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Love is a War

Love is like war ~ easy to start, hard to end, impossible to forget. They meet, they fall in love, they have to part. He promised to contact her, but never did, she promised to wait for him. A year later they have to live in the same residential community. She is hurt, broken. He wants her back. *lemons* - very OOC BannerFans.com


5. Chapter 5: The Way to Paradise is Steep

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Guys please check out the A/N at the end. It is important ^^

Here comes Chapter 5!


Chapter 5: The Way to Paradise is Steep


I was still standing there in the doorway, totally petrified, while Fuckward was staring at me.

I knew I had to leave and I had to do it now!

I felt more tears rolling down my face, my chest rising quickly up and down and I could hear soft sobs. Instantly I knew these betraying sobs came from me. Not only was my body backstabbing me completely by letting me down and petrified in a moment of total urgency, no, it also had to show this prick how broken I was by his doings.

I was instantly mad and angry.

The dick, - Nice use of your oh so precious vocabulary, girl. I thought to myself. – raised his hand and started to say, “Bella, I…” but quickly trailed off.

Of course. Like he could say something to this. Explain this…

I was hurt. I was very hurt. And I knew that his doings were the cause of it.

I started laughing hysterically about how stupid I was to think that he would really love me and keep his darn promise.

Of course he wouldn’t.

Fuckward’s facial expression turned to one of total hurt now. Like he was the one martyred in this situation. Even though seeing his beautiful face so sad and hurt made my heart ache, I was so angry and hurt myself at the fucking moment, that I even felt satisfied by this sight and thought Good! Feel the pain you are causing me! I was such a bitch. But I liked being one right now.

I continued laughing, but soon the laughter turned into sobs again and I decided that now was the time to act.

I looked straight into his beautiful mesmerizing eyes and did what I think he would have never expected. I raised my left hand and showed him the ring I was still wearing. I saw that the look on his face changed to one of even more hurt. Good, I though to myself, watch and enjoy the show! I slowly raised my other hand to this one and took the ring off even slower.

He was gazing at my hands, particularly at the ring that was now in my right one.

I lifted the ring in front of my eyes and looked at it one last time. Then I quickly and with as much force as my body could bring up in that moment throw it at him and simply turned on my heels. Half laughing half crying I went to my room, which, of all things, just had to be his former one. Everything in there reminded me of him.

I lay down on my bed and started crying even harder. I could hear some voices downstairs. I recognized Alice’s and Rosalie’s. They were both yelling at this asshole for what he had done to me.

Why didn’t they just shut up?

I didn’t want to be reminded of this, so I decided to do something productive and prepare myself for my first lessons tomorrow. After all I would be starting college tomorrow and I knew that it wouldn’t be exactly easy. I was here on a scholarship. I couldn’t take that for granted. I would have to work hard to be able to continue studying at this college, though I wasn’t sure anymore if I wanted to do so at all.

I went to my bag and opened it. In there I had already placed the books for the lesson tomorrow. Reading was a welcome distraction in this moment. Every time I got a book in my hands I just got lost in the described action. Hopefully the same would happen now too.

However after some minutes I gave up. I couldn’t concentrate on anything that was written on the pages right now. There were only letters that didn’t make any sense to me, and the constant bumping of Alice on the locked door wasn’t helping either. She was there now, screaming at me to open the door and threatening me that she’d just get Jasper to break it down, while Rosalie was still shouting at Edward, now accompanied by Emmett.

I reluctantly stood up from my bed went to open the door, only because I feared that Jasper’s actions may cause some irreparable damage to the expensive door.

I left it open and sat back on my bed, with Alice entering the room, closing and locking the door, and walking to my bed right behind me.

I didn’t look at her face. I knew that by doing so I would just see in her eyes the pain I felt. Bleeding Hell! She was Alice, she was going to suffer with me.

“Bella,” she said so I would look at her.

But I couldn’t. Tears were making their way down my face again.

“Bella, we have to talk about it. I am so sorry, Bella. I didn’t know about all of this.”

“Alice,” I sobbed, “why are you here? Go back to Jasper.”

“Bella! Jasper is not important right now! How did he even cross your mind in this situation?”

I thought a minute about it. Yeah, how?

“Alice! I really don’t want you in here right now. I want to be alone! I need to process everything first on my own.”

“And how do you intend on doing that, Bella? By sitting all alone in your room and reading old books? I do not think that this will help things as they are. I have told you before that you are not able to make your own decisions.”

I knew Alice was right. I had already proved that. But what did she want me to do with the decisions? Did she forget that it was her fucking decisions that lead me to the desperate situation I was now in? How did she want me to trust her again? All this was royally screwed.

Anger raised in me again. But this time it was directed on Alice.

“Alice! Fuck off! You know that if it weren’t your decisions that I would be all right? I would probably study somewhere right now, happy and with a boyfriend I could actually love! I would have never gone to this dumb summer camp and would have never met Edward. I wouldn’t have been feeling all this anxiety all year long and most certainly I wouldn’t have my fucking heart broken now!” I was shouting at her by now.

I could see tears gather in her eyes and I instantly regretted my words.

I went and hugged her.

Life is funny. Two minutes ago I was the one crying and she the one yelling at me in an attempt to comfort me and now she was crying because I shouted at her for always wanting the best for me.

We are crying together for mistakes we both made. How ironic.

“Alice, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just… this whole situation is too much for me Alice. I can’t handle it. I don’t know what to do.”

“Bella. You know I am here to help you. And Jasper will help you, too, and Rosalie, and Emmett. You don’t have to worry about anything.”

“Thank you, Alice,” I said and hugged her.

We lay in each other’s arms, without saying anything and comforting the other until Alice spoke up again.

“Bella, you know it isn’t over, don’t you?”

I sighed. “Yes, Alice, I know.”

“I think it is the best if you just confront him now.”

I looked at her in disbelieve. Did she really want me to talk fucking to him NOW?

I shook my head.

“No, Alice. I can’t. Not now. Let things quiet down a bit.”

“Bella. It is now or never. You know things won’t settle down this easily and you also know that if you don’t do it right now you’ll probably never come up with the courage to do so. You have to do this now,” her tone was very serious.

She scowled at me, stood up and walked out of my room.

Freaking little pixie... I’ll get back at you for this one. I swear.

In truth, I knew that what she was saying was true. But was I able to do so? Was I able to face him right now?


I had to get away from here.

As soon as this thought crossed my mind, I left, running for the door. I didn’t even close it behind me.

As I passed the living-room I could see that everybody was seated in there except for Fuckward.

No, of course he wouldn’t. He has a girlfriend to take home and eat up.

I don’t know why, but again tears gathered in my eyes. Fucking tears! The frigging evidence that I was still not over that bastard and hurt!

I run outside and to the street.

I didn’t have a car here in Chicago so I had to hail a taxi. But where should it take me?

I wasn’t sure. I just wanted to be out of that house and now I needed somewhere to go.

I remembered a place I had found some days ago, which was very calming. After a shopping tour, the girls and I made, I wanted to go to a bookstore. On my way back to the restaurant we wanted to meet at I found it.

It was a beautiful small lake, surrounded by trees and flowers. It reminded me somehow of the meadow, but I would simply not think about it.

Quickly I told the cab driver where to take me to and he obeyed.

As soon as the cab came to a halt I threw some money at the driver and got out of it as quick as I could manage.

There I stood, surrounded by a beautiful view, beautiful view that didn’t match my feelings at all, a thing that wasn’t likely going to change, no matter how long I would be standing here.

I knew that the lake and its surroundings looked beautiful by daylight. But now, in the middle of the night, now that there was only some moonlight that lightened the place, it was even more impressing. Every small detail of the environment was reflected in the water. A light breeze blew and put everything in motion. The trees moved slowly and at the edge of the small lake you could see very small waves forming. Everything was green and familiar. It reminded me of home, of Forks.

I decided to sit down on a bench and just enjoy the place a little bit more.

I was looking at this breath-taking scenery and I realized how pitiful my life really was.

My parents got divorced when I was only two years old and I moved with my mother to Phoenix. I could never be okay with this fact. I always thought that it was my fault they got divorced. When I was 10 my mother re-married. Phil was a great guy; he and my mom were literally made for each other. But I didn’t feel like I belonged to this small family. I often had arguments with them about that, some emotional breakdowns and visits to a shrink were the consequences. Finally at the age of 13, I was allowed to move in with dad. My shrink had thought it would help me. Really, it did. But not because of my father, the new life I was going to start or the possibility of letting the past behind. No. It was because of Alice.

Alice was there for me. She was my stepping stone; the one to support me in whatever I needed. She was the one that showed me what life really is and how to live it. This was until last summer where one of her moves leaded to the destruction of my life. I swear this little pixie had arranged something. Her last ‘That went pretty good, didn’t it?’ during my and Fuckward’s formal introduction simply wouldn’t leave my mind. She also told me he called her. Something really was wrong here. And then there was the fact that she decided that we had to move in with him, without asking me before. Something was totally wrong. But she surely didn’t know about him and his girlfriend. She couldn’t. How? Would she have brought me here in this case? Now, that I thought about everything that happened I realized that she wanted to hook us up. Poor, girl. She couldn’t have seen what was going to happen.

Fuck you Alice!

Fuck you Edward!

I didn’t need them. I could go on on my own. Yes, I would probably miss them, but hey, I would find new friends. Maybe fall in love again someday.

I decided to go home.

I stood up with my cell already in my hand to hail a cab and suddenly two strong arms embraced me.

I panicked.

“No! Let me go, you asshole!” I screamed. But the person didn’t release his grip.


It was Edward. Edward was holding me. No!

“Let go of me!” I shouted and started throwing my arms and legs around.

“No, Bella. I am not going to let you leave again. You have to listen!” His grip became even stronger.

“NO! Let me GO!”

“Bella! Shut up!”

“N-“ I didn’t have a chance to end my sentence. Edward’s lips were already on mine. He kissed me with all his force. I tried to fight him but his lips were so forceful, soft and warm that I simply couldn’t. It felt right. I haven’t kissed somebody like that since, well, the day we parted. Pictures of the time we were together flashed in front of my eyes and tears started running down my face. I decided to kiss him back, since this would probably be the last time.

A bit after that, he broke the kiss. He had a huge grin spread all over his face.

I slapped him.

“Why?” was all I could say before I broke down crying.


“No. Not Bella, Edward. Why did you lie to me? Why did you never call? Why didn’t you tell me you were seeing someone else?”

“Bella, I didn’t lie to you. I really do lo-“

“NO!” I screamed, “I don’t want to hear that from you!”

“But it is the truth Bella!”

“It is the truth? Explain then why you have a girlfriend, Edward! Explain to me why you brought her home! Explain to me, why you were going to fuck her!”

He was silent.

“Great!” I shouted.

“No, Bella. You got me wrong. She is not my girlfriend.”

“That is even better Edward!”

“Bella! Don’t be so sarcastic. You were the one with the boyfriend!”

Was he serious now? Was he really going to blame me now?

“Don’t you dare involve Mike in this, Edward! He has nothing to do with all this! You are the sick asshole here.”

“No? He doesn’t? Bella, you promised to wait. You told me that you would wait for me, you even wore that fucking ring I gave you!”

I was sobbing by now.

“Bella. Please. Let me explain.”

I didn’t respond, so he decided to take matters in his own hands.

Since I wouldn’t move he lifted me in his hands, went to a bench, sat down and placed me on his lap. I didn’t refuse. I was so hurt right now, I wouldn’t be even able to move if I wanted.

He started stroking my back and kissing my neck lightly. Shudders run all over my body by his touch.

“Bella. Even if you don’t want to hear it; I love you. I never stopped loving you.”

I winced.

“Bella, I love you. And I will remind you of that every day.”

I couldn’t bear more of his false promises and lies so I had do something.

“Edward. Let me go. I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“You won’t, Bella. Now we are together here. We won’t part again. Please, Bella, give me a chance.”

“Edward, how can I believe you? You have promised me so many things. You have told me you love me and yet every action you made hurts me. Every touch, every word you say is like a stab in the chest. How do you want me to believe you?”

“You have to trust me, Bella.”

“Edward, sometimes simply trust is not enough. I have trusted you, Edward. I have loved you, but you tossed everything out of the window. I wanted to welcome you home, Edward. I wanted to work this one out. But you came home with her. What am I supposed to think now? What am I supposed to do?”

Edward looked like he was crying. I could see the pain in his eyes now. But it was true. Every word I said was true. I hurt. I was dying inwardly. And he was the cause of it.

“Bella, did you love that Mike?” How did this come up? It was about him right now, wasn’t it? This was about his mistakes.

“What has Mike to do with all this?”

“Just answer my question. Please, Bella.”

I couldn’t lie to him. Yes, he had hurt me, but I simply couldn’t. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes he did. That would only lower me to his level.

“No, but-“

“Bella, I didn’t love that girl. Just like you didn’t love Mike. I wanted to use her to make a clean brake between us. I thought it would be better so. I thought I could do this. But then I realized it was wrong and I wanted to stop it. But you came into the room at that very second and everything was destroyed. I saw the pain in your eyes and you threw that ring at me. I knew then that I couldn’t live this way. Bella, I fucking need to have you in my life. I can’t live without you. Since the first moment I saw you, you became my life. I love you! I have loved you since the very first moment!” he paused here a little bit but then continued, “Bella, do you love me?”

I wanted to scream them out, but I couldn’t bring those words over my lips. I knew I did love him, but was I ready to let him know? Hell yes! But who could promise me that this wasn’t just another game played by a rich boy? I knew his previous words had persuaded me that he did love me back, the emotion in his eyes, his voice, his words, everything proved it. But after I was hurt so much I couldn’t simply tell him that I loved him and that everything would be alright. As much as I wanted it to, it wasn’t and it wouldn’t. I needed time. We needed time, if there even was a “we”. We needed to discuss matters over and see how everything will work out. But I also didn’t want him to believe I didn’t love him. I wanted him to know. I wanted him to know he was special to me, he was everything to me. I just wasn’t able to say this specific word in front of him, yet. It would be as if I forgot the last year, gave in. And I didn’t want to. I wasn’t ready.

I was deep in thought. What should I say to him?

“Would I be here crying if not?” I simply said. These words showed him that I loved him. This was the deeper meaning. But they were not the specific words. I think I could live with that for now.

Then his lips were on mine again. This kiss was not as forceful as the previous one but it was filled with even more emotion and passion. If I didn’t believe him earlier when he was telling me he loved me, all my doubts were washed away by now with that little kiss.

His lips moved in perfect synchronization with mine. I didn’t even have to think about it. It was simple, natural. His tongue slowly traced my bottom lip and I opened my mouth for him. He slid his tongue in and started caressing mine. The feeling was overwhelming.

I could feel how he slid something up my finger and I was pretty sure that it was the promise ring.

I broke the kiss and looked him in the eyes.

“I love you, Bella. Will you accept this ring again?”

“Edward…” I thought about what I was going to say “I…” This ring was a symbol of our feelings for each other, the symbol that we were together. I knew we would be if I did accept it again. And I knew I wanted it to be, so I gave in, against my better judgment of discussing things over first. “Yes.”

And with that he kissed me again.

We were lying there in the arms of each other simply kissing and cuddling. It felt so right. I felt happy. But there was one thing bugging me. And it was bugging me constantly.

“Edward?” I said and he looked up from my neck and in my eyes.

“Will you answer me one question?”

“Anything you want.”

“What was the problem you said you had to deal with?”

His face fell instantly.

“Bella. I can’t tell you this one.”

It hurt to hear these words from him.

“You promised.”

“I know. But I can’t. You will find out soon enough I think.”

“It is the first promise you broke again, you know that?”

“Bella. Please. Don’t be that way. I promise I will tell you everything someday. I really do. But please let me enjoy what we have first.”

“Edward, tell me at least what it is about.”



“Yes, Bella. Reputation. But I can’t tell you anything. Not yet.”


“But will you promise me something?”

“Of course, Edward.”

“Stay away from people in town. Yes, there are some innocent, but not all of them are. I want you to be on your guard and not believe everything you hear.”

This sounded weird. Very weird. But I had promised him, so I nodded.

We spent some more time sitting there together but then we decided it was time to go home.

We sat in the cab and a new thought crossed my mind.

“Edward, why did you give me your room?”

“Mmh?” He obviously was paying more attention to kissing my hair than to what I was saying.

“Why did you give up on your room? I thought you loved it.”

“Not as much as I love you. I wasn’t sure if this one would work out and I wanted you to have something of mine, something that I loved.”

“Thank you Edward.” I said and kissed him. “But tell me one more thing, how did you find me?”

He smiled his beautiful crooked smile at me.

“That was easy,” he said but his face suddenly became hurt again, “After what had happened I drove Victoria to the nearest bus station. When I got home you weren’t there, so I simply started looking everywhere I thought you might be. And then I remembered a place that always reminded me of you and your beauty and I don’t know why, but I just knew that I would find you here. You know, every time when I would feel alone or need time to think about something, I would come here and I would think about you.”

When he finished, I was crying. Again. But they were happy tears, tears that I welcomed.

Edward raised his hand and stroked my tears away.

By now we had arrived home. Edward paid the cabdriver and went to my side to open the door for me.

It felt great; like I would be a real lady, a princess and he my prince. I was so lucky…

My luck didn’t last long though. As soon as Edward had closed the door of the cab the house door flew open and Pixie stood in the doorway.

She scowled at him and then looked with apologetic eyes at me.

Wow, she still thought that something was wrong between us.

Let’s play a game…

Edward must have had the same thought I had because he lightly nudged me. I, of course, had my balance problems showing right at this moment and fell. I braced myself to great the ground, shut my eyes close and waited for the impact… and waited… and waited… and waited… but somehow it never came. Instead I felt strong arms wrap around my waist. I grinned inwardly. Nice catch, Masen! I thought to myself as I slowly opened my eyes and looked at him. He was bowed above me and his eyes reflected the same thought I had before.

It was time to act.

“Edward! Let go of me!” I shouted.

“No, Bella! You didn’t talk to me the whole drive long! If you don’t want to talk, fine! But you have to listen at least!” he played along.

“No! I won’t!”

He looked as if he was thinking about something.

“Ok. You don’t need to anyway. You know what? Don’t talk. It is better this way!” And with that his lips were on mine. Again we were captured in a passionate kiss and forgot about the world around us. Only the gasps that came from Jasper and Alice and Emmett’s ear-piercing laughter reminded us of where we were. Rosalie just stood motionless.

We broke apart and started laughing while everybody else was screaming.

“I knew it! I knew it!” Emmett yelled from the doorway like a small five year-old.

“About fucking time, Edward.” Jasper said from behind him.

“You two played a dirty trick on us!” Alice said and tried to act mad, but the smile that crept in her face betrayed her.

“Why am I the last to know? You guys should have told me! Edward! We live together for a year now, since after that summer camp. And Bella! I thought we were friends! Why didn’t you tell me?” Rose complained.

“Ok, Rose. I’m sorry,” I said.

“Yeah, you should be.”

“Ok. Enough of that now,” Pixie interfered, “Edward, Emmett, Jasper – in your rooms,” she said. “Girls! We are going to have a girls night now!”

I growled the idea of having to spend a whole night talking about relationships - I just knew it was going to happen. That fucking little pixie couldn’t just survive without gossiping! – and Edward laughed at my reaction.

He kissed me on my cheek and entered the house with the guys leaving me alone with a crazy pixie and a mad beauty queen.

What a great boyfriend he is. I thought sarcastically to myself.

No, this fucking fellow would never change. But he was MY fucking fellow who I loved and who loved me back.

I looked down at my ring and did something that I never expected me to do again. I smiled at it and felt proud and happy of wearing it.

The way to paradise is steep. I thought to myself. But it is definitely worth it…



I had promised you before it would get better, didn’t I?

I hope you liked it!

My sister keeps reminding me that my story is total shit. So sorry, if you didn’t, but it is my first one and I try my best to live up to your expectations. But this is impossible if you don’t review and tell me what you would have happened in another way or would like to happen in the future. So review and let me know if you wish something to happen! I will consider your suggestion in next chapters if it does fit to my total sight of the story!


I am planning on 3 new stories. Some of them will get rejected from this side because of the content. They will be published on www . fanfiction . net though. And because I like them all and I don't know with which one to start I will let you decide! There is a poll on ff.net where you can vote for the one you want me to write next. Here's what you can chose from:

Bring me to Life

Bella had a rough childhood. She feels unloved and deceived by the whole world. Someday she just stops trying to solve everything and lets the darkness take her. She does drugs, skips classes, parties and steals. Then the Cullens move to Forks and Bella gets to meet Edward. Edward tries to help Bella, but she wont let him because of the feeling of hatred she has developt for him the first moment she saw him in his shiny perfect glory and his apparent perfect life. But as she gets to know him better and finds out that his life also isn't perfect things change between them. Will Edward be able to save Bella from the self-destruction path she has chosen to go? Will Bella get to experience true love and happiness?

Frozen Heart

Bella, a high-school student, has family issues and the weight of them is wearing off on her. Her father became abusive when her mother left them after Emmett, her older brother, went off to college. She had to take care of her and her father, throw the household and put up with his sexual abuses. She isolated herself from the everybody, practically stopped feeling. After Emmett found out about his fathers doing he took her with him to Forks. There Edward, a young high-school teacher, notices her broken soul and tries everything to help her. What will happen when he accidentally falls in love with her while trying to save her? Will she be able to return his feelings? Will she be able to feel at all? And if yes, then what will happen when everybody finds out about the affair between them?

Supreme King's Mistress (Based on the manga - Haou Airen)

One day while walking home from her job, Bella Swan finds a wounded young man, and saves his life. He mysteriously disappears after that, and leaves only the name Edward. Next thing she knows she's been kidnapped from her school, and is on a private jet with that man, heading to the US. It turns out she saved the life of the most infamous mobster in New York, and he wants her to stay with him.

(Contains strong "consensual rape" situations, strong language, scenes of graphic sex, rape, violence, murder, suicide, glorifies the mafia and black market. Nothing for people who can't take that - I do not glorify the mafia! It is the story!! - THOUGH I THINK THE MAFIA IS PRETTY COOL ^^ - in a way... not glorifying way... UGH... wouldn't simply everyone love bad-Edward? I would. And the Mafia is the to do it ^^ - so the Mafia is cool... do I even make sense?)

And here is the link: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1908303/The-Twilight-Saga

Love ya! Bye!