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Cullen Wife Swap

Alice gets bored one day and decides to have some fun with the girls. They decide to do Wife Swap, cullen style! Slightly noncanon couples but NO THEY DON'T LOVE EACH OTHER! THEY ARE JUST HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF FUN! I set it as Teen because it has slightly mature theme. I figured i couldn't stick it in Adult, because i'm NOT an adult. So, teen is as good as i get.

Okay, may get slightly rude in places. But i won't go into details. You see, Alice gets rid of one of the key rules of Wife Swap (read the first chapter and see)

4. Bella's second week with Emmett.

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1380   Review this Chapter


"Emmett. These are my rules for the next week and you are expected to listen to them and obey them"


"Do you remember signing a piece of paper?"


"That was a contract stating you will listen and obey the rules"

"Damn your good"

"Right, so these are my rules. Rule One. You are not to play Mario Kart every single day. You are allowed to play it twice this week and that is it"

"No way!" he said, jumping to his feet.

"Them the rules Emmett. Second, sex is off"

"Do I get that twice this week?" he asked, looking hopeful.

"No. you get it once. It's unhealthy," I said. He narrowed his eyes.

"You need to widen your life a bit more. So you are going to do volunteer work this week"


"At the orphanage in Seattle on Tuesday and Wednesday from 9-5 and on Thursday and Friday you are working at the cat charity, 8-6"

"Why do I have to?" he wailed.

"Because I said so!" he stood up and squared his shoulders.

"What if I don't want too?"

"That is your decision. But if you don't, the contract you signed states I can burn all of those films you have"

"You wouldn't!" he said, eyes widening.

"Of course not." he relaxed so I continued, "Unless you fail to stick to the rules"

"Fine I'll stick to your stupid rules"

"Right...oh and at the weekend you and Jasper are going fishing with Charlie"

"What?! Why isn't Edward or the girls going?"

"I asked Alice. Edward is busy on that day. You two are going to stay the night with Charlie and go fishing both days and you know why us girls aren‘t going. We have other stuff to do! The only reason Jasper is going is because Rosalie said he wasn‘t doing anything at the weekend"

"I can't believe this"

"Believe it Emmett. It won't change" he scowled.

"Are you done?"

"Yes. No wait, I forgot one other rule. You are not to tease any of the other couples about their sex life. Just because yours is non-existent, don't draw attention to theirs"

"Bella, I thought you were cool but you just dragged all the fun out of my life!" he exclaimed. He wasn't serious though. Emmett wasn't a mean person.

"Relax; it's just for a week. And if your good I'll give you an extra turn on something" he grinned.

"Right, we're going to the other house to see the rest of the family. Make the most of today, because tomorrow you're working"

Emmett's video record on Monday

"Man, Bella really laid down the law with me today. She's set all these seriously annoying rules! But even I must admit...she did look mighty hot when she was doing it!"

Bella's video record on Monday

"Well, that went well. I decided Emmett needed to spread his wings or he'll end up acting like one of those nerds you see in sitcoms who are overweight and living in their parents' basement playing games all day! Okay, he might not be overweight but still! He needs to get out more!"


I waited until Emmett had left for his charity work before heading to the main house. Edward, Jasper and Rosalie were there.

"Hey guys. Where's Alice?" I asked Edward.

"Shoe shopping with Nessie," he grunted. I felt hurt. Why was he being so cold and distant? Jasper raised an eyebrow and I shrugged in reply.

"What have you done to Emmett?" asked Jasper. I grinned.

"I sent him off to do charity work! He'll be gone until five" did I imagine that glimmer in Edward's eyes?

"Well, I'm going to go for a hunt. Bye!" I said, abruptly. I walked out of the room. Then started to run. I'd gone about a mile when I became aware of someone trailing me. Edward. I grinned. Did he really think he could ignore me and then act like nothing had ever happened? I darted away from him. I heard him speeding up as he chased me. I leapt into the boughs of a tree and watched him run past. He stopped, spinning around, looking confused. I knew he was rubbish at tracking. I jumped down and grinned. He hugged me and kissed me passionately. I pushed him away.

"Why were you so rude this morning?" I asked.

"I didn't want to others to get suspicious. And I needed to give you an excuse to leave the room"

"Okay" I kissed him back.

"Oh god. All I've been able to think about, all day is how much I've missed being with you"

"I've missed you too"

Emmett's video record on Tuesday

"That charity stuff is hard work. I spent ages at that stupid orphanage. First, I had to clean their rooms. Then I had to serve their food (if I'd had to cook, I'd have poisoned them). Then, I had to PLAY with them! Oh sweet lord! I used up one of Mario Kart slots because I was so sick of it. Bella seemed slightly distant tonight. I'm not sure why. Maybe she was sorry that she'd sent me off to the orphanage. Oh well, just one more day of that. I'm sure the cat sanctuary couldn't be too bad!"


I didn't get a chance to talk to Edward today. Alice had him running around after her! All day! I'm worried she saw something even though I know she was with Nessie. But...what if she and Nessie separated for a minute? Alice would normally be upfront about something like that though. Oh well. I spent the day doing housework and reading. Emmett was in a bad mood tonight when he got back from the orphanage. I almost considered giving him more Mario Kart time or spending time with me but I've decided I'll plan something special for tomorrow!


"Emmett, how was the cat sanctuary?"

"Okay I guess. I didn't get to see the cats because the lady in charge got me too stock the shelves"

"Well, we're going out! Get some decent clothes on and meet me in the car," I commanded. It took a minute for Emmett to get changed. I was seated in my Ferrari when he arrived.

"Where are we going?"


"Are the others coming?"

"Yep! Except for Carlisle and Esme. I think they're having a quiet night in" I drove quickly out of town. We reached the club in three minutes flat.

"A nightclub?"

"You scared I'll show you up?" I teased. I grabbed his hand and tugged him inside. The interior of the club was pulsating with bright lights. The others were on the dance floor.

"Go ahead, I'll be back in a second" I told Emmett. I hadn't put on my outfit before we'd left so he wouldn't know where we were headed. I slipped into the bathroom and tossed on my outfit. It was sparkly.

"Wow" said Emmett when I joined them on the dance floor. I noticed Edward staring and Alice gave him a poke. It was going to be a fun night!

Emmett's video record on Thursday

"Last night was awesome! Bella looked HOT! We danced for ages and it was funny to watch the humans get drunk! That club was groovy. I'm a bit disappointed that Bella wouldn't round the night off in true style but she has promised something special later in the week. I miss Rose, but Bella is truly fun! I wonder what Alice will be like...?"

Bella's video record on Thursday

"It was so cool. I think that Emmett had a good time. Part of me is almost sad that this week is nearly up. Oh well"


I spent the day reading again. I wish now that I hadn't sent Emmett away. I didn't get a chance to see Edward. I'm so bored. I could prepare for tomorrow night?

Emmett's video record on Sunday

"WOW! Last night was so damn hot! Bella let herself go in a way I've never seen before. I take back anything nasty I said about her. It was awesome! SHE IS SO HOT! I am so sad she's leaving! Last night way made up for all the stuff I had to do during the week!"