The Beauty and the Geek
Edward Cullen is a painfully shy intellectual desperately in love with his quiet, beautiful classmate Bella Swan. Slight Twilight Parody. Originally written for The Sexy Edward Contest. Expanded from one-shot to novella. RATED M. AU/AH/OOC. EPOV/BPOV. Chapters 1-8 are available at www.fanfiction.net/~vixen1836
1. Unrequited Love
Rating 5/5 Word Count 9592 Review this Chapter
I arrived at class five minutes early just so I could watch her arrive. When she walked in, I didn’t even look up. Somehow, I knew it was her. I’d tried to lie to myself about my draw to her, making excuses and justifications, explaining away that these feelings were only to be expected. Any guy would be interested in her. She was perfect after all. Witty, funny, intelligent, beautiful, sweet…
I’d never really thought of anyone this way before. There was something about her. Something that I couldn’t pinpoint. Something about the way she smiled sweetly, something about the way her eyes sparkled when she caught me staring at her…
Soon enough, I’d been forced to acknowledge it. I was in love with Bella Swan.
Twice a week - like some crazy person - I found myself anxiously anticipating her arrival to class. I watched her again as she took the steps of our classroom one at a time. Her subtle beauty was breathtaking. She was moving slowly, calculating each step, determined not to repeat last week’s tumble. Well, actually, it wasn’t just last week. She appeared to be quite clumsy; I had seen her fall twice since we'd had this class together.
In both instances, I’d come out of my seat to help her, only to be thwarted by Mike Newton, football jerk extraordinaire. Last time, he’d taken the opportunity to covertly grope her as he helped her up, winking at his fellow jocks after settling her in her seat. She had been too humiliated to notice his greedy hands. So, he was only encouraged further when she thanked him profusely for his help. Once she was seated, she’d looked back and forth between Mike and myself with a curious expression on her face. I was humiliated when I'd realized that her flustered expression was probably in response to the fact that while they were both seated, I was still standing. And, I was also staring at her. Of course, Mike hadn’t even noticed me.
As I'd taken my seat, I heard him lean over to whisper something to his ridiculous teammates about “hitting that”. I was furious at the very prospect of Mike Newton’s hands being anywhere near her again. She didn’t seem interested in him, but… then again…what girl wouldn’t be interested in Mike Newton? He was the campus superstar.
I stifled a longing sigh as I watched her take the steps. She finally reached her place, but instead of taking her usual seat, she stopped and then took another calculated step to my row. I looked down, pretending to read. I didn’t want to stare at her. She’d already caught me so many times. Besides, unlike the rest of these idiots, I knew that it made her uncomfortable. And then, Bella came to a stop next to me. The side of my face grew hot, as she looked down at me, expectant.
“Hi, Bella.” I replied weakly.
I winced at the sound of my own voice. Did I just croak? Why was she standing at my row? She’d always been very nice, smiling frequently, but she’d never said my name or gone out of her way to talk to me. What could she want from me…Edward Cullen…nerd extraordinaire?
Beautiful girls like Bella did not usually talk to guys like me.
Mike Newton and his football entourage entered, boisterous and booming with laughter. We both looked down towards the door, but as she watched them, I watched her. I couldn’t help but admire the way her dark blue blouse set off her radiant complexion. Her eyes, her lips, her rosy cheeks were magnificent. Her long brown hair was tousled, windswept perhaps. Scattered strands littered her soft shoulders.
Suddenly, she shifted her weight and looked at me. Her eyes were anxious. I was staring again and I felt my face grow even hotter as I looked away from her, staring aimlessly at my book. Great...
“Um, I was wondering if I could sit by you today…” she whispered, glancing again at Mike Newton’s group. “we have the writing team project and…I figured it would be nice to partner-up…you know, I always have trouble with the names and dates of all of those battles…” she laughed nervously.
What? Was I dreaming? I blinked at her. She shifted her weight again, expecting an answer. Mike’s obnoxious group ascended the stairs and she looked away toward them again. My mind reeled for a second too long and she misinterpreted my hesitation. As always, my words failed me.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed you didn’t have a partner…don’t –“
No! No way!...“No, Bella, it’s okay. I don’t have a partner. I’d love to work with you,” I said in a rush of words, a little too anxious.
She smiled in relief. I stared at her stupidly. She raised her brows at me as if to encourage me to continue speaking, but I didn’t have anything else to say. Was I supposed to say something else? I was dumbstruck. I’d had very little experience with girls…was there some polite convention that I was missing?
“Since we're working together, can I sit by you today?”
Oh, god. She’d already asked me that! Idiot!
“Of course!” I practically shouted. “I'm so sorry, please sit down.”
I stood up, moving to the right to let her pass, but as I moved right, she did also. I moved left and she countered my movement again. The third time was the charm and we laughed nervously together as she took her seat next to me. Mike Newton watched the exchange from his row. He looked thoroughly confused, but I could not focus on him. The girl, no…the woman, I was in love with, the woman I’d been dreaming of for eight weeks was sitting right next to me! I couldn’t think. It was too much, too soon. To sit by me and be my partner? The project was our mid-term; it would count for thirty percent of our entire grade. We would be working together for several hours at least…
“Hey! Cullen! Using your awesome nerd skills to tutor now?” Mike taunted from his seat three rows down. “Bella, baby, you don’t have to sit by him if you don’t want to. I was gonna ask you to be my partner for our project. Wanna sit down here?”
I bristled at his familiarity. 'Bella, baby'. The image of me, launching towards Mike from my seat to pulverize his face flooded my mind. I was no muscle bound steroid monger, but I was deceptively fit. He would probably win, but I’d get in some good punches…
“Thank you, Mike," she responded politely. “but, Edward and I have planned on partnering-up for quite some time and we have most of our outline completed already.”
She lied smoothly, sweetly. Mike and I both gawked at her, but she smiled back at me.
“Suit yourself, babe.” he said, frowning before turning his back to us, laughing with his friends over another stupid joke.
My brain did back flips. Did she just turn down Mike Newton for me? Yes, yes she did. My ego flapped its magnificent wings, took off into the fresh air, soared to the highest possible altitude, and then…plummeted into a nasty, suicidal death spiral as I realized that she probably really did have trouble with the material. Why else would she turn him down? Mike Newton would be no help to her with this assignment. Despair set in.
But, I resolved myself to stop complaining and just enjoy the fact that she’d spoken to me. “Edward…can I sit by you today?” I let the sound of her voice as she said my name ring around in my head. It made me dizzy. I wanted to talk to her again, but I couldn’t seem to find the right words to say. All of my ideas for small talk seemed woefully inadequate. Salvation arrived as Professor Norris entered, calling the class to order. He spent the hour reviewing the D-Day Invasion of Normandy in meticulous detail. I wanted to listen, but it was so hard to focus. She was so close. I could smell her perfume.
Eventually, I found distraction in my note taking. I scrambled to write every single word that came from the instructor’s mouth. As I kept busy, I concentrated intently on not allowing my mind or my eyes to wander toward her or over her. Once, she’d tapped her pen against the desk in an anxious, quick rhythm. She’d looked almost nervous, too.
As the instructor closed the class, he confirmed that the mid-term would be a team project. We were to produce a ten-thousand word essay on the entire invasion of Normandy. Ten-thousand word essay? Excitement and anxiety pushed through me; I would be alone with her for at least five or so hours at some point.
Class dismissed and everyone began to leave but us. I struggled to find words to say.
“So, it looks like our rough draft is due next week,” she said first. “Would you like to get started tonight?”
Tonight? A Friday night? “Uh, sure…but, it’s a Friday night, you don’t have other plans…?”
“Well, no…should I have other plans?” she asked, laughing sweetly. She didn’t mock me though. When I didn't answer her right away, her brows rose in curiosity. She was patiently waiting for me to speak again...
“Oh, I thought…” What did I think? I couldn’t imagine Bella Swan wanting to waste a Friday night studying with me. I'd seen her with her friends, I knew the type of crowd she ran with, I had assumed she would have a party to go to, or something way more interesting than hanging out with me.
“We can do it another time, it’s okay…”
“I don’t have plans.” I blurted and immediately stifled another groan. This was the consequence of speaking.
“Great, then it’s a date,” she said, cheerfully. “I’ll see you tonight…oh, is your place okay? My roommates are a little…well; let’s just say it would be weird.”
The thought of the awkward looks all those beautiful girls might give me sent another flitter of nerves through me. My mind began to race again. Ha!...the beauty and the geek...wait, did she say date?…not ‘study date’…did we have a date? No…of course not!
“Sure, sounds great…see you at seven, then?” I said uncertainly. Was this a joke? Maybe this was what Mike Newton had been laughing at? I shot a suspicious glance at Mike’s chair, but he was already gone.
“Sounds good. So...can I have your address?” she asked, perplexed by my expression. She was probably regretting this already. I gave her my address, and as she scribbled it on her notebook, I couldn’t help but stare at her lips as she repeated each word after me. They were so soft and full. I could just imagine what they would feel like.
Suddenly, she got up to from her seat. I rose awkwardly to let her pass, but I didn’t trust myself to take the steps just yet. I waved goodbye to her and pretended to rummage through my bag as my thoughts swirled around in a chaotic storm of questions. I felt dizzy, again. She had said date. What did that mean? Why did she turn Mike Newton down? Did she dislike him? Did she see past his overgrown muscles? Maybe Bella wasdifferent. She’s so nice. She’s so pretty. I love her…
I groaned again, disgusted by my own pitiable pining. And then, the realization that my apartment was a disaster broke me from my swoon. Gah! I rushed home, driving dangerously. I ran inside and cleaned quickly. It really wasn’t that messy, but without much of a social life, my apartment was sort of my place. I was either here, at the campus, or at the bookstore, which is why I'd gotten an apartment instead of a dorm. I was always at home. That's actually quite depressing when you think about it...
Annoyed by my own pessimism, I tried to just focus on cleaning. Eventually, my mood soared and I was excited about the prospect of seeing her outside of class, outside of my fantasies...
Deep down, I wanted to impress Bella. My obsession was more than just unrequited, desperate, pathetic love. I really wanted to get to know her. She was so nice and so pretty...and her kind eyes...and her exquisite figure...
And that's why my severe affection for her was so frightening...Girls like Bella didn’t usually get to know quiet guys like me.
But, what could I do? I could try to show her that although I was no Mike Newton, I had qualities that were still worthy of her attention. I did fun things, even if they weren't necessarily normal. And, I wanted her to extend me the chance.
So, my plan was decided. I would be myself, make conversation, and just act natural. By six-thirty, my apartment was tidy and I sat idly watching the clock, thinking hard. I felt a little confident, sort of. How much more could I really prepare? My apartment was clean, I’d taken a shower, and I’d changed into my coolest outfit: dark jeans, and a green shirt. Actually, I wasn't positive that it was cool, but it was my best option. In ninth grade Betsy Coleman told me, specifically, that green was my best color. Of course, that was right before I’d tried to kiss her. That had been a total disaster. I’d cut my lip on her braces and then decided to give up completely after we’d bumped foreheads. Twice.
Besides Betsy, I’d only been with one girl, my first and only girlfriend. We’d had the same piano instructor. One time, at Piano Camp, things had gotten completely out of hand. It was so weird afterwards that we’d never spoken again. Why am I thinking about this now? I wrung my hands and concentrated on breathing. I practiced a few conversation starters: the weather, our professor, the assignment…but they all came out ridiculously lame. I watched the clock in a frenzy of nerves as it marched to its own beat, torturing my soul with each tick. She was going to laugh at me.
Then, right at seven o’clock, she knocked.
I rushed to the door, almost tripping, stopping just short of the threshold for a pep talk: Calm down. You will scare her withyour desperation. She is a lady, treat her as such…you are a smart guy, you can be funny…well, mostly…and, she is very nice, very sweet...just act natural…
She knocked again. I opened the door too quickly and…fell apart. I almost gasped. Bella stood on my doorstep in a pretty, jeweled purple blouse that clung to her curves. The deep color set off the cream of her skin perfectly. To make matters worse, her flowing brown skirt stopped right above her knees. I’d never seen her legs before. I fought the urge to stare and instead, focused on her face. Her warm eyes were open and kind, making the challenge a little easier.
“Hi, Edward,” she said, smiling. “I like your apartment complex, it’s really nice. I'm kind of jealous; I wish I had my own place…” her voice trailed off.
“Er, thanks…do you want to come in?” No, Edward, I just came to stand in your doorway.
“Thanks." She nodded, stepping across the doorway. She was in my house. I began to panic again.
What now? All my lines of small talk seemed even feeble and I had no idea what to say. I’d never been truly alone with a woman before, let alone the woman of my dreams, the woman I was madly in love with!
I had the urge to throw up, but I took a deep breath instead. She walked in, setting her bag down at the table and smiled at me again. I smiled back nervously. She was here, in my apartment. For real.
The whole entire universe laughed at me in unison.
Inconspicuously, I leaned against the wall, praying for support. Should I have asked her if I could take her bag? If she wanted to sit down? Take her on a tour? What next? I opened my mouth to speak, but I lost my nerve as she smiled and nodded to my wall of books. I smiled back and watched her cross my living room affording me the opportunity to finally see her legs. She bent elegantly toward the shelf to finger the spines of my worn books. I shamelessly admired her. Her legs were even better than I’d imagined.
“Wow, you’ve got so many books, Edward…” she muttered, reading and looking through each one. That's because I'm a gigantic nerd. Ugh, what did that mean? Was that good or bad?
“Cool…” she whispered, pulling one book from the shelf.
Relief rocked me onto my heels as I realized that she might be impressed by my collection. Once in class, I caught a glimpse of The Age of Innocence from her bag...I knew it wasn’t for an assignment. Of course, she'd like my classics. Idiot! You should have moved your Charles Dickens collection set from the boxes in the closet!
“Wow, this is a great collection…Rudyard Kipling…Emily Dickinson…such awesome poetry collections here.”
“Yeah, uh, my favorite poem of all time is Kipling’s, If,” I managed in an even tone.
“I'm a Whitman fan myself, but then again, it’s hard to appreciate poetry and not like Kipling…don’t you think?”
Whitman. Wow. That was a question, right? I managed an "mm-hmm" and she turned to face me, glancing briefly at my eyes before she turned away to set the book back, only to take another. I watched her look at the book and then back to me. I immediately got lost in her gaze. Her eyes were so expressive, but what did she see when she looked at me? I felt as if I was missing something. Yes, there was something in her eyes…something I could not decipher. She turned back to the book and I watched a pretty smile curve at the edge of her mouth as she read. Why was I just standing here? Had she noticed?
“Uh, can I get you anything to drink?” I offered. It seemed like the polite thing to ask.
“Yes, actually, do you have water?”
I ran the water, waiting for it to cool. As I filled the glass, I looked back at her from the kitchen. My heart skipped as I took her in. Her long dark hair ran the length of her back. I saw myself taking her around the waist, wrapping my fingers in it, pulling her close to me, relishing in the feel of her soft body pressed against mine, her lips were soft and delicate, I attacked them like the fervent admirer that I was, desperation permeated my kiss as I hungered for her taste, her feel… I winced as a little moan escaped from the very back of my throat. It was quiet, but still inexcusable. Act natural!
As if she heard me, she turned, smiling again, catching my eyes in an open stare. A little grin caught her lips again and something about it struck me. It seemed like the same expression that was present in her eyes. What was I missing? Was this awkward for her too? It does not help her that you are a total creep checking her out when her back is turned!
I turned away from her quickly as the overflowing water spilled onto my hands. Damn! I grabbed a towel and tried to clean up the water so she wouldn’t wonder why the outside of the glass was wet. That would be interesting to explain...
This was not working. Was I even capable of being around her without staring? No, I was not. I wanted her company, but this would never work. The sooner I could get her out of here, the better…for her. I was too lame. Sadness washed through me, but I knew I could do nothing about it. It would be best to get this over with so I could return to my impossible fantasies. At least there I did not mumble, bumble, and stumble like a complete imbecile. Just get through tonight and then come up with an excuse, coward!
I took a deep breath and made my way to the table, setting the glass down at her spot to indicate I was ready to begin. She joined me quickly. As took her seat next to me, I was even more nervous than before. The proximity of our bodies was almost intimidating, electrifying. Why did I not sit across from her? Would my closeness make her uncomfortable? Great, you cannot move away now!
I focused on ignoring the soft aroma of her perfume.
“So, where do you want to begin? I was thinking that maybe we could start at the very beginning, maybe as a review. What do you think?” I asked, sounding more businesslike than I felt.
I looked up to meet her eyes and she stared back, deeper than before. I felt a shock of something new, something different, and something…exhilarating pass between us. Uh…it's your imagination!
I shook off the thought as I took in her warm eyes. They were alert and inquisitive. She blinked as if she felt something too. A warm rosy pink appeared on her cheeks; she was blushing at me. God, she's pretty. I had to look away, back to my book, to avoid staring again.
“Sure. I took a lot of notes, but I wasn’t sure how to really incorporate those into the project, do you have a place you want to start?” Did I? I’d not even thought of the project at all. I had been thinking of her all day.
“Not really, but we can work together,” I said, meeting her eyes again.
Our gaze locked, but this time I was certain something passed between us. I wished that I could be sure she felt it too. She leaned slightly forward and her lips parted as she searched my eyes. Her expression was confusing. What was she looking at?
Oh god, please, god… I hope I don’t have anything on my face. She sensed my panic, but she didn’t laugh. She looked down and giggled lightly; it was a musical sound. I struggled for words to break the uncomfortable silence, but I came up short.
“You know, Edward…I have to tell you something that might be kind of embarrassing,” she said, breaking the silence first.
Oh god, no. Dear sweet god. It was surely coming now. My heart began to race and I swayed a little in my seat, drunk from the anticipation of inevitable mortification.
The universe let out a sharp cackle.
“Well, it’s just that your eyes are very nice and it’s almost impossible to focus on anything when you look at me like that.”
I blinked; unsure as to whether that was a kindly delivered admonishment for my ogling, or a compliment? I couldn’t decide. She bit her bottom lip a little in hesitation and a wave of desire passed through me. What did she mean by ‘look at me like that’?
I stared at her in complete confusion.
“I mean, I really, really can’t concentrate,” she said, letting out another laugh that rang around in my head. Itwas a compliment. She’d complimented me, complimented my eyes. I laughed with her, but I wasn't sure why.Say something back!
“Oh, well thank you…yours aren’t too bad yourself…” ugh, that did not even make sense!
She giggled again, but it was delightful and carefree. I laughed nervously with her again.
“Well, thanks. I guess it’s your shirt, the green really brings out your eyes.”
“Thanks, Bella.” No, thank you, Betsy Coleman!
I broke from her gaze and stared downward, reading nothing in the textbook, looking for a place to start. I was not even on the right chapter. She was still watching me and I felt an all too familiar sensation light up my face. Embarrassment. Of course. I heard my heart pounding and said a silent prayer that she couldn't hear it, too. I concentrated on flipping through the pages to look for a starting point.
“Uh, so maybe we –“
She lifted her hand and rested it on the top of mine, stopping me from movement. I froze as the heat of her small hand seemed to ignite a fluttering sensation in my stomach.
“Edward,” she muttered. An odd, almost husky tone was present in her annunciation of my name. It sent another little current of something unfamiliar through me.
“Y-yea,” the croak was back.
My eyes locked into hers and we blinked together. I felt the energy course through us again; she felt it too. She half-smiled at me and tilted her head. Her eyes moved to my mouth. Slowly, she leaned her body forward, bringing her angelic face closer. Quick bursts of confusion and disbelief electrified me. She wanted to kiss me? Me. Move idiot!
Her lips touched mine and my head spun. I wanted to throw up again, but the feeling was too nice. Her lips were just as soft as I’d dreamed. I tried to concentrate on not being too careless with my mouth. I did not want to bump foreheads. Fear and anxiety pushed me into a dizzy state again. Whatever you do, do not bite her!
As she continued to kiss me, I was surprised and eased by the way we fit together nicely. I kissed her softly until she started moving her mouth against mine a little harder...
That slight change in pressure snapped something into place. All of the sudden, the culmination of dozens of dreams, fantasies, and thoughts slammed together generating arousal in my body, a longing in my hands, and urgency in my mouth. I had no dominion over my urges as my hands moved of their own volition to the sides of her face, pulling her closer. In response, she wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me forward. Her skin was so soft; her lips were so warm. Oh god, was this real?Just shut up and enjoy it before she realizes what she’s done!
She kissed me perfectly and playfully. She kept nibbling on my mouth in between kisses. I wanted to chuckle with delight at the feeling of her teeth biting me softly, but I refrained. To chuckle would surely risk snorting.
And then, reality hit me in one swift motion. Disappointment crushed me. Eventually, she would understand what she was doing and…when she did…it would all be over. I argued with myself over whether to stop it first, to prevent further embarrassment, but my desire for her won out. Besides, I would probably never kiss her again, so I might as well enjoy it until she pushes me away. If this was going to be only time with her, I wanted to really kiss her.
As soon as I made the decision, my body developed a will of its own. I kissed her harder and she reciprocated. It felt so nice, but I wanted more. I pulled away slightly from her mouth, hoping the gesture would encourage her to open it for me. She understood. I entered her mouth, savoring the intimacy. She sighed quietly as we met with smooth, fluid synergy. At her sound, another current of something strange danced through me. She wanted this, too. She wanted me…
The universe gaped in astonished confusion.
Suddenly, her hands were all over my hair. I groaned quietly as she filled her small fingers with firm grasps, pulling me closer again. I couldn't understand how her lips seemed to move in perfect synchronization with mine. And, I couldn’t get enough of her mouth. I felt her pull back from me and, instantly, I knew it was over. I’d lost control and scared her with my sickening desperation. She broke away from my lips, but she kept her face close.
“Edward…I... I really like you and, if you're okay with this, I want to continue,” she whispered.
If I'm okay with this? I really like you a lot? What the hell? I would like to continue!? “Oh. Well, Bella…you have noidea how long I’ve wanted to kiss you,” I blushed with my brash admission. In fact, I'm completely in love with you…will you marry me?
“Me too,” she smiled a little before placing a chaste kiss on my lips.
What was she thinking? I suddenly became very aware of my raging arousal. I hoped she couldn’t see it. I was thankful that she wasn’t looking anywhere but into my eyes. She cleared her throat to speak, drawing my eyes into hers with unrivaled ferocity. It wasn’t necessary; I was completely enraptured.
“Edward, I want to trust you,” she breathed.
“You can trust me,” I promised.
I was confused. Why wouldn’t she be able to trust me? I wasn’t some foul jerk like Mike Newton. I would never do anything to make her not trust me. Her cheeks blushed again and she pulled my neck closer so that she could lean towards my ear. A chill ran through me when I felt the heat of her face so close to me.
“I want you to make love with me.”
Dear God. Her whisper was so sweet, as if she'd asked me an innocent question. She pulled back and met my eyes again - the expression in them was completely sincere. But, I still couldn't help but search her face. What was going on here? I felt suddenly alarmed. What would prompt her to tell me this? I had obsessed over her for weeks, I'd fallen in love with her from the day I saw her, but she’d never given any indication that she had the faintest interest in me until now. I'd seen her friends and the type of crowd she hung out with. That wasn't me. I knew that I was considered quiet and I wasn’t even in the same hemisphere as her league…so, why would she want me? A war raged between my rational mind and my lust, bombarding me with pieces of evidence.
… She’d said she wanted me…she’d just said that, right? Why me? This doesn’t make any sense…she could have any guy she wanted…is she drunk?...no, she isn’t…kiss her already, she started it...but, what if I do and then…ah, what if she changes her mind?
“Bella, are you sure?” I didn’t want her to do anything she would regret.
That would crush me. She met my question with a tight, constricting kiss that sent my body in an uproar of want for her. I kissed her back until she broke away again.
Had she changed her mind already? I watched her nervously as she stood up, holding my gaze. I knew my mouth was hanging open so I shut it. In a few surreal, fluid movements, she positioned her legs on either side of mine. I watched her in a daze as she softly lowered herself on to me, closing the distance between us in a straddle against my thighs. She kissed me immediately, crashing her lips into mine with a quiet sob. My body roared to life as fantasy became reality.
Oh my God. This is happening. My mind was just now catching up with her actions when I realized in horror that my hands were still floating in the air. I instantly moved them. I flexed my hands once before slowly splaying my palms across the sides of her knees, wrapping each of my fingers around a separate place on her leg, enjoying the feeling of my hands on her. She shivered at my touch, but I was not sure why. It was so hard to focus. My mind raced, throwing questions and assessments left and right. I couldn’t keep up.
Her fingers wrapped tightly into my hair; bringing me out of my daze. Her grasp awoke in me a strange, carnal desire. I began to strategize. She wanted this…I wanted this. But, Bella wasn’t the type of girl you made love to on a kitchen table, or in a chair. Well, okay, I didn’t really know what that “type” was, but I was pretty sure I didn’t want to be with her on my table. What if it broke?
The universe snickered.
No, that could not happen. I needed her in my bed; I wanted to take control of the situation, to show her, to please her, to make love to her as she’d asked, but I couldn’t move. While distress invaded my senses, I tried to focus on her little hands as they moved to my face, deepening our kiss aggressively. Slowly, she began to shift her hips against me in a sensual movement that I had never known was possible. When I had the urge to grasp her by her hips and move her into me, I had to act. It was as if both my rational sense and my desire were demanding an immediate commitment to a progressive course. So I took my opportunity.
I moved my hands along her thighs, being careful not to go beneath her skirt and held her from underneath. I did my best to ignore the heat my body generated when I felt the outline of her underwear against my fingers. I rocked forward and stood up with her gently. She responded by wrapping her arms and legs around my body, pressing my arousal against her firmly. She let out a quiet moan against my lips again. Without thinking, I groaned back as a fluttering sensation rushed through me with the sound of her voice. Her mouth scattered open kisses and nibbles against the skin of my neck. She was driving me insane. My knees were almost weak with desire and I wasn’t sure I could walk to carry her to my bed. She would surely understand if I tripped, but then I would drop her! Should I walk with her?
The universe nodded adamantly in agreement.
I deliberated quickly and decided to take my chances, although very carefully. I was the one taking diligent steps now as I walked down the hall. My head was swimming with her perfume, her softness, the realization that she was close to me, wanting me. Just act…well, not natural…but…just calm down!
I controlled my breathing as we entered my room. I felt the edge of the bed against my knee so I bent carefully to lower her. But, she did not let go of me. I faltered a little as she tugged me towards her. She let out a quiet, wispy laugh when I tumbled onto her. Somehow, I managed to brace myself by automatically straddling her legs with my thigh. And thankfully, she didn't seem to mind. I said a silent prayer of appreciation that we didn’t bump our heads.
I couldn't focus on anything after I caught her eyes again. She had the most radiant expression. She was so beautiful...
My deepest feelings for her rushed forward. But, I couldn’t tell her. I did not want to ruin the moment. Besides, I might be in love with her, but that did not mean her feelings were the same. What if this was all that she wanted? A confession was hardly appropriate. I searched her eyes, but found nothing except for that enchanting charm I couldn’t quite figure out. I silently admired her flushed cheeks. They were so pink. I drew my fingertips to her face to clear an errant strand from the corner of her mouth. A mischievous look crossed her face as she caught my finger in her mouth and nibbled on the tip.
I had no idea how to stop myself. My mouth broke into hers as I wrapped my hand around her face. She wrung her hands in my hair. The feel of her forceful pull sent my head into a jolting spiral. I tightened my grip on her, wishing and willing to possess her, hold her. She wasn’t mine, but I wanted her to be. Her encouragement made he feel so high. I pushed my arousal against her deliberately. I wanted her to feel the affect she had on me. I wanted her to know, to understand how badly I wanted her. She let out a low, pleading whine as she wrapped her legs around me, asking for more. She would never have to ask me twice for anything. As if they had a mind of their own, my hips moved into hers again. She whimpered, sending my desire into a new depth of want.
My rational mind screamed at me to slow down, so I did.
I moved my hand from her face to her waist, gaining access to the delicate expanse of skin underneath her shirt. She was so soft. I wanted it off her, but I did not want to ask her. Sensing my desire, she pulled her hands from my hair to accommodate the removal. She arched her back severely to remove the blouse; my shocked eyes enjoyed the overtly sexual movement. I was stunned as her full, sensual breasts and the pink brassiere that covered them came inches away from my lips. She settled against the pillow and a tantalizing smile appeared on her face. She was so incredible. She was…wow…
I kissed her lips again once before venturing to her neck again. As I moved, she twisted her hands in my hair sharply, pushing me downward. She smelled so good. My mind reeled as I took in every inch of her new skin. I kissed the rise of her breasts slowly and my mouth worked thoroughly to compensate for what my other hand could not reach. She seemed to enjoy the feeling of my lips against her skin. Every time she would whimper or moan, I did what she'd liked again. I felt so brave. She was perfect: better than my wildest fantasies and receptive just like in my dreams...
“Edward,” she whispered, breaking me from my thoughts.
Her hushed voice was charged in the quiet of my room. I looked up at her from above her breasts and suddenly felt embarrassed by my position. I concentrated hard to prevent from croaking.
“Yes, Bella?” I muttered, low and clean.
“Can you take your clothes off too?” she asked wearily.
“Of course, I'm so sorry.” I was mortified.
She must have felt so uncomfortable. I rose up on to my knees to remove my shirt, averting my gaze from her legs, which were still parted from to my previous position. She watched my every movement and I felt another flush crawl up my face. I looked away from her, a little embarrassed as I took my shirt off and began to work on the buckle to my belt. I hoped I was meeting her expectations. Bella sat up and stopped my hand and I watched her in disbelief as she came forward to kneel in front of me.
“Wait,” she whispered, raising her hands to my chest, pushing me back on my heels.
I didn’t move again. Slowly, she pressed her face against my skin, snuggling her cheek into my neck. She let out a deep sigh as she moved her body forward again. I shuddered as I felt the lace that covered her full breasts meet my chest. And then, her hands were all over me, touching places that had never been explored. I closed my eyes and pushed back the sigh that threatened to escape my lips as her hands moved from my chest down to the slight divots in my abdomen. Her hands were so nice and warm against my skin.
I felt her hand move down to my belt quickly. My eyes shot open in surprise, wondering what she planned to do next. I met her gaze and immediately understood that she'd been watching me the whole time. She leaned in to kiss me repeatedly as she worked on my buckle. I couldn’t take my eyes off her swollen bottom lip anytime she pulled back from our kiss. She was concentrating on my button intently when I leaned in to nibble. Only, like an idiot, I accidentally pulled her bottom lip into my mouth. She lost her balance a little and swayed into me. I panicked when it seemed like she was going to fall. You’re going to bump foreheads! Ah! That was stupid!
My stomach was clenched in suspense as she struggled to regain her equilibrium, causing us to sway again together. She giggled a low, sensual sound that sent another brilliant flash of longing through me and I felt relieved when I realized she had enjoyed it. She kissed me again as if nothing had happened and resumed her work without another pause.
When I wasn't kissing her, I couldn't focus on anything but my need to touch her. My hands met her soft shoulders as I pulled down pink, lacy straps. I watched closely as the lace fell easily to her arms; the rise of her breast was the only force keeping the garment in place. Hysteria invaded again. I’d never unclasped a woman’s bra before, and I knew, if I tried, my fingers would fumble and ruin the charge between us. I vacillated quickly and decided to leave it on for now, besides it really wasn’t my place to remove it. That might be too forward.
Instead, I moved my fingertips to trace her collarbone and watched in amazement as these strange fingers touched around her curves, teasing her sweet skin. Small bumps rose in response and I had the urge to lean forward and kiss every part of her neck...
She broke my concentration then by lightly jerking the zipper of my jeans. I felt then, what I’d been too overwhelmed to notice before; my severe, painfully throbbing arousal. I stopped my ministrations of her body and met her eyes again. Taking her hands into mine, I lead her palms to my chest hoping she would temporarily keep them in place. She obliged and carefully, I pulled my clothing downward, finishing her work. My jeans slid to my knees, but I left my underwear in place. I wasn’t sure what to do next and I didn't want to move forward until she wanted me to. So, I angled my face to kiss her, but from the corner of my eyes, I caught a glimpse of a smirk.
“Off…all the way,” she whispered, giggling lightly again, nibbling my ear.
Her words pushed fresh want through me, sending that fluttering sensation through my stomach again. She pressed her body against my barely clothed arousal. The feeling of her against me that way made it impossible for me not to proceed. So, I slowly pulled my clothing down, fighting the urge to feel ashamed. I didn't want to look at her yet. I heard her gasp quietly and I winced, hoping that her relative assessment of my size was positive. I was sort of sure that it should be, but what did I know? I averted her gaze again and reached back slowly to pull the clothing off my legs by the cuff of my pants, lifting my knees slightly with each shift in my weight. They fell to the floor. I was completely nude now and there was no going back. I turned to face her and was spellbound by what I saw.
Bella was flushed and beautiful; her body was bare save one lacy pink garment riding gently on her hips. I was so distracted by my own thoughts, I hadn't seen her remove her clothing. Staring was only natural, and she really didn't seem to mind. I wanted to have her as mine so badly...
Suddenly, she grabbed my neck again, kissing me with unprecedented enthusiasm. I was so hard, every inch pressing firmly against her warm abdomen. We moaned together quietly at the pressure. I still wanted her so much closer. Clutching her to me completely, she attacked my mouth, consuming my mind and body with lust.
I was only able to focus again when she grasped my hand and placed it on the swell of her breast, encouraging my palming of her skin. I had never touched a beautiful woman before. The tone and pace of our intimate exploration overtook me as I marveled at her skin, fascinated by the feel of her breasts molding to my touch. They softly puckered under the pressure of my fingers, and every curve was remarkably soft and supple. I couldn't get enough.
We kissed and touched intermittently as the moments passed, moments that were slipping away from me too quickly. But, I went slowly, savoring the feelings and the desire. If she regretted everything, if she never looked at me, saw me, or spoke to me again, I wanted this only chance to love her to be perfect. If it all fell apart, as inevitably it should, I would at least have this. And, so would she.
Bella shifted her weight quickly and before I could register the movement, she brought my hand to her waist. Touching her even that way, right at the edge of her curves drove me crazy. I was about to pull her closer when she laid her palm against the top of my hand. Slowly, she kissed me as she moved me downward. My fingers pressed into her skin as she slid me lower. I heard my breathing in my own ears, ragged and unstable. I closed my eyes against her manipulations, focusing intently on maintain my composure.
Then, I felt the lace. The pink lace. Bella’s hand abandoned mine as she grasped my shoulder, her lips on my neck and ears. I had never done this before, but I knew what she wanted. My hand moved of its own accord, angling sideways to pull the lacy cloth down, gently caressing every inch of her supple skin. Her hips curved so elegantly. I watched my own foreign hands move the material away as each side slid smoothly down her thighs. I took a deep breath against her mouth and just as slowly as she’d moved, I touched her moist skin. She was so wet and warm.
Her erotic gasps filled my ear as she dug her nails into my shoulders. Another chill ran through my body and I felt weakened by its wake. I moved my fingertips gently against her, responding to her words, moans and encouragements. Her knees buckled slightly, so I moved my other hand to grasp the small of her back again, pulling her closer. I held her there, against me, with every ounce of strength I could muster. As I touched her and kissed her softly, she teased the skin of my neck and shoulders with her teeth. She seemed to enjoy me this way. As her skin continued to yield against my fingertips, my mind buzzed as I processed her moisture, her sounds, and the plaint warmth of her. I was making her feel this pleasure...
Exciting words and whispers continued to pour from her as she kissed the skin of my ear. Her desperation and the play of my name on her lips in harmony with her exclamations of pleasure buzzed inside of my head, propelling me to take her, to please her, to hear more. But, I closed my eyes and tried my best to focus on pushing my needs away. Yet, with each stutter and gasp against my skin, she drove me closer to the brink of my composure. It was her attempt to confine her sensations to specific descriptions that truly ignited my yearning. Harder than ever before, I felt the ache to be inside her pull at me from various directions, screaming for relief. She seemed ready and I’d never desired her, or anything, more. I didn’t just want her, I needed her.
I gave over to my senses.
Slipping my hand from her moist skin, I grasped the back of her neck, lowering her down onto my bed gently. She grabbed a handful of my hair as we moved. And, with the change in our position, I was free from the confinement imposed by the space between our bodies.
I positioned myself hesitantly, waiting for her approval. She looked so ready for me.
After kissing her softly, I slowly entered her for the first time. The pleasure that I felt in that moment was unparalleled and we both moaned together as our bodies adjusted to the new sensations. I could barely focus on anything but the way she felt now that I was inside. She felt so good, so warm and wet and tight. Clutching my eyes closed, I prayed for the strength to last.
As I slid in again, gasping at the feeling of us together, everything about her swarmed my senses. I wanted to go faster, but I needed control. She began to pull my hips closer with her legs, though, and I could barely restrain the need to give in.
“Yes,” she whispered, kissing my neck, spurring me on.
Once more I withdrew from her, desperate for a safe rhythm when she pulled me towards her again, forcing me to commit to something faster. Primal need took over then and I began to give her what she was asking for. I focused on all of her moans of pleasure as she responded to my movements. My head swam with the vision of her form beneath me: her beautiful figure, her mouth relaxed in ecstasy, the sounds, the warmth, the moisture…it was too much. I could focus on nothing except the feeling of her body moving with me, against me. And still, I struggled to pace myself.
“Faster, please…can you please go faster...” she moaned, sending another thrill through me.
I complied immediately. I grasped the edge of her soft hip and angled her toward me; she matched my movement with vigor, pulling herself as close as possible again. I found a faster rhythm that seemed to be just enough for her, and yet not too much for me. I could not keep my eyes off her. I was fascinated by the way her breasts rose and fell in their own small circles, responding to our movements. She seemed to enjoy watching me watch her. I was listening to every sound she made and doing my best to match her needs.
Then, her little heels dug into my back, and I wanted even more of her. She began to beg and plead for me to please her, giving me permission to fulfill my most spectacular fantasies. So, I pushed into her harder, attempting to provoke more cries from her lips. She gasped and whimpered with each of my movements, sending my senses into disarray. Her sounds became more erratic and I struggled frantically to concentrate.
“Oh my god, I…yes, this is…I - I love you, Edward,” she moaned.
I gasped. Oh. Love? ‘Ilove you, Edward’. I shook my head in confusion as I processed her words. My head swirled into a whirlwind of thoughts, emotions, desires, and animalistic impulses. And then, I couldn’t concentrate anymore, it was all too much. I rocked into her hips harder than ever, trying to will myself to resist the urge to give into my own needs. I watched her as best I could from my own state of euphoria. She began to gasp in loud, lusty whimpers. She was coming close and I felt her tighten further against me when it happened.
Erotic shock left me reeling as she began to find her release. She writhed softly beneath me, pulling against my arms in her soft clutches. Her back arched in pleasure, bringing her body closer to mine. The downward shift in her hips intensified our union and I pushed into her harder and faster than I’d ever dreamed I was possibly capable of. She began to moan my name clearly in succession, sending my head into a further frenzy. Nails scratched into my arms and shoulders as she lost her self temporarily. Seeing her react to me, watching her lose it, it was too much. I began to lose control, too. As soon as she realized what was about to happen, she wrung her hands into my hair again, pulling me down on top of her, closer to her.
“Yes…please. Let go for me... it's what I want...” she panted in my ear.
Oh god. I closed my eyes again to concentrate, but I had already performed beyond my wildest dreams, and struggling was useless. She started telling me things I'd never even thought a woman would say...and the sound of my name against her lips, begging me to find release with her crumbled my brittle resistance. Pleasure flooded through me sending my brain into a chaotic, short-circuited state. She urged me on, but I tried to remain as silent as possible for fear that my words would betray me; I groaned her name too loudly anyway.
Our hips swayed together in weak movements as she continued to hold me close. My air escaped in ragged gasps, but I could not control it.
It was over then, but I did not want to move. She pulled me all the way down and I settled comfortably against her. Without thought, my head nuzzled against her cheek. We both remained silent as we calmed our erratic breathing. I took in several deep breaths to memorize the aroma of her hair and her skin.
I lingered too long, but she didn’t mind. She played with my hair and kissed the skin of my ear. Our breathing slowed and I noticed then that we were both perspiring. Was I making her uncomfortable? Awkwardness reclaimed me and I panicked again. I pulled myself up and away from her, watching her eyes for any detection of regret. She beamed at me.
What now? She didn’t move away. Was there something I wasn’t doing?
“Bella…I - “ I started, but she stopped me by placing one finger to my lips. I shut up. I didn't even know what I was going to say.
“Please…listen to me. I’ve...wanted you from the first day that I saw you…I wanted you, I wanted this,” she pointed to my chest and then to hers. I avoided the vision of her breasts beneath me. She smiled, again. I wanted to tell her how badly I'd wanted her then and now, that I was in love with her, and that I would do anything for her, but our bodies were still connected. The thought of baring my soul right now was absolutely mortifying. So, I edited. A lot.
“Well, I…I cannot tell you how…badly I wanted this either,” I whispered in stutters, sure that my voice was shaky with restraint.
“Good,” she said, tracing my cheek with her thumb.
I closed my eyes at her words and her gesture. It seemed like the best time to lie next to her, so I took my place, offering her my sheet in case a new wave of modesty hit her. She took the sheet and wrapped it around us both and I moved to help her tuck it into the small space between us. Immediately, she caught my hand and placed it against her waist, snuggling against me completely. Her mouth met mine and she nibbled my bottom lip before resting against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close. She was relaxing, breathing steadily. It felt so good to hold her.
I laid there for a moment before it all came back. Everything had happened so fast, all of it. Many details had escaped me, details that would be lost forever. I had no way to retrieve them. I closed my eyes and focused on the things I did remember. I found comfort in the realization that I’d not missed everything. It helped. When she did decide it was all a mistake, at least I would have material for my pathetic pining. I stifled a sigh at the prospect of never being able to kiss her, hold her, touch her, or make love to her again. Well, what did you expect?
She stirred against me. This time, I was committed to remembering everything. I took an inventory of each sensation her warm frame encouraged as she snuggled against me. She leaned forward towards my ear. Instinctively, I tilted my head towards her with an odd familiarity. We truly did move in synchronization somehow.
“So…” she whispered, hesitantly. “Now that I’ve told you that I…love you, are you going to run as far away from me as possible?”
My head jerked against the pillow, almost knocking into her forehead. What!? I blinked a few times, processing her words and then…it came back to me. She’d said she loved me, too. How could I have forgotten that? She’d told me that. It suddenly all made sense as my mind scrambled to understand her words. I remembered the look in her eyes that I couldn’t decipher. Her sweet, alluring smile. The way she’d looked at me when Mike Newton beat me to the rescue; in retrospect, it was as if she'd wanted me to save her. All those times she’d caught me staring, she’d never given me a look of disgust, she’d actually blushed at my attention. How could I have been so blind? And, all this time I’d kept my words, my feelings, my desires for her to myself, but she’d been the one to slip. Elation and relief washed through me. I sighed loudly, but I didn’t care.
I didn’t want to lose any more moments. I looked down at her and - once again - she was still waiting for me to speak. Quickly, in a gesture meant to make up for lost time, I pulled her close to me, moving my mouth to hers. I kissed her gently on her swollen lips and for the very first time, I told her exactly what I was thinking.
“Bella…trust me; I'm not going anywhere…”
And then, the universe erupted into a deafening round of applause.