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A Change of Heart

Summary:
This is set during New Moon, and Edward never came back. Bella finds herself questioning her feelings for Jake and trying to decide if she should take their relationship to the next level.


Notes:
I don't own these characters obviously! But I do enjoy writing about them :)


6. Chapter 6-Self-Control

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1576   Review this Chapter

I couldn't believe how good Jake's tongue felt between my legs. It was as if it was meant to be there. I know that sounds rather perverted but he was just so damn good at it. By the time I had come I was so lightheaded and could hardly breathe. It had felt good when he did it before, but this time...I don't know..it was indescribable.

"Are you sure you've never done that before me?" I sputtered. He smiled shyly and looked up at me from under hooded lids.

"I've never...wanted to do that before you Bella. There's something about you that makes me want to do everything in my power to make you come over and over again and in everyway possible," he whispered. His words gave me absolute chills and I began to become turned on all over again. I sat up and took his hands in mine.

"Shit Jake, do you know what you do to me? Do you know what the very thought of making you come does to me? I never thought I was that sexual of a person..but with you, I feel..insatiable," I admitted honestly and of course, I could feel a stupid blush coming upon my cheeks, effectively negating my confidence. I dipped my head to hide behind my hair.

"Don't. Don't ever do that. You're so damn beautiful and I don't ever want you to hide from me. And Bella? I agree wholeheartedly with everything you just said..but it sounded so much sexier coming from you than it could ever sound coming from me," and with that he pushed me down onto my back yet again and began kissing me with such passion.

"I want you inside me Jacob. Please?" I was way past the point of not wanting to rush things.

"Bella," he growled. "You can't freaking say shit like that, I am exercising every single ounce of my self-control here and I'm about to lose it," Instead of replying to him I pushed him onto his back...who am I kidding I'm not strong enough for that. He actually rolled over willingly. I began to kiss down his absolutely, unbelievably defined stomach and headed toward my extremely obvious goal. I took him into my mouth and began massaging him with my tongue. He was thrashing and groaning and it was so unbelievably hot. I took my mouth off of him and began to work him furiously with my hand.

"Yes Bellaaa, yes just like that," his eyes were closed tight and I decided that I was going to be impulisve...and maybe rather crazy...and probably stupid..but I was going to do it anyway. As he was distracted by the pleasure I was giving him, I carefully without decreasing the pace of my hand, positioned myself directly over him and my hand that was busy with him. On the next downward stroke, I put the tip of his cock at my entrance and let it go in only slightly. His eyes shot open and he firmly grabbed my hips.

"What the hell are you doing?" he actually seemed angry and I didn't know if I should feel scared or rejected.

"I..uh.." I honestly had no excuse to justify my actions. I was a woman out of control with desire. Gone crazy with lust. Losing my mind with need. You get the picture. I began to move off of him after I realized the insanity of it all. But I did so rather clumsily and accidentally took him in a tiny bit further. I gasped and he moaned loudly.
"Don't..move," his eyes were focused intensely on me. "You have no idea of the internal conflict going on in my head right now Bella. I don't want our first time to be like this. I want it to be special, and romantic and slow paced. But most of all I want to make love to you. But Bella, right now..with what you're doing to me..I want to fuck you. I want to take you so hard and so fast and I don't even want to give you a second to argue about it," I didn't realize that my mouth had fallen open in shock until he brought his finger to my mouth and gently traced my bottom lip. He was up on his elbows and his intense stare had turned more gentle, but still full of desire.

"Now, is that what you want Bella? Do you want me to fuck you? Do you want me to rush through it? It's going to hurt at first Bella no matter what. Whether it's slow or fast," I was honestly speechless. I had never seen this side of Jake before and while it was a little frightening, it was also turning me on. But I knew..that it shouldn't be like this, and so did he. He was trying to change my mind and unfortunately it was working.

"No Jake, I want you to make love to me the first time," I sighed. A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

"I know you do. I know this isn't what you want. But that doesn't change the fact that I am so damn tempted to push myself up inside you right now," he growled out and my eyes rolled back in my head at his words.

"I want to push myself down on you so bad baby. Feeling you so hard and ready, and you're right there..it's so tempting...will you just put it in a little bit?" Seriously, I had gone crazy. What the hell was I saying?

"Bella..no baby I can't,"

"But why not? As long as you don't go all of the way in it won't hurt me and technically..I'll still be a virgin," I thought it sounded perfectly logical.

"Technically yes, but not really Bella. And I promise you, it will still hurt a little and I think you're putting entirely too much faith in me,"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean..that if I put myself inside you like that, I cannot promise that I will be able to stop. In fact, I can almost guarantee that I will lose all of my self-control if I feel you all hot..and tight..and wet around me," his voice broke a bit on those last words and a fresh flow of wetness came out of me at that. He groaned as he felt it dripping down him. Suddenly he grabbed me rather roughly and pushed me off of him. I flopped down on the bed awkwardly and he sat himself on the edge of the bed.

"Jake, I'm sorry..I shouldn't have pushed you so hard. It's just..you make me want you so badly,"

"Bella, just give me a second please," his head was in his hands and he was facing away from me. Even though it was a serious moment, I couldn't help but admire his sculpted back. Seriously I had become insatiable! I reached over and very gently caressed it and he hissed.

"Bella..please," he whimpered. "Stop," But I couldn't. I had teased him and messed with him enough tonight and I needed to make him feel good and stop toruring him.

"Baby, it's okay I'm not going to try to have sex with you," I laughed a little at how that sounded and so did he. "I just want to make you come, please?" He looked over his shoulder at me and a little smirk played on his lips.

"How could I ever say no to that?" he turned toward me and took my face in his hands and kissed me deeply.

"Stand up," I instructed and he abided. I got off of the bed and walked around in front of him. Instead of teasing him with kisses this time, I went straight to work. I grabbed his ass and pulled him deeply into my mouth. I took him as deep as I could and I actually felt him hit the back of my throat. He grabbed a hold of my head but didn't try to push me. Instead he just started massaging my scalp as he began to lose control. I swirled my tongue around the tip each time I would come back up.

"Ah I love you, so much. You're so fucking amazing," he grunted out. "I'm gonna come so hard baby, I can feel it. It's gonna be a lot this time babe so when I tell you to move, please move," he panted.

"MmMm," I protested while still working him at a rapid pace.

"Ungh are you sure baby?"

"Mmhmm," I hummed over him. I felt him begin to tense up.

"Ahh shit I'm gonna come, baby I'm coming," he ground out and I felt his load hit the back of my throat. He was right, it was a lot. But I really and honestly didn't mind. As soon as he was finished, he fell back onto the bed.

"I can't even believe how damn lucky I am Bella," He smiled and he had a look of sheer admiration. "You are incredible," he pulled me to him and place a kiss on the top of my head. "Thank you,"

"You are so very welcome, and I'm the lucky one," he scoffed but it was really how I felt. "Love you,"

"Love..you," he was already falling asleep. Before long I heard soft snoring and I chuckled. I snuggled into him further and pulled the blanket up over us.

"