Oppressed by Love
Leah and Jacob have survived as a pack for six painful years. As the vampire spawn discovers boys, Sam and Emily expect their first little monster progeny, and Leah's sarcasm reaches new levels of acidity, they must overcome that much more simply to retain their combined sanity. Told through Leah's swearing, violent, and somewhat depraved mind, a tale of two werewolves being opressed by love. This beautiful, spontaneous banner was made by the UTTERLY AWESOME JokesOnJane, who made me the happiest person alive by, without warning, creating and giving it to me. :)
So this is a story I came up with after reading about Leah in Breaking Dawn. Although I hated the book, I did enjoy the Jacob and Leah parts. If you are thoroughly attached to Bella, Edward, and their bouncing baby spawn, you will probably flame me for this. However, I'd like to think that underneath all the darkness and sarcasm, there are some genuinely funny parts in this. So give it a chance - and please review if you love OR hate it! Banner made by JokesOnJane, who is simply a wonderful human being and did it without even being asked.
2. I Hope You Fall In a Pit and Get Eaten by Venomous Baboons
Rating 5/5 Word Count 3850 Review this Chapter
I Hope You Fall in a Pit and Get Eaten by Venomous Baboons
Leah’s worst nightmare consisted of Sam, Emily, a white dress, and a whole crowd of people watching her. Luckily for her, she’d already experienced it once. In a rather spiteful twist of fate, she’d get to do it again.
For a fucking baby shower.
Sue Clearwater had fixed up her house for the event, claiming that as Emily’s Aunt it was her divine right to throw a party to celebrate werewolf procreation. Leah had hid in her room all day, pointedly ignoring her mother’s demands to help with the decorating. Leah didn’t want to see all the blue balloons, (it was a boy), or the streamers, or the wolf-decorated wrapping paper. She wanted to blast her music, blow out her eardrums, and die slowly on the hardwood floor.
But eventually she had to emerge. She was a werewolf, and her body required round-the-clock sustenance. It didn’t do well with even a few hours without something to digest.
The party was in full swing by the time she finally gave up her battle against starvation. Leah glanced down at her ratty jean shorts and navy blue t-shirt, and then shrugged. Who cared what she looked like? She was just the pathetic ex-girlfriend moping in her bedroom that her cousin was pregnant. Nobody cared what she looked like.
She slid into the crowded living room, and then stopped still. Since when were boys invited to baby showers?
Leah had absolutely no experience with babies, except for the annoying arrival of her darling brother, but from what she knew baby showers were sort of a girl thing. No boys allowed. Save the unborn monster fetus from as many cooties as possible.
Yet every werewolf in La Push – all of which were male – were packed into her tiny living room. The wolves and their imprints, all cozied up and watching as Emily, wearing a white maternity dress, helped Sam tear wrapping paper off a ridiculously oversized gift.
She rolled her eyes and edged around the room, avoiding everyone’s eyes. Only a
few people noticed her. All eyes were attracted towards Emily’s nauseatingly glowing face and Sam’s proud smile. Leah felt the familiar jerk of pain somewhere deep in her stomach.
Or maybe that was hunger.
Either way, relief would be found in the kitchen. She hurried to slip inside the tiny room, and then ripped open the refrigerator. Leftover spaghetti. Yum.
Like a true werewolf she shoveled it down her throat directly from the tupperware. Her Mom would be pissed. She used to like to say Leah was ‘civilized.’ Now she preferred the term ‘ feral.’
Peals of laughter rang from the living room. Something funny had happened. Maybe Sam and Emily were planning their future careers as a double comedian act. Sam would act like . . . well, himself. His pompous arrogance made Leah laugh at him all the time. And Emily could imitate Bella Cullen pretty damn well – that would make everyone burst in hysterical cackles.
Leah grabbed an apple off the counter and slipped back through the doorway.
Again, a few people noticed her. Sympathetic smiles sprung onto their previously happy faces. She ignored them and made it almost all the way to the door . . . and then Claire screeched.
Okay, so the kid was cute. That didn’t mean Leah couldn’t rip her face off, right?
“Leah! Leah!” Claire ran away from Quil, and wrapped herself around Leah’s legs, “I missed you! I haven’t seen you since my birthday! I’m seven now!”
“I know, I was there silly,” Leah put on a painful smile and patted Claire’s head. The entire room had turned to look at her.
“Quil says you weren’t here because you’re mad at uncle Sam,” Claire announced solemnly, “but I told him you’d show up because you live here! And I was right!”
Leah shot a glare-of-immediate-incineration at Quil. He winced.
“I’m in second grade now!” Claire continued happily, “Emmy says I’m the smartest little girl in my class. Did you know that?”
Of course she didn’t. She didn’t talk to Emily. She avoided Quil because he was connected to Sam and Emily. She did all she could to avoid situations like this.
“And Sam said I could help with the baby,” she rambled on cheerfully, “I’m gonna be its sister! Big sister Claire. Like I have big brother Quil, Harry will have big sister Claire!”
“Cute,” Leah mumbled. Where was the nearest escape exit?
“What present did you get for Sam and Emily and my little brother Harry?” Claire asked eagerly.
Leah didn’t have a present. She didn’t want to deluge the happy couple and their unborn kid with pointless crap that they’d never actually . . .
Wait, little brotherHarry? Harry?
She let her eyes go blank.
Oh fuck no.
Leah turned and stared directly at Sam and Emily. The room was quiet, expectant. She raised an eyebrow, “Harry, huh? Wasn’t that my Dad’s name?”
Emily looked petrified. Sam shifted uncomfortably, “We, uh, wanted to honor him. Emily was really close to him, as was I, and we just think he deserves to be remembered . . .”
It took all of Leah’s self control not to phase on the spot and gouge out Sam’s vital organs. She took a deep shuddering breath, then turned furiously and left the house through her front door.
“Leah?” Claire asked fearfully. The door slammed shut.
And Leah was off.
Harry. Harry. Harry.
Her heartbeat, breathing, lunges – all of it fell into the same beat. Her father’s name. Two syllables. The person she was the closest to. The one person who’d understood her. Gone.
And recreated by Sam and Emily.
Leah had understood years ago that Sam and Emily only existed on this planet to ruin her life. The second she had given Sam her heart she had become vulnerable, and he had maniacally twisted and picked at the opening, taking every possible advantage, destroying her. Then Emily skipped along and had joined in on the fun. They had gotten married and shacked up while merrily drilling Leah’s heart to pieces.
Here was just another blow. They were going to tarnish her brilliant, wonderful father’s name by bestowing it on their offspring. Her father had been furious with Sam when he had imprinted. He had been furious with Emily for being the imprint-ee. He had been on Leah’s side. What dimension were they in to think he would like being the namesake of their grotesque fetus?
Screw them. Leah hoped Sam would fall in a pit and get eaten by venomous baboons.
She streaked through the forest, a gray blur. The speed was exhilarating, but she was too busy agonizing and seething and hating her ex boyfriend to notice.
But she did notice when Jacob’s thoughts suddenly entered her head. Their little pack of two was all wolves now.
Leah, come on. Slow down. Let me catch up.
She didn’t answer. She didn’t want to. She kept her mind blank and kept running.
Emily’s upset. She thinks you’re going to go all AWOL like I did.
Good. Let Emily be overrun with guilt. Maybe it would fester and turn into some type of actual disease.
That’s not very nice.
She snarled, Shut up! Phase back – I want to be alone.
Not going to happen. Besides, I have nothing better to do. The shower was getting boring, and I’m banned from Nessie, so . . .
Well that just makes me feel great, she spat in her mind, since this is just you being bored, why don’t you fuck off? I don’t want to talk to you anyways.
Jacob was completely unaffected by her hostility. He ran faster. She could feel him catching up, so she sped up until she was a healthy distance away from him.
He groaned, Leah, come on. I can help.
Not in the mood for a heart-to-heart Jake. I’m in the mood to go kill something, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find a family of cute forest animals to massacre.
He snorted, Yeah right. You do have a heart, no matter how hard you try to hide it.
She moved so quickly that the forest turned into a gray-green blur. Immediate details were sharp, and her reflexes were good, but it was nearly terrifying how fast she was going. She veered east and tried to ignore Jacob hollering in her head.
. . . Slow down, slow down, slow down! I need to talk to you! It isn’t nearly as bad as it seems – honestly. Just let me explain, okay? Its going to be fixed!
Leave me alone! She finally snapped. And in the same instant, she phased back to being human.
The quiet in her head was instantaneous, and gratifying. She sighed, and pulled on her t-shirt and shorts. She was glad she’d been able to hang on long enough outside her house to fix her clothes situation. Nakedness was not something she was comfortable with, especially with a sexually deprived Alpha being the only other member of her pack.
She took note of her surroundings, and then plopped down in front of a huge, ancient mossy tree. She leaned backwards against it and stared at the tiny clearing she had managed to find herself in. It was nothing special – just a small treeless spot in the middle of scenic nowhere.
The clouds swelled overhead, but did not burst. She rolled her shoulders back, closed her eyes, and tried as hard as she could to forget the worst nightmare she had just endured.
It was useless. No matter what her mind was drawn back to the stupid shower, Claire’s obliviousness, Sam and Emily’s delight and distress. Maybe she was a masochist. Her brain only ever envisaged things that made her heart wither and her stomach clench.
Or maybe some higher being just got a kick out her pain. Oh – you’re lucky enough to have a deceased father, an MIA true love, and an angelic cousin who used to practically be your sister? How about we make your cousin and lover become soul mates, and parade your dead father in front of you at every opportune moment! And just for the hell of it – we’ll make you an absolutely acidic, harpy-like bitch so that no one else will ever love you! Ha ha HA!
Yep. Fate definitely enjoyed fucking with her.
Or maybe she brought it upon herself. Maybe she was naturally a bitter tyrant, and this was karma’s way of coming full circle. Here Leah – have a heaping dish full of what you deserve. Bon fucking appetite.
Jacob had it exactly right. Life sucks, and then you die.
It felt like hours later, though in reality it was probably only a few minutes, when Jacob trotted into the clearing in wolf form, his nose to the ground. He looked up, saw her, and his wolfy faced relaxed in relief.
She gave him the finger. He moved behind some bushes, phased back, and emerged with a tatty pair of cut off sweats on.
“Geez Leah! What the hell were you thinking? When you’re human I can’t find you!”
“That’s the point,” she growled. Her voice was weak and tired, she could feel her show crumbling.
“Yeah, but maybe I can help,” he plopped down in front of her, “you didn’t get the whole story. Will you listen?”
She glared at him pointedly. He raised his hands in defense, “Give me five minutes! I swear.”
Leah only hesitated for a fraction of a second, but that was all it took. Jacob was running his mouth.
“Listen, Sam and Emily are wrong. They think the universe revolves around them, and as a part of that they thought your father was proud of them. Attached. So the think they have the right to use his name on their firstborn.”
I hate them, Leah thought ferociously.
“Everybody else knows they’re wrong,” Jake continued, “your dad was on your side, but Sam and Emily can’t realize that. And they thought if they remembered your dad in such a kind way, then you might forgive them.”
She barked a short, bitter laugh. Jacob smiled wearily, “I know, right? Anyways, Sue is going to have a talk to them about it. She says its too soon, and it would be outrageously cruel to you. They’re going to be forced to consider other names.”
“They better,” Leah growled, “they have no right to use my Dad’s name for their fucking spawn. It would be worse than the travesty of your imprint’s naming. Are they really so delusional as to think my father was proud of them?”
Jacob shrugged, “Emily, not so much. She’s worried about you. Of course that just pisses Sam off because he doesn’t think she should worry about anything while pregnant.”
Ah. So the sadistic ex was now going to stop everyone from worrying about her. Great.
“Sam asked if I could tell you that he apologizes for any misunderstanding,” Jacob continued dryly, “and that he wishes you would be a part of this child’s life, as an Aunt.”
“Fuck no,” Leah interrupted.
“That’s what I said,” Jacob chuckled, “and then I phased. But he does want to talk to you about this – he thinks you need to ‘sort things out.”
“What is there to sort out?” Leah sighed, “Its been what – seven years? I just hate being constantly reminded of them. And their little cubs. The fact that they’re sullying my father’s memory doesn’t help much.”
“We know,” he smiled reassuringly, “most everyone in there was on your side. The name announcement hadn’t really been made yet. Then you left, and everyone just started yelling at once. Kind of funny, actually.”
Leah could imagine it. Sam and Emily, cowering, while much-deserved abuse rained down on their heads.
“Point is, you have every right to be pissed, but its going to get worked out. They’ll be pressured out of it. And you can go on avoiding them, and remembering Harry in peace.”
Leah considered this. Then she groaned, “I can’t go back to my house now, can I?”
“Give it a few hours,” Jake wrinkled his nose, “its probably turning into a council meeting at this point. Its all werewolves, or people in the know.”
Her stomach growled. Jacob grinned, “I’m hungry too.”
She stayed on the ground, looking at him wearily. “You promise that they won’t name the stupid mutt Harry?”
He smiled, “They’re getting so much crap about it, I’d say that’s a definite no. Sue might have an aneurysm.”
And I might become a mass-murder, Leah added mentally. She nodded, “Fine. Lets go get food.”
“Gary’s? I’ve got five bucks,” he waved the money in front of her face.
She imagined the dinky little sandwich shop by the beach, far away from her house. It would be busy, but it would be better than returning to the baby shower from hell. She shrugged, “Fine.”
Jacob beamed. No matter how old he may appear, he’d always have all the emotional maturity of a twelve year old.
They phased back to human forms behind the trees next to the beach. When they strolled out – clothes dirty, hair rumpled, Jacob shirtless – people stared. Leah didn’t blame them. If she saw a couple of teenagers stumble out of the woods like that, she’d assume they were exchanging bodily fluids too.
Leah went to sit on the beach while Jacob got the sandwiches. He returned bearing two huge subs, four bags of chips, and two sodas. Leah raised an eyebrow, “Five bucks?”
Jake shrugged shamelessly, “I chatted up the cashier girl.”
They ate silently, companionably. They were comfortable with each other. Five years of being a single pack had grown on them.
Leah remembered when she had first left Sam’s pack. It was like life was suddenly worth living again. Even though Jacob was first an angst-ridden wreck, then a slobbering love-struck fool, even though Seth agreed to return to Sam’s pack after a few months, even though she hated the stupid vampires, it was still better than being around Sam constantly.
She and Jacob had struggled and fought for the first two years. They were too similar – both proud, strong, and competitive – and they rubbed each other raw. Fortunately they also understood each other at a deeper level, and the antagonism eventually faded to good natured ribbing. Sure Leah was a bitch and Jake was a punk, but they were okay with it. They worked.
Now, it was easy being around Jacob as it was being around Seth.
Jacob took a loud slurp from his soda, and then chuckled quietly at something funny in his head. Leah ignored him, although she idly thought that it was nice hearing him laugh even when his vampire lover had told him to fuck off.
Speaking of, it had been three days and he wasn’t nearly as miserable as she’d expected.
“Hey, Jake. I just realized – its been three days without your daily dose of lochness. Why haven’t you turned into a puddle of useless goo yet?”
The grin slipped off his face. Oops. He looked at her sideways, “I’ve been trying not to think about it, actually.”
He watched the family next to them frolic in the sand. He sighed heavily, “I really miss her. A lot. I’m going to call Edward tonight and get an update, just so I don’t go crazy.”
“Won’t he be pissed if you call?”
Jacob shrugged uneasily, “As long as Nessie doesn’t pick up, I don’t think it’ll be a problem.”
“Maybe the line will be busy because she’s on the fourth hour of a teenage chatfest with some stupid jock from Forks High School,” Leah said absentmindedly.
He sucked in a ragged breath. She glanced at him, “Oops - that was harsh, wasn’t it?”
“Just imagining her around those stupid hormonal boys . . .” he shuddered, “she’s way too good for them.”
“And you’re not a stupid hormonal boy?”
“I like to think I have Nessie’s best interests at heart,” Jacob snapped.
She grinned, “I like to think you’re feelings for her are purely platonic.”
“They are!” he insisted, “I mean – ugh. Its Nessie! She’s way too young for any of that.”
He collapsed his head into his hands, “Can this conversation be over?”
“No,” she felt herself grinning. Annoying Jacob always put her in a good mood, “but anyways – you shouldn’t call. It sounds like the vampires will castrate you if you don’t give the spawn her month of sexual freedom.”
Jacob looked confused and irritated at the mention of ‘sexual freedom.’ “How the hell am I supposed to know if she’s okay or not if I don’t call?”
“I don’t know or care,” she shrugged, “but if you’d like to be able to procreate later on in life, you might want to seriously stay quiet for a month. The leeches sound pretty damn adamant about this.”
“They are,” he muttered dejectedly.
“So just leave them alone,” she stole one of his chips, “maybe they’ll send you a postcard or something. ‘Greetings from scenic Forks – where the leech baby’s screwing anything that moves!’”
He groaned, “Stop it!”
As if she would pass up this opportunity. She had so much material on the leech progeny it made her giddy.
“Wait!” he suddenly sat up straighter, “I know how I can stay sane over the next month!”
“Indulge in a harem?”
“I can -”
“Hire James Bond to stalk the leeches?”
“Ask you to -”
“Find you a gay heartbreak support group?”
“Go over and see how she’s doing!”
Leah stared at him. A couple beats passed.
“It would be perfect!” he jumped up and started pacing, “you’re my beta, you can protect yourself, and you’d be able to bring me back information. All you’d have to do is go over and say I need a Nessie update, and they’d understand!”
“Are you fucking serious?”
“They said I couldn’t see or speak to Nessie, but you’re allowed to! They couldn’t deny me this one thing – could they?”
“Are you mentally stable?”
He beamed, “Leah – you have to do this for me! Just tell Edward or Bella that I’m dying, and they’ll tell you, and you can tell me, and I won’t go insane!”
“You already are insane,” Leah snapped, “I am not going to the crypt, I am not speaking to the prepubescent leech or whiny leech, and I sure as hell am not going to speak to the bloodsucking lochness monster!”
Jacob sat directly in front of her, and stared straight into her eyes, “Leah, please. You have to do this for me. You’re the only one I know can go there and be safe. And the only one who understands why I need this information so bad.”
“Not a chance.”
“Leah,” he grew more serious still, “you have to do this for me.”
And so commenced an epic debate.
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