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The Jagged Tin Edge

Summary:
Bella is being babysat by Jasper. One slip and things change. But what will happen? A Jasper/Bella Fic.


Notes:


1. Talking to jasper

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 699   Review this Chapter

I bustled around the kitchen, making myself some lunch. Jasper was sitting at the kitchen table, watching me. Edward was away hunting with Carlisle, Esme and Emmett. Rosalie and Alice had gone on a weeklong shopping trip. Just Jasper to ‘baby-sit' me. As long as Victoria was still wild, I was stuck.

"Err...you don't really have to do this, you know" I said. Jasper's never faltering gaze was making me nervous.

"I wish that were true. Oh, not that I have anything against your company. But if I leave and something happens to you...Edward will destroy me. And if something doesn't happen to you, he'll still destroy me for taking ‘crazy risks' so yes, I do"

"All the same...I wish he'd let me go to La Push. Not that I have anything against your company either Jasper. But I like being there!"

"With your werewolf friend" he said.

"Let me guess, you think I'm crazy to hang out with them too? Well I have news for you; I will go crazy if I can't see them! And I've spent weeks down there before and nothing's ever happened!"

"Calm Bella, calm" he said "Now. Even though you find it perfectly acceptable to spend your days with the most dangerous creature in the universe, Edward doesn't"

"Aren't you guys the most dangerous creature in the universe?"

"No, because we can control ourselves on occasion. The werewolves, one wrong word and pouf! They're gone"

"I want to question Edward. I understand he thinks it's ‘dangerous' but why does he feel he can control me?"

"There are two things that make him mad. One is when you're in danger. Two, when you come home and that mutt has had his hands all over you and you smell like him! Which I can understand, because frankly, they stink!"

"Still..." I muttered to myself and focused on my lunch again. I decided on tuna mayo with sweet corn. I gathered the right cans and placed them on the surfaces.

"Never mind what Edward thinks, what do you think?" I asked Jasper.

"About what?"

"About...when we die" This question had been bugging me since Carlisle had told me his theories.

"When a vampire dies? You've been talking to Carlisle haven't you?" he growled.

"Yes. I just wanted to know what you think"

"Bella. I'm a vampire. I gave up my right to believe in the afterlife when I became immortal"

"That's strange"

"What?"

"Just...you think that being a vampire changes who you are"

"The people I killed, they had lives before they met me. They had dreams and futures! And I killed them. If I hadn't existed at that time, they'd be alive. So I don't deserve and afterlife for what I've done. I deserve to rot in nothingness, with no hope of ever finding something better"

"Jasper...at least you got one good thing out of it. Alice, she loves you. How can it get better?"

"You won't understand until you've killed someone Bella. It's just....when you've killed them and you're over it and all, you realize. That person is never coming back. At that moment you realize what a disgusting creature you are"

"But you go on to kill others so you must not hate yourself that much"

"You feel disgust but you can't stop it. And the ones who object strongly feel the pain of what they've done. And the killing makes the pain go away for a bit before it comes back, ten times as intense"

"I don't understand that" he sighed.

"You know self harmers? They're often depressed and everything. They self harm to give themselves a new pain to focus on that isn't as bad as the pain of their life"

"Oh...I get it now"

"That is why I feel the way I do" I turned back to my cans, unsure of what to stay. I looped my finger through the ring pull and tugged. My left hand was holding on to the edge of the can.

"Ow" I muttered as a jagged edge of the can cut my finger. Jasper looked up from the table and looked at my finger. At the very moment a single bead of blood appeared.