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Cullen Wife Swap

Alice gets bored one day and decides to have some fun with the girls. They decide to do Wife Swap, cullen style! Slightly noncanon couples but NO THEY DON'T LOVE EACH OTHER! THEY ARE JUST HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF FUN! I set it as Teen because it has slightly mature theme. I figured i couldn't stick it in Adult, because i'm NOT an adult. So, teen is as good as i get.

Okay, may get slightly rude in places. But i won't go into details. You see, Alice gets rid of one of the key rules of Wife Swap (read the first chapter and see)

7. Rosalie's second week with jasper

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"Okay Jasper. Here are my new rules. You need to stop being so depressed and get a life! Go out! Try new things! I mean you spend every night watching movies!"

"Okay. I'll try," he said.

"Second rule. I want more sex. I enjoyed the Sunday lake thing but from now on, I'm in charge so we do what I want, when I want"

"Fine" Pathetic response. Let's see if this worked.

"Oh and your going fishing with Charlie and Emmett on the weekend"

"WHAT?" he cried.

"Well I was talking with Bella and she said she's sending Emmett out. I thought he'd need some company other then Charlie. And also because I didn't plan anything for the weekend"

"God. Why have you done this to me? What have I done to deserve this?"

"You don't do anything! That's the point. You eat, sit, watch movies, and have sex. End of life. This could be an invaluable experience. Or do I mean a valuable experience?"

"No. definitely invaluable"

"That'll be something to tell future vampires to come. I went on a fishing trip with a human"

"Hmm" he said, disbelieving.

"Let's go" I took him to the big house.

"So...how's it going?" asked Alice...slightly hesitantly. I didn't trust her.

"Fine" I said. Don't tell her anything!

"Have you guys done anything cool yet" before I could respond with something incredibly rude, Esme stuck her head around the door and said "Alice! No prying! Or, as one of the referees, I'll disqualify you"


"Who made you the referee anyway?" asked Edward.

"Alice. She saw people cheating and decided to institute me and Carlisle as referees"

"Who did you see cheating?" asked Emmett. She looked at me. I noticed that Bella and Edward were both looking...well, ashamed. HA! They'd been cheating! Oh, Bella. You naughty girl! Well, I'm not going to ruin it for her.

Rosalie's video account of Monday
"Well, last night was great. I was totally in control. It's weird. In Emmett, and me he's in control sometimes. But with Jasper, one of us has to take the upper hand and I've had more experience with different things"

Jasper's video account of Monday
"God. Does she really think I've never done that kind of stuff before? She's dumber then I thought. Oh well. Blondes are renowned for having big tits, and small (or in Rosalie's case, no) brains"

We were in the big house with Edward when Bella turned up. Alone.

"Hey guys. Where's Alice?" she asked, speaking to Edward.

"Shoe shopping with Nessie," he grunted. Poor her. I was actually feeling sorry for her! I mean, although Edward wasn‘t her husband at the moment it was no reason to be rude! Jasper and Bella were exchanging glances.

"What have you done to Emmett?" asked Jasper. She grinned and so did I. I knew what she'd done.

"I sent him off to do charity work! He'll be gone until five" Jasper burst out laughing. Emmett? Charity! I wished I could have seen that. Oh well. I had more important stuff to do.

"Well, I'm going to go for a hunt. Bye!" Said Bella, before leaving.

"Jasper. I think it's time to show me what you got"

"What do you mean?"

"Let yourself go. Come on. We're going to the lake" he stood up and we ran out to the car.

Rosalie's video account of Tuesday
"Err...we didn't actually make it to the lake on the original drive. You see, he kind of drove topless. I couldn't help it! He was bouncing lust around the car! After a brief (cough) stop, we were back on track. I am impressed! He was really great. When he let's himself go, Jasper's like an animal!"

Jasper's video account of Tuesday
"I showed her. I had quiet a good time in the car. I wanted to see if I could influence her so firstly; the moment we got in the car, I lost the jacket. And shirt. And then, I started sending lust all over her! It only took ten minutes. Alice is better at resisting"

Jasper's video account of Wednesday
"Emmett was all annoyed today. Bella must be treating him badly. She needs to know that she has to care for her pets! Lol!"

Bella found Jasper and me in the woods and told us she was going out with Emmett to a nightclub. Jasper suggested his regular and we agreed to go. I immediately chose my outfit. I wore Alice's shoes again (she returned the clothes after I stopped thinking about selling them. Or burning them).

The club was hopping. We put in some requests and we got to some real dancing. I looked gorgeous. Alice looked stunning but Bella was the real surprise. She was wearing a dress. It had one sleeve and a cut out on her midriff. She set it off with sparkly eye shadow, stilettos (WOW! BELLA IN STILETTOS!) and some jewellery. I asked Alice and she said it wasn't her doing. I noticed Edward staring at her more then once (as well as Emmett. And jasper at one point) and Alice told him off most times which was funny. And loads of boys asked her to dance and there was this one, he wouldn't leave her alone. So when she went to the loo (to redo her makeup) she asked me to help her get rid of him! You'll never guess what we did!

Jasper's video account of Thursday
"I can't believe they did that! They snogged! Rosalie! And Bella! Well, that guy was very annoying. I had to calm Edward and Emmett down or they'd have punched him. After, me and Rose went and spent the evening the true teen way. In the back of my car. I need to clean the seats"

Rosalie's video account of Friday
"I am compiling a list of stuff to do this weekend when jasper's away. It's not very big"

Jasper's video account of Friday
"I can't believe she's making me do this! Not only do I have to go fishing (FISHING THE MOST USELESS SPORT EVER!) but I have to stay at Charlie's! In a room...with Emmett! He's got so sex deprived I'll go nuts if I have to be near him! WHY? CURSE YOU BELLA AND ROSALIE! AND CHARLIE FOR LIKING THE STUPID THING ANYWAY!"

Rosalie's video account of Saturday
"Didn't do much today. God, I'm bored"

Rosalie's video account of Sunday
"The moment Jasper got home; he grabbed me and hauled me into the forest. Wow. That's all I'll say"

Jasper's video account of Sunday
"Oh my god. After all those high emotions (from Emmett. Charlie doesn't look capable of high emotions), the moment I got home, I had to snog Rosalie. Well, it's the last night. I'm actually really excited about next week. I mean, I like Rosalie, I love Alice it's just...Bella, is different. I tell you, I may have to bend Alice's guidelines a bit. Or even better, make a new set"