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Cullen Wife Swap

Alice gets bored one day and decides to have some fun with the girls. They decide to do Wife Swap, cullen style! Slightly noncanon couples but NO THEY DON'T LOVE EACH OTHER! THEY ARE JUST HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF FUN! I set it as Teen because it has slightly mature theme. I figured i couldn't stick it in Adult, because i'm NOT an adult. So, teen is as good as i get.

Okay, may get slightly rude in places. But i won't go into details. You see, Alice gets rid of one of the key rules of Wife Swap (read the first chapter and see)

2. Rosalie's guide to life with Emmett

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Operation Wife Swap would start on Monday. And the order was to be as follows.

Rosalie-Jasper. Bella-Emmett. Alice-Edward. Then, Rosalie-Edward. Bella-Jasper and Alice-Emmett.

First thing, Bella's first week with Emmett.

Rosalie's handbook to life with Emmett

So...my life with Emmett. Three words, Sex, Cars, Clothes. So everyday you get out of bed about eight am. Get out earlier if Emmett's been flirting with other girls. He likes to spend as much time as possible curled up next to you so that's his punishment. And when you've got up, you go and get dressed. This should take about an hour to get all the clothes right, hair and make up. Once again, if Emmett's been misbehaving you need to punish him by wearing the clothes on the RED rack. This is a MUST!

So, you get dressed and then you spend an hour in the main house. You watch TV for an hour, then go, and tinker with the BMW for an hour. When you've tinkered with it for an appointed time, you go and drape yourself in Emmett's lap.

Now, if he's come to see you before your hour of tinkering is up then immediately follow the next step. You go out in the car for a drive. Let HIM drive. He is in charge for the next TWO hours. After that, you are in charge. It's likely that after that your clothes will be ripped. There are another set in the boot. You need to replace them when you get home.

If it's a Saturday, when you've got back you go back out hunting with the family. If it's during the rest of the week (except Sunday. Then you go shopping) you need to drive into town and go to the hairdressing salon for your job. Your shift is two-five.

After that, you go home or if any of the girls are in the mood you go shopping. But you need to be back by nine o'clock. Then, you and Emmett return to your house and you put on one of the outfits on the BLUE rack.

Then you need to taunt him a bit before you actually do it. There is a CD in the cupboard. Play that. Also, there is a box with feathers in. Use them. I will not give you any specific instructions, as each day is different.

Oh...also, Emmett enjoys playing Mario Kart on the Xbox. As long as he pays attention to you, it's okay. So...don't worry unless he doesn't pay attention to you. Then you use the RED rack and ignore him. Also, if he makes any demands ignore him and flirt with other people.

If things get bad, sit so that he can see you, wearing the most revealing top. Lean forward. This will distract him and he will lose focus on the game. And if this doesn't work (unlikely. There are only two occasions in fifty years when it hasn't worked) there is a pair of scissors in the feather drawer. Without him noticing cut his remote wires. That way, he'll get frustrated when his person doesn't move. Okay. That's about it.