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The Dark Side of The Moon

Summary:
Bella is much stronger than she thinks. When Edward tries to leave in New Moon, she understands what he’s trying to do and gets him to stay. Everything is great until she realizes that they just weren’t meant to be. JasperXBella Story. This story is rated Adult for a reason. It will contain lemons and adult language. Please consider yourself warned.


Notes:


2. Believe

Rating 0/5   Word Count 5694   Review this Chapter

Chapter 2

Believe

I dragged my feet across the yard and got into my beloved truck to drive myself to the prison that is high school. I wished Edward had shown up this morning to drive me; I felt like he was slowly slipping away from me. He hadn’t been around at night and when he was near me during the day I felt like he was not really there. His gorgeous body certainly was, but he barely spoke and his eyes said that his mind was somewhere else, far away.

I wasn’t sure exactly what to do, but I did know that I was willing to fight for our relationship. My goal for today was to get Edward to talk to me and work out our problems; or at least get him to tell me what his problem was. It was hard to be specific when I had no idea what those problems were, but I was determined. I knew he loved me, I refused to believe that he didn’t after all that we had been through together. He had saved my life more than once from attacks by vampires and the car accident in the school parking lot; besides I was sure that he wouldn’t be able to control his thirst for my blood as well as he does if he didn’t love me.

I know it’s hard for him to be around me sometimes because of the string effect my blood has on him; but I was hoping that will get him to change me so he wouldn’t have to be so uncomfortable being near me. I couldn’t imagine getting old and him staying forever young. I wanted him to change me so we could spend eternity together happy and in love. I knew we would get past this because we had to. I could not live without him. I needed him more than I needed air to breath.

I hummed the Rocky theme song on my way to school; I still hadn’t bothered to learn how to use my new CD player yet. I knew it seemed silly to hum fight music when you were looking forward to seeing your boyfriend, but it helped to calm my mind and get it ready for the hurricane that I had a feeling would blow between Edward and me today.

I pulled into the parking lot to find Edward leaning against his car waiting for me. He was so beautiful standing there; even with the blank look on his face, hiding all emotions he looked like a long forgotten god. I was still not sure what I did to deserve his love; but I was determined to spend the rest of my existence trying to find out.

I parked in a space across the aisle from him and shut off my truck’s roaring engine. Taking a few deep breaths I reminded myself that I could do this. I could handle anything that came my way; I believed in myself. And I had faith in our love; Edward and I would get through this, whatever this was.

Taking one final deep breath I grabbed my back pack and shoved my heavy truck door open. With an ungraceful step down, I tripped and stumbled into Edward. I hadn’t even noticed him approaching my truck. He was staring off into the woods on the far end of campus; thankfully, he didn’t seem to notice my clumsiness.

Suddenly his nostrils flared and his gaze shot to my face. His eyes were dark as night and his expression was angry. I could see the muscles in his jaw tighten as he slowly lowered his eyes to take in my body. He gently grabbed my injured hand, and pulled it up to his face for closer inspection.

While peaking under my Band Aid, Edward sighed. “What happened this time?” he asked exasperatedly.

“I had a bad dream,” I answered quietly. Edward looked at me skeptically while I bit my lower lip waiting for his response. His eyes were lightening back into their usual brilliant topaz, so I was sure that he wasn’t too upset.

“Last time I checked, bad dreams don’t cause physical injury,” he said skeptically. “Why are you cut?”

“I fell out of bed and something on the floor must’ve cut me,” I tried to explain. “I think it was a loose floorboard or something.”

“What am I going to do with you?” he asked aloud.

I shrugged my shoulders and gave him a weak smile. “Love me?”

He gave me a small smile. “Always,” he said so quietly that I barely caught it.

Edward continued holding my hand and we walked silently to class. He didn’t even bother to ask me about my bad dream. On our way I heard him murmur something about “never safe, no matter what I do.” That last part troubled me. Did he really think that I was that hopeless to never be safe? Or did he think it was unsafe to be near me? Does this have to do with why he is so distant? I was filled with questions today; and I was determined to get some answers. The school bell rang in the distance, signaling it the beginning of the school day.

The morning dragged on longer than usual. I spent most of my morning ignoring what was going on around me; I have no idea what was covered in any of my morning classes. I couldn’t focus my mind on anything other than Edward and what he could be so upset about. I’m sure that it has everything to do with my birthday party and what almost happened that night, since that is when all of this started. But, I wish he would let it go; no harm, no foul. I’m still human and I forgave Jasper immediately. Knowing Edward, this still wasn’t enough. What can I say, or do, to fix this?

It was lunch time and I wasn’t feeling very hungry; in fact, I wasn’t feeling anything other than my nerves. They were so strong that I was nauseated and antsy. I wanted to get this day over with so I could deal with the more important issues currently in my life.

I looked at my lunch tray ladled with a grilled cheese sandwich, a bottle of water and an apple. The thought of eating any of it sent my stomach into a cyclone. Edward looked at me out of the corner of his eye with an annoyed expression on his face and I realized that I was bouncing my foot on the floor; I stopped mid-bounce.

“Sorry,” I mumbled as I felt the blush growing in my cheeks. I turned to the opposite direction quickly and found Angela and Ben approaching our table with their lunches. I was so relieved to have a friend like Angela; she always appeared when I needed her the most. I don’t think that I could take much more of the silence at our table. My life had been unusually quiet the last couple of days and I craved conversation.

“Hey guys! Mind if we join you?” Angela asked.

“Please. I haven’t talked to you in ages! I miss you,” I answered.

A bright smile came over her face and she sat directly across from me with Ben at her side in front of Edward. “I miss you too. So what’s new with you guys?”

I started telling her about my birthday party the other day, but only bothering to mention the good parts. Well, what was supposed to be the good parts. I told her about the cake and presents and the semi-surprise of it all. When I was finished I noticed that Edward and Ben were having their own conversation about the project that we were starting next week in Chemistry.

“That’s great; sounds like it was a lot of fun! I didn’t even know that it was your birthday, I feel bad.” Angela replied.

“That’s okay,” I shrugged. “I don’t like to make a big deal out of it. What have you been up to?”

“Not much really; just school and babysitting. Ben comes over every afternoon and we hang out and do homework together. Sometimes he makes me watch anime with him.”

I giggled. The things we do for love.“ Yeah, I’ve been pretty busy too; with work and school. We should get together soon and go to Port Angeles or something. It could be fun.”

“Sounds good to me, but I’m busy this weekend; maybe next weekend? We have a half day that Friday, we could go right after school.” She sounded so excited; maybe we she needed some girl bonding time as much as I did.

“That sounds great. I just have to make sure that I have the day off work.” The thought of getting out of town for a couple hours with Angela sounded like pure bliss. She had a way of making me feel better and forget my troubles.

The bell rang indicating the end of lunch and we gathered our things to head off to our next class. When I took my lunch tray to the garbage I noticed that I hadn’t eaten anything. Still not hungry I threw away my food but kept my bottle of water.

“Why aren’t you eating Bella?” Edward asked with a concerned look on his face.

“I had a big breakfast,” I lied. Knowing that he could detect my lies well, I turned to head out of the lunch room quickly. He kept up with my pace, but didn’t comment further on my lack of appetite.

The rest of the day seemed to drag out even longer than the morning had. I didn’t bother to pay attention to the lectures in my afternoon classes either. I was beginning to mirror Edward’s most recent behavior – there in body, but not in mind. Instead, I opted to stare at the clock and will it to move faster. The longer I looked at the clock the slower the second hand would move. A couple times I swore it moved backward for a tick. At this rate I would live out the remainder of my mortal life in this old drafty building!

This would be a great time to develop a superpower to control time. Then, I could just skip to the part of the day when I confront Edward about his recent behavior and demand answers. But, since I was amazingly average Bella Swan, I guessed that I would have to wait it out.

Finally the last bell of the day rang, loud and clear, releasing us prisoners for the weekend. I jumped out of my seat and made a dash for the door. Once outside a fresh breeze awakened my thoughts and I remembered that I had to work this afternoon. Now I only had to get through work and then I would finally get to talk to Edward and see what exactly his problem is.

I walked out to the parking lot at a fast pace, still being careful to watch where I was going. The last thing I needed now was to end up in the hospital; I refused to let anything deter me from my goal for the day. When I got to the parking lot I found Edward waiting for me by my truck.

“I need to talk to you about something,” he stated flatly.

“Okay, but I have to go to work. I get off at 7:00.” Finally he was going to talk to me! And I didn’t even have to bring it up myself.

“Can you meet me at my house when you get off?” he asked, sounding a little unsure.

“Sure. But I better get moving so I can get to work on time,” I answered enthusiastically.

“Okay,” he sighed as he kissed my forehead goodbye.

“See you then,” I said through the smile that wouldn’t leave my face. Now I wouldn’t have to force it out of him, he was ready to talk.

He opened my door for me and helped me into the cab of my truck. With a final kiss on my hand, he walked off toward his car.

I drove to work in a much better mood than I had been in for the last four days. Right before I pulled into the parking lot I remembered the envelope of pictures that was sitting on the seat of my truck ready to be mailed off to Renee. I didn’t want to forget to send it, so I passed work and drove the two blocks to the post office.

I made quick business of getting the envelop into the mail and returning to my truck. With that out of the way I was ready to get to work and see if I could make the time pass any faster than it had at school. Now that I know that Edward and I will have a talk later my outlook on everything has improved greatly. Just a couple hours to collect my thoughts and then we can work everything out.

After parking on the side of the store in my usual spot, I headed inside and directly to the time clock. I was ready to start my shift and get it done with. Mike still hadn’t shown up yet, but his mom was there stocking hiking boots.

“Hi Mrs. Newton; how are you today?” I asked while putting on my name tag.

“Oh, hello Bella; I’m fine, just finishing up with these boots. How are you?”

“I’m good,” I answered with a smile. “Is there anything that I can help stock?”

“No, thanks; this is the last of it.” she said gesturing to a small pile of boxes. “Do you mind cleaning up the shelves under the cash register? They’re completely unorganized.”

“Sure, not a problem,” I said and headed toward the front of the store where the counter was.

She was right, it was an utter mess! I stared at the chaos for a moment trying to figure out where to start. The bell on the door jingled alerting me to the entrance of Mike. He gave me a huge smile and headed straight toward me instead of the break room where the time clock was located, even though he was already late for his shift.

“You’re late Mike,” Mrs. Newton called from the back of the store.

“I know, sorry Mom.” he called back. “I’ll be back there in a second.”

“Hey Mike, what’s up?” I asked unsure why he was still avoiding starting work.

“Well you looked kind of out of it today and I saw that you didn’t eat lunch.” he started explaining. “So I got you this.” he held up a small bag with a grin on his face. “I figured it probably wasn’t anything that a little sugar and caffeine couldn’t fix.”

He reached into the bag and pulled out a king sized Snickers candy bar and a liter sized bottle of Diet Coke. At the sight of the candy my stomach let out a small grumble. I took his offering graciously and grinned at him from ear to ear. “Thank you so much Mike. I think you’re right, this is exactly what I need.”

“No problem; just glad to help.” he answered. “I better go clock in and get to work so my mom can go home.”

“Okay, thanks again,” I said still grinning. I really do have great friends.

I took a long drink of my soda and a large bite of my candy bar before getting back to work. Mrs. Newton left the store in a hurry and I finished my cleaning quickly. Since it was a quiet day at the store Mike and I just hung out and talked about school.

Mrs. Newton called to check in with us around 4:30, to see if we were keeping busy. Mike told her how slow it was and she asked him to double check that we had gotten all of our cleaning and organizing done. After Mike reassured her that the store was in top condition she told him that I could leave if I wanted.

I wouldn’t have minded staying to finish out my shift on any other day because I did need the money, but today I needed something else even more. I needed to have this talk with Edward done and over with. I asked Mike to thank Mrs. Newton for me and retreated to the employee break room to clock out.

With a final wave to Mike I left the store and got in my truck to go home. I know that I was supposed to meet Edward at his house after work, but that wasn’t for another two and a half hours. I took my time to drive home, going a little below the speed limit with my window open to enjoy the fresh air.

When I got home I grabbed my back pack and went in the house. I didn’t bother to close the truck window since I would be leaving again today. I went into the kitchen and sat at the table for a few minutes contemplating my next move. I should call Edward and see if we could talk now instead of later.

I had to talk to Alice first, though. Hopefully she could give me some insight before I called Edward and let him know that I got off work early. I pulled the phone receiver so hard from its cradle that it almost fell off the wall. My anxiety was reaching new levels and I needed to calm myself before I spoke to Alice. I carefully set the receiver back on the cradle and shook my arms at my sides while taking a few deep breaths.

I reached for the receiver again and before I could lift it, it started ringing. Stunned I waited for two rings before answering it. I then slowly raised it to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey Bella, it’s Alice; I saw you were going to call and thought I would beat you to it.” Her beautiful voice rang over the line sounding much happier today.

“So I take it that you know why I’m calling,” I stated hesitantly.

“Yeah, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that you’re worried about your talk with Edward.”

“Well… any advice?” I was getting a little scared at this point.

“Sure, but anything that I say isn’t going to make it any easier.”

“That bad, huh?” This was beginning to sound hopeless. Why did she sound so cheerful? I could feel the moisture building in my eyes. “Alice is this going to end badly?”

“I don’t think so Bella, but I’m still not positive. I still see two definitely possible outcomes.”

My tears started flowing freely down my cheeks. “What do I do? How do I fix this?” My tears were evident in my cracking voice.

“Please don’t cry Bella. You’re the only one who can create the positive outcome, but you have to be strong and put your foot down.”

“That’s it? That’s your advice? Great, cause I’m so good at that!” my voice was drenched with sarcasm.

“Bella, you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for! Stop crying and pull yourself together! Crying is not going to help you.”

“Fine, but can you at least tell me what he’s going to say, please?”

“No, you need to hear it from him. I’m already too involved and this is between the two of you.”

I sniffled loudly and wiped my tears from my face. “Fine, if that’s all the help you can give me I better go. I should call him so we can get this over with.”

“I love you Bella. You’re my best friend. Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not. I’m just frustrated, but I do understand where you’re coming from. I just want this to be over. I want to go back to being happy.”

“It will be over soon, I promise,” she consoled. “Just remember your strength of heart.”

“I will. Can I call you later?”

“I’ll be expecting it. Now go get him!”

I chuckled. Surely she wouldn’t be so happy if this was going to be too bad. “Talk to you later, Alice.”

“Bye Bella.”

After hanging up the phone I made my way upstairs to the bathroom. Looking at my reflection in the mirror it was obvious that I had been crying. I washed my face with cold water and brushed my hair. Not much of an improvement, but it did help a little.

I made my way back downstairs and to the phone in the kitchen. Without another thought I picked up the phone and dialed Edward’s number.

“Bella? I thought that you had to work this evening.” Edward’s cool voice chimed over the line.

“I did, but it was slow so I came home early. Can you come over here for our talk?” Please say yes, I don’t think I can wait long enough to drive over there. My anxiety was rising exponentially.

“Sure if you would prefer that. Maybe we could go for a walk together.”

“Okay that sounds good. When will you be here?” Please hurry.

“Give me five minutes.”

“Sure. I’ll be ready when you get here.”

“See you then,” he said before hanging up abruptly. He didn’t even say ‘I love you’, this is definitely very bad.

Those five minutes were the longest of my life. Longer than any of the minutes that passed today at school; longer than any time I’ve spent in the hospital for any various injury; they were complete torture. I was sure that time itself stopped and just waited, watching me struggle to keep my composure.

I walked toward the front door and put my shoes and jacket back on, taking extra time to tie my shoelaces perfectly and adjust my jacket three times before I finally heard Edward knock on the door. My heart rate sped to an all time high as I opened the heavy door to reveal my solemn boyfriend.

As if on cue, it started raining. Not normal rain; this rain was coming down in sheets instantly forming small puddles on the street. Well so much for taking a walk.

Edward gave me a soft smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Never mind on the walk; can we talk inside?”

“Sure.” I answered while opening the door wider to allow him inside. I quickly kicked off my shoes and hung my jacket back on the hook.

Edward closed the front door and waited for me to lead us into the kitchen. Before sitting at the table I stopped at the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. I wanted to be prepared in case this took a while. I sat at the table and waited for Edward to begin.

He took a deep breath. “Bella we’re leaving.”

“Who’s leaving?” I asked, although I was starting to think that I already knew the answer.

“My family and I,” he stated flatly.

So this is why he’s been so distant. I already knew that the rest of the family was gone, but I thought that they would be coming back. I was sure they were coming back. Why would they leave without saying goodbye? Be strong Bella, you can change this.

“Where are you going?” I asked. “I’ll come with you.”

“You can’t come where we’re going. You belong here with your father,” he said this with absolutely no emotion.

I could feel my tears forming in my eyes. “No, I belong wherever you are,” I stated desperately.

“We aren’t good for each other Bella.” He sounded so heartless when he said this; but I know that he can’t mean that, we are so perfect for each other.

“What do you mean? We’re meant for each other!” I was getting frantic now and my tears were flowing freely, dripping down my cheeks and onto my shirt. How could he possibly believe the shit that was coming out of his mouth?

“No, Bella, we aren’t the same,” he continued in his callous tone. “You’re too vulnerable in my world.” Hell I’m vulnerable in every world! I’m clumsy and uncoordinated!

“That’s what I have you for,” I answered with a small, halfhearted smile. “You always protect me.”

“The problem is who will protect you from me?” he asked. Well that was unexpected! He has always shown such great control around me.

“I don’t need protection from you. You love me and would never hurt me,” I tried to reason with him.

“Is that why I wanted to drain you dry when you were cut on your birthday? I did a great job of protecting you then didn’t I?” he asked heatedly.

That stupid party again! If I had gotten what I really wanted then we wouldn’t even be having this problem! No party equals no issues due to a damn paper cut! I was really getting angry now, this was all so avoidable!

“Yes! You did. I’m safe and human; you weren’t the one who tried to attack me, you protected me!” My tears were still falling; this was beginning to feel like a losing battle.

“If you were truly safe from my thirst that night I wouldn’t have had to leave while Carlisle took care of your injuries! I would’ve been able to sit with you and hold your hand like any normal human boyfriend would have!” he explained. “Mike Newton would’ve been able to do that at least.” Oh My God!! I am so sick of hearing about Mike Newton! Why would Edward in all of his glory ever have a reason to be jealous of Mike? This is getting beyond absurd; he’s beginning to borderline insane.

“But you’re failing to realize that I don’t want Mike Newton! I want you! I love you!” I pleaded.

“Bella you can’t survive in my world! You are human!” he shouted at me. He was getting so angry; I wasn’t sure how to handle this conversation. How can I argue my safety considering recent events?

“I think that I’ve been surviving pretty well so far. So if you insist on leaving, then I’m coming with you.” I tried to make my voice sound assured, but failed miserably because it was still shaking from my crying.

“I don’t want you to come with me.” Bullshit! I know better than that! He has to love me, this all couldn’t have been a lie; it just couldn’t!

“What the fuck, Edward! Stop lying to me! Are trying to tell me that you magically stopped loving me in three days?! That’s asinine! Everything was perfectly fine before that stupid party. Can’t we just forget about it and move on?” Please say yes!

“No, I can’t forget something so horrible. You almost died! Or have you forgotten that?” This is not going how I had hoped it would.

“I remember,” I mumbled. But I also know that he’s lying; he does love me. I’ve got to redirect this conversation. “Look me in my eyes and tell me you don’t love me.” Oh, this might hurt; a lot.

He looked down at his hands resting on the table, clearly hesitating. Slowly he brought his sad gaze to meet mine and said, “I’ll always love you in a way…”

“Bullshit! I can see it in your eyes! You love me and I love you; everything else we can figure out together.” Why was he being so damn difficult?

“I’m no good for you. I don’t want you to come with me,” he explained.

“You are good for me. I don’t want anything without you; and I will follow you anywhere whether you like it or not.”

Edward let out a loud sigh, “Please try to be reasonable; this is for your safety. You will move on, be happy, and have a normal human life.” Why doesn’t he get it?

“I don’t want a normal, human life! I want you! You’re all I want! Why can’t you see that?”

“You will want to be normal eventually,” he argued, “have kids and a real family. I can’t give you that so why delay the inevitable? This is what’s best for you.”

“Don’t you think that I should get to decide what’s best for me?” I asked defiantly. “I don’t want kids; I don’t want anything other than you! Like I said, we are meant for each other and I refuse to let you go.”

“Bella, why are you being so unreasonable? I’m doing this for you. You’re right I do love you and I want the best for you. You might not want kids and a family now, but you will. You aren’t safe around my kind, and all I care about is your safety. Please let me go; it’s the best thing that I can do for you.” His eyes were pleading with me to agree with him. But I just couldn’t.

“You’re the unreasonable one here,” I argued, “I love you, you’re my world. I refuse to move on; I’m never giving up on us. I only want you. If I lose you I will lose half of myself. I refuse to live without you.” It just isn’t possible for me to exist without him.

Edward sat silently for what seemed like an eternity, staring at his hands again. The only sound was the downpour outside and the ticking of the kitchen clock on the wall above the phone. I took a small drink from my water bottle and used my sleeve to dry my slowing tears. I know that he was trying to come up with a further argument, so I waited. This pause has given me hope that he will see things my way.

“You do realize that my family has already left and has started new lives somewhere else,” he stated.

“Yes, but I also know that they would come back if you decided to stay with me,” I countered.

“How are you so sure? It was me that got them to leave,” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Because I have a psychic for a best friend who probably has already seen the outcome of this conversation and knows that either I will come with you or you will stay with me.”

After a moment, Edward let out a small chuckle, “You’re right. Well I’m sure they will be back here soon. You are still in high school after all, so you need to be here. Besides what would we tell Charlie if you were to suddenly leave?”

I smiled as big as my mouth would allow and jumped out of my chair into Edward’s arms. “I love you so much! Please don’t ever do this to me again.”

Edward leaned down and kissed me passionately. I wrapped my arms around him and held as tight as possible never wanting to let him go. After breaking the kiss for much needed air I rested my chin on his chest and continued, “Next time we talk this out before it gets this far. We could’ve fixed this days ago and saved the family from moving unnecessarily.”

Edward kissed my forehead and answered, “Okay love, whatever you say. I don’t ever want to go through that again.” He squeezed me tighter and a smile spread across his face. “I love you.”

“I love you too, forever.”