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Cullen Wife Swap

Alice gets bored one day and decides to have some fun with the girls. They decide to do Wife Swap, cullen style! Slightly noncanon couples but NO THEY DON'T LOVE EACH OTHER! THEY ARE JUST HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF FUN! I set it as Teen because it has slightly mature theme. I figured i couldn't stick it in Adult, because i'm NOT an adult. So, teen is as good as i get.

Okay, may get slightly rude in places. But i won't go into details. You see, Alice gets rid of one of the key rules of Wife Swap (read the first chapter and see)

11. The meeting part 1-Bella and Emmett

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1664   Review this Chapter

All the kids were assembled in the living room. Each was with their correct mate. I had adjusted to seeing them apart this part week but they looked much more natural now.

"Okay, so we are this meeting to discuss with each couple what they think is good and bad about their life"

"Are we going to watch the video accounts?" Bella asked.

"Yes. So first, up, we have Bella and Emmett's. Then Bella can discuss with Rosalie and Emmett what she thinks should change in their life and what was good"


Emmett's video record on Monday
"Man, Bella is hot. I mean. I was playing my game and I had to try and not watch her! She looked so hot! Oh and when we went out earlier it was awesome! I could definitely get used to this. It's a shame it's only for one week...maybe Edward will lone Bella out to me. I mean, he always wants her to be happy and Bella seemed to enjoy it earlier"

"Not a chance Emmett. You may have had her last week but you all need to remember, she's mine! All mine!" said Edward, protectively.

"And Emmett?" Bella asked.

"Yeah Bells?"

"How can I not enjoy that?" she said. Everyone gasped. Bella grinned cheekily and winked.

"I need to show you some new tactics Bella. You were very distracting but still, always room for improvement," said Rosalie.

"What? You were trying to distract me?!" exclaimed Emmett. Everyone laughed.

"You didn't know?" said Jasper "I would have thought it was obvious. No offence Bella. But you just don't act that way"

"And for the record, you may actually be surprised by my opinion on Emmett's sex. I mean, what he thinks and what is actually true are two very different things," Bella said.

Bella's video record on Monday
"For the first time since I became a vampire. I am in pain. Emmett is addicted to sex! And Mario Kart. I don't see how Rosalie puts up with that. I suppose, if you love someone...you'd see past their flaws. But I'm already getting ideas for my set of rules. NO MORE MARIO KART! OR SEX!

"You were already planning the rules on Monday?" said Edward.

"Yes. I was so fed up. Rosalie, your husband really needs to get out more"

"I suppose. I can always send him fishing" everyone cracked up laughing, except Emmett and jasper who glared.

"Never." Emmett said.

"No, I agree. I will not do that again!"

"Moving on" said Carlisle, quickly.

Emmett's video record on Tuesday
"Well, Bella is just as hot as before and I have no complaints. Well, maybe one. Every time she walks past the TV, my Mario Kart remote stops working. I wonder what's up with that? Maybe she thinks I'm ignoring her. I'm not. She's just distracting in those clothes"

"How thick are you?" Edward muttered.

"What? It's just weird. Maybe Bella has a new power?" suggested Emmett. Rosalie and Bella giggled.

"Bella, please feel free to borrow those clothes of rose anytime. I might enjoy a distraction," whispered Edward into Bella's ear.

"Take it outside," said Jasper.

"I would love too" said Edward, getting up.

"Down Edward" said Alice, in a slightly bored tone. I noticed she‘d been very silent throughout the discussion so far. Bella giggled again as Edward sat down with a sigh.

Bella's video record on Tuesday
"How does Rosalie do it? I miss Edward so much! It's so weird seeing him and not being able to kiss him or anything. I may consider mutiny if this carry's on. Especially as Alice seems intent on torturing me. Every time I come into the room where she and Edward are, she starts kissing him or touching him! It's maddening!"

"Aww, I was beginning to think you hadn't missed me at all!" said Edward.

"Of course I miss you," said Bella, kissing Edward.

"Outside" muttered Jasper again. Alice rolled her eyes.

"Bella, I was not torturing you. I was merely acting the way you told me to. Doing what I feel when the mood took me" she said, serenely. Rosalie grinned and winked knowingly. Bella looked like if she could, she'd be blushing.

Emmett's video record on Wednesday
"Bella turned up slightly late tonight. I don't know where she'd been. She smelt as though she'd been near Edward, but there's nothing strange about that is there?"

Everyone burst out laughing at that, except for me, Carlisle and Emmett.

"What happened?" I asked with a resigned sigh.

"Bella and Edward were cheating!" said Rosalie, Jasper and Alice at the same time. Bella and Edward were looking slightly ashamed.

"Bella, Edward, you are disqualified from the contest"

"No!" shouted Jasper. Everyone stared at him.

"It's just that...if they're out then Rosalie will have no one to be with and neither will I" he said, quickly.

"Fine. They're not disqualified. Carlisle and I will think of a punishment. Moving along"

"There are no more videos for that first week," pointed out Rosalie.

"Second week then. Bella's rules were:
Rule One. You are not to play Mario Kart every single day. You are allowed to play it twice this week and that is it. Rule two. Sex is off. You get that once a week. Rule three. You are going to do volunteer work all week (excluding weekends and that day). Rule four. You are not to tease the other couples about their sex life. Final rule. At the weekend, you will go fishing with Charlie.

Emmett's video record on Monday
"Man, Bella really laid down the law with me today. She's set all these seriously annoying rules! But even I must admit...she did look mighty hot when she was doing it!"

"Emmett?!" said Rosalie and Bella together. Both sounded annoyed.

"Bella, you go first," Carlisle said.

"I cannot believe that is all you think about! You really need to get out more. I mean it"


"I can't believe you'd say she looked hot when she was setting rules. Does that mean she's hotter then me? Maybe you'd prefer to have her as your mate!" snapped Rosalie.

"Calm down" I said. Jasper filled the room with calm.

"Okay, Rosalie, I'm sure that's not true. Bella, Emmett's mind is very limited. Get used to it," said Edward. Emmett threw a cushion at him. Edward ducked. It broke my vase.

"Emmett, you are getting a new one," I told him. He nodded.

Bella's video record on Monday
"Well, that went well. I decided Emmett needed to spread his wings or he'll end up acting like one of those nerds you see in sitcoms who are overweight and living in their parents' basement playing games all day! Okay, he might not be overweight but still! He needs to get out more!"

"I think we all get the point" said Alice, dryly "That is not a visual I want"

Emmett's video record on Tuesday
"That charity stuff is hard work. I spent ages at that stupid orphanage. First, I had to clean their rooms. Then I had to serve their food (if I'd had to cook, I'd have poisoned them). Then, I had to PLAY with them! Oh sweet lord! I used up one of Mario Kart slots because I was so sick of it. Bella seemed slightly distant tonight. I'm not sure why. Maybe she was sorry that she'd sent me off to the orphanage. Oh well, just one more day of that. I'm sure the cat sanctuary couldn't be too bad!"

"Skipping over Emmett's obvious ignorance at the fact that Bella and Edward were cheating," said Rosalie "Let's get on" she was obviously still annoyed.

Emmett's video record on Thursday
"Last night was awesome! Bella looked HOT! We danced for ages and it was funny to watch the humans get drunk! That club was groovy. I'm a bit disappointed that Bella wouldn't round the night off in true style but she has promised something special later in the week. I miss Rose, but Bella is truly fun! I wonder what Alice will be like...?"

"Good. You were missing me. Even if Bella is ‘truly fun'"

"You know, I still can't believe what happened with the whole snogging bit," said Jasper. Alice shifted uncomfortably.

"What Alice?" Carlisle asked.

"Well, it's about the snogging bit. You see, I'd found out about Bella and Edward so I decided to get even. So I told that boy that Bella was lonely so he'd annoy her"

"So you made it so I snogged Rose?" Bella demanded.

"Yes" she said.

"I will get you later," Bella said with quiet venom.

"And I will too" said Rose.

"Don't be that way. You two looked like you enjoyed it," Alice said.

"Don't push it" muttered Rose.

Bella's video record on Thursday
"It was so cool. I think that Emmett had a good time. Part of me is almost sad that this week is nearly up. Oh well"

"See? Bella had a good time" Said Alice.

"Alice. Shut up" said Rose, Bella and Edward simultaneously.

"Last one" said Carlisle.

Emmett's video record on Sunday
"WOW! Last night was so damn hot! Bella let herself go in a way I've never seen before. I take back anything nasty I said about her. It was awesome! SHE IS SO HOT! I am so sad she's leaving! Last night way made up for all the stuff I had to do during the week!"

"What the hell did you do girl?" asked Rose. She didn't sound mad. She sounded slightly impressed.

"I'll tell you later" Bella promised "my signature," she added. Edward's eyes widened and then narrowed.

"You better realize how lucky you were. Bella never uses her signature on anyone"

"I should think not," said Carlisle. Bella looked embarrassed. So did Edward for that matter.

"Right. That was Bella and Emmett's week. And the basic's of it, is that Emmett needs more of a life. Less sex, less games. More life" said Alice. I knew she just wanted to hear what Jasper had said.