Love is a War
Love is like war ~ easy to start, hard to end, impossible to forget. They meet, they fall in love, they have to part. He promised to contact her, but never did, she promised to wait for him. A year later they have to live in the same residential community. She is hurt, broken. He wants her back. *lemons* - very OOC
8. Chapter 8: Interior Monologue and Misunderstandings
Rating 5/5 Word Count 7002 Review this Chapter
So… this chapter doesn’t end well as the title might let you assume.
I am sorry for the delay… I don’t have a real explanation… Kind of a writers block. I was sitting at home for two weeks and… I don’t really know… I wrote like ten sentences a day before finishing it today… I just didn’t know how to continue with the plot. Anybody there who might be interested in helping? I know what I want to happen, I just don’t know how to let it happen.
So… first comes Edward’s monologue…
And then Bella will run across a quiet interesting person, what will lead to a total disaster.
But I don’t want to tell too much and hold you back!
So here you go! Chapter 8!
Chapter 8: Interior Monologue and Misunderstandings
I woke up to Bella still sleeping in my arms. She had her face buried in my chest and her left arm was wrapped tightly around my waist the same way my right one was around hers. Her hair was spread all over the pillow. She looked beautiful. The feeling of waking up next to her was unique. I have never woken up next to a woman besides Bella and I have to say that I liked the feeling much more than I care to admit. I could get used to it. No, I wanted to get used to it. I wanted to wake up every morning to her warm body wrapped around mine even if it was fully clothed. What a wonderful way to wake up.
While watching her sleep, my mind drifted off to the different events that happened in the last year.
I had been an asshole. I still am, but I had been an even bigger one. I was sleeping with everything that had a head and was walking on two legs. I didn’t give a fuck about anyone’s feelings and cared only for myself. I had money, I had chicks, I had fucks. What else was there one could want? I had everything. I thought. Stupid.
That was until I met Bella last summer. She changed everything for me. The very first moment I saw her, I knew that she was something special. How she was sitting in that car all alone, too shy to get out. How she talked to Alice. How her beautiful chocolate brown hair fell around her cute little heart shaped face as she tried to hide her beautiful blush. The depth of her brown eyes that threatened to devour me. The way she responded to the comments I couldn’t bite back. The way she stomped off after she realized what she had called me in front of the whole institution. All the arguments she had with me. Her humor. The way she spoke. The way she moved. Her angelic voice. Her smell. Everything about her was enchanting.
She came into my life and changed everything. I didn’t matter to me who I was, what I did and what I had. The only thing that mattered to me in that very moment was her. I knew it was selfish of me, but I wanted her. I wanted to claim her as mine and only mine. I wanted her to belong to me. I wanted to be the only one that had a right to touch her, to be near her. What a selfish thought.
First I tried and fought against that feeling but the more time we spend together, the more I wanted to be with her. I knew I was falling for her. The simple thought of us being apart broke my heart. But I had made my decision and I knew that even if it would hurt her, it was the best for her. I wasn’t the right one for her. As much as I may wish I was. I was the bad boy, she was what one calls an angel on earth.
And so my decision was made.
I had to change.
I had to change to be with her.
I didn’t deserve her. Because she hadn’t met the real ‘me’. She had met the ‘me’ I wanted to be, the ‘me’ I used to be when I was younger. She had met a lie. But I would make that lie become the real ‘me’. I would make that lie become the truth again. I knew that that wouldn’t be something easy to do and that I would probably need some time to do this. I knew that it would be difficult and hard. But I would try. And that is what gave me the courage to leave her with that promise. The promise of changing and then returning to her. She would wait. I knew she would. Now I had to change.
And I had been so fucking sure of myself at that time, I had been sure that I was able to change. I was so stupid! I knew that she would wait for me, that she believed in me. She didn’t even ask questions. She simply took what I gave her. And I hated her for that. Sure I loved her, but she didn’t love the real ‘me’. She loved a lie I had created for her to love and now desperately tried to bring to life. A lie I wanted to be. No, she didn’t love the real ‘me’. The real ‘me’ had fucked up years ago.
I am so fucked up.
The moment she had not been near me anymore everything had been the way it was before I met her. I drank, I did drugs, I fucked. My life was as it used to be. And I had been ok with it. If there hadn’t been one thing bugging me all the time.
I could not forget the feel of her skin on mine. I could not forget her face. I could not forget her voice. I could not forget her laughter. I could not forget that sparkle she had in her eyes when she was happy. I could not forget the sweet taste of her lips on mine or how soft they were. I could not forget how she told me she loved me. I could not forget the look in her eyes when we separated. I could not forget her.
I was so dead.
Everywhere I went, I saw her. Everyone I spoke to I wished was her. Everyone I fucked I dreamed was her.
And yet I didn’t change. Not even for her. Because I knew that I was already destroyed and that the only thing I could do was drag her in the same misery I was in.
And she didn’t deserve that. She deserved somebody who loved her, who was there for her, on whom she was able to lean on. Not somebody like me. She deserved to be happy.
What could I possibly give her?
I didn’t call her.
I knew I hurt her. I knew that I would never be able to love somebody else, but she had to. I hoped she wouldn’t be so stupid and keep the promise she made me. And yet there was nothing else the selfish side of me wanted more.
And because I couldn’t bear the thought of not knowing how she was I stayed in contact with Alice after I made her promise not to tell anybody. I would call her once a week and talk to her trying to find out as much as possible about Bella without her noticing. After the third week she stopped my silly attempts to fool her and just started talking to me about how Bella was right away. I was grateful for that. She asked me time and time again, though, why I didn’t call Bella and told me that she was really hurt, but I never gave her a real answer, neither did I let it get to me how hurt Bella was.
When she finally told me that Bella had a boyfriend I breathed again.
Yes, a part of me screamed at me how it was possible that I let her slip away from me. I wanted to fly to Forks and simply fall to her knees and beg her to take me back. Another part of me was relieved that she hadn’t kept her promise. That she had moved on and was happy even if I was not. But there was also a part of me, the selfish one, which was deeply hurt. And this part was the most powerful She had claimed she loved me. She said she would wait for me. Alice told me she was hurt. And yet she broke her promise. And yet she had a boyfriend. The only thing that kept me together was that she was still wearing my ring and refused to take it off and that I knew that I was no better by screwing around.
I can not even describe what I felt when I found out she would be attending Chicago University, let alone that she would move in with us. Love, adoration, jealousy, anger, guilt, fear and terror were only some of them. I didn’t know what I should do. Alice had called me and told me that Bella had broken up with her boyfriend. She said that it would be the perfect opportunity to make things right between us. And to say the truth I would have really considered it at that time, if I hadn’t been with someone else only minutes before.
Guilt hit me.
And again the whole procedure began.
I had to make a clean break. I had to end this once and forever. It would be better this way.
How stupid I was once again.
I will never forgive myself for the pain I caused her. Not only with that action with Victoria, but generally just about every decision I made concerning her. I could not stand the hurt in her eyes. I could not stand to see her cry and I could not stand being the reason for it.
The moment I saw her standing in the doorway I knew that there was no way that I would be able to live without her anymore. The love I felt for her in that very moment burned me. I remembered every touch, every word spoken between us, everything I fell in love with.
I was more than grateful that she took me back. She didn’t even ask for explanations, she was only happy to have me back. And I was more than thankful to have her back. She would wait for me to be ready and tell her about everything. If I hadn’t known she would have rejected me then, I would have proposed to her right then and there.
I planned on telling her about my past. I really did. But when I saw her crying in the middle of the night in her sleep and then found out it was because of me I felt wrecked. My heart was smashed. I wanted to fucking bitch slap myself right then and there. I was the reason for it. And I had made it even worse by bringing that whore home so that she would forget me. So that we would have a clean break.
How could I break a being so fragile and pure as her?
It was all my fault. And I vowed to myself to never let that happen again. Nobody would hurt her again. I would win back her trust. I would pick up the pieces and help her heal. I would make her whole again. Whole and with me.
I knew I needed to tell her the truth. I wanted her to know. I wanted her to accept me as who I really am. But right now, she wouldn’t be able to. It would hurt her even more. It would break her more and I do not know if the next break would be reparable or ultimate. I didn’t want to risk it. That could wait. That and my feelings of guilt would have to wait. I would have to show her how much she meant to me first. I had to win her trust back.
I thought I could do this with the surprise I had prepared for her yesterday.
Well, maybe I showed her how much she meant to me, but I surely didn’t reduce her insecurities by rejecting her two times. She was so fucking hot, fucking orgasm on legs, and I was sure I would lose control any moment and simply bend her over and have my way with her. But I didn’t. I had to show her that she was more to me than just a simple fuck. And she simply wouldn’t understand that. I thought it showed her how much she meant to me and she thought it meant that I didn’t want her enough to take that step together. How wrong and stubborn she could be. How could she be so insecure? I mean, that girl is the interpretation of orgasm! She is a fucking walking orgasm on legs! Just the view of her spread orgasmic waves! I was sure, that if that happened again I would not be able to stop myself. It had been two days since my last fuck and that is more than I was used to for the last year. How am I going to live through this?
All this only added to her pain and insecurities and so I found myself in the same position I the day before again. Again she had cried in her sleep because of me. And I couldn’t do anything about it. How would I ever make her understand how important she was to me? How much I loved her?
I would use her birthday in one week to show her. And I knew how. I had to start with the preparations and force Alice into helping me. Although I don’t know for sure if she hasn’t something planned yet. I would have to ask her today and then call my mom to get everything.
The hardest would be to find a way to keep everything from Bella.
I woke up next to Edward who was looking at the ceiling. He looked deep in thought. His brows were knitted and his lips pressed together. I thought for a moment about how handsome he looked but then pushed that thought away quickly. What was it that had him so concentrated? His arm was still wrapped around my waist the same way it was when we fell asleep and my hand rested on his stone hard ripped chest now.
I simply lay there looking at him and wondering how come and I was so lucky to have him back. Even if he kept a little secret about a problem he had. I mean, how bad could it possibly be? He had said it had something to do with his reputation in Chicago. So what? I don’t fucking care what other people think about him. I know how he is. Who he is.
He isn’t that tough guy he pretends to be. He has a heart. He is interested in classic literature, music, medicine. He is kind, generous, understanding, talented and much much more.
So why does he care? I think I will never truly understand him.
Edward looked at me then and smiled lightly.
“Good morning beautiful,” he said with a voice smooth like velvet. He had to have been up for longer.
He leaned in and kissed me.
“Good morning,” I answered. A really good morning. I could get used to it. “What time is it?”
“It’s early. You can hear Emmett snoring from downstairs. That means Rose is probably also asleep. Jasper wakes up at eight and I think you know better than me at what time Alice tends to get up and start spreading her energy.” Oh, right. That fucking little energy ball.
“Well, I am surprised that she hasn’t come in yet and isn’t bouncing up and down on our bed.”
Edward fell silent beside me and I thought about what I had just said to make him so.
Then I clicked.
I said our bed instead of mine.
I opened my mouth to explain but nothing came out so I shut it.
“Bella,” he said after a while. I knew where he was taking it and I was totally against it. I was very comfortable with him here. I knew that if he wouldn’t be with me I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Fucking insecurities. Did they even have to make their presence known in my sleep? “I think I-”
“No, Edward,” I cut him off. I didn’t know how he would take it but it was worth a try. How much could I loose anyway? “I meant it,” I said and looked him in the eyes.
“Bella, is this really a good idea? I mean, we just got back together again, and you do no-“ he was cut off by my lips pressing against his.
“Edward, I am sure. I mean, if you don’t want this then… I would understand. But it would mean really much to me. I don’t think I will be able to rest in another way.” I knew I had him now. He would not deny me, would he? I grinned inwardly.
“All right. We will talk about it later. Go take a shower. I am going to make some breakfast before everyone starts being fussy when they wake up,” he said and stood up from the bed.
He had reached the door and opened it when I called after him. He immediately turned around.
“Yeah?” he asked.
“Thank you,” I said.
He grinned then, came over and kissed me on my forehead one more time before leaving to make breakfast.
I lay there in my bed for some more minutes thinking about what had happened yesterday.
He was so sweet, such a gentleman. He wanted to show me how much he loved me and apologize for his actions. And I wanted only one thing; to get him to sleep with me. When did I become such a person? I had the most handsome guy living on the face of world declaring his undying love to me, and what do I do?
I was so not worth of him.
I slowly stood up and made my way to the bathroom. I stripped out of my clothes and entered the shower enjoying the feeling of the hot water on my skin. Then I washed my hair with my favorite strawberry shampoo and turned the water off. I quickly brushed my teeth and pulled my hair up in a messy bun. Then I went to my closet and dressed in some old jeans and a black tank top. I made my way downstairs only to find everybody already sitting there. Emmett and Jasper were actually laughing hard, Edward’s face was crimson and Alice and Rosalie were crouched over some sheets of paper. I was sure it was some article about fashion again. Ugh, pixie.
Wait. Turn back Bella.
Edward’s face was crimson?
What the fuck had happened?
Oh, I will find out. Just wait. I will find out.
“Hi,” I said as I sat down between Edward and Alice.
“Hey,” Alice answered not looking up from whatever she was looking at.
Just then Emmett laughted even harder so I turned to him.
“What is it this time Emmett?”
“Nothing,” he said and tried not to laugh.
This time it was Jasper who laughed and I could hear Edward growl beside me. I turned around to him only to see him looking away from me.
“That doesn’t seem like nothing. Care to let me in on the joke?”
“It’s not a joke,” Emmett said then.
“But your boyfriend won’t like it,” Jasper finished.
I looked to Edward then and could see him glaring at Alice who had just looked up from her papers, a huge grin on her face. So this fucking little pixie must be the cause of it.
“Alice,” I said in a warning tone.
“It was not me! I swear!” she said throwing her hands up in the air.
That is when Rosalie also looked up from the papers. I could hear Edward mumbling something about ‘the next time I won’t fill them out’ while he shook his head.
So it was about those papers? What could it be that made them laugh and Edward blush?
I reached over to grab them and Emmett and Jasper started laughing again. I took them and then shot them a death glare. I looked down into my hands and could not believe what I was seeing.
That was impossible.
No. I refused to believe that.
I was holding the same questions Alice and Rosalie had asked me the night before. Only this time they were answered in written form and they were not about Edward but about me. They had him answer those questions. That is the reason the guys were laughing and Edward blushing.
I started cuckling with them then, though I have to say that if it was at all possible to have a darker shade of red on the face than Edward had it. God, how embarrassing. Although I have to say that I liked it. He answered them about me. Maybe I could sneak them away later and copy them?
Sometime during breakfast the laughter died down and we were having real conversations. Then our ways parted and we went to our classes. I was the first one to come home and started cooking some Chili once with meat and once with pasta for Edward and me. How it is fucking possible to have as much perseverance as he has I will never know. After all he was the reason I would never eat meat now. I will never understand how he hadn’t persuaded the others to join him. But then again I think I am the only one of us his charm works on. Stupid fucking charm.
After a while everybody came in. They greeted and then disappeared into their rooms.
That was strange.
At least for Emmett. Chili was one of his favourites. Why wasn’t he here yet drooling over the pot? Was something wrong? It is impossible for this big oaf to learn manners, isn’t it? Rosalie told me she had already tried and failed miserably. The thing with hitting his head stayed though. So something must be wrong. And why isn’t Alice here jumping up and down like a bunny and blabbering on about the fashion sins her eye caught today?
Mhh, maybe some of the classes they have did not go so well today.
At least Edward came home and straight to me. He had a big smirk plastered on his face. Oh, I knew this fucking smirk. That meant he was up to something. Alice used to have the same one. Well, that is bad, I thought to myself. After he kissed me on the lips I asked him what it was that had him so entertained but he shrugged the question off telling me it was nothing.
Soon after that everybody gathered in the kitchen and we ate together. It was mostly silent. No real conversation was going on. And I have to say it was one of that awful silences where you think about just leaving the room to calm yourself down a bit. Even Alice was silent. And that meant nothing good.
Hell, that was even worse than I first thought it was. When the heck was Alice ever silent?
There were only two possible reasons for her being so calm. First, she felt guilty. Second, she had something planned that I sure as hell wouldn’t like – Crap, I would hate it – or she was up to something even worse and wanted to keep it a secret from me. I knew not to cross her way when she acted like that. It was something like a silent understanding between us. She is silent, I stay away for my own good.
After everyone was done I headed to my room to study a bit for tomorrow. I needed to write that paper I had for next week because I planned on working on a project at the , and just fucking fabulous was that I had, of course and thanks to Edward, no freaking idea about what the paper should be. I remembered something about using the KISS principle.
What the fuck is a KISS principle?
I sat at my laptop and started to google it. After about half an hour I found it. The KISS principle…
My profesor must be a total dumbass. The KISS principle? In university? Keep It Simple, Stupid? I mean… we were here to learn something – hypothetically – how can he tell us to use something like that? And what in hell does he expect?
I sat there in my room and tried to figure out what he wanted and generally what the paper was about until I decided that I wouldn’t be able to do it anyway. I decided to listen to my iPod, while I cleaned up my room, a thing I had neglected lately considered the fact that I despise every way of cleaning. After I cleaned the floor and dusted everything I took a quick shower. Oh, how I love the feeling of hot water running down my skin. Then I quickly got dressed and made my way to Edward’s room.
I knocked at the door and he didn’t answer. I thought about leaving but then changed my mind. What if he was sleeping? Just one tiny, petty, poky, dinky, teeny, mini glimpse. The sight must be gorgeous! That won’t hurt anyone will it? Furthermore, what the eye does not see, the heart does not grieve over, or?
I quickly looked to my sides if anybody was there. How stupid can I be? We are the only ones on this floor! I mentally slapped my forehead while slowly opening the door.
He was not in his room. Mhhh, where could he have possibly gone? He wasn’t downstairs, was he?
I went downstairs to check, but he wasn’t there either, so I made my way back to his room. I decided I would wait for him there.
As I entered I could hear the shower running. Oh, so he was in there. I was sure it would take a while for him to finish and I decided to lay on his bed while I waited for him.
I must have dozed off because I woke up to a pair of lips kissing me first on my forehead and ,after I didn’t move, on my lips and trailing down to my neck. I could feel Edward’s warm breath on my skin and I it gave me the creeps. He then chuckled lightly but didn’t stop kissing me. His fingers traced my features and he kissed me once more on my lips. Then he stood up, causing my eyes to fly open. He saw my reaction and started chuckling.
“So, you woke up sleepy head?” he asked me.
I wanted to answer him but choked on my breath when I registered his attire, or rather lack of it. He stood there in front of me in only a pair of boxers. His chest was stone hard and his muscles were clearly visible and the fact that he had just come out of the shower made them glister.
Fucking God, if you exist then kill me now and I will die happy.
I let my eyes travel lower and realized that he was also excited.
I didn’t want to but I knew that it would be rude to linger there more so I reluctantly looked at his legs which were long and muscular. Then I made my way back up again taking my time to enjoy the view in front of me. Finally my eyes traveled up to his face. His hair appeared a shade darker than its usual because of the water. It was a total mess but so fucking sexy at the same time.
God, I wanted to stand up, run over to him and bury my hands in his hair.
I watched as a smirk appeared on his face. What was he thinking? Finally and much too late I allowed myself to look into his eyes. They were as green as ever, though a shade darker. They were burning with desire and longing.
Longing for me?
I fucking hoped so.
I looked at his whole greek god appearance again. He was so sexy. Stunning. I wanted to get up from his damn bed and fucking lick him all over.
Oh, oh girl. What kind of thoughts are these? You spend too much time with Rose and Em.
I slowly stood up from his bed and started walking over to his side, not without making sure to swing my hips.
I saw his eyes go wide.
I know I was red by the time I reached him but I simply had to look up to his face. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were burning right now. As was the pain between my legs.
I didn’t wait for him to say anything. I just threw myself at him. My lips crashed to his and I forced his mouth open with my tongue. I could hear him moan and that was enough motivation for me right now.
I brought my hands up and buried them in his messy hair and pressed his face even closer to mine.
He didn’t respond at first but when he did the feeling was incredible. My whole body melted into his touch. Slowly he brought his hands up to my waist and pressed me even harder against him. I could feel his muscles through my shirt.
Kill me now.
His hands traveled farther up and started roaming all over my back.
I pressed harder against him and he palmed my ass.
Oh my fucking God. He will be the death of me.
I reluctantly freed my hands and brought them to the hem of my shirt. I brought it up to my breasts but then had to take a step back to pull it over my head.
When we broke the kiss we were both panting, hard. He was grinning first but then his expression changed to one of restrain. He scowled at me, though I could see that his eyes were dancing with amusement. What was it with him today?
He removed my hands from the hem of my shirt and pulled it down again, caressing the exposed skin of my flat stomach.
“Bella,” he growled then.
Ok. I got it.
“Ok, ok. All right,” I said and took two more steps back.
He smiled at me and then came and kissed my forehead.
Fucking great. That exactly is the reason I want a boyfriend. To have him fucking kiss my forehead all the time, I thought sarcastic.
“I’m happy you understand.” Sure you are. And relieved to say the least. Isn’t it so?
“Sure I do.” Maybe I should take Mike up on his offer? I added inwardly, but knew that I would – of course – never do something like that.
I then went to leave his room but stopped at the doorway. Edward had already put some shorts on and was looking for a t-shirt. Don’t cover that miracle!
“Do you know why everybody was behaving so strange today?” I asked him then.
His whole body tensed and he stopped his movements to look at me.
“Strange?” he asked as if he didn’t understand what I was saying.
“Yeah, strange. You know, Emmett not drooling over the pots, Alice not jumping up and down like on some drug overdose, I mean, even Jasper, who I know that speaks only when it is totally necessary was even more quiet than usual. I am not even sure if he spoke one word to me.”
“Really? I didn’t notice.”
Well… Maybe I was just dreaming?
No. I am sure something is wrong.
“No, Edward. That was fucking not their normal behaviour. Except from you everybody acts different. Alice acts like she has planned something I will totally not like. It actually scares the shit out of me. I want to fucking run and hide myself in some dark corner until everything has quieted down!”
I could hear him mumbling something about ‘dark corner’ and ‘Jasper’ and ‘better not’ but that was not of importance for me right now. Then he looked as if he was thinking about what to say to me.
“Maybe they had just a hard day? You know how classes are. Alice told me something about a paper you had to write and-”
“Ungh! Ok, you know what? I am leaving! You are no help right now!” I said and turned to close the door behind me. “Oh! And that paper is totally your fucking fault! You should have to write it for me!” I shut the door behind me, but was able to hear him say “How is your inability to concentrate my fault?” and then chuckling.
He is so dead.
That was the last thing even close to a real conversation I had for the whole next fucking week. Nobody really talked to me and that was freaking me out.
Even Edward became distant.
Yes, he came to my bed at night and we cuddled a little, sometimes we even kissed – ugh! Imagine how bad everything was. He didn’t even come to kiss me anymore the way he had. No breathtaking kisses, no teasing, no nothing - I started wondering why he came to my bed at night at all when he felt so uncomfortable around me? I would prefer being alone there. Then I could at least cry about the development of things. So much about his frigging promises.
I really started thinking about confronting all of them. Was there something wrong with me? What had I, a contagious plague? I don’t think so. So why for fuck’s sake were they so distant? One week is a fucking long time!
I kept asking Alice if everything was alright or if something happened, but of course she would play everything off and say that everything was alright and that it was me that something was wrong with. Those were the times when I would boil over with rage and disappear into my room. I decided though, that I wouldn’t just stand by and watch them for long anymore, but I would confront them. I would just wait one more day and if nothing changed then they would have to live with the consequences, because I wouldn’t take that fucking nonsense anymore.
Did I really think that they would change their behaviour in one day?
Of fucking course not!
And it got even worse! Can you believe that I woke up alone? I don’t even know if I should be relieved or not? I mean, I was hoping for Edward to just leave me alone, but now I feel kind of hurt. And not only wasn’t he in my bed, lying next to me, but he wasn’t at home at all. And neither was anybody else!
No note left, no text, no nothing!
Were they fucking kidding me?
I was mad.
At all of them.
But at Edward the most.
Furious I left for my classes. It was Friday and hopefully I would be able to get some time to confront them today. It’s not as if they had planned something to do. Fridays were hang out days.
I really am sure that my grades were going down the tube by now. Today was yet another day, I couldn’t concentrate at all. How could I? I was planning a way to confront them and then take revenge on them.
On my way home I stopped at a grocery store. I had to buy some things to cook till Monday. I couldn’t believe whom I met there.
I had accomplished to avoid that little bitch for over a week now. I had no classes with her and had to meet her since… well, the day in our living room.
I had promised myself I would beat the shit out of her, but right now I had no time.
She was looking at a cereal pack and talking to a girl I recognized as Leah. She was tall, dark skinned and had cut her hair short just some days ago. She was in my literature class. I didn’t really like her, but until now she had not given me any reason to dislike her. Well, until now.
I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop but I simply had to know what this whore could be talking about with Leah. I went and stood on the other side of the rack and faked looking at the ingredients of some product. Hell, I don’t even know what I was looking at.
“Can you really believe it?” That croaking voice that I was sure belonged to Victoria asked.
“The truth? No.” Leah answered her.
“Yeah, I mean he NEVER had a girlfriend before. He was just fucking around. Not that it matters anyway. I know that if I want him I can win him anytime,” Victoria said. Who the fuck was she talking about?
“You are so right. Have you seen her? Of course you have, but… have you looked at her?” Leah asked. Ok, now I was really interested in their conversation. What gives them the right to judge somebody only by his appearance. And more: Who gives them the right to talk about somebody else's girlfriend?
“Oh yes, I have. And I am still asking myself what he sees in her. I mean… could he have found anybody more plain than her? Brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin? She is so ordinary.” Wait. Were they talking about me and Edward?
“I know…What is there worth to look at?” Ok, now I was even more furious than I had been before. Even if this wasn’t about me, it was still fucking wrong!
“It doesn’t matter. I will get fucking Masen anyway. It shouldn’t take him long to get bored by her and then I will make my move. It is so easy to get rid of her.” Oh, so they were. And what they were saying fucking stung.
I was tempted to just go over there and greet her, make my appearance known and see that stupid expression she would wear, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I wanted to hear the rest of this conversation. Oh, and of course I wouldn’t forget to mention to them him declaring his love to me!
“Trust me. You won’t have to. She is surely just one of his fucks. You will see. I am sure she is just his next prank. Remember what he did to Emily? That was fucking hilarious,” Leah said.
A prank? Was that really true?
And who was that Emily?
Was that the truth they said?
What else did he keep from me?
I knew I should not believe them. What did they know about me? About us? But then again, he had his little secret about his reputation. Was that it? Could it really be?
I could feel the tears rising to my eyes but I fought them back.
“Ok. Let’s stop talking about her. I can’t wait to have my hands on him! They say nobody fucks better than him!” Victoria said then.
Oh no my lady. You can forget that. He belongs specifically to me.
“Oh, yeah. I heard that.”
What the fuck?
“And you know what is the best? The day that whore came in and interrupted us, he brought me to that bus station. Ok, I was really pissed at him, but he said he would talk to me. So how long can it take?”
Me a whore?
He told her he would talk to her?
That was it. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get fucking out of here.
I left everything lying and run out. I just wanted to go and pack my things. I don’t even know if Victoria and Leah noticed me, but I didn’t care in that moment. I just wanted to leave that place as quickly as possible. I wanted to go home. To the people whom I know loved me. To the people I knew I could trust. I wanted to go back to Forks.
Tears were running down my face by now and I found it difficult to breath. I sat down on a bench and started thinking, crying silently.
Was that the reason he was so distant the last week? Was he bored of me?
If you believe what both of them said then yes.
Why would he have done so much the days before for me if it was only going to be a prank?
Why would he have fought so much for me?
Why would he persist into me believing him?
Why would he want me to forgive him?
Why would he want me back?
Why would he try so hard to win me back?
Why would he say he loved me if it was not the truth?
Why would he give me that fucking ring back?
Why would he stay every night with me to keep me calm?
Why wouldn’t he just sleep with me as he apparently did with everybody else?
Was it only a misunderstanding? I laughed out loud when that thought crossed my mind.
Oh, yeah, sure.
He is a rich boy, I forgot.
So that’s what it really was for him.
That is the real reason he didn’t call.
He didn’t care.
I was only just a fucking challenge to him! Who knows, maybe even a dare he didn’t want to loose.
As I first thought.
How could I be so stupid and believe him?
He had made his intentions clear by not calling, didn’t he?
How could I believe his fucking declarations and promises?
How could I give him a second chance?
So the dream I had so long was no nightmare. It was some kind of sick prediction.
My life was so fucked up.
I stood up and made my way back to that fucking excuse of a house, I no longer wanted to call my home, even if it felt so… at least temporarily.
I had my decision made.
I knew what I would do.
Yeah, I know… How stupid can they both be?
Can somebody galvanize Bella and scream to her that Edward loves her?
Did you get why Edward and everybody else was so distant?
Stupid, stupid Bella. She knows she should talk to him, but will she be able to look him in the eyes? Or will she just leave? And if she does, how will Edward be able do find her? How will he explain everything to her? Will he even get a chance to?
Mhhh, I am kind of tempted to end it here…
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- Chapter 1: A New Start
- Chapter 2: Old Memories and First Impressions
- Chapter 3: For Her
- Chapter 4: (Un)Predictable Surprises
- Chapter 5: The Way to Paradise is Steep
- Chapter 6: Why Don't You?
- Chapter 7: Surprises and Realizations
- Chapter 8: Interior Monologue and Misunderstandings
- Chapter 9: Plans and Games
- Chapter 10: Need (part 1)
- Chapter 11: Need (part 2)
- Chapter 12: I Can't Lose You
- Chapter 13: First Steps
- Chapter 14: Dares
- Chapter 15: Dreams and Fears
- Chapter 16: Texts (Part 1)
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- 03 Jul 09
- 04 Aug 10
- In Progress