“You may be too late, you know that?”

“I do and that is the reason we are having this discussion right now.”

“Ok,” he whispered, “I'll try not to.”

“Thanks,” I whispered back and kissed his lips.

“But I don't promise anything.” I groaned again but let it go. I knew there was nothing more to say to that. He wouldn't budge.

He snickered a little bit at my reaction but then we fell into silence again.

“No more cheating,” he said then.

“I didn't cheat on you,” I countered him.

“And what was that with James?” he answered. I could see he was hurt. It was written all over his face and you could hear it in his voice. It was also jealousy, though.

“That was... done on purpose. I wanted you to see it. So you can't call it cheating if it was in front of your eyes. And above all that is the fact that I wanted to pull away after realizing just how wrong my actions were when you appeared.” I really hoped that would be enough of an explanation for him. I didn't know what else to say.

“It still is considered cheating, Bella,” he said with a sigh and then took his hand from under my head, took my hand from his chest and scooted a little bit to the side so that we weren't touching anymore and there was some distance between us. It must have hurt him very much when he was reacting this way.

“I'm sorry ok? If I could change it, I would and you know that. But there is no reason to hold a grudge over something like that. You know that-”

“Something like that? Bella you call that something like that?” he spat, his voice was cold and menacing.

“What do you want me to call it?” I answered him, my own anger rising in me.

“I don't know? Maybe cheating? Deceiving? Unfaithfulness? Betrayal?”

“Oh, you are going to far now. I was not the one sleeping around after telling me you loved me.”

“You were grinding yourself against him and kissing him!” he countered. Great. So that was the reason of all this?

Well, probably.

“First of all I didn't kiss him. He kissed me. I wanted to pull away just when you came. And we were dancing. When you are dancing it is common to push your body against someone else's,” I tried to argue with him. I knew that what I said was not completely true but then again, I wasn't the one sleeping around.

“But you still did. And that he kissed you doesn't change anything. You were the one that set everything up, weren't you? You wanted that to happen and it hurts even more.”

“Yes, but I told you why I did it, Edward.”

“Yeah, because you found out about my past and jumped to conclusions. Thank you very much for the trust you have in me,” he said sarcastically.

“Ugh, you are unbelievable. Are you even aware of what you are doing? You are a hypocrite after all. Even if it was this way, what I assure you wasn't, with how many women have you slept while still 'keeping your promise'?” I asked, clearly angry now, while sitting up on the bed.

“What-” I cut him off. I wouldn't let him play it down or shrug it off now. Not again.

“No, it has something to do with the whole situation, Edward and you know it. Hadn't it been for that, there wouldn't have been a problem in the first place. You would probably have called me during that one year, you wouldn't have had half of the school's population, you wouldn't have brought that Victoria with you and I wouldn't have heard her talking about you and your skills in the grocery store, while buying things to cook you a dinner. Thanks. We wouldn’t have slept together only because we desperately wanted to find a way to bind each other to us, but because the moment was right, romantic and we felt like doing it. And we wouldn't be in this mess now.” And it was all true. If it hadn’t been for his behavior we wouldn't have had to face all this problems now.

He sighed and turned towards me again. He brought one hand up to cup my cheek but I pulled away and glared at him.

“I'm sorry.”

“You should be,” I answered, but my tone changed when I saw how truly sorry he was and how much he regretted what he had done in his eyes. I lay down on the bed again, scooted closer to him and snuggled into his side. “Do you see now, why we have to discuss this, Edward?”

He nodded and kissed my hair. Then he inhaled deeply again and buried his face in my hair as he did often over the last week.

“Edward, we don't trust each other,” I stated.

It was true. We didn't trust each other. Not after what had happened. Yes, we loved each other, but trust... that was something we would have to work at.

“Bella, I do trust you,” he whispered. Of course he would have to prove me wrong. As always. I really had to fight the urge to roll my eyes at him.

“You do. As do I. But, Edward, we don't trust each other enough. And that is what we have to work on. You are not able to let go of the fact that I used James to make you jealous by doing what I did in front of your eyes and I am sure as hell not able to let go of the fact that you slept with almost every female in a twenty miles radius and what happened yesterday,” I held a hand up, “-don't argue! You know as well as I do that it is true.” I rested my hand on his chest again.

“What do we do now?” he asked me.

“Well, we have to win the other’s trust back, I would say.”

Edward nodded.

“Is everything else ok?” he asked me.

“Hmm, wait there is something more,” I said and sat up again.

I straddled his waist and leaned over his chest.

“No other girls, anymore.”

“Never,” he answered.

I leaned in and kissed his bottom lip.

“No more cheating in front of my eyes,” he said then.

I cocked an eyebrow.

“So it is ok if I cheat behind your back?” I asked him, my tone serious. I was laughing my ass off on the inside but I couldn't help but screw with him a little bit right now. He was so serious. Too serious for my liking.

Edward groaned and wrapped his arms around me, pressing me even more against his chest.

“You know what I mean, Bella. But if you need to hear it then, no, no cheating at all.”

“No cheating,” I repeated.

“And you stay away from James.”

“You remember what I said about being overprotective and possessive?”

“You remember I said I would try but didn't promise anything?” He did? Why did I agree to that again?

I huffed and he chuckled a little bit.

“Alright. No more James. I didn't like him very much to begin with.”

Now Edward was the one to cock his eyebrow.

“Very much?” Mhm, so that woke his interest. Great.

This time I didn't have it in me to not roll my eyes at his comment so I did.

“Possessive, much?” I added then and he smiled. He smiled at that.

“I don't know, do you call it that? Hmm, I don't like this sound, ugly word, but if you insist.”

I actually had to laugh at his comment. He used this line every time I would accuse him of something during the summer camp.

I brought my head a little bit closer and kissed his lips. “No, at all,” I whispered then and I could feel him smile against my lips.

“Are we ok?” he asked again.

“I would say we are. For now. But you know there is much left to talk about, don't you?”

Edward nodded.

“Well, truth be told, I don't want to discuss it right now. I need to take a shower,” I said and with that hopped up from the bed.

“Bellllllaaaa,” Edward groaned behind me. I took my top off when I reached the bathroom. I opened the door and looked back around to see him lying on my bed his head covered with a pillow.

“What?” I chuckled.

“Come back to me! I don't want to get up yet,” he whined.

“Hm, well, then you will miss on a great opportunity to shower with me, but whatever you like, baby,” I said teasing him. I hadn't really planned that, but it wouldn't hurt, would it?

In a matter of seconds the pillow which covered his head before was now on the floor, Edward was out of the bed and pressing me against the bathroom wall, kissing the life out of me.

I had to chuckle at that. One tracked mind.

“I think you have something going for walls,” I whispered against his lips.

His movements suddenly stopped and he took a step back. Shock was written in his eyes as he looked at me.

“Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't think, I just acted. Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you, really. I'm so-” I stopped his unnecessary rumbling.

“Edward. It's alright. It was stupid of me to make that comment. I'm sorry. You didn't hurt me,” I reasoned with him.

Edward nodded once but he still looked guilty.

“Edward, it is ok. Nothing happened. And even if, I don't think you would have to worry about hurting me. I very much enjoyed it.” Why did he have to be so stubborn about the most stupid things?

“I'm sorry Bella, I just...” he trailed off not knowing what to say.

“It's alright. I was stupid for pulling that stunt. I shouldn't have.”

“No Bella it's ok. But how if we take things slowly from here on?” he asked cupping my cheek.

I nodded, a little bit disappointed to say the truth, but I knew that it was the best solution.

Edward nodded too, kissed me on the lips and then went to leave the room. I couldn't resist the urge to say it though so I blurred it out.

“But you can still join me, if you want,” I whispered and let my head fall. I blushed furiously from head to toe. Now that I listened to my own words I wanted to kick myself for saying them.

Edward laughed at me and then wrapped his hands around me.

“No need to be shy, love,” he whispered and took my bottom lip into his, lightly sucking on it. Slowly his hands traveled from my back, lower following my spine, around my waist and rested on my hips leaving a burning sensation wherever he touched me.

Edward intensified the kiss, lightly tracing my bottom lip with his tongue. I parted my lips willingly and his tongue came in contact with mine and his hands glided back and forth from my hips to the skin of my exposed stomach, caressing the skin there. His left hand traveled up my side and brushed my breast causing me to moan.

Edward released my lips, a crooked smile playing on his own, and slowly started kissing his way down my body. First his lips traveled from my jaw, over my neck, to my collarbone, over my breasts, to the exposed skin of my stomach and finally stopped at the edge of my shorts. He took a step back and then oh so slowly removed my shorts, leaving me only in my panties since I didn't wear a bra to bed yesterday.

He looked up at me from under his long dark lashes and smiled his irresistible crooked grin that caused me to burn on the inside and my breathing to pick up.

His hand slowly traveled down my thigh and up again to my stomach and finally to my breast cupping it lightly.

“Edward,” I moaned. “That is definitely not taking it slowl,” I got out in a breath.

Edward chuckled and then stood up to his feet again.

“Ok, I'm sorry, love, but you were just too irresistible not to.”

I was irresistible? Man, if I was irresistible what was he then? Was he this blind or only naive?

He chuckled at the confused expression I was sure was on my face and continued kissing my lips. He then broke the kiss and walked over to the shower and he turned it on.

In that time I took off my panties and walked over to him wrapping my hands around his waist from behind. Edward turned around and slowly hugged me back. We simply stood there for I don't know how long cherishing the fact that we could indeed be in each others arms after all that happened. Eventually I entered the shower and Edward joined me after taking his own clothes off.

Standing under the stream of hot water we started washing each others bodies. My hands traveled up and down his stone chest, over his strong shoulders to his arms. My hands were itching to let them travel lower than his stomach but I tried to fight it. After all we had just decided to take it slow.

Slow. As if! We are naked in the shower. Together.

I could see in his eyes that it was also difficult for him to hold his hands to himself. He decided to keep them busy with washing my hair.

Never and I mean, never, had washing my hair felt this good. His long fingers massaging my skull was amazing. The man had very skilled hands. I couldn't help but moan at his touch.

After he finished I decided it was time to return the favor.

“Ok, kneel down,” I commanded him. Hey! We are not all this tall, ok?

Edward of course obligated and soon enough I had my hands buried in his hair, washing it, while he had his arms wrapped around my waist and was pressed against my legs. Edward was slowly kissing up and down my stomach and it surely didn't help my concentration or self-control. If he wouldn't stop soon, I was sure to loose it.

“Edward,” I moaned as his hands started gliding a little bit lower. I tugged on his hair but he didn't stop.

“Edward,” I said again. He simply continued. His hands traveled from my waist to my butt and down to my thighs. He was rubbing circles everywhere he touched and with the hot water coming from above it felt even better.

He took one of my legs and wrapped it over his shoulder, causing me to yelp and him to chuckle in response. Then he started kissing and rubbing my thigh.

I was more than embarrassed because of the position we were in. He could see all of me and that wasn't something I had thought about before putting us in this situation. Still the feeling of his lips and the hot water on my skin was amazing.

As he continued his assaults on my thigh, my breathing picked up rapidly. Edward, being Edward, of course noticed and his face broke into a huge grin. He continued kissing my thigh and with each kiss he came closer to the place that was practically screaming for a little bit more attention. Right now I didn't have it in me to say no.

Fuck taking it slow.

“Edward,” I growled as he started running his hands near my sensitive spot. I was panting hard by now and he was acting as if he wouldn't notice or it wouldn't affect him at all.

I pressed his shoulders back and he finally looked up. That was it. I wasn't the one he would play games with.

As soon as his eyes met mine the brutish urge in me broke free and took over my actions. I launched myself forward and right into his arms, kissing him hard on his lips. As the kiss heated, I parted my lips and traced my tongue over his, asking silently for permission, which he immediately granted. Our tongues met and started to battle for domination while our hands roamed over each others body, touching the exposed, wet skin.

Eventually the need for air made us break the kiss and I panted into his mouth, “Forget taking it slow.”

Edward chuckled a little bit at my comment but within seconds stood on his feet again, had me securely wrapped in his arms and started walking to wards our bed, after turning the shower of. He slowly placed me in the middle of the bed and then simply stood there watching me. I felt exposed and insecure but he didn't seem to notice. He seemed frozen. The only thing that showed otherwise was the burning of lust in his eyes and the small smile that grew bigger with each passing second.

As my breathing calmed down I started growing irritated with him only standing there and watching me. I got up to my knees in front of him and poked his chest with a finger.

“Are you going to do something or will you simply stand there and watch me?” I asked him. His smile got even wider and then he looked me dead serious in the eyes. He bend down slightly and kissed me softly on my lips. That was so not what I expected.

His hands found their way to my waist and he slowly pushed me down on my back. He hovered above me, his weight resting on his forearms that were on either side of me, and started kissing my jaw, slowly moving towards my ear. When he reached it he whispered, “I love you, baby,” and then sucked on my earlobe causing a shudder to run over me.

He continued kissing my face and then started traveling lower to my neck and collarbone. Each inch of my body his that his lips touched was instantly on fire and the rest simply burned for his touch. My hands were running up and down over his shoulders and arms, trying to touch him as much as I could as to not to lose it.

Edwards mouth had reached my breasts when he darted his tongue out and started assaulting one of them. He massaged and pinched the other one with his hand. He licked one nipple and then flicked it with his warm wet tongue causing me to moan out loud by the pleasure it caused me. I could feel him smiling against my skin.

God, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

After playing long enough with my breasts he decided to travel down lower. He slowly licked his way down my stomach and to my throbbing center. I didn't know how to feel exactly with him there. I wasn't exactly comfortable when he shoved my knees apart, but the moment his thumb came in contact with my burning clit all self-consciousness flew out the window as pure pleasure and desire overtook my body.

I moaned aloud when he slowly pressed a finger between my wet folds.

“Baby, you are so fucking wet,” he groaned against my skin.

Suddenly I felt two fingers plunge into me at a very fast speed. I moaned at the feeling of his fingers in me. They were long and might I add very talented. They were not only good use for playing piano.

I could feel how with every push of his fingers my body tensed. Noticing that he added another one and continued pumping them into me. I moaned every time they entered me again.

Edward smirked when he saw my body tense more and more. He lowered his head to my clit and let his tongue travel over it. I cried out in pleasure. His fingers alone were amazing. His fingers and his tongue combined were heaven.

He sucked a little bit longer on my clit while I chanted his name like a prayer and then he bit down on my bundle of nerves. At the same time he curled his fingers inside of me, causing me to come vigorously and my body to tremble as my orgasm overcame me. My limbs were now spread out on the bed and totally limb.

“That...was...” I panted so hard I couldn't even form a whole sentence.. My mind was too... otherwise... occupied, lets say.

Edward licked and sucked all of the moisture that my body produced off of me and then started kissing his way up my body again.

I was still panting hard at the time he reached my lips again. He kissed me softly, but I decided to deepen the kiss. I brought my still unfeeling, heavy hands up and buried them in his messy hair, pressing his head farther down to mine. I deepened the kiss and soon I could feel my energy come back to me and new lust for this amazing man boil in me.

As we broke the kiss Edward was also panting. It was satisfying to see what I could do to him, by practically not doing anything. I could feel his erection pressed against my thigh.

Edward grinned at me and then parted my knees again. This time he didn't travel down though. He positioned himself at my entrance and then started teasing me by pressing his shaft against my core and then sliding it between my wet folds.

I groaned and he looked up into my eyes as if asking me for permission which I immediately granted him by nodding furiously.

Great! I chided myself. The hottest guy ever wants to have his way with you and you are nodding like some retard!

Edward of course wasn't aware of my little inner argument. He actually brought me out of it by the feeling of his tip pressing slightly into me.

My breathing became even more erratic than it already was and my back arched as soon as I felt him even the tiniest bit inside of me. Edward then took both of my hands in his and intertwined our fingers on each side of my head. His own head came lower and he kissed my lips as I felt him push his whole glory into me. This time it didn't hurt though, it was just uncomfortable until he began moving in me and I soon grew accustomed to his size.

We were passionately kissing while Edward was thrusting into me in a slow pace and I was meeting each of his thrusts raising my hips.

We picked up a comfortable pace for us both and soon we became sticky and sweaty.

I could feel the pressure in me rising again and Edward was starting to tense too. His thrust came faster, harder and more urgent. He released one of my hands and slipped his between our bodies and started working on my very sensitive and swollen bundle of nerves, pinching and twisting it.

My free hand made its way to his shoulder where I clutched it for dear life as I could feel my walls tighten more and more. I brought my feet up and wrapped my legs around his waist causing him to thrust into me in a new deeper angle.

We both were chanting each others names like our life would depend on it.

Soon Edwards shoves became deeper and harder and I new that he wasn't going to last long. Releasing my lips he whispered “Come for me baby,” and then took one of my nipples into his mouth.

That's when I lost it. Again I could feel my walls tighten and clenching around him and my body trembling as my second orgasm hit me. At the same time I felt Edward twitch in me and then his own release followed.

He plumped down on me and I welcomed his whole weight happily. Soon he composed himself, though, and rolled us over. He on his back and me lying on his chest.

Edward wrapped his arms around me and started kissing up and down my neck, both our breathings still erratic. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of being complete and still intertwined with him in the most intimate of ways.

“I love you,” I mumbled to him then. I was so exhausted that I don't even know if he could make out what I said.

He chuckled a little bit but then answered “I love you, too, baby.”

I don't know for how long we simply lied there but we eventually got up and showered again, this time without other distractions. I got dressed and Edward left and went to his room to do the same. That gave me some time to think.

Many things had happened in the last 24 hours. Some were good and others not so much. Sure, the whole situation wasn't what either of us wanted, nor had we planned anything this way, but the end result was acceptable.

I don't think we took a step back in our relationship. If anything, we deepened it. Just not in the way we intended to. Not that I complain...

Sure I would have liked for Edward to tell me all this before everything happened. I would have liked for him to get his shit together and find the balls to tell me himself. Of course I would have preferred to never hear about anything like this, but not if he would have to hide it from me. I wanted to have a real relationship with him and a real relationship is based on trust. Something that we both don’t have.

It hurt to find out about his habits. And it hurt even more to know what he thought about himself. Because, honestly, I didn't believe him. I knew that he was honest with me back then. He spoke so sincere and with faith in what he was saying. I couldn't ever imagine that all this was only a mask. I had seen how he acted towards the others at the beginning... but he opened up. He opened up and what he showed, what part of his mind he shared with me... was truly beautiful. Nobody could make up something like this. Nobody could. Why would somebody want that after all.

I thought back to what had happened last night. How he attacked me and how we ended up. That wasn't the way I thought it would happen. And honestly I didn't really know what to think of it first. He was aggressive first, tried to force himself on me, but I was willing. He wanted to hold on to me the same way I wanted to hold on to him. We both wanted to be with each other even if it would have to be the last time. We wanted to hold each other, to feel complete. I can't blame him. That was what I wanted. Even if it didn't happen exactly the way I imagined. But hey, at least we were in my room and not in the car were I made my first attempts to seduce him.

And lets face it.

The sex is great.

Edward came into my room and quickly sat beside me on my bed. He looked thoughtful for a moment before opening his mouth a few times and then quickly shutting it again. Well, that wasn't something I was used to. It picked my interest.

After some more attempts he finally took a deep breath and looked back up into my eyes.

“I'm sorry,” he blurted out. That again.

“Edward, it's ok. You-” he cut me off.

“No Bella, it's not that. It's...” he trailed off.

“What is it?” I asked him. What was it that had him so worked up.

Edward looked torn for a moment and ran his hand through his hair. There was an emotion playing on his eyes I couldn't quiet make out... fear? And guilt?

No, that couldn't be.

Edward took another deep breath and then took me in his arms. That was a bad beginning.

“Bella,” he whispered against my hair, “we didn't use protection.”

I looked up into his eyes and only saw seriousness. I sat there for some moments only staring at him before finally starting to laugh hysterically.

God, here came depressed Emo-ward again.

I was clutching onto my stomach when I said, “E-Edward, it-it's ok. I'm on birth-control.”

He looked at me for a little while before his face broke into a smile of his own. I kissed his lips and then got up. I took two steps and then froze.

“Edward?” I asked. I think he could make out the slight panic in my voice.

“Yes, love?” I could clearly make out his own tightness in his voice. I think he knew what thought popped into my mind and what I was about to ask him. I knew it was probably going to hurt him, and really, I hadn't thought about it before. But now that he mentioned that he 'forgot' to use protection... I had to ask.

“Could... Could it be that there are small Edwards running around somewhere?” I could see how pain took over his features and yet there was understanding... and anger.

“No,” he answered abruptly. “You are the only one I had unprotected sex with, Bella. And... well, we were being safe... I just didn't know. I'm sorry I forgot, though. I should have been more responsible.”

That calmed me down a little bit. I wasn't there a hundred percent yet, but... I think that was the trust we had to find in each other.

I walked over to him and hugged him. “I believe you,” I whispered to him. He nodded and kissed my lips. Then he turned around lightly and handed me a box I wasn't even aware he had brought here.

“Edward, I-”

“Just open it, Bella.”

I knew there was no fighting him right now and honestly I didn't even have the heart to, after all that had happened so I simply did what he told me. I unwrapped the beautiful package only to reveal a so much more beautiful dark wooden box.

“It was my mothers jewelery box,” he whispered in my ear. My eyes welled up with tears and I lifted my head back to look at him. I lifted my hand to his face and slowly traced his lips and then kissed them.

The box was beautiful and there was a meaning behind it. It belonged to Edward's mother. That meant it was a family heirloom and from its looks a very expensive one. I was honored to have it. I knew it had to mean much to him.

A tear made its way down my cheek as I looked at the boxes design and in what a good shape it was in and Edward kissed it off.

“Why don't you open it?” he asked then.

I eyed him sceptically for a moment before returning my gaze to the box in my lap. I slowly lifted the lead and my breath caught. There in the box a single item was placed. It was a beautiful charm bracelet. With trembling hands I took it out of the box and looked at it.

It was a simple gold bracelet and fife charms were hanging from it. There was a small hourglass with crystal, a key with a diamond inside, a heart with diamonds in it, a beautiful letter “E” disc charm and another one looking exactly the same with the letter “B” on it.

I was looking at each charm and I could already feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. He was so thoughtful, so romantic. Everything he gave me had a reason behind it.

He took the bracelet from my hands and put it around my wrist. Then he kissed my knuckles and each charm. He looked up into my eyes and saw the glistening moisture that was ready to fall. He whipped it away with his fingers and then kissed my lips. Then he slowly brought my hand up in front of my eyes.

“Do you want to know what each of them means?” he asked me.

I simply nodded and he smiled.

He pointed to the two letters first. “I suppose you already know what these two are for?”

Of course I did. But that didn't mean that I didn't want to hear him say it. So I remained silent.

“The 'B' is the first letter of your name. The name of the girl that owns me,” he whispered. “The 'E' is the first letter of the name of the silly boy that fell completely in love with you and isn't able to function without you.” Leave it to him to be all cheesy. But god, I was melting. “The heart... is mine. You own my heart Bella and exactly that is what this charm represents. The same way this charm belongs to you, does my heart.” He smiled his crocked smile that was melting my bones and kissed away the tears that were rolling down my face.

I looked down at my hand and there were two more charms.

“Wh-what is with the other two?”

“Well, the hourglass represents that my love for you is undying. I will love you forever no matter what. It is just like with the hourglass. The sand may end on one side... but when you turn it around it continues to fall. Again and again. It is there... all the time. Yes it changes sides, but it doesn't disappear. Time does not stop. Neither does my love for you. There will be ups and downs, I am aware of it, but it will be there forever. Just like time.” That was one of the most romantic things he had ever said to me.

I wrapped my hands around him and squeezed him to me.

“And the key?” I asked.

He stroked my cheek and then whispered, “It has many meanings. And all of them you are going to have to find out on your own, my love.”

He kissed my lips then and hugged me back.

My mind was still wandering around trying to place a specific meaning to the key charm when his chuckle brought me out of my thoughts.

“What are you laughing about?” I asked him.

“Um, I was just thinking about how you may possibly react to your other presents.”


“Other presents?” I asked him. I think he could make out in my voice how afraid I was of what was to come, because he started laughing even harder.

“Of course. What did you think? There is also Alice and Jasper and Rosalie and Emmett, they all had something planned for you. They wanted to give it to you yesterday before...” he trailed off realizing what he had said.

I simply nodded. I had completely forgotten about everybody while everything happened.

“I'm sorry,” I said then. I couldn't help but feel guilty for what I had done. Not only did it make things between me and Edward more complicated, but I also destroyed everything they had planned.

“No reason to be. You will see. We can do almost everything today. You won't lose anything.”

I gave him a little smile, even though it was forced. I think he realized it too.

“Edward... if I ask you something... do you promise to tell me then?” I asked. I had to know why they all had been so distant to me this long if it wasn't what I assumed.


“Why was everybody so distant towards me?”

“I asked them to,” he stated with an apologetic look on his face.

I couldn't believe what I just heard.

“You what?”

He asked them to? He was the reason everybody was practically ignoring me?

“Why would you do that?”

“You will see soon enough. Today if Jasper managed to arrange everything.”

What had Jasper got to do with all this? And what was there to arrange? I was getting only more and more confused.

“Stop giving me that look. You will find out today. No need to strain that beautiful head of yours. Now, come on. It's time to face the real world,” he said with a chuckle and got up from my bed. He extend his hand to me and after I took it, helped me up. Together we left my room and went to face what was surely going to be hell on earth.



Ok, so I don't know if you noticed but I have major problems writing lemons T-T Some help? - And no Dora (sis) I am not going to watch porns! I know it's what you were thinking! Imaginary Edward told me!

Yeah, I know... there are many things left to say, many problems left to solve... but lets give them some happy time, don't we? And don't be afraid, James will make a re-appearance...

Oh, and that was the end of EMOward! Now comes Sex-ward... for now ^^ … and for... the next 5 chapters or so... then comes Regret-ward... then again Sex-ward... then Overprotective-ward... then Oh-God-I'm-So-Hurt-I'm-Gonna-Die-Ward... and much much more ...-wards... And what does that mean?

There are many chapters to follow! ^^

Now leave me some love... it encurages me to write faster!