Follow Bella's thoughts after she writes her letter. Second story in the series Finally Free. It's not necessary to read the first, but I highly reccomend it. Excerpt from the story:"Truth be told, I was nothing. Literally. I felt nothing, thought rarely, did minimal. I was a shell. I might have been alive, but I didn’t live. Hell, I didn’t even exist. I just…was."
Hopefully sad little oneshot in my series. Bella actually tries to...you know... Will she succeed? Read to find out! Enjoy! ;3
Rating 5/5 Word Count 1184 Review this Chapter
I put the letter down and laughed bitterly at some of the personal information I had written down. Some might consider those secrets. I...I considered them trivial. The true secrets never touched those pages. I had explained the story that I had to tell the rest of the human population to cover up my broken leg from our rendezvous with a nomad hunter.
I, Isabella Marie Swan, was not going to exist much longer. It was an odd thought to have, to know that you were going to die soon. I shrugged it off before walking down the stairs. I rounded the corner and went out the back door toward our little shed in the backyard.
It was small and painted a peeling red color, had rusty hinges, and leaned to the left, but it had what I needed. I opened the door with a loud creak, and paused to think. What was today...Tuesday? I was supposed to go to college soon, but that didn't matter....Tuesday was good. Charlie worked today.
I heaved the door open the rest of the way, and connected the hook of an attached bungee cord to a hook on the tree. I looked into the shed and swiped away flying pieces of dust. I coughed to clear my throat of dirt, and scanned the shed.
Aha! There, in the far right corner was a tied up rope. I leaned over to grab it, and miraculously didn't fall. I unhooked the large door and let it fall shut with a thwump! I then walked down the path around the side of my house and jumped into my old truck. I threw the rope into the passenger seat, and checked my pocket for a folded up letter. All good.
I started my truck with a deafening roar, and rolled out of the drive. I wasn't particularly in a rush, so I leaned back in my seat and cruised down the highway. Once I got to a spot that people actually passed, I stopped the car and got out. I went around to the other side and grabbed the rope. I unfolded the letter and the written down directions to the mansion, setting them on the seat, before starting up the lane.
After I had walked to the old white house, I paused and looked up at it in awe. No matter what, you couldn't deny this house's beauty. I then continued with my task. I trudged up the stairs, opened the unlocked front door, and made my way upstairs.
I got to the sacred room that reminded me so much of my past lover. I winced, then growled at how pathetic I had become. Yet it was all useless, I didn't really feel any of the emotions I exuded. I had become a good actress out of necessity, and now I did it all the time. Even if there was no one around to fool, I thought that maybe if I got good enough, I would even be able to trick myself into believing my lies.
Truth be told, I was nothing. Literally. I felt nothing, thought rarely, did minimal. I was a shell. I might have been alive, but I didn't live. Hell, I didn't even exist. I just...was.
I wasn't sure what to call myself. I decided upon zombie. Because I felt nothing, like a zombie. Thought nothing, like a zombie. Was useless and abhorred...like a zombie. I sighed, but it was, again, fake. It felt as if I was one of the story book characters I used to read about or even write. My life was just too horrible or good to be real.
I had experienced both. First, I was surrounded by mythical creatures, ones that I believed had loved me, my life was suddenly focused and perfect. Now...I had to bear an ancient secret about a covert world that even I shouldn't know of. My life had gone from one side of the spectrum to the other.
I had decided recently that instead of letting Fate juggle around my life like it seemed to enjoy doing, I would snatch it at the correct time. This was my time to strike.
Don't get me wrong, I was not happy about what all of everything had come to, but I knew that this was the way it would be no matter what. I was supposed to die from the van, or those men, or James, yet here I was. Now it was this, some other disaster, or old age and misery. I had seriously considered my options, weighing the pros and cons, but had come to a final conclusion. This was my best bet.
I snapped out of my reverie and looked out the window to the indigo sky, framed by tall pines. It was raining softly, and I sighed. It was so beautiful at twilight.
I turned my back on the site after a moment, and looked up, smiling. Of course he would leave, coincidentally, exactly what I need. A hook.
Not that he would take it with him...I don't think. But that he didn't like flowers all that much, and he had no use for a hook whatsoever. I did, however.
I tied a sturdy knot on one end of my rope, and threw it up there, only to miss. I tried a few more times, and finally got it to latch on. I tugged, and knew that it wasn't going anywhere. Good.
I then tied a suitable slipknot at the other end, and stood at the edge of the couch. I heaved myself upon it, standing shakily. I put the rope around my neck, and nearly cried with the odd mixture of glee and pain that washed over me.
I was in pain, so much pain. My mind decided to let go of that numbness enough for me to feel the torrent of pain I did just a little less than a year ago. It hurt like hell, and I felt as if I was going to die without the use of my rope, the pain burning away my insides.
But the fact that now I was actually feeling, that I had proof that I was alive...I was joyous beyond words. I had no way to describe the happiness that fought against the pain, but a silent tear slipped down my cheek.
Pain won in that moment and I knew that being alive didn't help at all. It hurt. Not more. Not less. It just hurt, and I was tired of it. I said my prayers, said my goodbyes, and finally, finally, uttered the name I would never hear again.
"Edward...I love you."
And then, I stepped off the couch. There was a sharp pain, then nothing. I was floating away from myself as I swung to and fro, and I understood now, as glee welled up within me, that I was finally free.
And with that, I let go.