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Agent training for dummies


Bella is left alone with Emmett and Jasper when Edward is hunting for the day. She discovers an 'Agent training for dummies' book and Emmett and Jasper suddenly decide to have an actual agent day. Some crazy missions, crazy names and some evil cartoon characters are sure to cheer Bella up and enjoy her day. Just how much trouble can they cause in one day?
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Thanks to cocoa-lovah for the banner!

This is my first ever fan fic. In fact, this is my first story I've ever let people read. So please review and lemme know what you think! Btw, I made Jasper more controlled around Bella so he could have more fun. :D Bella, Emmett and Jasper have an 'agent' day with some weird missions, mysterious people and kidnapping some poor person. Will Bella get through the day in one piece? I own nothing, the queen of twilight, Stephenie Meyer owns all this, I'm just having some fun playing with the characters.

1. Izzy, Jazzy and M&M's time

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2988   Review this Chapter

Agent training for dummies.

Izzy, Jazzy and M&M time.

I hated it when Edward left to go hunting for the weekend. I had either absolutely, nothing interesting to do, or Alice came and kidnapped me until he came home. This pretty much equalled as the same thing as I found nothing interesting in looking at pictures of flowers and trying to get a word in edgeways.

Alice’s version of kidnapping is probably worse then human kidnapping. She insists on torturing me with make-up and clothes for no apparent reason. And now it’s twice as worse (if that is humanly possible…of course it’s not, it’s inhumanly possible, vampire style) with all the wedding plans.

It seems to me that Alice has forgotten a few of the main traditions in weddings. But obviously, we are forgetting about traditions anyway. It’s not very traditional for an Eighteen year old girl, to marry a one hundred and eight old vampire, just so she can be changed to a vampire. But there are still main requirements for the planning of the wedding, and the wedding itself. First, the bride is meant to be awake for most of the planning and the wedding. I sleep for about five hours at night, before Alice is there at six in the morning, waving pieces of papers and pictures in my face. Second, not everything has to be designer or encrusted in some sort of jewel, to look good (When I said this to her, she might’ve passed out if she was a human). And mainly, the bride and groom have to actually agree to a large quantity of the decisions. I have objected to pretty much all of Alice’s ideas, yet she goes along with them and tells me that ‘it’s what Edward would want’, even though he tells me that he wants nothing more then to elope in Las Vegas. But whenever he says that, I see the real Seventeen year old in 1917 who wants to marry the girl he has waited for and loves, and for the world to be invited.

He always tried to hide his emotions from me, but his eyes give him away. He has always wanted for everything to be perfect, and in his book, a wedding is perfect. I love him far too much to let one day ruin his dreams of the perfect wedding. Whenever Edward gets excited about something with the wedding plans, Emmett finds it highly amusing that Edward is having more fun planning this then me. He figures that the girl should want nothing more then a massive wedding, and the boy shouldn’t care about it. But it’s quite the opposite for us.

We have barely had any time together since our time in the meadow. We are either being harassed by Alice, or travelling to millions of places such as, clothes shops, restaurants, wedding shops, even a garden centre. Edward has been so busy, trying to calm Alice down, and making sure that I am being fed and not fainting with exhaustion, that he hasn’t had time to properly hunt.

I noticed his eyes were pitch black yesterday and he swallowed every time he took a breath or spoke. I asked him about it and he told me not to worry. By now, I thought he would realise that all I do is worry. So I was grateful when Carlisle, Alice and Rosalie were going hunting and asked if he wanted to join them. At first he declined instantly, but I told him he should go. He was still wary when I told them he was definitely coming. He believes that I won’t last without him for one weekend. That’s pretty much true. I didn’t tell him that though, and pretty much walked him to the door and kicked him out. I hate him to be uncomfortable because of me.

But now he’s gone, I have no idea what to do. Since Alice has gone hunting too, I am left with 2 days of freedom. I thought I would be exceptionally excited about 2 days of non-wedding related activities. But it turns out, there is absolutely nothing to do. Angela and Ben are enjoying their weekend in camping, doing what Alice and Edward were supposedly doing. And Jessica and Mike were-Well I have no idea what they were doing and I don’t really care. I would much rather spend an hour stuck in quicksand, then do something with one of them. The one person I needed and wanted in this situation wasn’t available.

He was somewhere in Canada, running around as a wolf, away from me and Edward. Running away from the wedding. I don’t blame him. I could never do that. I simply miss him. I miss his bone crushing hugs. I miss his sarcastic remarks. I miss my sun that clears away all the bad and makes me smile.


Whenever I think of him, I feel guilty and ashamed and miserable. Ironically, he was like my own little puppy. I could talk to him about things like I couldn’t with anyone else, I could play with him and he’d cheer me up like no-one else could. But then he ran away from home. He ran from the strange person he didn’t like. He ran from the changes that could and would, alter our friendship. I-

“Bella? What on earth are you thinking about that is making you feel so upset?” I turned around and saw Jasper, leaning against the doorway, staring at me. I was sat on Edwards’s sofa, snuggled up with the gold coverlet that I took off the bed. I sat up and wiped at my eyes to find tears there. I didn’t realise I had been crying. Jasper took in my tears and looked worriedly at me. He walked quickly over to me and kneeled next to the sofa.

Jasper, Emmett and Esme were the only ones staying home to watch me. I don’t see the need for 3 vampires to watch guard over me now that Victoria has been taken care of. But I do enjoy the company when Edward isn’t here, so I don’t moan too much.

“What’s the matter? You were feeling fine but slightly stressed and then all of a sudden you were overwhelmingly upset. I was playing a video game with Emmett and suddenly felt very sad for the man I just squished with my car.” He said, attempting to cheer me up. It worked to an extent, I chuckled quietly and sighed.

Jasper and I had gotten quite close recently. He has been working in overload to keep Alice from exploding with excitement, and me and Edward from killing her. Jasper tries to stay with me more when he can. He says he barely notices the thirst anymore, but I know he still suffers.

I smiled weakly at him and took a deep breath.

“I’m ok Jasper. I’m just…thinking.” He looked at me and a wave of calm hit me and wiped all the sad away. I smiled at him.

“Thanks Jasper. You can go though, really. I’ll probably be no fun. And I don’t want you to hurt because of me.” He grinned at me and shook his head.

“No Bella, I want to spend some time with my little sister while you aren’t with Edward or Alice. By the way, the pain? Totally inconsequential when it comes to hanging out with you. And besides, Emmett is losing so badly, it’s almost no fun to pummel him today.” He said while smirking. He suddenly grinned and his eye twinkled. He stood up and grabbed my hand. I looked at him quizzically.

“Let’s go find something fun to do! There’s no way you’re spending your two days of freedom, sat there ‘thinking’.” He pulled me to the door and I didn’t resist. I really did need something to do and Jasper seemed to have an idea. We walked downstairs towards the living room, towards where some ambulance noises came from.

I looked around to see that Emmett was attempting to play with both controllers and killing both of his people while doing so. Jasper and I sat down and laughed at Emmett. In the space of two minutes, he had lost four lives. After crashing into the wall for the last time, he threw one controller at the wall and crushed one in his grip. This made us laugh even harder. He turned around and was glaring. But when he saw how we were both laughing at him, he grinned and stood up.

“Hello Bella. Have you come to test your skills of car racing?”

“No, she’s not. I don’t think Bella is a fan of high speeds.” Jasper said glancing at me. “She prefers to actually drive under the speed limit!” Jasper said in mock horror. I smirked at him and shrugged my shoulders. The entire Cullen family didn’t seem to grasp why I hated to drive at a Hundred miles an hour in a Ferrari or something similar. I much prefer to go at normal speed, in my Chevy.

“She was actually looking for something to do. She was sat there, just staring outside.” He didn’t mention I was crying, and for that I was grateful.

“Soooo…what? You wanna play a video game? We do have a large choice.” Emmett said gesturing to the large bookcase filled with games. Normally, I really didn’t like video games, but it was something fun to do with my future brothers, so I decided to look at what games they had. I stood up and walked over to browse. They really did have everything. Indiana Jones, King Kong-

“Agent training for dummies? Whose is this?” There was a book wedged in between two games so I took it out to have a look. I looked at Emmett and Jasper who shrugged. Then they looked at each other. Suddenly Jasper stood up and starting humming the James bond theme tune. Emmett grabbed his mobile phone and opened it, narrowing his eyes and looking around the room.

“Agent Jazzy, come in. I repeat, agent Jazzy come in.” He grinned at me then, looked at Jasper, waiting for him to reply.

“Agent Jazzy here, what’s going down Agent M&M?” Jasper had pulled the top of his jacket up and talked into it. He smirked when he talked to Emmett. In return Emmett scowled at his agent name.

“I found the incredibly weird danger magnet! She seems to look slightly amused and confused. She’s probably under strict instructions not to do anything at all remotely fun.”

“Yes, the evil Eduardo has brainwashed her into doing anything he says!” I figured out what they were talking about. I was the incredibly weird danger magnet.

“I do not do anything he says!” I said, annoyed that they said I was incredibly weird and that I was brainwashed. They both snickered and shook their heads. I decided that I wouldn’t get anywhere arguing with them, so I decided to join them. I put my hand in my pocket and turned away from them.

“Agent Jazzy, she appears to be annoyed by us. Maybe we are not being super fun after all.” I grinned at that and turned back around putting on a serious face. I decided to try and get them to teach me how to do all the cool secret agent rolls and moves.

“Ok, busters. I have no idea why you are talking through phones, when I can clearly hear you and you can hear each other. You should’ve thought that through.” They both grinned and laughed. I pulled my hand out of my pocket and pointed it at them in the shape of a gun. “I want the secret info on the book. I need to know how to be like James Bond.” They both laughed loud at this. I snickered myself but was enjoying this far too much to stop now.

I pointed my hand at Emmett and made a bad shooting sound. He caught on quickly and stopped laughing, clutching his arm. He moaned and dashed out of the room for two seconds before returning with his arm all red. He had obviously coated his arm in tomato ketchup, to look like blood.

“OWWW. You are obviously not the elusive danger magnet! Tell us what you are called and we will teach you the ways of Kung-I mean we will teach you how to kick butt, agent style!” I laughed and tried to think of a cool name.

“I am…Izzy! Nice to meet you M&M and Jazzy. I hope you teach me some really cool stuff.” I said while grinning and winking at them both. They were both still laughing at my new name.

“Ahem, are you going to teach me or am I going to have to shoot my ‘hand gun’?” I said while rolling my eyes. Jasper suddenly stopped laughing and looked at me gravely. I looked at him in panic.

“Oh no Bella. You’ve got Emmett’s sense of humour.” He said then smirked at me and Emmett. Emmett narrowed his eyes and scoffed. I let my hand go back to normal and lowered it.

“Ok, that’s enough IZZY. I need to clean my arm now. This absolutely stinks. Jazzy, start her ‘agent training’ while I get supplies.” He said as he turned to leave. I looked at Jasper and grinned.

“Izzy?” He asked disbelievingly. I laughed and shrugged.

“It was all I could think of. I didn’t wanna be normal ‘Bells’.” I said walking over to him. He rolled his eyes.

“So you really wanna learn ‘agent’ stuff? We don’t actually know a great deal at all, we only know a few rolls and stuff. But we do have some walkie talkies that we could use, and we could set up a ‘mission’?” I grinned and nodded eagerly.

“That’s a great idea agent Jazzy, and we could actually dress up like agents and the mission thing would be really cool. I always loved spies and stuff when I was a little kid, and always wanted to do a secret mission.” I said excitedly. Jasper laughed and shook his head.

“Ok then Bell-“

“It’s Cullen. Izzy Cullen.” I said in a serious voice. Jasper laughed really loud and threw his arm over my shoulder.

“You really are weird Izzy. If we wrote down just a few of your accidents and stuff that you’ve done, we’d have a number one book on our hands.” He said with a cheesy grin.


“DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT JASPER.” I said glaring at him. He sighed in mock sadness and chuckled. Emmett walked in, took one look at my face and burst out laughing. I looked at him in confusion and then looked at Jasper questioningly but he just grinned and looked pointedly at Emmett.

“Emmett, what on earth is so funny about me?” I asked angrily. He looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

“Hmm ok funny things about you. You’re in love with a vampire, you are friends with a wolf, you fall over particles of air, you-” I felt a twinge of the pain from before at the mention of Jake, but I felt calm replace it as soon as I realised I was even feeling pain. I smiled thankfully at Jasper and he nodded slightly.

“EMMETT. I meant now.”

“It’s just so very funny when you try to be ‘angry’. You look like…Edward describes you as a kitten trying to look like a tiger, but even that is scarier. You are more like a bunny rabbit trying to attack a wall. It’s so cute and completely pointless.” He and Jasper snickered and I sighed and rolled my eyes, knowing that it would do no good trying to be angry again.

“Just you wait until I’m not a puny little human.”

“Aha! So you admit you are puny and little!” Emmett said which made him and Jasper laugh even more.

I went and sat down. Jasper and Emmett were still stood chuckling, and would probably stay there all day if I didn’t say something.

“So agent Jazzy and agent M&M, what are we doing?” All of a sudden, they were sat down with me.

“Well we need agent clothes, gadgets and a mission. You can’t be an agent without some top secret mission. Ah, and we definitely need some theme music. Maybe like the pink panther theme tune or something.” Jasper raised his eyebrows and shook his head.

“Pink panther theme tune? Really? I don’t think so. But we do need clothes, gadgets and a ‘mission’. Bell-I mean Izzy, can you go an ask Esme for a mission while we get the stuff? She should be in the garden.” I grinned and nodded.

I loved my new name. I couldn’t believe we were actually going to do this. It only started of as a joke, but the two biggest kids in the world decided to actually do it. I was just excited to be a part of it with my soon-to-be big brothers. They both looked at me and waited.


“Duh! When did you think we meant? Next week?” They both shooed me away and I went in search of Esme. I really hoped she would have an idea on what to tell us. She already seemed like a mother to me, and she already did to Emmett and Jasper, so she should understand their childlike games. This ‘mission’ would be really fun. I’m just wondering how far they will actually take this…