A Bella/Jasper fic Bella, Edward and Alice returns from Italy, but something's changed. Bella finds herself in a tricky situation: Her feelings towards Edward arent the same, and at the same time finds herself falling for one of the other Cullen boys. This amazing banner was made by JokesOnJane, and it is so beautiful!! Kit_Kat_Cullen_XOXO, this is for you:)
My first non-one shot fic ( if you can say that:P) Hope you'll like it. And, please, tell me what you think of my banner, made it myself, first time trying something like that:P
1. What a mess
Rating 5/5 Word Count 1988 Review this Chapter
Ever since we got home from Italy, it was like there was a wall between us. It wasn't the same with us. It wasn't that I didn't love him anymore; it was more like my love had faded. I didn't know why, but I suspected it had something to do with the months away from him. Maybe I had started to get over him, just unconsciously. I didn't feel the same way when I looked at him.
He was still one of the most beautiful people I knew, both inside and out. But I didn't feel the same overwhelming love I used to. Now, it was more like the teen crush he'd thought it was from the start.
It was hard to act like everything was back to the same. It was even harder when I looked him in the eyes. I could see the love in them. I knew his love was true. Mine wasn't.
I remembered something he'd told me, so long ago. Something about him being the bad guy.
He hadn't been the bad guy. He never had. At this point I was.
I knew I would have to break his heart, and it made me feel so awful to think about it. But I also knew I couldn't continue like this, I couldn't continue to fake a love that wasn't there. I knew I would have to talk to him.
I still spent almost all of my spare time at the Cullens house. Mainly because they all still were like my second family, and because I didn't want Edward to get suspicious. I didn't want him to think something was wrong.
This time I went over to the house, already knowing Edward wouldn't be there; he was out hunting with Emmett and Jasper. I wanted to spend some time with Alice; after all, she was still my best friend. I pulled up to the house, knowing that she already knew I was coming. I smiled, actually looking forward to spend the day with Alice. Knowing her, we would most likely would go shopping, or Alice would do a complete make-over on me. Both things something I usually hated, but at this point I welcomed everything that could get my mind of the whole Edward-thing.
I didn't stop to knock at the door, I just walked in.
"Alice" I said, knowing she would hear me. "I'm here."
I had been sure she would be here; she must have seen me coming over.
"Alice?" I asked. Getting a bit confused.
"She's not here" A voice, that definitely wasn't Alices, answered.
I spun around, and there, Jasper stood, carefully watching me.
"Ja-Jasper?" I stammered. "I thought you where out hunting, with Emmett and Edward."
"No, I went yesterday, with Alice." He answered.
"Where is she?" I looked around me, expecting to see Rosalie, Carlisle or Esme somewhere in the big living room. "And where's everybody else?"
"Well, Alice and Rosalie are out shopping. Alice had wanted to bring you, but Rosalie talked her out of it. As for Esme, I'm not completely sure. I know she went hunting, but I don't know if she went alone, or with the others."
"He's at the hospital, taking a weekend shift."
So I was alone with Jasper. I had never been really alone with him, not even in Phoenix, Even though we had been alone in the room; Alice had been in the room right next to us.
I couldn't stop thinking about my birthday. Jasper had tried to kill me, even with his family in the room. Now no one was here to stop him if he lost it again. I hated to admit it, but I was actually starting to get a bit scared of being alone with him.
"You have no reason to be scared, Bella. I won't hurt you"
Oh, yeah. That's right. Jasper can feel my emotions. I'd almost forgotten.
"I understand if you don't really trust me. I can't really blame you for that." He continued.
"You're talking about my birthday, right?" I asked, a bit hesitant. Ever since that day, we hadn't really talked about it. The subject was kind of a taboo.
"Yes. Actually I would like to talk with you about that." He said, gesturing towards the couches in the room.
"Okay..." I sat down on the love seat, and Jasper sat in front of me. I wondered if he was only sitting down for my sake.
"Bella, I know you don't like to talk about this, and I'm sorry for bringing it up, but I never really got to apologize for what I did, and I..." I cut him off.
"Jasper, you don't have to apologize. I know you are sorry." He looked me straight in the eyes, and I couldn't believe what I was feeling, or thinking. "Gosh, his eyes are so beautiful. How come I've never noticed that before? I know they are the exact same color as the rest of the Cullens, but there's just something different about his." What was I thinking?! This was Jasper, for crying out loud! He was Alices husband, her soul mate. I couldn't think of him in that way. I felt so embarrassed on my own behalf. Then I remembered something that made me blush even redder. Jasper could feel every single emotion that radiated of me. He must have felt my attraction towards him. To my surprise, he didn't mention it. He just continued his apology, as if my feelings before hadn't even been there.
"I know you know I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell you myself." He leaned closer to me, holding my gaze. "Bella, I am truly sorry about what happened that day. About what happened to you, and to Edward. I wish it hadn't happened and I wish I had better control of myself. Can you forgive me?" I couldn't believe it. Here I was, sitting across a vampire who not only had tried to kill me, but who also was cringing out his soul to apologize for that same thing, and all I could think of was how beautifully his hair shined in this light!
He was still waiting for my answer.
"I accept your apology, Jasper." Why did just mentioning his name, make my stomach flutter? What was happening to me?
"Bella, is there something you want to talk about. You seem confused?"
"No. I'm fine. I was just thinking about something I talked to Edward about." I lied. I knew he wouldn't believe me, but I hopped he would just move past it.
"Now you mention him, there was something I wanted to talk to you about. About the two of you."
Uh oh. He must have felt my change in mood around Edward. This couldn't be good.
"What do you want to talk about?" Like I didn't already know.
"I don't really know how to start." Was all he said.
"How about starting at the beginning?" I said, forcing a smile.
"Very well then." He said, returning my smile. "I think it started when you guys got back from Italy." I was right; he'd sensed the change between us.
"Before we left, you were always radiating with love, especially when you looked at Edward. It was such a pure love; I doubted anything could ruin it." "Here it comes." Was all I could think.
"But when you returned home, it changed. Sure, the first couple of days were like the old days, but then something changed. You didn't feel the same way when you were with him, not even when you looked at him. It was kind of depressing, to feel your love breaking like that. But it was only your side that was breaking. Edwards feelings hadn't changed at all. Actually they had intensified. "
I had started biting my bottom lip, there was no way this could end in a good way.
"So what I wanted to know was, why? Why this sudden change of mood?"
"To be honest, I'm not sure. I think it goes back to the months you guys were gone. You see, I have this theory, I think that I actually started to get over him during that time. Just subconsciously." I just blurted the whole thing out. I must really have needed to tell this to someone. He just nodded, as if this confirmed some of his suspicions. "And you are right; I don't feel the same anymore. It feels like a teen crush now." It must have something to do with his ways of calming people down; normally I would never just spill my guts, like I was doing now.
I was looking down at the floor in front of me, feeling so bad. Knowing he already knew my feelings, I didn't have a problem with giving him the thoughts behind them.
"I feel like such a villain. I'm so angry with my self for feeling this way. I don't now what to do, I..." I could feel I was starting to break down in tears, so I looked around the room to get my mind of the subject. I happened to notice what Jasper was wearing: black sweatpants and a grey t-shirt. Something very casual, but he looked amazing in it. The way the shirt clung to his chest. His arms were so muscular, I noticed, now that they weren't hidden beneath his sleeves. The way he sat, his back complete straight, his head held high. He looked so strikingly beautiful, I felt entirely dazed by him, but when I looked him in the eyes, I saw nothing but concern, not a hint of a feeling about my feelings, only the concern. Probably for me and Edward. I sighed. "What a mess." I thought. Here I am falling head over heals for my best friends husband, while I'm still dating his brother. Some part of my mind was in fact wondering if all of this was a joke Jasper was pulling on me. Ugh, I wish his name didn't have that effect on me.
"Bella are you alright?" His voice was full of concern.
I bit my bottom lip. I was sure I would have to talk with him about this; I mean he could feel everything I was feeling. He was probably just being a gentleman, since he hadn't even mentioned it at all.
Felling completely hopeless, I put my head in my hands. I sighed heavily.
"Bella, are you alright? What's wrong?"
"Jasper, why are you doing this?" I said, with my head still in my hands. "Why are you ignoring me?"
"Ignoring you? What are you talking about? I'm not ignoring you."
My shoulders slumped; he was going to make me say it, wasn't he?
"Not ignore me, but my feelings." I said, still looking at the floor. I could feel I was starting to cry.
I didn't hear him get up, but suddenly his hands were on my shoulders. I looked at him, tears in my eyes.
"Bella..." he whispered. He said it like a teacher telling a kindergartner something for the seventh time.
"I'm not ignoring your feelings. I just wasn't sure if you wanted me to mention them."
He released one of my shoulders, and with his free hand, wiped away the tear that was slowly rolling down my cheek. He didn't let go of my gaze. He left his hand on my cheek. I couldn't help, but to lean my head against it. I sighed. What an impossible situation I'd gotten myself in.
Jasper put his other hand on my opposite cheek.
"Jasper, what..." I didn't get to finish my sentence. Because, all of the sudden, Jasper was kissing me.
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- 30 Jul 09
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