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BROKEN

Summary:
What if Jacob imprinted on Bella and Edward's leaving pulled them closer? What if Bella chose her Sun over the Eclipse?


Notes:
In honor of the upcoming Twilight Saga: New Moon release in November, I have created a story that in my opinion, should have followed New Moon. Hope you like it.


6. Chapter 6: Like An Addict Going Through Withdrawal

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Chapter 6: Like An Addict Going Through Withdrawal

~EPOV~

"You're in La Push? Alice said that you were staying with the Cullens for the next couple of days. She even went up to your room and packed some clothes for you."

I stood outside of Bella's house. Her father, Charlie, paced around the kitchen with the phone, scratching his chin.

"Well, Alice lied," Even on the phone I could hear the bitterness leaking through Bella's voice.

"What do you mean she lied? Bella, what is going on?"

That seemed to be the question on everyone's mind.

"Okay, she didn't exactly lie. But, Dad, I ended it with Edward tonight."

I winced, clutching a tree to help me stand. In the kitchen, Charlie finally stopped pacing. He stood with his back to me so I could not see his reaction. Although, I was sure it was nothing short of jubilation. Charlie hated me for the hell I put Bella through eight months ago, and now, it seems so did she.

"I'm-I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know how much he meant to you...what-what brought this on though? You pretty much told me to either accept Edward or you would leave."

"I know and that was wrong of me. I'm very sorry for saying that to you. But, you were right. You saw what his leaving did to me."

"It almost killed you."

I winced again at his assessment of Bella's mental state during my absence.

"I know and I realized that I deserve someone who will love me and never leave me. I have that now."

"Who?"

"Jake."

"Jacob? You're with Jacob?"

"Well, it's still in the early stages, Dad, but yes. I'm with Jake now."

The tree that I had been clinging to shattered under the pressure of my grip. She meant it. She intended to be with that fleabag...maybe even marry him...have his spawns. I fell to my knees again.

"Bella, are you sure everything's all right? I can come down there and get you and bring you home."

"No, Dad. I really want to spend some time with Jake. I'll be back tomorrow. I love you."

"You, too, Bells." Charlie hung up the phone scratching his chin again. I guessed his cop instincts were telling him that something was a little off. He reached into the refrigerator, grabbing a can of Rainier. He opened it and took a thoughtful gulp. "Huh," he said.

It was as equally frustrating not getting the clear gist of Charlie's thoughts as it was getting complete silence from...from Bella. After Charlie went into the living room to watch the Mariners play, I scaled the house, climbing inside of Bella's bedroom window. The lights were off, but my vision was perfect. I don't know what I was looking for or why I was even there. Her lingering scent tickled my throat. It was not that long ago when this glorious scent drove me mad. Now it was just another reminder of something I would never experience again.

I looked around the room, my eyes first settling on the rocking chair. I sat there and let my memories take me away. Sneaking up to her room for the first time, and watching her sleep was one of my most treasured. The way she tossed, turned, and said my name. Things were so much simpler back then. Back then, not killing her was my biggest worry.

I found myself opening her closet doors. I didn't know what I was looking for until I found it. Bella wore this exact deep blue blouse on our "first date" at La Bella Italia. I took the blouse, sitting down in the rocking chair again. The blouse still held Bella's scent.

"Oh, Bella," I moaned rocking back and forth without moving the chair. I felt like an addict going through withdrawal. Perhaps I was. Bella leaving me forced me to detox from the love we once shared. "One mistake. One stupid mistake!" I whispered to no one in particular. Mind reading, what a stupid gift! Why couldn't I change things? Why couldn't I be able to go back and stop her from opening that present? She didn't even want a party! Better yet, why didn't I listen to her? She did not forgive Jasper, because she said it was nothing to forgive. My sins were not so forgivable. How could I just walk away from the only woman that ever loved me? I was right all along. I really was a monster.

I got up again, this time going to Bella's desk. Just as I remembered, she kept our prom pictures there. I took one of the little 3x4's so that I would always remember my Bella and the Edward I once was.

I had to leave. I had to get out of there before I lost my mind. I took the shirt and the photograph and climbed back out of Bella's window, closing it behind me. I ached to run down to La Push. Yes, the dogs would kill me, but not before I killed him first. But if I was quick enough, I could kill Black and take Bella away. We could spend the forever she once dreamed about in the one place the wolves could never touch us.

The only problem-Bella no longer dreamt of that forever with me. She cursed it. I felt my phone vibrating on my side as I ran back to my house. Probably Alice calling to talk me out of my plan. Rather than walking through the front door and being bombarded with the sympathetic looks of my family, I came in through my bedroom window. Plenty of good that did. Alice, Jasper and Emmett were already waiting in my room.

"I tried calling you," Alice said in a strained voice. Jasper placed his hand on her shoulder attempting to cam her.

"Yeah, bro. She said that you were planning on going down to La Push, killing Jacob Black and kidnapping Bella."

"Then turning her and taking her to Volterra. Not exactly your brightest idea, brother," Jasper said, shaking his head.

"Huh," I huffed, snatching my suitcase out of the closet.

"Where are you going?" Emmett demanded.

I didn't answer. I realized I was still holding Bella's shirt. I needed something to preserve her scent so that when I put it in the suitcase, my scent wouldn't tarnish hers. Alice held out the large, clear storage bag. I took it, carefully folding Bella's blouse. I slipped the shirt in the bag and placed our prom picture on top. I could feel them watching me as I stared at the picture. She was so different that night. She didn't want to go because she said she couldn't dance, and she really couldn't. But we did anyway, and she was so happy. My eyes stung from the tears that would never fall. I blinked once, clearing my throat. I started tossing the clothes from my closet into the suitcase.

"Edward, you can't just leave!" Alice pleaded.

"Leave? What's going on?" Esme said, hurrying into the room with Rosalie close behind her.

Great. "Now you've done it," I said to Alice. I turned to Esme. Her delicate features were crumpling in agony. Rosalie stood behind her fuming. Her thoughts screaming at my selfishness.

Edward, please. Please don't leave, Esme pleaded in her thoughts.

"Esme, I just think it would be best for everyone if I left." I listened for Carlisle, realizing that he was not present. He was in the garage by my Volvo. From the looks of it, he accepted that I was leaving and was waiting for me.

"This is because of her isn't it?" Rosalie hissed.

"Babe, that's not exactly helping," Emmett whispered.

"Where will you go?" Jasper asked.

"Haven't decided yet."

"Liar," Alice growled. She looked as heartbroken as Esme. "You know exactly where you're going to go."

"Oh, Edward. No, not there! Anywhere but there. At least go stay with the Denali's until you have had time to think things through."

"I have thought things through. This is what I want to do."

Rosalie twisted out of Emmett's grasp, gliding past Esme. She stood before me, her thoughts were silent, but I knew exactly what she would do. She slapped me across my face hard with her right hand. Had I been feeling anything besides anguish from losing the love of my existence, it may have hurt.

"How pathetic can you be? If you can't have her, you would abandon your family to keep company with them? Where the hell is your sense of loyalty, you selfish, selfish bastard!" Rosalie ranted.

I saw the pain she hid in her mind, glowing in her eyes. I hugged her as she fought against my embrace. She fought and clawed at me before finally giving up. I understood her grief. Aside from Carlisle and Esme, I was one of the first faces she saw when she was reborn. Rosalie tore herself away from me and ran from the room, slamming the door to her and Emmett's bedroom so loudly that one of the portraits hanging in the hall fell to the floor.

I sighed, returning to my packing. Alice spoke next. "You blame us, don't you? Jasper and me?"

I didn't answer.

"Edward."

I only packed faster.

"Edward, forget the damn suitcase!" she screamed taking my face in her hands, forcing me to look at her. "You blame me because Bella," her voice broke on her name. "Because she didn't want to have a party and I didn't listen and that's why all of this has happened. That's why she isn't with you. Because of us, because of me. You blame me, don't you?"

Before I could stop myself, I asked the one question I promised I would never say aloud. "How could you not see it coming, Alice?"

Jasper pulled Alice away from me as she sobbed. He stood in front of me, anger dominant on his face.

"Edward, you don't mean that," Esme whimpered.

"Come on, bro. You know that's not fair!" Emmett said, holding Alice's hand.

"You are out of line, Edward. There are only two people in this room to blame for what's happened and I'm looking at the other. I will never forgive myself for what happened with Bella and the discord between you now."

I blinked once. I was sure Jasper felt my anger. "Discord? You call what you did discord? It was a couple of drops, a couple drops, Jasper! Bella...she is my singer and you didn't see me going crazy over two damn drops!"

"I have poor control; I'm the first to admit it. But who was the one that pushed her on the plates? Who was the one that left her in the woods?"

"Edward, Jasper, stop this now!" Esme exclaimed worried over what would happen. She was right to worry.

"Don't stand there and talk about something you don't know, Whitlock," I spat, cursing the day he ever joined us.

"I know more than you think, Masen. You want to stand here and blame me and blame Alice when you know damn well you lost Bella all on your own."

"I only have so much control left in me right now. Don't push your luck," I warned.

Jasper laughed darkly. "Is that supposed to be a threat? Boy, I used to wipe the floor with little shits like you. You want to stand here all self righteous like you don't have any blood on your hands? Ha! Why don't you suck it up and take some responsibility for a change? The reason that you don't have Bella is because you pushed her away. You told her you didn't love her. You made us leave her behind. It's your fault that Bella is in La Push right now with Jacob Black. You have no one to blame for this mess but yourself. And now, now you want to pack up and run away like a thief in the night. Bella was right. Walking out on the people who love you seems to be what you're best at."

Anger took hold of me and I found myself punching Jasper in his jaw. Alice screamed, running to his side as he stood as if nothing happened.

"Guess you've been holding that in for a while now. Do you feel better? Do you feel better now that you can put a face to your own self-loathing?"

I said nothing. I stared at him, the anger leaving my body. Now all I could feel was my own heartache. Jasper shook his head, feeling my emotions.

"You really are hopeless. Have a nice life, Edward." Jasper stormed out of my room, Alice stood in the doorway hesitant to leave.

"Goodbye, Alice," I said, refusing to meet her burning gaze. I heard her retreating footsteps as I searched around my room for my Debussy CD. When I found it, Emmett came up to me.

"You're really going to leave and go to them?"

"Yes."

Emmett was saddened and for once made no jokes or wore no smiles. He hugged me fiercely. "Take care of yourself, bro."

"I will. Look after the others, will you?"

"Always." Emmett left after that. He went to see Rosalie and I closed his mind from mine.

Only Esme lingered as I finished packing. I loosened the strap and let the bag hang on my shoulder. Esme stood in the doorway, preparing to make one last plea.

"Edward, my oldest son. You don't have to leave us. Bella will-."

"Please! Please, don't say her name," I said, squeezing my eyes closed.

"She said what she said out of hurt and anger. She's going to realize that she's wrong and that she still loves you. Please, don't leave us," Esme pleaded, refusing to let me go.

"I have to, Mom. I just have to."

"I know you're hurting honey, I know it hurts. But we need you. Your family needs you. Don't just turn your back on us. We love you."

"But what is there left in me to love?"

She gasped, dropping my hand. She stood there unmoving, unblinking. I hurried past her and went towards the garage, closing myself off from her thoughts. I hated seeing her this way. She was the only mother I had in this life, but she would be all right. She still had Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, most importantly she had the man who I always aspired to be, but could never come close. She had Carlisle. The perfect husband and father. He would see them through this.

Carlisle was waiting for me in the garage, spinning my keys around his finger.

"Look, Carlisle, I'll just buy another car," I said, expecting him to try to stop me too.

"No need. I'm not here to stop you, Edward. I just want to hear it from you."

"You heard everything already. You heard my fight with Jasper."

"Yes I did," he said, saddened that his sons were fighting amongst themselves. "But I would like to hear it from you."

I stood there, hardening myself as I did whenever I had to do something that would hurt others. Carlisle was unfazed.

"Edward, you're my first son. I have known you the longest." And I have loved you the most out of all of my children, he finished in his thoughts.

I sighed as the bag slid off my arm.

"I want to hear it from you. After all that we have been through, I think I at least deserve that much, don't you?"

"I can't stay here, Carlisle. I've only know Bella for a few years, and in that short amount of time she has had a big impact on my life."

"The biggest," he agreed.

"Then you understand. I can't stay here, knowing that she's in La Push with our enemy. Touching him...loving him. She's ingrained in me so Carlisle that I'm not sure I will ever be able to get her out of my system. Everything about this place reminds me of her. I can still smell her here."

The house was completely silent. I take it the family was listening to us.

"She loved me, Carlisle. She didn't care that I wasn't human. She didn't care that I was a monster. She didn't care that I killed people. She loved me. She helped me become the man you always said I was. I never knew I could feel that way about anyone. I would give anything to have her walk through that door and tell me she wants to start over. But that's not going to happen because of what I have done. All she did was love me and what did I do? I left her. I broke her. All she ever did was love me and I broke her heart!" Carlisle caught me as I fell to the floor, breaking down under my grief.

When I finally managed to pull myself together, I grabbed my bag, throwing it into the backseat of my Volvo.

"Are you sure that this is what you want? The Volturi are a cruel race. They won't hesitate at the chance to use you for their own purposes."

"I can handle myself with the Volturi, Carlisle. With what I am now...I don't belong here anymore."

"You are the same man, Edward. Don't ever let anyone tell you you're not."

"That man died the same day Bella did. I have to go now. Tell Esme...tell her I'm sorry."

Carlisle put the keys in my hand, holding it firmly. "Take care of yourself, my son." He swiftly walked back into the house. I got in the car, leaving behind the wailing sobs of my heartbroken mother.