Edward Cullen Vs. Wolfgang Puck
What would happen if the Mariah Of Georgeous, (Edward) and the Jesus of cooking (Wolfgang Puck)had to go head-to-head in a cook-off? And what if that cook-off forms into something more...... a DANCE OFF!!
Yeah, the summary was correct, in this Fanfiction, you will read/witness the great Edward Cullen break-dancing!!! BTW: first fanfic, so review so i know if i suck or not!
5. In Which A Creepy Terminator Woman Announces The Winner
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“I can ex-explain?” I stuttered
“Okay, try to explain to me why you are wearing a bikini-a pink Polk-a-dot one at that- to one of the biggest contests I have been in since 1995?!?!?! WHAT WOULD ESME THINK!?!?! ANSWER ME, CARLISLE!”
“Shut up Edward, public bystanders don’t need to know its me!”
“I don’t care about public bystanders, I care that you are losing your manhood rapidly by wearing that bikini!”
Three minutes of angrily discussing the loss of Carlisle’s manliness later, the crowd of creepy you-mess-with-Barbie-you-die Girl Scouts had come to their decision. Wolfgang and I unceremoniously pranced up to the podium and fought to see who would speak first. Somehow managing to be a poo and a suck up to the crowd at the same time, Pukeface won. Having the enormous amount of sportsmanship that was my natural gift, I whispered three Korean obscenities before sitting peacefully in my chair on the sidelines. I almost fell asleep at his drabbling into the microphone. Pukeface, being himself, had note cards at the ready for his insanely long speech. I resisted the urge to shoot him the bird because he was talking as if he had already won. I had a flashback of why I entered this competition in the first place that jolted me to life.
“Chicken!” Bella cried, “I bet even Wolfgang Puck could dance better than you!”
That stopped me cold. How could she think that?!? “WHAT?!?!? WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?” I yelled in outrage. The house was shaking.
Bella had a mix of fury and apology in her eyes as she replied. “I said that Wolfgang Puck would be better than you at a dance off!” she said, her voice shooting through 10 octaves (it was painful even to my ears.) She left the room.
I realized something as my ear-pain was subsiding,
I realized that now, not only would I have to challenge the Jesus of cooking to a cook off, I also had to challenge him to a dance-off………………….
END OF FLASHBACK
I realized that everyone was staring at me. Two things ran through my head;
1) Wolfgang Puck was done with his speech
2) All of the girls, and most of the men, were drooling when they saw me
Oh, frizzle… well; I guess I just had to get on with my speech. I slowly walked up to the podium-well, more self-consciously break danced than walked- and explained my piece of art/muffins. The judges- Girl Scout counselors- asked me if I had anything else to share, so I straightened my non-existent tie and began to explain that I vant to suck their blooood, and that I had no gag reflex. *wink* they looked at me, shocked for some reason, and told me to go sit down. Apparently that wasn’t what they meant. Oh well, I went there, I’m there, and I’m staying there, girlfriend!
After like 3 hours trying to get the Girl Scouts to get in a single-file line, the counselors gave up, put the muffin tops on a table, and made a run for it. Unfortunately, I think we lost on of the counselors due to trampling Girl Scouts. Once everyone got a muffin top, Pukeface and I were directed to a stage about 50 feet away from the podium where we were previously positioned. I was expecting the counselor to sound sweet and innocent, but instead she sounded like the terminator.
“WE HAVE COME TO OUR CONCLUSION!!!!!!!!!!”
My heart wasn’t pounding, but Pukeface’s was beating enough for the both of us. However, my vampire-ness didn’t completely blot out the adrenaline that only comes when I’ve had one too many Red Bulls.
“THE WINNER OF THE COMPETITION IS………..!!!!!!!!!”
- tyler crow sux
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