Bella's life takes on a new path when she realizes Edward is not coming back. Falling in love with Jacob Black will be the easy part. The hard part - surviving the consequences of her love for a vampire and overcoming the obstacles that come with loving a werewolf. Set in New Moon. This story is so sweet it makes carebears cry rainbows!
So this is my first run at fanfiction. It has been an incredible ride and I'm very pleased with this story. I hope that you can see my progression through each chapter.
(Updated with each new chapter)
Chap 1Hiding My Heart - Brandi Carlile
Breath - Breaking Benjamin Alone in this Bed - Framing Hanley
Inside of Love- Nada Surf Matter of Time - Rescues
Chap 1Hiding My Heart - Brandi Carlile
5. Chapter 5: Always the Hero
Rating 0/5 Word Count 4822 Review this Chapter
Author's Chapter Notes:
I looked at his eyes and saw hurt, more than insanity. I could tell that the thoughts going through his mind were painful.
"Bella, I know," he said, speaking even and soft.
"I know about Edward. The Cullens. You."
Edward. The Cullens. Me.
"What?" I asked stunned. Somehow, everything I had been through with Bruce tied back to Edward.
"Bella, do you think you're the first human to fall in love with a vampire?"
He was less than an inch from my face and his hands were in my hair. I could feel the tears streaming from my eyes. Just the mention of loving Edward was hurtful. My heart ached and burned at the feelings I had suppressed for so long. For a split second, I wanted him to kill me and get me out of this misery. Death had to be better than reliving the devastation Edward caused, when he left me.
"I have never been to Forks. Even though I had lived in Port Angeles for almost five years, I just had never had a reason to visit."
He made himself comfortable by me, and placed his hand on my thigh. I flinched at his touch. I was feeling nauseous by being in such close proximity to this maniac that had tried to kill me.
After a moment he grinned, and removed his hand.
"Forks hospital. You know that place well, don't you, Bella? I found an ad in the newspaper. It was a 1964 Ford Fairlane. I love cars, classic American cars; much like your new beau."
Jacob. He knew Jacob.
"This car was a rarity, a Thunderbolt. Imagine my surprise to see that it was located in Forks."
He paused, soaking in the memory. "I couldn't wait to see it. I was lit up like a kid on Christmas."
I didn't know why, he was telling me all of this. I had no knowledge of cars. What did any of this have to do with me?
"The owner wasn't willing to show it to me until the next day. I just couldn't wait. So, I decided to find it myself. Forks is a small place; I had no problem finding it. Unfortunately, for me, I had to cross a rusty barbwire fence to actually see the car. I foolishly cut my leg crossing over the fence. It was worth it, she was a beauty."
He got up and moved toward the window, his back facing me. His fingers were tracing the bricks along the wall.
"It's funny how something, insignificant as a car, can be a momentous, life changing event."
"It hurt, even though it was a small cut, it really hurt. I knew it needed to be cleaned out and that I should probably get a tetanus shot. So...Forks Hospital."
He turned back to face me.
"The staff was friendly and my treatment was more than adequate. I was on my way out when I saw Dr. Cullen, Carlisle, and I immediately recognized what he was. It's not something you forget. That pale marble skin, their scent, their breath, and their eyes. Once you know, you never forget."
He paused for a moment and turned back to look out the window.
"I was awe inspired. How perfectly sinister-a vampire working as a doctor in a hospital. Genius. I didn't know that Carlisle was so noble upon our first meeting. I followed the good doctor down the hall to his office, where I saw another striking creature. Impossible, I thought. I moved closer, and heard Dr. Cullen introduce the striking young man as his son, Edward."
I was beginning to feel dizzy and hot. My breathing had become swift and hard. Bruce laughed at my calamity, taunting me further.
"Shut up. Please, no. I don't want to hear anymore." I begged him. I didn't want to know anything more about Edward.
"Bella, I knew what they were. I was mesmerized by them. I wanted to leave the hospital, to leave Forks, but I couldn't bring myself to it. I had to stay. That was the first day I saw you. The way Edward looked at you. It was obvious he was in love with you, even if he didn't know it yet."
Bruce was at the hospital the day of the van incident. This was the only time Edward had ever been to the hospital. Even then, it was a risk of exposure.
"I wanted to know more about these vampires. Why they were among humans, and fronted as a family. So I made routine visits to Forks and did my research."
"Bella, I once loved a vampire too. Of course, she was very different from the Cullens. My first encounter with her was nearly my only." He smiled at the thought of her and then his smile turned into a deep frown, and hatred shot across his face.
"Our love affair only lasted a few months, it just couldn't be, and she left. I begged her to change me, to make me like her, but she wouldn't. She didn't know if she could."
"He hurt you, like she hurt me. Bella, I saw the hollow look in your eyes. I saw you become a zombie when he left, when your love died, when your soul died. I recognized myself in you. The pain. The torture. The treachery. Even though it has been fifteen years, I still hold onto the scars of the pain from when she left. I never moved on. I never lived again, I only existed."
His words seemed familiar. I could sympathize with the pain he must be feeling.
"Bella, I didn't intend to hurt you. At first, I felt like we were kindred spirits. You and I, well, we're wired a little differently than most people. Most humans avoid vampires, not because they know what they are, but because they have a natural instinct to protect themselves. We aren't like that. We are selfless in that way."
Although, I hated him for the torture I was enduring, I had to agree with what he was saying. It was all true, and I found myself completely connected to his emotions. I wanted to talk him down, to comfort him. I understood his madness and insanity. If I didn't have Jacob, I could have very well turned into this person in front of me.
“We were in love with the un-loveable. We were betrayed and dishonored by the ones who held our hearts. I wasn't alone in my misery anymore. Just seeing you suffer through life the way I had to for so long, it brought me relief." His voice grew louder, stronger, more forceful.
"Short lived relief. Because you, you were able to live again. I saw you recovering and hated you for it. You found happiness again, and it wasn't fair."
He had made his way behind me and was fumbling for something. When he appeared, again he was holding a handgun, the one stolen from the transporting officer.
"There's no end to this misery. I tried. I searched. I did everything I could not to think of it. Moving on was just not something I could do. She left me broken, helpless, a shell. My fate was worse than that of any vampire. I thought it was hopeless, my punishment for involving myself with something I didn't need to be involved with. But you, you survived it. "
He moved closer to me and fear soared through my veins. I had thought that losing Edward would kill me, but it didn't. Moving on, and finding love again after Edward was going to kill me. Oh, the irony.
I could feel my insides shaking. Bruce was quiet for about ten minutes, just twirling the handgun by the trigger. I thought he was trying to decide what he wanted to do, like he was unsure of his next move. I sat very still trying not even to breathe. I didn't want to provoke him. He turned the gun toward me. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the worst.
"I never thought I would find somebody, who knew the misery I lived in every day. Somebody who had endured so much hurt; someone who had their life's joy stolen from them. You, Bella, you were that somebody."
I could hear his breath coming more slowly.
"We weren't meant to love them. It's so hard to believe it would end this way."
I closed my eyes tighter. I saw Charlie and Renee. I saw my friends from school and La Push. I saw Edward and the Cullens. I saw Jacob, my sweet, sweet Jacob. I envisioned his warm, infectious smile from the photograph, still in my pocket. The last picture in my mind would be Jacob.
And then I heard a loud gunshot. Was it really over?
I couldn't let Bella see me break. She couldn't see me cry. I needed to be strong. She needed to see me strong. I wasn't ready to let her go, but I knew she was on borrowed time. She would be safe with Quil and Embry. I had ordered them to protect her and if she was harmed in any way, they would face my wrath. Still, I couldn't help but feel guilty for handing her over to someone else for protection. I had just won her trust, her heart. And now, I had to break it.
During my drive back to the reservation, my mind was submerged in the growing amount of problems my life seemed to be collecting.
Bella. Alpha. Bella. Werewolves. Bella. Vampires. Bella. It was an unending cycle.
I made it back to La Push in time for my first Alpha initiation with the elders. I really wasn't handling being the alpha very well. I was proud of my heritage, of my ancestors. I just wasn't sure I was ready. This meeting was why I couldn't go with Bella. It was very important, similar to my freshman orientation, only more serious. Tonight would prove to be my first act of self-sacrifice. My entrance into the pack had been hard enough but being leader was something else, altogether. Sam had pretty much winged it. He was a leader out of necessity, but I was going to be held to a higher standard. I had a genetic predisposition to lead this pack.
I had begged the elders to allow Sam to continue being our alpha. Sam was good as our leader. He was calm, collected, and skillful. I was just a kid, how could lead anybody? The elders would hardly listen to my argument, it was done. It had been settled long before I was ever born. I had no choice but to own it. In addition to my recent physical changes, I had matured emotional and intuitively. My perception of things had changed immensely. That's how they knew it was time.
I hoped that my letter to Bella was enough, to calm her fears for now. I hadn't found the right time to explain all of this to her. What with her being chased by a psycho killer. I only had about thirty seconds to pen down the note and get it in Bella's bag. I gave her the emergency money from my wallet. I would probably have to explain the money to her later, as well. I was saving my mechanic money for Bella’s graduation present.
The meeting, as powerful and important as it was, had only lasted a little more than an hour. The elders spoke of past alphas and warriors, the protectors of our tribe. I had to admit that it felt really good having Billy there, looking at me with admiration and pride. The meeting ended with meditation and a spiritual cleansing. I didn't really feel any different but both would be a big part of my life, from here on out. I may have felt a little better about all of it if my mind wasn't on Bella and her safety.
I wanted so badly to go see her, to check on her. Billy said that Quil had called to say they arrived safe. But, I was still apprehensive. Bella was a danger magnet, she was surely marked. The elders had told me of my responsibilities as alpha. The biggest of which, was maintaining close to the tribe. Port Angeles was just too far away, to be for a night. Especially, so close to my initiation. I was full of conflicting emotions. I needed to be with her, but my pack, my tribe needed me here.
I didn’t go straight home after the meeting. I decided to run the border and do a quick sweep just to blow off some steam.
The separation from Bella was killing me. I stopped in a clearing just a few yards short of the treaty line.
The smell, hit me fast. It was fresh. I could tell that it was one of them, one of the Cullens.
I ran as fierce as my four legs would take me. I was catching up to the leech. Howls ripped from me. I wasn't signaling the other member's of the pack, but I was determined to see why this bloodsucker found the need to make routine stops, from time to time.
I phased back to human form, put on my sweat shorts, and began my chase on foot. If I was going to confront this leech I had to be able to communicate. I didn't have far to go before I saw it, the vampire.
I had expected it to be Edward. If not Edward, then maybe the doctor. Or, the short haired one that was Bella's friend. I was shocked to find that the Cullen that was staring at me was neither of those.
“Mutt, may I help you with something?”
She spoke very clearly, very fluid. She tossed her blonde hair back, and glared at me with golden eyes.
“Why are you here? Why do you come here so often? Does he send you?” I growled at her in a low voice.
“By 'he,' I suppose you mean Edward?" She said nonchalantly.
“Yes, that would be who I meant,” I snapped.
"No. The answer is no. Since the human ruined our little family, none of us really communicate with Edward.” Her perfect voice had a tinge of hostility in it.
“Where is he?” I raised my voice this time. Her allusive answers were making me angry.
“Really, wolf, I don't know. He doesn't check in much with us anymore. You see our family has somewhat parted. Alice and Jasper went their way; leaving me and Emmett, to stay with Carlisle and Esme.”
“So why do you come here, if you're not spying for him?”
“I have to make sure that Bella stays human.”
“Of course she's human. Why wouldn't she be?”
“Bella was so determined to become one of us. I fear she will go to great extremes to continue that desire. Bella can not choose this life. No matter how much she loves Edward, she can not give up humanity. She will regret it, for eternity. I can't help but think that if the possibility presented itself, she would want to be like us. So when I get the chance, I come by just to see. To put my mind at ease, if you will.”
“You care for Bella?”
“Not exactly, I just don't want to see her lose something, as valuable as human life.”
“Bella's fine. We watch out for her, she's happy. I don't think becoming a vampire is on her immediate to-do list.”
“You care for her, don't you? If you say she's happy, I will take your word for it.”
She disappeared, before I could mention that Bella was hiding from a deranged lunatic, in a hotel room with two werewolves. I probably wouldn't have told her that anyway.
I phased back into wolf form and headed for home. My mind was at ease knowing that Edward hadn't been the one to come back.
My feet pounded through the forest as my speed increased. I loved the open feel of running through the forest. I heard a loud howl. Sam had phased and he was sounding a warning.
I ran faster to meet him. His thoughts told me that Bella was in trouble.
I couldn't believe that Embry and Quil let him get to Bella. My Bella was no longer safe. I would have ripped them apart, but they were on their way to tell Charlie.
I had let her down, I had broken another promise. She wasn't safe. I was failing her.
I had no idea where she was, but I was going to find her. Sam was in charge of the pack for now. I was going to find Bella.
Tribe or not, I was going to save Bella.
Daybreak had come and the sun was peeking from the clouds. I had apologized to Charlie about two hundred times. But, I wasn't forgiven, yet. I begged Charlie to let me come with him to find Bella. His investigation had uncovered a property in Port Angeles that Bella's captor owned. We were hopeful, on a hunch, we might find her there.
“This is the address. This building is listed in Bruce David's name.”
The old garage looked like it had been empty for awhile, but someone had been in there recently. It was hard for me to pick up Bella's scent without being phased.
Charlie went in through the front of the building. My intuition was leading me to the back of the garage. There was a two story brick attachment in the back and I felt a magnetic force pulling me closer. I maneuvered over the fence to gain entrance into the back lot. I could see movement in the upstairs window, prompting me to move faster. I saw a fire escape and decided to go for it. Suddenly through the window I saw a flash, and heard a heart wrenching sound. Gunshot.
I practically flew up the fire escape stairs. My heart was pumping, my adrenaline running wild. Even in wolf phase, I never felt this alive. The next moments were like an out of body experience. I had crashed through the window, Jackie Chan style, covering my entire body in glass. I picked myself up and started searching for her. Blood was everywhere, on the floor and the walls. I saw a lifeless limp body, lying in the corner. And beside of it, my eyes found her, Bella.
I wasn’t afraid of dying, but then again, I had an unusually abnormal response to fear. Dying wasn’t just a concept for me; it wasn’t just some unknown part of life. I had been faced with death more times than what seemed possible. I was surrounded by death, and each time I came head to head with it, I had remarkably prevailed. I didn’t know why or how, but I had once again escaped the clutches of death. Renee had once told me that life wasn’t all butterflies and bunnies. Simply put, as it was, I suppose she was right.
My life seemed to be a higher level of misfortunate. My road paved with pain, hurt, loneliness. But sitting beside me was the one person who could bring me sunshine. The person who could make me smile and give me hope and sunshine. But, not today, there was nothing sunny about Jacob Black today.
“So your top dog, now, huh?”
“Yeah, so to speak.”
“So is that an honor that comes with a crown and keys to the kingdom?”
Normally Jacob would have continued this playful banter, but he looked serious and somber. He was a prisoner of his own thoughts, thoughts he wasn’t sharing with me. He squeezed my hand, and a surge of heat ran through my insides.
“So Quil and Embry, they’re alright?”
“For now, but I can’t make any promises for when I finally see them.”
Jake was upset with them for what had happened. He blamed them, and if I knew him well at all, he was blaming himself. I felt obligated to save his friends, his brothers.
“It wasn’t their fault. Really, they did the best that they could. I’m a danger magnet, remember.” Jacob just nodded at me, looking somewhere in the distance. I could still smell the blood. I was covered in it. I held my breath to keep from fainting, again. I passed out when the gun went off, and then again, when I came outside.
Jacob helped me up, from where I was sitting. He grabbed my arm and led me to Charlie’s police cruiser.
I stopped just short of the car, and turned to look back. The events that had transpired in the building behind me were monumental, life changing. I took in a deep breath trying not to smell the blood that was covering my clothes and hair.
“Are you sure you don’t need to go to the hospital? Just to get checked out. Those are some pretty terrible marks on your wrists.” Charlie sounded worried. “At least get them checked out,” he urged.
“Really I’m fine. I just want to go home, take a hot shower and go to sleep.”
I was tired from the endless swarm of questions being thrown at me. I had given my statement at least a dozen times, to a dozen people. I was relieved to finally be able to go home and put all of this behind me.
The car ride home was mostly silent, except for when Charlie would randomly insist that I go to the hospital. Each time I refused.
Jacob was in the back seat, only inches from me, but he seemed like worlds away. The ever growing distance between us was immeasurable. The tie that held us together was slowly unraveling. I was being shut out, that much was evident. Jacob was internally struggling through his problem, or problems, alone.
He looked exhausted, worry filled his dark eyes. Although I had seen Jacob just yesterday, he looked different. He seemed older, and he looked as if the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. He wasn’t carefree or light hearted, and I hated seeing him this way. The light of his smile was gone, not even a flicker left. He bore a multitude of burdens, and for what reason, I didn’t know. Whatever Jacob was facing, bore the semblance of a death row sentence.
I laid my head back and closed my eyes. It was hard to think of Bruce as gone. The minutes leading up to his death were pained, but sobering. Instead of loathing him or hating him, I pitied him. I understood his pain, his hurt, his insanity. We had a common loss, and because of it, I felt coupled to him in a remarkable way.
It was one thing to lose human love. But, losing a supernatural love; was something else, entirely. It was maddening, draining. When Edward left, my soul died, vacated only to leave emptiness and desolation in its place.
Since my encounter on the roadway, my mind was invaded by thoughts of Edward. My heart didn’t fall apart when I thought of his memory…his face… his voice. Not like it once did. But I was still irritated at myself for allowing the invasion.
When my thoughts had overtaken my consciousness, I realized we weren’t moving anymore. We were at Jacob’s house. The clock on the dash read 2:30 pm.
“Bella, as much as it pains me to do this, I have to leave you here with Jacob and Billy. I hope I won’t regret this later.” Charlie glared at Jacob as he spat the word “regret” into the backseat.
“I have to go back to Port Angeles, to finalize this case and close the investigation. I will be back later for you.”
“Are you hungry?” Jacob asked once we were inside. He still seemed distant.
“No. Not really,” I replied. I wasn’t able to remember the last time I had eaten, but food just didn’t seem probable.
“I’m so tired. Can I just take a shower and lie down?”
Jacob kissed the top of my head.
“Sure thing,” he smiled as he spoke the simple words, sending a rush of comfort and relief through me.
“I’ll see if I can find you some clothes that smell a little better. Dog smell is better than blood smell. Right?”
I grinned and nodded. Jacob’s smell, dog or not, was by far my favorite scent in the world.
Once inside Jacob’s bathroom, I opted for a hot bath instead of a shower. I wasn’t really a bath girl. In fact, I pretty much shied away from all things typically girly. I ran the water as hot as I could get it. In the back of the sink cabinet, I found a lone bottle of bubble bath. Remnants no doubt of when Jacob’s sisters were home. I poured the contents of the bottle, into the water and watched the bubbles cascade into each other. I swiped a black razor, hoping it was Jacob’s and not Billy’s. I finally submerged myself in the tranquility provided by my oasis.
I lied in the bath tub, until my skin was wrinkled and my water had turned cold. I rinsed out my hair, and got out to dry off. I wrapped the towel around me, realizing I had forgotten to bring anything to change into. I stood in front of the mirror, staring at the dark circles under my eyes. My pale skin made them more pronounced and I looked like I could have used another twenty minutes in the water. I was aching, and exhausted. To top it off, I thought I was beginning to feel a cold coming on. A night in a down pouring rain would usually do that to a person, I thought.
I had finger-brushed my teeth and rinsed my mouth out, with some generic form of Listerine. I was combing through my wet hair, when I heard a knock on the bathroom door.
“Bells, are you ok?” It was Jacob, my heart dropped. Of course it was Jacob. Billy was gone for the day. Charlie must not have known, or he would have never left me here. I smiled in spite of myself.
“I’m fine, just finishing up.”
“I have you some clothes, honey.”
I cracked the door open just enough to reach my hand out. Jacob reached the t shirt and sweat shorts through the small space. I grabbed onto them, but he wouldn’t let go. When I pulled at them the door opened wider, nearly knocking me down.
When he saw me, his jaw dropped and his cheeks went flush. I immediately felt embarrassed. I had practically saw Jacob naked every day that we were together, even now he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Ironically enough, he had never saw much more than my neck, hands and feet. Uncomfortable didn’t begin to describe how I felt.
“Maybe I’ll just take the clothes back, and you can wear the towel.”
“Right,” I mused.
Jacob pushed his way into the bathroom and pulled me into him. He cupped my chin in his overly large palm, piercing his eyes into mine.
“Bella, I love you.” Whatever distance had been between us, was gone. And for that moment I felt incredibly close to Jacob. His eyes were no longer dark and solemn, he was carefree and beautiful.
His lips crashed into mine, forceful and passionate. The taste of him, of his tongue was intoxicating, leaving me senseless. His embrace became tighter and his hands were moving softly along my back. I couldn’t help but marvel in the way his skin felt against mine.
Jacob picked me up gently and placed me on the sink counter; never moving his lips from mine. I locked my arms around his neck and moved my body into his. His lips began to move to my neck. He kissed me gently, until he reached my collarbone. He made his way back to my lips, his kiss more urgent, more necessary. He placed his hand on my thigh and began rubbing up and down my skin. I let out a slight moan as he moved his lips to my earlobe. I could feel a smile come across his lips as he realized what was happening. Every part of my body that he kissed, that he touched, was instantly electrified. And, each second that past brought about a new excitement.
I felt alive, I felt wild with emotion. I was engulfed in a sea of passion. Jacob’s touch over powering everything else I had ever felt in my life. There was no fear, no anger, no worry, just love. Incredible, unfaltering love pouring from him into me.