LOST IN THIS
My story picks up back in Forks, the night Bella saved Edward. My story explores the possibility that Bella did not forgive Edward right away. That she may need time to decide what to do. I tried to keep it as realistic as possible. Enjoy!
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The basis of this short story belongs solely to Stephanie Meyers - author of the Twilight Saga’s. All characters and events are based on her literary works.
Thanks to her, we all have something to write about ;)
*Note*: This story begins after Bella wakes up from saving Edward in Italy. Simply another take on the subject…
Guarded - BPOV
“Edward!” I yelled hurtling my body upright in bed. My heart was racing, as it always did when I thought about him. Cold sweat had taken its usual place along the nape of my neck. I rarely went a night without it. Suddenly a cold hand brushed along my hair. I jumped out of bed instinctually, my breath catching at the sight before me.
“Edward?” I gasped.
I willingly stepped forward but caught myself the minute I did so. I was afraid that if I moved, he would disappear. I stood perfectly still – not even taking a breath. I couldn’t believe it, it was so…real.
“Bella”, the vision whispered as it approached me carefully. “Bella, I’m not going to hurt you”, he continued, raising his hands in the air mocking surrender.
I couldn’t speak. I didn’t want to ruin this moment with him. The vision approached me carefully, concern fitted across his too perfect face. His eyes were dark and intent. He reached for my hand…
“Bella?” he repeated.
I stepped back pulling my hand away before the union was made. I couldn’t allow myself this. I couldn’t allow myself to hope. I couldn’t allow myself to feel.
“I wonder why this is happening, it usually only lasts a few short seconds?” I questioned, as I examined him wholly. He was wearing the same suit that he wore on that dreaded day in the forest. Although right now it was torn and dirty. Why was this?
“Bella, are you okay?” He had not tried to close the distance between us again since I had backed away.
“What is happening?” I chocked.
“Bella, we are here in your bedroom, back in Forks. I am here with you, in your room. Don’t you remember?” A hint of sadness reached his eyes.
“This isn’t possible. This is just a dream. You aren’t here and I am not really seeing this. This isn’t happening.” I stepped back further.
“I am here, Bella. I am here with you now. I am going to be here with you always.”
He slowly began to approach me. I was against the wall now – with no place to go. He took one final step toward me stopping within inches from my face.
“I’m so sorry.” He begged.
“Bella…” for a moment I drowned in his sweat breathe. I could imagine the taste. “I’m so sorry”, he repeated. He raised his hand, pausing momentarily to make sure it was ok to continue, and then brushed his hand down the long of my cheek stopping short of my collarbone.
I closed my eyes and inhaled sharply.
Suddenly, the events of the past 6 months, and especially those of the past 2 days, came crashing back into my memory full force. I closed my eyes in concentration. At that moment I felt his cool skin on my face again.
“Please don’t”, I pleaded with him, lowering my head in defeat. “Please.” I was so afraid of what to believe. I knew deep down that Edward really was here. I knew that we were here together. But I didn’t know for how long.
After a few moments of silence I raised my head and looked into his alluring eyes. I was caught off-guard by the expression that layered his face. He looked torn…and anxious. He looked…distraught. In all my time with him, I had never seen anything like it.
“Bella listen to me. Please listen to me”, he begged. “I can’t even begin to convey to you how truly sorry I am. That day in the forest”, he closed his eyes momentarily, “that day was the most excruciating day in my entire existence. And every day since then has been its close companion. There has not been a day that I have not thought about y…” I inadvertently cut him off.
“You left me” I breathed. Tears were forming in my eyes. I fought to hold them back. I fought to stay strong.
He lifted his hands to cup my face and held my head so that his eyes were penetrating mine. He was so beautiful.
“I know Bella, I know. And I know that what I’m about to say doesn’t make up for that in any measure. I understand that if after this conversation you never want to speak to me again, I will have to face that. Although it will never, ever change the way I feel about you, I will have to learn to live with your decision. But I want you to know that the decision to leave you was meant to signify a new life for you – a better life. A life before all of this chaos and danger. A natural life.”
I couldn’t concentrate on what I wanted to say within this proximity to him. I broke away from his hold and walked toward the bed. He was there in an instant. But he did not try to touch me again. He gently sat down on my bed, all the while keeping eye contact with me.
He spoke, “I will listen to whatever it is you wish to say, love.”
It all consumed me in that moment.
“Don’t call me love!” I reacted. “You have no right to call me that. The last words you spoke to me before leaving negated anything you ever told me about love”, I continued.
His face twitched with shock. He had not been expecting this.
“You, Edward”, I tried to ignore the way it made me feel to say his name again, “told me that you didn’t love me anymore? You made sure that I thought we were not good for each other. That everything we had been through together was not worth fighting for.”
I lost the hold that I had forced upon myself. I started to cry. I hated the thought of how feeble I must look to him. Standing here broken, crying…pathetic.
I heard him stand up and slowly make his way to the front of me. He grabbed the top of my ratty sweatpants and pulled me into him.
He lifted my head forcing me to look at him, his eyes burning with emotion. Then he slowly closed in and stopped a mere inch from my face. He was looking right into my soul. “I love you so much” he breathed. His lips were on mine then. He moved his hands to the back of my head gripping my hair, tracing my lower lip with his tongue. He pulled back for the briefest of seconds and whispered my name. I could not fight him anymore. In this moment my body and my mind no longer waged war against one another. I abandoned any willpower that remained. I kissed him back, grabbing his hair in return. I forced him back until he collapsed onto the bed. I wrapped my legs around his waste to face him. I went in for another kiss, my hands searching for more. He grabbed my back pulling me into him. I could feel every line of his body against my own. My heart raced. This was not like the careful kisses we had once shared. No, this was nothing like that. He used my hair to pull my head back and continued tracing a line with his tongue down the length of my neck. It was pure pleasure.
I exhaled in bliss.
With deliberate slowness, he ascended his way back up leaving gentle kisses along the way, finishing with one last longing kiss to my mouth, lingering on my bottom lip.
I opened my eyes to find him examining me intently. I saw the tiniest hint of a smile creep upon his eyes and lips. His eyes were hungry.
“You don’t know how much I have longed for that” he exhaled.
I stopped dead in my tracks. Something about his statement sent me leaping off of his lap and out of his grasp. He advanced to stand up, but I held up my hand and motioned for him to stay put.
Reality had restored itself in my mind.
I looked at him; “I don’t know how much you have longed for that?” his statement left me reeling. I continued, “I must have forgotten that you were the only one left devastated during these past 6 months, Edward. I forgot that you must have been the only one that had lost the love of their life, the meaning to their existence. May I add that I was not the one that chose to leave – you were!”
He was up in an instant, ignoring my previous request. He grabbed my hands and brought them up against his chest. “Bella I truly did not mean to hurt you. I promise that the reasons I left were only to protect you. I had no idea of what my leaving would do to you. I am truly more sorry than you will ever know. Please forgive me” he pleaded, while pulling my hands up to his mouth, “Please forgive me Bella”, he whispered against the skin of my wrist.
It killed me to see him like this, but my anger acted as a cure for that sympathy. I pulled my hands from his chest. “That is exactly my point Edward. You never even once thought to speak to me about this before making such a life altering decision? I was blindsided! You left me there in the woods. You just left me. I don’t know how to forgive that. I don’t know how to forget that”, I declared calmly.
After a silent moment, I had decided. “I need time Edward. If you truly do love me, you’ll give me some time.”
He took one step back from me and dropped his head toward the floor for an immeasurable moment. He slowly lifted his head and looked at me with defeated eyes. Calmly he spoke, “I don’t know how I will ever forgive myself for what I have done to you. I was so foolish. I cannot blame you for feeling this way.”
He reclaimed his step and met me with his eyes. “Bella, I will wait for you forever”, he promised.
He reached for my hands one last time, grasping them in between his own. “I want you to know that I have always loved you. I will always love you and care for you above and far beyond anything else. You will always have my heart, Bella.” After a moments pause, he leaned in and kissed me one last time on the lips, his hands slowly traveling up my arms, residing on my cheeks. He then broke off and turned toward the window.
My mind was lost. My heart was longing. But I knew that if he were to decide to leave again, whatever the reason may be, I could not survive it. The trust that I wanted to feel in that moment was lost to me. I could not ignore that.
Just before stepping through the window he turned toward me and spoke…
“My family and I will be living back here in Forks for now.” My heart skipped a beat. “But if you find that you would no longer like us to reside here in your town, I will make sure that we disappear for good.”
With one last hungry look back he jumped out the window and vanished from my bedroom.
I collapsed to the floor.
To be continued….