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Forget Me Not

Summary:
The Cullens have left Forks, leaving Bella broken hearted and alone until a near-fatal car accident temporarily erases her memories. What happens when the one person she finds comfort with happens to be the brother of the man she can't remember? Will she regain her memories of Edward or will she find a new love with Jasper?


Notes:
This story starts around the beginning of New Moon. Rated NR-17. B/E and B/J. DISCLAIMER: All characters are the sole property of Stephanie Meyers but the story is my own.


11. A Loss of Innocence

Rating 3.5/5   Word Count 2559   Review this Chapter

Bella’s POV

It had been a long and emotionally draining day. My conversation with Edward was a lot harder than I had originally anticipated. Jasper had done well to prepare me to face my past but, I hadn’t expected the desperation and utter despair that Edward displayed.

When I got home, Charlie hassled me about wearing another one of Jasper’s shirts. Apparently it was a warning sign that my virginity was in danger. I did, however, manage to escape another lecture on the responsibilities of safe sex. After a quick, hot shower, I got ready for bed. Well, that is what I wanted Charlie to believe. I turned off the light and paced the floor, waiting for Jasper to arrive. Expectations weighed heavily on my mind, threatening to crush the little self-confidence I had. Being a virgin, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Renee had given me the ‘birds and bees’ talk a few years ago but it was in no way a preparation for losing my virginity. Sure, I knew how babies were made but the step by step details on the actual activity of creating life was something I was clueless about. Even if she had taken the time to explain everything to me in detail which, thank God, she didn’t…it probably wouldn’t be accurate in this situation. It’s not like they educate humans on how to have safe sex with a vampire. Despite my fears of losing my virginity, I was relieved that Jasper and I were now free to take our relationship to the next level.

It was getting late and I was starting to get the impression that Jasper wasn’t coming. It wouldn’t be a complete surprise if he did stand me up. Judging by Edward’s behavior towards me, I had a hard time believing that Jasper would be able to leave without Edward trying to stop him…especially if he knew what we were planning to do. I paced the floor faster, completely oblivious to my audience.

“That can’t be good for the floor,” Jasper laughed, sitting perched on the windowsill. I spun around feeling my knees buckle as he stared at me with lust-filled eyes.

“I almost gave up on you,” I stammered, feeling the awkwardness as he moved closer to me.

“Never give up on me,” he whispered, running his fingers through my hair. His lips hovered close to mine as he stared deep into my nervous eyes. I was paralyzed, unsure of what to do. Was I supposed to kiss him or wait for him to initiate it? What if he already initiated it and I missed the signal? I felt nauseous.

“What’s wrong, Darlin’?”

“I…don’t know what to do.”

“All you have to do is trust yourself and give in to your desires,” he said, placing his hands on my hips. My heart raced when he pressed his cool lips gently into mine, sparking a flame deep within my body. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back as he trailed kisses from my lips down to my collarbone. My hands rested limply on his forearms as his kisses became more intense, more passionate. He grasped the hem of my shirt, coaxing my arms up while he lifted it over my head. I quickly crossed my arms over my chest, trying in desperation to cover my exposed breasts. Jasper rubbed my arms reassuringly before gently pulling them away from my body. His fingers explored my bare flesh, leaving trails of heat behind his touch. My fear was all but forgotten and I found myself unbuttoning his shirt. I managed to unfasten the top half before he froze. The neck of his shirt fell open, revealing the mass of feathered scars on his chest. Tears rolled down my cheeks when I brushed my fingers over the protruding marks, trying to imagine the torture he must have endured while receiving the wounds. Sadness filled his eyes as he grasped my wrists and stepped back. He turned away from me, grasping the wooden frame of the window as he stared mindlessly out into the night.

“Jasper, what happened?” I asked, choking on my tears.

“Do you remember how you got your scar?” he sighed, lowering his head.

“James bit me.”

“Imagine what you experienced multiplied by a thousand and you will have a slight understanding of what I went through. Someday I will tell you my story but, for now, just know that they are the battle wounds from a life that I wish to forget.” The wood beneath his fingers cracked under the pressure of his tense hands. I wanted to take his pain away but I knew that, as long as he carried the scars, he would never be able to completely forget his past. My one scar looked like a scratch compared to the hundreds of scars that covered his torso. It broke my heart to imagine the excruciating pain he had felt with each viscous bite. I stepped closer towards him, taking caution as I reached my hand out and rested it on his back. His muscles tensed beneath my fingers.

“Jasper, I am so sorry.” I pulled my hand away, afraid that my touch was causing him pain.

“I’ll understand if you have changed your mind, Bella.”

I stepped around him, ducking underneath his outstretched arms to stand face to face with him. He stared desperately into my eyes, searching for some kind of hope. He flinched when I reached for his shirt to unfasten the remaining buttons. Once the last button was released, I pushed the stiff fabric off of his shoulders. He turned his head to the side in disgust of his body. I noticed a unique scar on his throat. It was thicker than the others and glistened brighter than the rest. I could tell by the rough edges that this wasn’t just a bite mark. Whoever gave this scar had tried to gnaw through his jugular. I placed my hand on his cheek, urging him to look at me.

“Jasper, I want to be with you. Nothing will ever change that,” I insisted. He lowered his hands onto my shoulders and rested his forehead against mine.

“It’s too late for me. You are my eternity now, Bella. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you but, I don’t expect you to feel the same for me. I don’t want sympathy to be the reason you stay…you are free to run away,” he whispered.

“I’m not running.” I pulled his hand over my heart. “It beats for you, Jasper.” He placed his free hand on my lower back and pulled me close.

“I love you,” his voice shook.

“I love you too…forever.”

He kept his hand over my heart for another few moments and then slid it behind my back. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me into his arms and carried me to my bed. He eased me down into the plush comforter and kneeled over me. I watched anxiously as he pulled his arms free from the restraints of his shirt before tossing it onto the floor. The scars on his body faded from my mind as I admired his muscular chest. His perfection was intimidating in comparison to my flawed features.

I took a deep breath as he removed my pajama bottoms, exposing my unprotected innocence. He stared down at me briefly before removing his jeans, producing even more scarred flesh. His disgust for the marks was gone and I could see the confidence shine through his eyes. He eased his hands over my legs, exploring every inch of my body with his fingertips. My body trembled as he positioned himself over me and gently pressed his icy lips against my collarbone, trailing kisses down to the peaks of my breasts. I sucked in a wild breath when he flicked his tongue over my strained nipple while cupping my breasts in his hands. A flood of lust surged through my body with each stroke of his tongue. My mind swirled as he slid one of his hands down my stomach, resting his cool fingers on my blazing virginity. He gently rubbed the tips of his fingers in a circular motion over my core as he moved his mouth up to my neck. The chill of his skin neutralized the burning heat within my body, subduing the fear that I was going to be reduced to a pile of ash as a result of the fire that blazed beneath my flesh.

He slid his hand away from my core and leaned back on his knees. With gentle persuasion, he pushed my legs apart. His golden eyes darkened as he stared down at my moist center, grinning devilishly at the response by body had to his touch. He lowered his head, his mouth hovering above my unclaimed virginity. My body tensed beneath his breath.

“Trust me,” he whispered, taking notice of my nervous stance.

I nodded my head and closed my eyes, willing my muscles to loosen. He brushed his tongue over my core, moaning with satisfaction each time my body reacted. The sensation was intense as the pressure built rapidly between my legs.

“Oh God, Jasper!” I gasped as my back involuntarily arched forward. I thrust my head back while my body quaked beneath his mouth. He didn’t stop at my climax. It was pleasurable torture as he stroked my sex more rapidly with his tongue. I couldn’t take it anymore. I pulled away, desperate to catch my breath. He gazed up at me with an overwhelming sense of pride.

“How was that, Darlin’?” he asked

“Amazing!”

“It only gets better from here,” he smirked, waiting patiently for me to catch my breath.

“There’s more?”

“That was just the beginning,” he chuckled softly.

“It can’t possibly get better than that.”

“Trust me, it gets a lot better but…” his voice faded.

“But what?” I sat up, searching his eyes. He was hesitant to finish his train of thought.

“Bella, it is going to hurt briefly and…you may bleed a little.” He looked away in shame and I suddenly understood his concern without further explanation. I climbed off the bed, grabbing the pillow and blanket and moved over to the window. Jasper watched in silence, tilting his head with curiosity. I spread the blanket over the floor and set the pillow down. The window was still open, allowing the night breeze to drift through my room. I turned to Jasper and raised an eyebrow, waiting for his approval. He shook his head with a smile as he joined me by the window.

“I love you, Darlin’,” he sighed, twining his fingers through my hair.

“Jasper…”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t ever leave me.”

“I’ll never leave you, Darlin’.” He lifted me into his arms and moved down to our makeshift bed. I ran my fingers through his hair as he explored my body with his icy lips. Once again, he coaxed my legs open but paused. He glanced up at me, waiting for my acknowledgement of what was about to happen.

“I love you, Jasper.” I held my breath and closed my eyes. He ran his hands down my legs and gently wrapped his fingers around my hips. With a single thrust, he buried himself in my dripping center. A sharp pain shot through my body, forcing my eyes open. I grit my teeth in agony as he pulled me into his arms, cradling me until the pain subsided. I could feel the muscles in his body tense as a warm fluid trickled down my inner thigh. I didn’t have to look, I knew I was bleeding. He closed his eyes as his breathing became rapid and pained.

“Jasper, look at me,” I pleaded. His eyes flashed open, betraying his hunger. Flecks of black swirled through his golden irises, like a storm devouring the sun. He was struggling through his battle for self-control – teetering on defeat.

I eased my hands up to his face, keeping my eyes fixed on his. He grabbed one of my wrists and held me closer, trembling uncontrollably as his hunger increased. His powerful grip sent a shooting pain through my arm and I realized that he was slowly breaking my wrist. I focused my mind on every ounce of love and devotion that I felt for him, hoping it would be enough of a distraction to take his mind off of his thirst for my blood. He released his iron-clad grip on my sore wrist and gazed at me in shock.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his mouth dropping open.

“Showing you how much I love you,” I panted.

The blackness slowly faded from his eyes as he stared at me in amazement. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. A powerful wave of love and desire shot through me, nearly stealing my breath.

“Thought I would return the favor,” he said, setting his gaze back on me.

The blood flow stopped and my pain was gone. Jasper pulled my legs around his waist and rolled onto his back, positioning me on his lap while maintaining the connection of our bodies. I pressed my hands against his chest and slowly rocked back and forth. He grabbed my hips, guiding my rhythm to match his as he bucked into me. Sweat trickled down my body, despite the coolness of his touch. His moans enticed me to push harder and rock faster. The increasing swell of his manhood strained against the tightness of my lost virginity, producing a whole new sensation of pleasure I had never experienced before. He allowed me to be in control for a little longer before pulling me into his chest and, with a swift movement, rolling me onto my back. Each of his thrusts became more desperate as he plunged deeper into my core. I curled my arms over the back of his shoulders, bucking my hips up to meet each thrust. He grabbed my waist and frantically pulled me onto his lap, never breaking his rhythm.

“Soar with me, Bella.” he moaned against my ear.

My body obeyed his request, quivering as I climbed to the peak of my climax. I started to scream and was grateful when Jasper brought his mouth crashing down passionately over mine, muffling my cries of ecstasy. Our bodies quaked in unison as we drifted down from the towering height of our shared release. He nuzzled his face in my neck and held me as tight as he could without hurting me. Tears crept down my face despite me effort to hold them in. Jasper quickly pulled back and stared at me with concern.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked fearfully.

“No,” I lied. He had hurt my wrist but that wasn’t the cause of my tears.

“Then why are you crying, Darlin’?”

“I didn’t know it was possible to love you more than I already do.”

He laughed with relief as he eased me down onto the bedding and stretched out beside me. I curled up in his arms, resting my head in the crevice of his shoulder. Exhaustion swept over me, forcing my heavy eyes closed.

“Bella,” Jasper whispered, drawing tiny circles over my back with his fingers.

“Hmm?”

He hesitated and then sighed, “Sweet dreams, Darlin’.”