Oppressed by Love
Leah and Jacob have survived as a pack for six painful years. As the vampire spawn discovers boys, Sam and Emily expect their first little monster progeny, and Leah's sarcasm reaches new levels of acidity, they must overcome that much more simply to retain their combined sanity. Told through Leah's swearing, violent, and somewhat depraved mind, a tale of two werewolves being opressed by love. This beautiful, spontaneous banner was made by the UTTERLY AWESOME JokesOnJane, who made me the happiest person alive by, without warning, creating and giving it to me. :)
So this is a story I came up with after reading about Leah in Breaking Dawn. Although I hated the book, I did enjoy the Jacob and Leah parts. If you are thoroughly attached to Bella, Edward, and their bouncing baby spawn, you will probably flame me for this. However, I'd like to think that underneath all the darkness and sarcasm, there are some genuinely funny parts in this. So give it a chance - and please review if you love OR hate it! Banner made by JokesOnJane, who is simply a wonderful human being and did it without even being asked.
4. South America
Rating 5/5 Word Count 2235 Review this Chapter
“They’re seriously going to South America?” Jacob exclaimed for the ten billionth time, “South America?”
“Yes Jacob, South America,” Leah replied, a notable ‘duh’ tone in her voice. She lay across his couch, watching him frantically pace his tiny living room.
“Do you want me to break your nose again?”
Jacob shot her a look, but reached up to hold his nose anyways. She had arrived at his house in a black out rage, broke his nose in greeting, and then kicked him where no man should ever be kicked. A rather violent arrival. Of course he had healed in a matter of ten seconds, but the dried blood stained down his shirt supplied them both with a constant, satisfying reminder of the incident.
“Its just,” Jacob ran his hand through his hair, bewildered, “they’re taking Nessie to a different continent and they didn’t think to tell me? Or invite me?”
“Actually, I was under the impression that the spawn was taking them down to South America. She probably wants to see Sex Island. Maybe even bring a few varsity football players with her.”
Jacob had told Leah what he knew about Isle Esme, and its uses, and ever since Leah had referred to it as ‘Sex Island.’
Jacob paled visibly at the mention of his imprint and Sex Island in the same sentence. “No way. She’s only like, thirteen. That’s disgusting.”
“Sixteen, according to Edward,” Leah corrected cheerfully.
“Not helping,” he snapped.
She rolled over onto her stomach. Her shoulder-length dark hair got into her face, so she swept it over her other shoulder and looked at him pointedly, “What are you going to do about it? And don’t you dare say I should tag along – I’m never going near the leeches ever again.”
“Fine by me. Do you think they’d get a restraining order if I booked a ticket to South America on the same flight?”
“With what money? You’re a jobless, uneducated, broke werewolf. You live off of your six year old girlfriend.”
“Again, not helping.”
Leah shrugged, “I’m merely pointing out the obvious.”
“Well . . .” he trailed off, and then snapped his head up excitedly, “what if I phased now and ran there? I could be there by Friday. That’s what, three days from now? I could do it!”
“You don’t even know where they’re going,” Leah yawned.
“I could look up the current flights to South America, and see what flight they’re taking! They put passenger lists online, right?”
“What if I called one of them and asked? Do you think they’d get a restraining order then?”
Jacob frowned, “How can I find out where they’ll be in South America?”
Leah rolled her eyes, “I have a revolutionary idea. What if you stay home, give Lochness her four weeks of sexual autonomy, and try to keep your mind off of it?”
He gaped. Obviously the thought of not stalking the spawn to South America hadn’t occurred to him.
“She doesn’t want you right now Jacob,” Leah braided a few strands of hair, “leave her alone. She’ll come back and probably ask you to marry her, or something equally revolting and predictable.”
“Or she’ll come back a non-virgin, used, sex addict!” Jacob buried his head in his hands, “what am I going to do?”
“Quit wallowing,” she ordered, “go do something productive. Look – your kitchen looks like hell. Go clean it.”
The kitchen did look like hell. Jacob’s sister, Rachel, had moved in with Paul a few months ago after the engagement party. The kitchen was stacked with dirty dishes, encrusted with strange colored, rotting food, that neither Billy or Jacob had bothered to clean since Rachel’s departure. It made Leah want to smack them both upside the head and inject another x chromosome into their brains.
“What if she comes back and decides she never wants me around?” Jacob asked despairingly, “I’ll never know whether she’s safe or not! I’ll go crazy! And she won’t care, because she got sick of me.”
“Do you act like a neurotic nanny around her too? Cause I swear, if you show this side of you to her she’ll never speak to you again. The spawn will permanently move on.”
He sank unsteadily to the floor, not hearing a word she said, “I can’t handle this. I have to be with her. Or around her. I’m going to fall apart.”
“I thought imprinters would do anything for their lady loves,” Leah snorted sardonically, “including leaving them alone when the asked.”
“But for all of eternity?” he gazed hopelessly at her, “Leah, I’m connected to Nessie. We’re permanently bonded. She’s my reason for existing! Its been what, four, five days without her and I’m already losing my mind? I have to always be near her.”
“Yep, definitely in need of a restraining order,” she muttered under her breath.
“I don’t care if she feels like she needs a boyfriend that’s more suitable for her right now, as long as ultimately we end up together. Is that really too much to ask? I don’t want Nessie romantically this second. I need Nessie to be around me this second. And eventually, we’ll be in the same space and be ready for each other . . .”
Leah tuned him out, not necessarily needing to hear about his eternal love for the lochness monster.
“ . . . I need to talk to Edward,” Jacob finished finally, leaping up with unrestrained vehemence, “I’ll tell him what’s going on. Tell him that all of eternity is simply too much, and it can’t be allowed!”
“Chill out,” Leah snapped, “no one has said anything about all of eternity yet. Its been five days. Let them go to South America, and while they’re gone you can go chat up the leeches left behind for information.”
He wavered, “Who’s being left behind?”
“The fortuneteller one and her mate,” Leah fondly remembered the soldier leech, rolling his eyes at whiny leech’s absurdity.
“Alice and Jasper?”
“I don’t know they’re names,” Leah sneered, “it’s the short girl who supposedly sees the future, and the torn up blonde one. Everyone else is skipping off to Sex Island.”
Jacob looked relieved, “I like Alice. She’ll tell me what’s going on, and if I should commit suicide now, or wait until the end of the month.”
He looked her dead on, “I’m being absolutely serious.”
She rolled her eyes. Imprinted people were so infuriatingly theatrical sometimes.
The three days before the Cullen family’s supposed departure to South America were hellish for Leah. Jacob, not content with rehashing every possible scenario of his murky romantic future to Billy, had taken to following her around, a constant stream of worry spewing from his mouth. At first she had put up with it. Then she got annoyed.
“Go away, Jacob!” she screeched as she stomped around her house, tearing down streamers from the baby shower.
He held up a finger, “Hold on a sec, I’m almost done with scenario number nineteen.”
“Ugh! You stupid, unreasonable, utterly illogical mutt!”
She crumpled up all the streamers and threw them in a perfect arc towards the trashcan. Then she set out for balloons, stabbing all of them with a pair of scissors in an almost vengeful fury.
Jacob invited himself over to dinner that night, much to the delight of everyone at Leah’s house. Seth was the proud sovereign of the Jacob Fan Club, Sue loved Jacob for his kindness to her children, Charlie had always liked him, and Seth’s new girlfriend – Amanda, or whatever – salivated over him because Seth did.
Fuck these people.
“Bella told me the Cullens were going to South America for a week or so, leaving tomorrow morning,” Charlie mumbled over spaghetti, “you’re going too, right Jake?”
He forced a painful smile on his face, “Nope, I’m sitting this one out. Plane tickets are expensive.”
And the Spawn ordered him to stay home, like a good dog.
“It sounds like a fun trip though,” Charlie mused, inadvertently kneading salt into the wounds, “I hear they’re making a stop in Argentina, and then their little private island down there. Nessie’s so excited.”
“I’ll bet she is,” Jake nodded; his smile entertainingly tight and strained.
Seth interrupted cheerfully, “Oh, Jake, Sam wanted me to tell you that he needs to meet with you soon. Some secret alpha stuff, maybe?” He waggled his eyebrows. Charlie flinched.
Leah rolled her eyes. Secret alpha stuff her ass. This was all about the imminent monster cub, and what its name would be.
“Thanks, Seth,” Jacob shoved an entire bread roll in his mouth.
Amanda, who seemed like a nauseatingly nice, sugary sweet, perpetually optimistic girl, opened her mouth, “Leah, are you going to college this year?”
Leah plastered a fake smile across her features, “No, I still don’t have enough funds. I’ll be working at that little coffee shop until I save enough.”
“I’m sure you’ll get enough money soon!” she beamed, “where would you go?”
Somewhere incredibly far away, abroad, where there are no werewolves, vampires, mutant spawn, or Sam and Emilys
“Somewhere in state,” Leah replied nonchalantly, “the pack needs me, you know, and its less expensive.”
Charlie cringed again at the word pack. He had adjusted well to the land of horrors, but hated being reminded of it. It amused Leah. His daughter and inlaws were all vampires, his granddaughter was the modern Lochness monster, and his best friends were predominantly werewolves, and yet he couldn’t stand hearing about it. How he had managed to stay happily oblivious for so long, Leah didn’t understand.
Amanda turned to Sue and Charlie, her eyes dancing with light, “Where did you two go to college?”
Leah tuned out the boring, useless reminiscing about when the old people were young, and instead scrutinized Amanda. Seth shot her a warning look, but she ignored him and stared intently at the girl. She still wasn’t sure Amanda deserved Seth.
But, then again, she practically was Seth in blonde, female form. Unendingly happy, eager, social, and utterly loveable. Another anti-Leah.
Amanda gushed, giggled, batted her blonde ringlets out of her face, and made Leah look like one of those dark, demonic wisps that always replace shadows in horror movies. It was like comparing Cinderella and the horrid dragon from Sleeping Beauty. Amanda blushed and never quit smiling; Leah sulked and shot excruciating rays of death out of her eyes whenever provoked.
Jacob cleared his throat, “Hey Charlie – when was the last time you saw Nessie?”
“Today, actually,” Charlie looked all proud at the mention of his horrific granddaughter, “I can’t believe how old she looks. Edward’s going to have to start batting boys away by the hundreds.”
Wrong answer. Jacob turned faintly purple.
Leah saved him, “Does she have a boyfriend yet?”
Charlie shook his head no. He put down his fork.
“I can’t believe how fast she’s grown,” Sue marveled, “when will it stop?”
“One more year,” Jacob replied automatically, “she’ll be around seventeen, or eighteen.”
“That is so cool,” Amanda gushed, “could I meet her? She sounds amazing.”
Leah and Seth exchanged a look. Leah managed to look both irritated and condescending, but Seth just looked pleading. He wanted Leah to like Amanda, no matter how ridiculous the hopes seemed.
“Er – maybe once they get back from South America,” Jake glared moodily at his plate, “Seth can take you. They like him over there.”
Leah was the only one that noticed the inflection on him. Unfortunately, she was also the one that cared the absolute least that Jacob was feeling down.
“Would you?” Amanda clasped her hands together, “I would love to meet her. And the vampires – they sound so interesting! And cultured!”
Leah had to suppress a snarl. Of course Seth would have only blabbed good things about the repulsive parasites. He’d practically brainwashed the girl into loving the leeches, forgetting to mention the part of how they could suck her dry at any moment. Leah was ashamed to be related to him.
“I’ll come too,” Charlie volunteered, his face slightly red, “I’ll want to see Bella and Nessie once they get back.”
“It will be so fun!” Amanda clapped.
Leah gagged, and Seth sighed in resignation.
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