Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

Cullen Wife Swap

Alice gets bored one day and decides to have some fun with the girls. They decide to do Wife Swap, cullen style! Slightly noncanon couples but NO THEY DON'T LOVE EACH OTHER! THEY ARE JUST HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF FUN! I set it as Teen because it has slightly mature theme. I figured i couldn't stick it in Adult, because i'm NOT an adult. So, teen is as good as i get.

Okay, may get slightly rude in places. But i won't go into details. You see, Alice gets rid of one of the key rules of Wife Swap (read the first chapter and see)

14. Alice's first week with Emmett

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1241   Review this Chapter


Right, off to live with Emmett. This should be fun. Hmmm…already pondering the rules I could give him. And I could probably use this to my advantage. Jasper and I could do with a good holiday. I’d skimmed Rosalie’s rules. When it came to my week, I would set rules that Emmett would enjoy enough to vote for me. I was pretty sure Rosalie would be her normal selfish self and that would cause Edward to vote for me. So, anyway. I reached Emmett’ s house.

“Hey Emmett” I said, seductively. He looked confused but he smiled uncertainly.

“Hi Alice” I kissed him, pressing in as much passion as possible. He pulled away.

“Alice…if I didn’t know better I’d say you were trying to seduce me” he said.

“Do you care?” I asked.

“Not really ”

I’d skipped over most of Rosalie’s instructions. We hadn’t gone for ‘the ride’, we hadn’t gone to the house. We’d spent the entire time around Rose and Emmett’s house doing… well, everything we could possibly do. It was fantastic being with Emmett. No sensitivity, just pure bliss.

When we’d finished it was time for me to go to the hairdressing salon. I got set to work, enjoying the creativity that flowed under my fingers. But it passed to soon and it was time for me to continue with part one of my master plan. Seduction of Emmett. I was going to have to bend Rosalie’ s rules. But hey, rules are made to be broken!

I got back to the house before Emmett. I set everything up and instead of wearing clothes off Rosalie’s blue or red rack, I used some of mine that I’d brought with me (which was technically cheating, seeing as we were supposed to wear the clothes that the wife before us had instructed us to wear). My favourite night club clothes. Knee high black boots, dark blue mini skirt with a slit along the back, and up each side. Black corset with blood red trim. And my favourite perfume. Eau de Blood. It was like catnip for cats, it drove my guys crazy!

I rang Emmett.

“Hey Alice”

“Emmett, can you come home?”


“Just, please…?”

“Sure. Be right there”

Three minutes later Emmett showed up. I was leaning against the hallway wall, with a riding crop I’d found in Rosalie’s box of feathers (don’t ask).

“Wow. Alice you look gorgeous”

“Shut up”

Emmett’s video record of Monday

“OH MY GOD!!! ALICE IS BLOODY FANTASTIC! But…after my first week with Bella…she still hasn’t won my vote. Also, I think she’s not really following Rose’s guide. Rose gave me a copy. It’s around here somewhere. Where did I stash it?”

Alice’s Video record of Monday

“Things are going good. I am toying with the idea of putting a rule next week of Emmett having to stay in bed at all times, naked. I think that would get his vote if I haven’t already. It doesn‘t matter if Jasper doesn‘t win (though he probably will. Emmett is way too pushy. Edward is too tame. Jasper rocks any girls world) I will”

Emmett’s video record of Tuesday

“If Alice gets disqualified, do I get to continue my two weeks? I don’t? oh. Right. I found my guide and…err…I think Alice is sticking to it…pretty much. It’s all fine.”

Alice’s video record of Tuesday

“I pushed forward with part one of my plan. I am going for it! This game is mine!”

Emmett’s video record of Wednesday

“I think Alice is more obsessed with sex then me. I’ve hardly seen the light of day”

Alice’s video record of Wednesday

“I’m not sure if Edward will vote for me. I can guess the votes other then him. Rosalie will vote Jasper. Bella will vote Jasper. Emmett will vote me. Jasper will vote Bella. I have no idea what Edward will do. I need to make sure he does. We didn’t think of what will happen if there is a draw. I’m going to have to call a meeting”


I put part one of my plan on hold this morning and went to the main house.

“Why Alice, we haven’t seen you in a while. You wouldn’t be not following the guide I set?” Rosalie asked.

“Of course not Rose. Now, I need to call an emergency meeting to sort out something regarding the results. Can everyone please gather on the sofa?” I called. Everyone appeared in seconds, including Esme and Carlisle.

“I am wondering something. I know that we all vote for the member of the opposite sex but what happens in the event of a draw”

“There’s an odd number, we have to get a definitive result”

“No, look. We can’t pick our own spouse. Say, if Bella picks Jasper, Rosalie picks Edward and I pick Emmett. We have a draw! What do we do then?” I said.

“Simple” said Emmett “Each of the people has sex with the two non-spouses and then they decide which one was best”

“No Emmett” said Edward.

“I have an idea” said Nessie, coming into the room with Jacob.

“What’s that?” Rose asked.

“If it’s girl who needs to be chosen, Jake spends a day with them. Don’t worry auntie Rose you guys don’t have to do anything”

“And if it’s a boy? You can’t do it Ness. That’s creepier then the werewolf!” Edward said.


“Leah? No way”

“Leah! It was actually her idea. We were listening outside”

“Fine, then it’s settled” said Carlisle.

Emmett’s video record of Thursday

“I wonder why Alice brought that up. Err… I seriously hope that there isn’t a tie. I don’t want to be near that mutt. And I know if Rosalie goes out with Jacob, then there is no chance she’ll win. They’ll eat each other”

Alice’s video record of Thursday

“I don’t like the way we’re sorting out a draw. Now I won’t be able to see who will win when we get to a draw. But at least it’s sorted. Now to make sure that we girls don’t have a draw”

Emmett’s video record of Friday

“Again, great time. Still not sure whether to go for Bella or Alice. I’ll have to see about the second week. Bella was strict but we did have that great night out on the Thursday. Hmmm…let me think”

Alice’s video record of Friday

“I can’t put my plan into action until tomorrow at the earliest and even then it will be difficult. I’ll have to be careful. But even if I get caught, I bet Jazz will win anyway. One holiday is better then none”


We went hunting. I managed to separate Edward and myself from the rest of the family. We were quite far away when I made my move. I knocked into Edward, sending him sprawling and pinning him down. At first he thought I was messing around, ripping his shirt and growling. Then he stopped laughing.

“Alice. What are you doing?”

“Shh” I kissed him.

“You want this” I told him. He didn’t struggle.Later

“Wow” said jasper.

“God! How long have you been there?” I said, jumping.

“Long enough. It was just me though. No one else…heard”

“What? I want to make sure at least one of us wins a holiday. Though, you probably will. I mean, who can resist you?”

“You play dirty”

Alice’s video record of Sunday

“Ha! My time to shine!”