Love is a War
Love is like war ~ easy to start, hard to end, impossible to forget. They meet, they fall in love, they have to part. He promised to contact her, but never did, she promised to wait for him. A year later they have to live in the same residential community. She is hurt, broken. He wants her back. *lemons* - very OOC
6. Chapter 6: Why Don't You?
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Theodora: How about increasing your speed?
Caroline: You know I have finals don’t you? I have to present a paper about ‘The cloned human – an ethical assessment’ tomorrow and I haven’t even looked for any information because I was writing this chapter! Oh, and I will surely screw up my final in history today. So don’t you dare to complain!
Theodora: Whatever. I want to read the story. So shut up already. I think I’ll have to start and treat you like Jo does.
Caroline: You are not Rocky.
Theodora: No. But Jo neither. And she is still called Balboa the second. I can become the third.
Caroline: Whatever. Just read and leave me alone. I have to study. *leaves room*
Theodora: Yes! I knew I could bore the hell out of her by mentioning this! Oooooh! I always wanted to do this sooooooo:
Here comes chapter 6!
Chapter 6: Why Don’t You?
The last night passed rather quickly, if somebody thinks about everything the girls had done to me. Alice of course wanted a detailed play-by-play; that little pixie. Rosalie wanted to be informed about everything that happened previously. After everything was out I could see her madness lighten; though not completely. She was pissed I didn’t tell her sooner. The bad thing though wasn’t that I had to explain everything again. No. It was the next Bella-Barbie game. God, they fucking loved torturing me.
I can say though, that thanks to the exhaustion their little game caused me and because I haven’t had to be anxious about that Edward thing anymore, I slept pretty well. Somehow I had managed to sleep so well, that I didn’t even feel that urge to sleep in when my normally so hated fucking buzzer started my morning routine. On the contrary, I even fucking greeted it with a huge smile plastered on my face. And that, trust me, was not at all common.
But I knew who was the cause of it and my face lit up immediately.
I quickly finished brushing my teeth, put some clothes on, Alice and Rosalie had picked for me yesterday, and left my room.
I could see Edward’s door and I was wondering if he was still sleeping. For a moment I thought about just checking on him, but then quickly forgot about that idea when another thought crossed my mind.
What will happen when he sees me?
Suddenly I panicked. Yes, he had told me he loved me yesterday and that he wanted me back. But that was yesterday. What would happen today after he had had time to think everything through? I was even more happy and excited than yesterday, but what would he feel like?
I wasn’t sure at all anymore if I wanted to see him, but I still made my way downstairs and to the kitchen.
During last week we had fallen in a routine and had something like an unspoken agreement. I had kitchen duty – and that everyday – since I was the only one apart from Edward who could cook a proper meal. Maybe I would have some kind of shift change with Edward sometimes, but of that I was not sure. Depends on if he wants to. Everybody else had cleaning duty, something I utterly hated to do. So I was pretty satisfied with this and didn’t complain. Even though I had to cook two different meals every day.
Forgotten? We had vegetarians here.
And yes, you heard right, I spoke in plural. Edward had totally persuaded me of the vegetarian life-style last summer.
I entered the room and saw Alice and Rosalie already sitting there sipping on their coffees and reading magazines. Rosalie had a car-magazine while Alice the Cosmopolitan in one hand and Vogue in the other one. Neither of them looked up.
I made my way to the counter to grab me a cup of coffee when I noticed Rosalie look up.
“About fucking time, B,” she said, “I am starving.”
“Well, you know, I’m not your maid. You could have served yourself.”
“Good, I’ll remember it the next time we go shopping and buy you something really exposing and embarrassing and I swear, and you know I can so don’t deny it, I will make you wear it in front of Charlie!”
What the fuck? Bitchy much, today? What had I done to her to deserve this?
Alright. She wanted it this way.
“Rose look. I didn’t believe in this stupid Blonde jokes about them not being able to do anything until now. You have two hands, you have to legs; use them for something else than pleasing Emmett physically and working on cars and do it on your own.”
Suddenly Emmett stood behind Rosalie, his hands already wrapped around her.
“Mmmh, I think I have to disagree with you here, B. I don’t want these masterpieces doing anything else. You know, no need to,” he said then from behind her.
I rolled my eyes on them and said sighing “Whatever”. I turned to the fridge and started taking some eggs out when suddenly a loud frightening moan startled me. Without me noticing the fucking eggs landed on the floor while I spun around to find Alice holding the Cosmopolitan in front of my face and then Rosalie’s, with what I could describe only as a pained expression on her face.
“Fucking damn it!” I yelled when I realized that I wasn’t holding the eggs anymore and knelt to clean the just caused mess up.
“Exactly!” fucking Alice and the reason for all this chaos shouted. Then she suddenly looked at me with shock in her eyes and said, “Bella, I didn’t know you were this into fashion to react as unfavorably as I did, but ANYWAY!” Then she looked to Rose. “This outfit,” she said pointing to one of the photos, “is total shit! The Cosmopolitan used to do so much better. How can they call this fashion and claim it as the next big hit? Vogue has much better taste. I am disappointed.”
What the FUCK? Was she fucking kidding me?
I just stared at Alice still kneeling. How could she be so upset about something like this? And how could she be so totally serious while doing so? I would never understand her.
I looked over to Rosalie and could say that she thought exactly the same thing that I did, with one exception: she had an amused look on her face.
“Alice, I cannot believe you! How can you be so up-“ I paused to stand up, “-set about something like this! I mean – hallo? Who gives a shit?”
She shot me a death glare, while I walked past her to the trash can.
“I do. You know, it’s my calling. Like I’ve been born just to do this. I’ll design, Rose will present.”
Ok. So that was one of the strangest days of my life. I could tell by now. Something was definitely wrong.
“Girls, are you doing drugs?” I asked them and they both started fucking giggling. They were under the influence of drugs? I shot Emmett a glare and he just shrugged.
I knew Alice liked to do some pot every now and then and to tell the truth I did too when I dated Mike. But she never did this when everybody else was sober. Something really ugly must have happened.
“Well Alice. Where is Jasper?” Now they weren’t just giggling, they were fucking laughing. Was there a joke I didn’t get?
“He went out,” Rosalie answered for her.
“He went out? Already? At this hour?” They both nodded. “And you have no problem?”
“Ha! Why should I? I mean, since I wouldn’t give it to him, he went to screw somebody else. Let him!” Was she fucking serious? What had come over her? Was that the reason she did drugs? I always knew this girl needed to visit a shrink desperately but now I would fucking drag her there!
Oh fucking god.
“What with whom?”
“With whom did he leave?”
“What?” Please, please tell me this isn’t true. It can’t be. This can’t be fucking happening right now.
“You heard me. He said something about a Victoria and something he wanted to do but didn’t have the chance to last night. So he went off to do it now.”
What the fuck? What were they saying?
I sat down on the nearest chair. I was really confused and needed some minutes to process everything.
So I was right? Every doubt I have had yesterday and this morning were justified? He really didn’t want me. It was all only a game to him.
And then the front door opened and he came in. He and that bitch Victoria.
“Oh, Edward! We are so happy you are here now! We were trying to explain to Bella what has happened, but somehow… she didn’t get the hint. And we just couldn’t. Maybe you could help her understand that she isn’t welcome anymore?” Alice said.
Wait. What? I was even more confused, if that was even possible. What is happening right now? I couldn’t form a normal thought. That couldn’t be truly happening now, could it? I mean, everything seemed so great just some hours ago, how could this happen?
Bella! She is under influence! You know better than to believe what she is saying. My inner voice called to me.
Yeah, sure. Alice always means what she is saying.
Edward, no he was Fuckward again, turned to me for a moment and then to this Victoria. He hugged her tight and kissed her forceful.
Alright. I got the message. They say ‘A picture tells more than thousand words.’ Yeah, they were right. That one sight said everything. Again.
I stood up and went to leave the room. I was crying.
Again I had believed him. Again he had fooled me. Of course he wouldn’t love me. Why should he? He the Greek god, love me, the plain Jane? Never.
Suddenly I felt two strong arms wrap around me. The pair I would recognize everywhere now.
“No!” I shouted. “No! no! NO!”
“Bella!” His voice sounded alarmed and concerned as he tightened the grip he had me in. “Bella, it’s alright. I’m here now. Calm down, Bella.”
How could he? How could he say something like this after what he had done?
“No!” I cried.
“Bella, baby. It’ll be ok. Just open your eyes, baby. Please Bella. I am here.”
It was four in the morning. I couldn’t sleep. I was too excited about what had just happened. I knew it was probably the wrong thing to do, but at that moment I really didn’t care. I couldn’t stand looking at her sad face. I couldn’t see her hurt. I couldn’t see her crying. And most of all I couldn’t live knowing that I was the cause of it.
When I saw Bella, standing in the doorway every memory came back to me. How we met, our make-out sessions, our confessions and our promises. I fell in love with her all over again. I couldn’t stay away from her. So I simply went against every decision I had made before. Screw it! I thought. I knew I was being selfish and she would probably get hurt again by me, just because I am who I am, – and there is no way of denying it,- but in this particular moment I just had to be with her again. Hold her. Love her.
And now, lying here on my bed, I knew I could. I loved her and I knew she loved me, even if she didn’t use exactly this words to say that. I knew she did. She had accepted the ring back. That gesture alone showed it all. I knew she had been hurt. Deeply. And I knew it was all my fault. She needed time to heal. We needed time to heal. And we would support each other. I could wait. I could wait for her to be ready to tell me she loved me, because I already knew she did. I could wait, and I would wait, as long as she wanted me to.
I heard a door close rather loudly and I chuckled lightly under my breath. They must be done torturing her by now. I thought to myself. It was Bella I heard.
How come I got so lucky?
I just lay there on my bed and thought about her for what seemed like hours without getting bored. Sleep wouldn’t simply take me. Not that I complained. Then I heard a whimper coming from the open door. I was immediately alarmed. Something must have happened to Bella, I thought. What other reason would there be for her to cry? I shot up and was out of my room and standing in front of her half opened door in a matter of maybe five seconds. I could clearly hear her cry now and it broke my heart. That’s when I promised myself to never make her or let anybody make her cry again. No matter for what reason.
I entered her room and there she was lying on her bed, clutching the sleeves of her shirt and sobbing into her pillow. Slowly I closed the door, walked over to her and sat on the edge of her bed. Even while crying she looked like an angel in her sleep.
How did I deserve somebody like her?
Right. I didn’t. But that didn’t matter right now. I had to calm her down. She was probably having a nightmare.
I laid down on her bed beside her and wrapped my arms protectively around her, pressing her against my body in an attempt to sooth her.
“No!” She suddenly shouted. It came more out like a muffled cry. “No! No! NO!”
I had to do something. I couldn’t just let her torture herself in sleep.
“Bella!” I said as softly as I could manage, while tightening my grip around her. I am sure, though, that my voice sounded rather alarmed and concerned. “Bella, it’s alright. I’m here now. Calm down, Bella.”
“No!” she continued crying. I couldn’t stand it anymore.
“Bella, baby. It’ll be ok. Just open your eyes, baby. Please Bella. I am here.”
Bella stirred a little bit and I was automatically relieved.
“Bella. Shh. Don’t cry, baby. It’s alright now. I am here.” I repeated over and over again until she calmed down.
I though she went off to sleep again but after about ten minutes she suddenly turned around and faced me.
“Edward,” she said, her eyes all puffy and red from crying so much. “Edward you are here.” Her voice was hoarse and husky.
“Yes, Bella. I’m here. Don’t be afraid.” I said stroking her cheek and hair.
She threw her arms around me and started sobbing again.
“E…Edward. Plea…se tell me th…that you won’t leave me f..for her. Please, Edward.”
God, what had I fucking done to her? I was the reason she was now crying in my arms, broken. How could I? I had royally screwed up. I wanted to beat myself to death, but that would have to wait. Bella, was more important right now. She needed me. I needed to convince her that I wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon.
“Bella. How could you think that. Of course not. I love you. I’m here with you. I won’t go anywhere.”
“Really?” God, she sounded so fucking hopeful in this moment.
“Really,” I said and kissed her lips lightly. The feeling of them on mine was amazing and I had to channel all my concentration to not cross the boundaries right now and behave like I should. Keep it down dude. This is way more important than your own satisfaction.
“It was a dream.” Bella stated after I stopped kissing her and just caressed her cheek.
“I would say of the looks of it that it was rather a nightmare, but yeah, you could say so.” She smiled. “Bella, will you tell me what it was about?”
Her eyes turned instantly sad again and she shook her head ‘no’. I mentally kicked my ass for causing her pain again and sighed. She saw my reaction and started chuckling under her breath. What was so funny? Anyway. It didn’t really matter as long as she wasn’t crying anymore.
We simply laid on her bed, Bella in my arms and me kissing her neck and hair constantly, while I hummed to her. It was a piece she had inspired one year ago and I always played it when I needed to calm down or think about something. But I had not named it. Until now. As Bella slowly relaxed more and more and after while drifted off to sleep again I looked at her peaceful, beautiful, angelic face and suddenly I knew how to name it. ‘Mon Ange.’ Because Bella was my angel. My one and only.
And with that sleep came and took me.
I woke up to somebody humming beside me. A beautiful voice, I knew belonged to Edward. He had his arms still wrapped around me and was humming the same pieceto me from earlier. So beautiful and touching. Calming…
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
I rolled over and faced him. He had his eyes closed and smiled that crocked grin that made my knees buckle. Slowly I lifted my head from my pillow and kissed his eyelids. His smile became even bigger.
“Good morning, beautiful,” he said then and I blushed as my heart bumped so hard I thought it was going to rip its way out of my chest. He was too perfect to be true.
“Oh and why so?” Was he playing fool now? I playfully smacked his arm.
“I love you,” he said and my heart started beating even faster. I wanted to tell him the exact same words, but I couldn’t bring myself tosay them. I had to learn to trust him again first before I would be ready to tell him this. Though after what had happened last night, I wasn’t sure if I needed to wait this long. The urge to say those words aloud was just too overwhelming.
I love you, too, Edward.
“I know.” He smiled lightly, but I could still see the hurt in his eyes. He wanted me to say the words. But he would have to wait.
I was sorry for both. For what had happened tonight and for not being able to tell him that I loved him. But of course I couldn’t say that to him.
“For tonight,” I finally said and blushed again.
“Bella, you don’t have to be. I was happy to help you.”
“Yeah, but what I said wasn’t right, Edward. You had told me you loved me and that you wouldn’t leave and somehow… I don’t know why, but I couldn’t really believe it.” Now he had a really pained expression.
“I understand. I am sorry.”
“No, Edward. You don’t understand. I don’t want to say that right now and I know that I will hurt you by doing so, but I feel like I should to close this matter now and forever, and I want to be totally honest with you. I… really was happy that you came for me and about what you said to me yesterday. It is just that… I was broken by that time Edward. More than once… and every time by you. And even though I believed you and everything you were saying to me with my whole heart and I accepted your apologies,...my mind… it works on its own. You could convince my heart Edward, but my mind… remembered everything that had happened before and wanted to protect my heart from getting crushed again. I am sorry.” My eyes stung.
“Bella, I do understand. I knew that. I know that I have made many mistakes. And I really regret them, but I can’t take them back. And I know that you need time to get over everything. And I know that you need time to heal. We need time to heal. And I would like to heal with you to an unity, Bella. I love you and I want to try it. You don’t have to be sorry.” The tears rolled down my face and he kissed them away.
“Thank you, Edward,” I said and smiled at him.
He smiled back, kissed me one more time and then stood up from my bed tugging on my hand lightly indicating for me to stand up.
“Pancakes?” he asked.
“Why not?” I said and stood up.
“Good. I go to the kitchen and make them and you make your way to the bathroom and get ready for the day. I have a surprise for you,” he said and kissed me again. Chills run my body down. Would I ever get used to his touch? Hopefully not.
“Sorry. It’ll have to wait until later. I have my first courses today. And if you have forgotten, I hate surprises,” I said and went off to the bathroom.
I got ready and was down in the kitchen in less than thirty minutes. Everybody was already there eating the pancakes Edward had made.
“Mmh, that smells delicious, Edward,” I said as I made my way to the counter and picked up a plate.
Edward spun around and kissed me. In the corner of my eye I saw Alice leaping for joy. Stupid pixie.
I sat down on the table beside Emmett and started eating my pancakes. God, they tasted even better than they smelled. Maybe I should leave the kitchen duty to Edward?
About five minutes later Edward joined us and sat beside me.
“So…” Emmett started as soon as he was seated and had his fork in his hand.
“Not you too. You know that if you want to squeeze information out of somebody or say something that will embarrass somebody you start your speech in exactly the same way Alice does?” I said and Rosalie and Edward started laughing. Alice looked offended and Emmett like he was taken totally by surprise. Ha! Gotcha!
He cleared his throat. “Well, what can I say? It runs in the family,” he said and grinned.
“Ok, Emmett. Because I don’t want to have my bright mood ruined by you embarrassing me in some way let’s just get to the point. So, what do you want?” Edward started laughing even harder.
“Me? Want? No, Bella. You got things totally wrong.”
“Well, did I?”
“Yeah, in a way.”
“In a way,” I repeated grinning. I had caught him totally out of guard. He had lost it. It was so easy to irritate Emmett. One of my favorite activities.
“Bella, stop fucking around with me or I will tell Edward everything about your little adventures in sixth grade when you thought you were-“
He didn’t get the chance to end his sentence, I had already gotten up and pressed my hands on his mouth, so he couldn’t speak, while yelling “SHUT THE FUCK UP!”.
“Don’t you dare! If you cherish your life.”
He simply nodded. Good boy.
After that Emmett didn’t bring up the whole matter again. To tell the truth, he didn’t say anything again. We kept having some small talk and the girls where blubbering something about the next shopping trip as always but I didn’t really pay any attention. All of my attention was directed on Edward. During breakfast he would shoot me a glance followed by a smile and me blushing furiously if he would catch me staring, what he did almost all of the time. But there were some times, less but definitely there, when I would also catch him staring at me. I would put a smug look on my face and grin.
When he finished eating, earlier than I did, he put his hand on my thigh. I shot him a glare but he had this smug expression and his crocked smile plastered on his face, while talking to Alice. Fucking asshole. He glanced my way for a moment and I mouthed the words ‘Fuck you’ to him and he answered with the words “sixth grade”, then I suddenly stood up and left.
It wasn’t that I was mad at him or that I didn’t like it. Hell, I loved it. But during breakfast? Chills were running all over me and where his hand touched my thigh it felt like my jeans covered skin was fucking burning! How should I else control myself? I was about to lose control of my doings and jump him right there right then. I had to pull myself together and I had to do it immediately. Well, and that was the best idea I had. To just leave him.
It took all of my self control to not run back to him, straddle his lap and kiss him breathless. But I had to pull my shit together. God, I was all hot and bothered. And that by just one simple touch. He didn’t even do anything to tease me on purpose. Ok, that was on purpose, but was that normally considered teasing? Whenever Mike had touched me this way I had just felt disgusted. How would I bear the tension if he went further? What was this asshole doing to me?
Because with every minute spend in the house the urge to just run over to him and kiss him like mad became only stronger and stronger. I had to leave. I decided to go to my courses even if it was a little bit too early. God, it was the first day, maybe it would even make a better impression? And it will surely help to keep my mind off Edward.
Yeah, sure. Like that would be possible.
My lecture was almost over and I still hadn’t caught what it was about. All I was able to catch was something along the lines of “Character… bla bla… disability… bla bla bla bla… emotional mess… fucking more of that bla.” I was thinking about Edward. Don’t get me wrong. Not that I wanted to. I simply did. About how we woke up together this morning, the small conversation we held, his kiss, his touch… and I have to say that I got turned on just by thinking about that shit. But then something came from the professor that sounded like “… use the KISS principle for this essay. I want it ready next week.” Great. Fucking GREAT. And all that because of Edward. He would pay for that one. It was his fault that I didn’t even know what I had to write that essay about. Why did he have to be so fucking perfect and claim all of my thoughts for himself?
By the time I got home I was exhausted. I had to walk home from campus. And trust me… we had a big campus. I simply wanted to lay down and take a nap, but of course that wasn’t an option here. Because with my luck the worst case scenario would be the one to happen.
As always – I was already used to it – fucking Pixie opened the door for me while jumping up and down like she was on pills and had taken an overdose or something. Beauty queen was standing just some feet behind her and had a curling iron in her hand. Both had huge grins plastered on their faces.
I let them drag me to Alice’s room and they started working their magic on me.
“So, would you please tell me what all this is about?”
“You. Edward. Surprise.” Was all that Alice said.
Was she fucking kidding me?
“Hey! Don’t knit your brows! I am working here!” Rosalie cried applying the makeup.
“Ok. Has the thought, that I may don’t want to go even crossed your mind?”
“B, stop talking shit. I know, you know, we know that you want to go there. Yes you may hate surprises but it is one Edward prepared especially for you.”
“Uh-oh. Forget it. We won’t tell anything. Learn to live with it.” If it would have been anybody else I would have insulted the hell out of him right now, but with the Ice Queen and Tinker Bell in person? Well, everything had limits. And I wasn’t the one to suffer under their wrath, because in the one week here in Chicago I had already learned that not only was Alice’s rage lethal, but Rosalie was also really ruthless.
Why do I always end up with lunatics?
A fucking long hour later they were ready with preparing me and had not only done my hair and make up but also put me in a beautiful black dress.
Why the fuck did I have to wear such a dress? I felt fucking wrong in it. Ok, it hugged my curves pretty well, but it was way too short for my taste. Where did they think Edward was taking me to? God, they probably knew exactly where to and simply wanted to humiliate me…
I didn’t have much time to mull over where Edward would be taking me because he suddenly stood right in front of me and had his arms wrapped around my body. Well, I could easily get used to this feeling. He started kissing my exposed neck.
“We won’t go anywhere,” he stated a little bit later.
“I don’t want to have other men staring at you. You are too beautiful to go out.”
“Edward. Don’t be silly.” I said blushing.
“I am not.”
“No, Bella. You don’t see yourself clearly. You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. So stop downing yourself this way.”
What could I possibly say to that? He was so sweet and perfect. This could only be a dream.
We were sitting in his car and Edward was driving to our destination. He had one hand on the wheel and in the other he held mine. It was beautiful, but I hadn’t forgotten what he had done to me this morning and how I couldn’t concentrate all day long because of him. I decided to tease him back.
I slowly freed my hand from his and he shot me an asking glance. He was still confused about the morning. Good. Because here comes revenge! I tried to put on the best poker face I could manage and put my hand on his thigh. I could see how he clenched the wheel stronger. Well, well, well. Nice to see that I am not the only one affected. I could feel my hand burn where it touched him, but it was a very pleasant burn that I was happy to welcome every time. I could hear how his breathing sped up.
“Bella,” he growled then.
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” I said and slid my hand a little bit higher, earning a grunt from him.
“Stop teasing me.”
“Bella!” He moaned this time as I slid my hand even higher and started rubbing light circles in that area.
“That’s enough!” he said then and pulled the car of the main street and into a small side road. He stopped the car and literally attacked me.
His lips were on mine and I could feel the electricity run through me. The feeling of his lips on mine was unique. The kiss changed from forceful to urgent and he opened my seat-belt and placed his hands on my hips lifting me lightly and pulling me in his direction. I understood what he wanted and decided to not go against him. It wasn’t as if I didn’t want that, too. I straddled his lap and run my fingers through his hair. It was a total mess, as always, but it still looked perfect. His hands travelled my body up and down and he let them linger longer on places like my ass and thighs. One track minded prick. I thought to myself. Not that I didn’t like it. I could feel his erection pressed against me.
I broke the kiss in desperate need for some air, but Edward’s lips never left my skin. He was trailing kisses down my chin and neck to my collarbone until he reached my décolleté. My breath caught.
I lifted his head from where it was and kissed his lips. I could tell that he became even harder. He started lightly pulling on the sleeve of my dress and I unbuttoned his shirt.
He caused me to burn on the inside.
He opened the zipper of my dress and it fell to my waist. Thank god, Alice and Rosalie had forced me into that cute lace bra.
“Bella, you are so beautiful.” I smiled while blushing. Look who was talking. Edward fucking Masen. The personification of perfect. Beautiful, talented, smart, handsome.
His lips were back on me and I pulled him out of his shirt. I was amazed. I had seen him without his shirt many times. But that was last year. And I do not complain, he looked perfect back then too, but the view that I was presented with now caused my breath to hitch again.
I had one hand in his hair and was running the other one up and down his sexy stone chest. He had stopped roaming his hands all over my body and now concentrated on certain parts. Specifically my breasts.
The heat was growing in me to the point of unbearable.
“Edward,” I moaned. “Edward, please.”
Then he tensed up. He stopped all his moving and quickly had me back on my seat and his shirt on him.
I could feel my eyes begin to sting. He had rejected me. Again.
“Bella. Put your dress back on.”
I wanted to disobey. But what should I have done? I reluctantly pulled my dress up and zipped it closed. I could see that he was clenching the wheel again. He was doing it so hard that I could see his knuckles turn white. He glanced my way then. His face was furious. He was mad. At me?
A tear escaped me.
“Bella,” he said.
“No, Edward. It is alright. I just want to go home if this is possible.”
“Bella, are you all right?”
“Do I look like I am all right? The hell I am Edward! So bring me home. Now.” I yelled at him. I was hurt. Again. He didn’t have any problem making out with that girl, Victoria, he surely had screwed, but he wouldn’t even touch me this much?
“Bella, I am sorry. I didn’t want it to go so far. I was just-“ Fucking great! He didn’t even want to get so far as to make out with me. Well done Edward. Stab me in the open wound.
“I don’t want to hear it Edward,” I sobbed.
“Don’t you baby me! Who do you think I am Edward?” He didn’t answer so I continued. “Well thanks.”
“Bella. Stop it now!”
“ I am not doing anything!”
“Yes you are!”
“And what? Edward it is not me who was screwing somebody else and that in front of your eyes! You are all cool with touching her, but you do not want to touch me? How do you think that makes me feel? You know how insecure I am about this whole thing with you and me and yet you do not give me any reassurance. You only make me wonder more and worry about if this is the right thing to do. How am I supposed to believe that you love me, that you want me, when you are not willing to show your affection?”
“Is it all you have to say.”
“Pretty much. I can’t come up with other words right now.”
“Good. Because now I am talking and you are listening.”
“Bella, it isn’t that I don’t want to be with you. I am burning to do so and every minute I have to be away from you is killing me-“ I cut him off.
“Then why don’t you?“
He placed his hand over my mouth so that I couldn’t talk and said “I am talking, you are listening.” Then he continued his previous thought. “But Bella, you are special to me. I don’t want it to happen in a car and not when you are so precarious and vulnerable. I want you to be sure that you want it-”
I had managed to pull his hand away. “But I want it.”
He just growled when I talked again.
“Bella, I have done it many times. And it didn’t mean anything to me. But with you I want it to be different. I do not want you to feel used or our relationship to be based on physical attraction. I want it to be special.”
We sat there in silence for some minutes.
“So, that means that you won’t sleep with me anytime soon?”
“No. Not until you are ready.”
“But I am.”
“Bella, you are not.”
“Do you still want to see your surprise?”
This made me smile. Even after such a tense conversation he was able to lead my thoughts to something else and make me forget everything unpleasant.
“Why not.” I said and he took my hand in his, brought it to his lips. Kissed it lightly and then started the car.
How can somebody resist his charm?
Theodora: How can you leave it here?
Caroline: To annoy you. I like teasing you sis.
Theodora: Well, you succeeded. I think I have to take a cold shower. *leaves room*
Caroline: Don’t forget to run the stairs up and down! They say it helps! *laughs* That’s for your comment about you being Balboa the third!
Hope you liked it!
PS: Reviews make my day and I am in the mood to write more and update quicker!
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- Chapter 1: A New Start
- Chapter 2: Old Memories and First Impressions
- Chapter 3: For Her
- Chapter 4: (Un)Predictable Surprises
- Chapter 5: The Way to Paradise is Steep
- Chapter 6: Why Don't You?
- Chapter 7: Surprises and Realizations
- Chapter 8: Interior Monologue and Misunderstandings
- Chapter 9: Plans and Games
- Chapter 10: Need (part 1)
- Chapter 11: Need (part 2)
- Chapter 12: I Can't Lose You
- Chapter 13: First Steps
- Chapter 14: Dares
- Chapter 15: Dreams and Fears
- Chapter 16: Texts (Part 1)
1 2 3 4 5
- 03 Jul 09
- 04 Aug 10
- In Progress