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Cullen Wife Swap

Alice gets bored one day and decides to have some fun with the girls. They decide to do Wife Swap, cullen style! Slightly noncanon couples but NO THEY DON'T LOVE EACH OTHER! THEY ARE JUST HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF FUN! I set it as Teen because it has slightly mature theme. I figured i couldn't stick it in Adult, because i'm NOT an adult. So, teen is as good as i get.

Okay, may get slightly rude in places. But i won't go into details. You see, Alice gets rid of one of the key rules of Wife Swap (read the first chapter and see)

10. Alice's second week with Edward.

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1254   Review this Chapter

"Okay Edward. First rule, you need to let Ness have some freedom. You are a bit limiting with her relationship with Jacob"

"Whoo! I second that!" said Nessie.

"What? NO!" he said.

"Yes. That includes turning off that sensor thing"

"You put a sensor on my door?" Nessie exclaimed. Edward groaned.

"Fine, next?"

"I want you to stop being miserable and have fun!" he smiled.

"I like the sound of that rule"

"Good. Let's go to the other house"

"What? You only have two rules?"

"Yes. Oh, and you should think yourself lucky"


"You have no idea what Rosalie and Bella are getting their guys to do?"

"I do!" said Nessie "In fact I suggested it to Bella"

"Okay, what's happening?"

"Bella is getting Emmett to do charity work all week and then, this weekend Jasper and Emmett are being made to go fishing with Charlie!" Edward and Nessie burst out laughing.

"Oh, I feel for them" Edward said.

"Okay, let's go then" we headed to the other house. Nobody was there. Edward started playing on the piano. Then Rosalie and Jasper came in.

"So...how's it going?" I asked Rosalie...slightly hesitantly. I didn't want her to explode in my face but I really wanted to know if Jasper had done what I'd seen him doing.

"Fine" she said. Was I going to have force it out of her?

"Have you guys done anything cool yet" I asked. Rosalie opened her mouth but Esme stuck her head around the door and cut her off by saying "Alice! No prying! Or, as one of the referees, I'll disqualify you"

"Meany" I muttered

"Who made you the referee anyway?" asked Edward, stopping playing.

"Alice. She saw people cheating and decided to institute me and Carlisle as referees"

"Who did you see cheating?" asked Emmett. I looked at Rosalie pointedly. She may not have done anything yet but she'd been planning on it, in a fit of rebellion. Of course, right now I could still see people cheating, I just couldn't see who because of Nessie being around. Bella left the room to go do something.

"Oh, Ness, do you fancy shoe shopping tomorrow?"


"Do you want Jake to come?" I asked. Edward gritted his teeth and focused on his piano.

"Nah, let's have a girl day then I can have a Jake night" Edward's expression clearly said ‘I will kill you when this is over'

Just get used to it mind reader. You have a whole week left! Edward practically snarled at me and nearly put his hand through the piano.

Alice's video account of Monday
"This vision is still blurry. All I can see is two people making out. But they're too blurry! I need to be around vampires and no weird half-breed things! Edward is so mad; you can practically see the anger coming off him. Nessie and Jake are in the same room together. He's so mad he's gone out for a drive. This is fun"

Edward's video account of Monday
"God! Can't she see she's too young? Bella and I agreed with Nessie that while she lived in our house, she'd refrain from having a physical relationship with Jacob! And she told us she wasn't ready to move out yet! Why is Alice so intent on this? If it weren't for the fact that she can't see Ness and Jacob, I'd say that she saw a vision of Nessie pregnant and she's trying to hurry it up because it means she gets to do some shopping!"

I was shopping today and Nessie was getting some lunch when my vision came back. And this time I could see! It was Bella and Edward.

"Nessie? We need to go home"


"Well, you know the rules of the game?"


"I see Bella and Edward breaking them"

"Oh...but maybe we should let them think they've got away with it then find a way to get back at them later?" she suggested.

"Girl, you obviously take after me!"

"How can I take after you when I'm not actually related to you?" I just grinned.

When I got home, I confronted Edward.

"What did you and Bella get up too?"

"I have no idea what you mean" he said. He was lying.

"Edward, I saw it"

"Fine! But I didn't break any rules" he said.

"How did you get that come back?" I asked, perplexed.

"You told me to enjoy myself. The best way to enjoy myself is by being with my wife," he said, flatly. I had to admit, he had me there.

"Fine. But no more" I said "Or I'll...I'll...I'll wreck your car!"

"Fine" he said, laughing slightly.

Edward's video account of Tuesday
"I can't believe Alice found out. She wasn't too harsh on me but I bet she does something to Bella. That is typical Alice!"


"Hey Bella, what's up?"

"I need to do something to cheer Emmett up"

"How about a nightclub?" I suggested. I had a plan forming. Something funny.

"Okay, tomorrow night then. Do you and Edward want to come?"

"Sure. How about you ask Rose and Jasper too?"

"I'll ask them tomorrow when Emmett's out. He's with them right now. Oh, and I've got a message from Rose"

"What's that?"

"She says, can you please put the clothes back in the closet"

"Okay. She's stopped thinking about burning them or selling them so I might as well"

I headed to the club ahead of everyone else and scouted out a boy. Edward was sitting at the bar, looking bored. Rosalie and Jasper arrived soon after and then Bella and Emmett. I waited until Bella had gone to the loo to change.

"Hey" I said to the boy.


"Hey, can I ask a favour?"

"Sure" he said, slightly baffled.

"Did you see the girl, the one with the brown hair who just went to the loo?"

"Sure. She a friend of yours"

"Sort of. Well, she's feeling a bit depressed lately and lonely. So I was wondering if maybe you could talk to her"

"Course. She's very good looking"

"Thanks" I pecked him on the cheek and marched back to the bar. Bella returned and Edward gawped at her. So did the other two.

"Edward, close your mouth or you'll catch a fly"

"Hey Alice? Did you do that?" Rosalie asked me.

"It'd like to say it's my handiwork but I can't take credit. It's all Bella" I watched as Bella danced and the boy (along with some others who I hadn't asked) irritated her. She left the dance floor.

"I'm going to do my make up" she said.

"I'll go with you," said Rose. When they came back, Bella and Rose danced together.

"Hey, can I buy you a drink?" asked my boy.

"Sorry. You're not my type" then she turned and flat out kissed Rose! It was hilarious. I shrugged at the boy and he walked away, looking rather disappointed.

I'd spent the weekend on a trip with Nessie and now it was time to leave. It felt odd to be leaving and not returning to jasper (who looked slightly excited when I saw him). I think everyone's forgotten what happens after the time is up. We have to have a meeting and discuss what we think is good and bad about the couples lives. Then, we move on. I will have to tell Bella straight that Edward and her keep to tight control on Nessie. And that I think she and Rose would make a great couple.