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Cullen Wife Swap

Alice gets bored one day and decides to have some fun with the girls. They decide to do Wife Swap, cullen style! Slightly noncanon couples but NO THEY DON'T LOVE EACH OTHER! THEY ARE JUST HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF FUN! I set it as Teen because it has slightly mature theme. I figured i couldn't stick it in Adult, because i'm NOT an adult. So, teen is as good as i get.

Okay, may get slightly rude in places. But i won't go into details. You see, Alice gets rid of one of the key rules of Wife Swap (read the first chapter and see)

8. Bella's guide to life with Edward

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Bella apparently leads a very relaxed life, with now (relaxed) Edward and her daughter. Alice is the hyperactive family member and is intent on making this good. However, is Bella's life really as laid back as everyone thinks?

Bella's guide to life with Edward

Well, life with Edward is great! So, you get up at six and tidy stuff. Make Nessie's breakfast and some for Jake too (he normally stops around for breakfast. Edward refuses to let him move in with Nessie. However, on Fridays and Saturdays he is allowed to stay the night). You need to include a glass of blood for Ness. She prefers human but is only allowed that on special occasions. This isn't her proper feed, just to keep her awake.

Afterwards, like the rest of the families, you head to the main house. Stay there for about...erm...three hours? And read during that time (as Alice always hogs the remote. YES YOU DO!) That should take you up to about midday. Make Ness's lunch (no blood this time). Then, you and Edward can do pretty much whatever you like. Neither of us have a job, so be happy!

We need to give Nessie one lesson a day (two hours long), so me and Edward take turns on a subject of her choosing. Set homework at the end! Okay, then you and Edward can do whatever you like again.

Right, sex. Now, everyone in the family thinks that Edward and I are...not the wildest. Right, well, you do it pretty much whenever the mood takes it. You have to send Nessie out after her lesson or she gets claustrophobic. As long as she's back by seven, for tea. No blood then either.

So, during the time she's out, you can do it. Edward is very passionate. Oh, and he likes it if you think what you want to do. That makes him more enthusiastic. You get sex as many times a day as you want, but you get one definite lot at night. Don't use the bedroom.

Use the tree house (Edward knows the way. Unfortunately, to keep our hideaway secret, he will blindfold you. And you are not allowed to go there on the second week! Without a blindfold at least) it has our box in it.

At the weekends, Ness doesn't do lessons. She can hunt for her lesson times if she wants or go shopping. Do not, I repeat, do not! Allow Jake to take her ‘shopping'. Last time she did that, they got banned from Victoria's secret. And Jake stole Edward's car and scratched it (inside and out!). Edward has sworn if Jake tries it again, he will have him neutered.

On Saturday, Edward and I go hunting. We do not use the nearby forests on the weekend; we head up to mount Ranier. Okay. So I think that covers most stuff. Oh! And Ness has a tendency to try and sneak Jake into her room at night. To stop this, you need to turn on the invisible random laser heat sensor thing Edward installed (he's over protective!) at night and hide the remote. Ness doesn't know about that. You see, if Jake goes near the window (or her door) it will be sealed by metal that only Edward and I can open (it's a heat sensor, so we don't set it off!)

Right. Enjoy!
Oh, and don't blow our cover