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Cullen Wife Swap

Alice gets bored one day and decides to have some fun with the girls. They decide to do Wife Swap, cullen style! Slightly noncanon couples but NO THEY DON'T LOVE EACH OTHER! THEY ARE JUST HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF FUN! I set it as Teen because it has slightly mature theme. I figured i couldn't stick it in Adult, because i'm NOT an adult. So, teen is as good as i get.

Okay, may get slightly rude in places. But i won't go into details. You see, Alice gets rid of one of the key rules of Wife Swap (read the first chapter and see)

12. The Meeting part 2-Jasper and Alice

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1773   Review this Chapter

After the arguments in the first part of the meeting, we took a short break before assembling again in the living room.

"Everyone ready?" I asked.


"Okay, this time it's Rosalie and Jasper's time together" Alice was waiting impatiently.

Rosalie's video account on Monday
"I see what Alice meant about emotions being important. I mean, with Emmett it's hot but with Jasper, it's more meaningful. I mean, he can be wild and everything but it depends on the emotion you give you him"

"Meaningful?" said Emmett "What do you mean my sex isn't meaningful?"

"No, your sex is meaningful. It's just...Jasper's is less based on lust and more on...something else" said Alice "I know from experience"

"And soon, so will I. however, if you really want to know the meaning of meaningful, you can sleep with him instead" said Bella. Emmett punched her arm. Bella punched him back.

"Ow!" he said.


"Newborn. You just wait until you're older. Then I'll beat you!"

"I'll wait. When that day comes, Edward, me, jasper and Alice will all jump you" Alice and Bella hi-fived.

Jasper's video account on Monday
"Rosalie really must be trying hard not to upset me. God, I wish everyone would stop thinking I'm so fragile. I understand now how Bella felt more then when she was feeling it!"

"Aww. I didn't mean to make you feel fragile! I was just trying to follow the guide book," said Rosalie.

"Yeah, if you are fed up of feeling fragile, Edward and I
know a way to stop it. We'll beat you up to prove we don't think you're fragile," said Emmett.

"No. Just treat him normally!" said Esme. I smiled at my wife and touched her hand.

Rosalie's video account on Tuesday
"Jasper chose tonight and he also set the emotion for it too. It certainly is interesting; the mood changes all kind of things. I also went shopping and got something that reminded me of Alice. Of course, she‘d known"

"What do you mean Jasper chose and he also set the emotion for it too?" asked Edward.

"Well, every night we picked a movie. It was Jasper's turn to pick the movie and the emotions changed the way we did it"

"Thanks for clarifying" said Edward, looking regretful. He shook his head as though trying to dislodge the images from the others. I thought briefly about the nights I'd spent with Esme. Edward groaned and looked at me.


Jasper's video account on Wednesday
"I think Edward and Bella are cheating. Whenever I'm near them, lust is practically coming off them in waves! Maybe they just miss each other although I'm not detecting any sorrow or longing"

"Did everyone know?" Bella said.

"We didn't" said Esme.

"Speak for yourself," I muttered.

"You knew?" asked Edward.

"Sure. It wasn't hard to figure out"

Jasper's video account on Thursday
"Alice had a right go at Rosalie today. About my feelings! That will only agitate her more, at least in the long run! God, I'm not that bloody fragile!"

"Huh! I tried to be nice to you after that! Next time, I won't bother" said Rosalie

"Fine. And I'll shout at you again. If you are rude to my husband again" replied Alice.

"Guys, focus please," said Emmett.

"Hypocrite" said Edward.

"I don't want to know," I said.

Rosalie's video account on Friday
"Yeah thank God it's Friday! If I have to go through another week of minding my emotions, I'm going to kill someone. Preferably Alice, as she keeps glaring at me. Oh well, next week it's my turn! Still haven't worked out what to do with that shop though. Maybe I will sell Alice's clothes. Maybe I'll tie Emmett up inside it. Whatever"

"Humph. Is it any wonder I took them out of the closet?"

"I won't object to being tied up," said Emmett. He was grinning in a strange way at Rosalie and his eyes were black.

"Emmett. Just stop it," said Edward "It's bad enough most of the time but now? It's even worse because you've been deprived of your wife for two weeks"

"Well, I haven't been sex deprived for two weeks," said Emmett.

"Okay. That's even worse"

"Concentrate" said Esme gently.

Jasper's video account of Sunday
"Oh my God! Rosalie really relaxed tonight. I've never seen her that way. Kind of...playful. It kind of reminds me of the fact, that in her life by the age of five she was being groomed into a young lady. She never really got a chance to be herself. Tonight in the lake, she was just so free. This is so insightful. Also, last night...she didn't treat me like I was fragile. She treated me like a friend. I like that.

"I am myself! I was always like this," said Rosalie.

"Oh well. You seemed more relaxed"

"You are treating me like a science experiment!" complained Rosalie.

"You shall see," said Alice, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
"Rules were: Jasper needs to stop being depressed and get out more. Second, more sex. That it?" asked Esme.

"Yep. That covers it," Rosalie said.

Rosalie's video account of Monday
"Well, last night was great. I was totally in control. It's weird. In Emmett, and me he's in control sometimes. But with Jasper, one of us has to take the upper hand and I've had more experience with different things"

"Now who's being treated like a science experiment?" complained Jasper.

"Just wait until the next clip!" said Alice, excitedly.

"Who's is it?" Bella asked.

"Jasper, Monday"

"Oh god! I forgot we'd be showing this! No! Don't show it!"

"Show it! Show it," chanted Emmett. Edward, Bella and Alice joined in.

"Out voted Jasper" said Rosalie, slightly amused.

Jasper's video account of Monday
"God. Does she really think I've never done that kind of stuff before? She's dumber then I thought. Oh well. Blondes are renowned for having big tits, and small (or in Rosalie's case, no) brains"

"JASPER!" snarled Rosalie.

"Haha!" laughed Edward and Alice. Bella patted Rose's arm.

"Rose, can you kill Jasper after the meetings. I want to see what else was said," said Emmett. His tone was serious but he had a teasing grin.

"Okay. I'll wait so I know how many times to dismember him"

Rosalie's video account of Tuesday
"Err...we didn't actually make it to the lake on the original drive. You see, he kind of drove topless. I couldn't help it! He was bouncing lust around the car! After a brief (cough) stop, we were back on track. I am impressed! He was really great. When he let's himself go, Jasper's like an animal!"

"Ha! I knew he'd try that at some point!"

"Was that to prove you weren't fragile?"

"Yes, but you can't hurt me for that. I mean, you enjoyed it too. Quite a lot I'd say"

"Jasper" growled Rosalie, Alice and Edward. I could only imagine their different reasons.

Jasper's video account of Tuesday
"I showed her. I had quiet a good time in the car. I wanted to see if I could influence her so firstly; the moment we got in the car, I lost the jacket. And shirt. And then, I started sending lust all over her! It only took ten minutes. Alice is better at resisting"

"I've had more practice," she said, modestly.

Jasper's video account of Wednesday
"Emmett was all annoyed today. Bella must be treating him badly. She needs to know that she has to care for her pets! Lol!"

"I'm not a pet!"

"No. it's true. You're more like a pet then a person," said Bella. She placed a comforting hand on Emmett's arm.

"Are we going to need another break after this? I mean, you kids keep getting into arguments," I said.

"We are actually adults! Legally I mean. Oh, except Edward" said Alice, outraged.

"Fine, will we need another break because you young adults keep getting into arguments"

"No, keep going"

Jasper's video account of Thursday
"I can't believe they did that! They snogged! Rosalie! And Bella! Well, that guy was very annoying. I had to calm Edward and Emmett down or they'd have punched him. After, me and Rose went and spent the evening the true teen way. In the back of my car. I need to clean the seats"

"Ew. Stop thinking that thought! Right now! Please! I can't keep doing this! I'm going hunting!" Edward said, leaping up.

"Edward, sit," ordered Alice.

"You are no longer my wife so you can't order me around"

"Bella?" said Alice, pointedly.

"Edward, sit. If it annoys you that much, I'll shield everyone's minds from you. Minus Carlisle and Esme"

"Why would you exclude them?" asked Rosalie.

"Because they don't think the same way as we do," Bella said. I coughed and Esme shifted uncomfortably.

"Fine, I'll shield all the minds from you," groaned Bella.

Rosalie's video account of Friday
"I am compiling a list of stuff to do this weekend when jasper's away. It's not very big"

"No discussion necessary" Esme said.

Jasper's video account of Friday
"I can't believe she's making me do this! Not only do I have to go fishing (FISHING THE MOST USELESS SPORT EVER!) but also I have to stay at Charlie's! In a room...with Emmett! He's got so sex deprived I'll go nuts if I have to be near him! WHY? CURSE YOU BELLA AND ROSALIE! AND CHARLIE FOR LIKING THE STUPID THING ANYWAY!"

"Curse us as much as you like, it's done now," said Rosalie.

Rosalie's video account of Saturday
"Didn't do much today. God, I'm bored"

Rosalie's video account of Sunday
"The moment Jasper got home; he grabbed me and hauled me into the forest. Wow. That's all I'll say"

"Bella. Your mind shield slipped," said Edward.

"It didn't slip" Bella said, giggling. Edward looked at her.

"I'm shielding everyone"

"Including me?" Edward groaned.

"Did you want me to not shield you?" asked Bella with innocent shock.

Jasper's video account of Sunday
"Oh my god. After all those high emotions (from Emmett. Charlie doesn't look capable of high emotions), the moment I got home, I had to snog Rosalie. Well, it's the last night. I'm actually really excited about next week. I mean, I like Rosalie, I love Alice it's just...Bella, is different. I tell you, I may have to bend Alice's guidelines a bit. Or even better, make a new set"

"Please separate me from their minds," groaned Edward once more.

"I have. That's not theirs," Bella said, with a cheeky grin on her face.

"Right. Is that the last video?" Edward asked quickly.

"Yes. Of that section" I said.

"Right. Five minute break" he grabbed Bella's hand.

"You only take five minutes?" Emmett asked.

"Emmett, shut up"