Lines of Love
What will she do.... what will she say? Will our lines of love be crossed? Our love was eternal.... or so I thought.
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Chapter 1. Edward’s Incident
How can this have happened to me? Thought Edward, pondering the series of unfortunate that were bestowed unto him days before.
He had just came home from the drug store, bag at hand, and rushed hurriedly to his home. Since he was in the street, he couldn’t display his awe-inspiring speed for it would attract too much attention. If he had, he would be home by now.
He let this meaningless distress pass.
Still, the thoughts ruptured in his mind like a stereo blasting music; it beat in his head over and over until he couldn’t take it anymore.
His fast pace sped, and before he knew it he became a blur to everyone that was around him. He didn’t care what they thought..
Edward came home and slammed the door.
Oh God, not this again.
The voice of his once beloved angel, Bella, screeched like a whale out of water, and boy, did she look like one, too.
Although Bella was now vampire, instead of blood, she seemed to have developed a liking for caaaakes. And bacon. Bacon wrapped cakes. This thin, sumptuous Bella may have well gained about 200 lb, he worried for her health as those dearest to Elvis may had.
“Yes, my love?”
Bella’s multiple chins wiggled as she responded, “ESMERE NEEDS A’ CHANGIN’!!!”
“My sunshine, it’s Ren-“
“BITTCH DON’T PREACH ME.”
“Yes, my love.”
Even at the plump age of eight, Renesme, with the appearance of a twenty year old (because remember, she ages quickly), still has yet to conquer the right of passage known as potty training.
“Shouldn’t Jacob be taking of this?”
“HE OUT WIT’ CARLISLE.”
“What?” Edward was perplexed, “Where?”
“IDK, AT A HOTEL WR00m LOLZ??!!1!!!/”
Bella then began to choke on her own saliva. She began spazzing; white foam poured out of her mouth and all over her moomoo. She then fainted and began twitching on the floor.
Edward ran up to her, devastated.
“Dear! Are you all right?”
“What, dear? I can’t quite understand you…”
Bella coaxed him over with her finger. Edward leaned in.
The floor rumbled as Bella’s head hit the ground.
Edward shook his head and smiled to himself…
If only she knew….
Edward left Bella on the ground, and took his pharmacy bag into the bathroom. He had never been more nervous in his life.
He put the toilet seat down, and sat on it, pulling the parcels out of the bag.
It raised a valid question: What would his first response be… if he were pregnant with his child?
The closet hanger? Stairs? The clinic? What would kill a real vampire Baybay? Edward only knew the truth: that real vampire babies were only produced by the male sex, give a human male donor.
Stephanie Meyer never really got into this, did she?
Edward removed the pregnancy test from the box and read the directions.
Happy face for yes, sad face for no… Edward was perplexed; apparently these people didn’t think of the multiple scenarios that could be associated with pregnancy.
This is no serious matter, Edward mused to himself. God, he was so clever and awesome. Seriolly, he is the man. His whole persona just screams equality between man and woman, keeping his longtime girlfriend possessed of thought of only him, loosing all sense of self.
Except now, bacon.
God, what a baller.
Take contents, and pee on strip.
WHAT VAMPIRES DON’T PEE.
Edward, with his awesome power, ripped open his uterus and found a fetus curled up.