He Is With You
Song-fic. Dont judge! I hate song fics, but this I just had to write. One shot, may have a smaall sequel if wanted. Please review! I have given over 800 reviews, please return the favor. :) It's been nearly a century since Bella was changed and gave birth to Renesmee. Everything is perfect until Renemee is killled by a crazed vampire and Jacob kills himself to rid of the pain. Every day get's harder and harder. Renesmee's death is tearing every one apart, and every one has distanced themselves, but Bella seems to be the only who notices. Bella can't stand the pain she is in, and decides to show her family just what they are doing to her. "I can't take it anymore you guys! We're a family and we have to stick together other wise we won't make it! " Based on the song "He is With You" by Mandisa. Not a religous fic, but if talk of God offends you, then don't read. Banner by me, if you want one, check out my profile! :)
Please review! Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. All references to the song belongs to Mandisa .
1. Chapter 1
Rating 5/5 Word Count 2638 Review this Chapter
I looked around at what used to be my family. It was upsetting to see how much we had all changed since I was a human. It was Sunday night, our so called 'family night.'
It had been almost a century since I was changed and gave birth to Renesmee .
After Renesmee was born, life seemed great. Everything was perfect. Me and Edward were happy, our family was full, we had a baby no one had ever thought would be conceived. We thought our family was perfect before, and our baby girl just enhanced that. The Volturri had left us alone for about 90 years, no one had ever been happier than they were now. Edward had taught me to play piano and I had been composing music just like him. Renesmee was full grown, and despite all previous turmoil, she and Jacob got married. We were in our own little bubble and happy as ever.
Until one day, Renesmee went hunting alone. We we're all busy, and Jacob had a council meeting, so she just went off by herself. After a while we began to notice Renesmee still wasn't back, nor had she called. Two days pasted, and we were all frantic. I thought Jacob was going to have a heart attack. It was on the third day we got a call from Aro's secretary, warning us that Aro requested our presence immediately, asking us to bring Jacob as well. Confusion was consuming us all. We were on the next flight to Volterra and sped our way through the deserted streets, driving as fast as our stolen cars would let us.
That was the worst day of our entire lives. Aro had called us to inform us that Renesmee was gone. Dead. Killed by a crazed vampire she had come across in Canada while hunting. I never knew Edward could look so heartbroken. I never knew Jacob could crumple to the floor and look so defenseless. I never knew how deeply Jasper cared for her. I never knew Alice could hate herself so much. I never knew Esme could scream so loud. I never knew Carlisle could hurt so much. I never knew Emmett could be so broken and helpless. I never knew Rosalie would ever break down. I never doubted God until that very day.
The next week was the worst. I not only had lost the one and only daughter I would ever have, but I had lost my best friend as well. Two days after we had arrived back home Jacob said he needed to go for a walk and get some fresh air. Alice couldn't 'see' him, so she didn't suspect anything; she still hates herself for not being able to 'see' Renesmee . It wasn't until Sam came over the next day to inform us that Jacob was dead, that we found out his true intentions. He had gone to the Volturri and threatened to attack if they didn't kill him. He phased at the last second to show his brothers he would be leaving them and that he loved them. I felt that last bit of my faith and hope dwindle away at the moment. Even Rosalie was sad he was gone. I turned to my family that last minute and begged them all to promise me they would never hurt themselves. I couldn't bare another lost.
People say that time heals all wounds. That's not true. It's been three years, six months, 17 days, 8 hours, 53 minutes, and 32 seconds since that very day. We weren't even close to healing. This was slowly ripping our family apart. Rosalie and Emmett fought more. He hadn't laughed or cracked a joke since that day. Esme didn't draw or decorate or design things any more. She busied herself with cleaning when she wasn't curled in a ball soundlessly sobbing on her bed. Carlisle buried himself in work. Working double shifts, graveyard shifts, nights, anything to keep him from home. Jasper felt every one's pain, and didn't talk to anyone anymore. He hasn't spoken a word in a little over three years. He was never around, trying to avoid us all at any cost. Alice didn't shop any more. She dressed in sweats, and didn't wear makeup. She hadn't had a vision is forever, and just wasn't the twinkling pixie we all loved. No one went to school or work but Carlisle . Edward and I had grown apart. He didn't kiss me anymore, hold my hand, call me 'love' or 'Bells.' We rarely ever talked, he was always in a different room than me, we didn't even lay in the same bed at night. He hadn't touched me since Renesmee died. He didn't look at me, and if he did he never looked me in the eyes. He didn't play the piano anymore, or hold me, or hum or sing my lullaby. The pain got worse every single day. I never looked in the mirror for fear of what I would see in my reflection. I isolated myself, much like Jasper. I'd lost all my hope and faith in God. Why would a god ever do this to someone. It was tearing me up inside to see this happen to our family. No one hunted until they were forced to, which was once a month, and everyone hunted alone. The house was always quiet and still. Not a word had been spoken after everyone gave up a year and a half ago.
I looked around once again. Alice was on the couch with her head in her hands, slumped in her lap. Rosalie was next to her with her knees curled up to her body, looking at her untended nails that hadn't been tended to for years. Esme was next to Rosalie with glassy eyes, staring at the carpet. Carlisle was on the recliner next to Esme and was going over charts, running his hand through his hair. Emmett was on the other recliner staring at unmoving TV. Jasper was in the corner opposite of Emmett and the girls, his hands pulling at his hair, fiercely rocking back and forth. Edward was on the floor by Esme's feet, his hands crossed and hanging on her ankles as he pressed the side of his head to her calves, hugging her to him. I was on the wall opposite the couch, a safe distance between me and Jasper, trying to spare him as much pain possible. My eyes pricked as I took in my family's painful and distant expressions, my body wanting to cry but unable to. Jasper's head whipped in my direction as the onslaught of new pain hit him, and he stared at me with agony filled eyes, silently begging.
I ran up the stairs to my room as fast as my legs would carry me, grabbed a notebook and a pen, and ran back down the stairs, but within half a second. Emmett, Esme, Alice, and Rosalie were the only ones who looked up at me. Their confusion must have overruled their pain a little, as Jasper had stopped rocking and looked at me. I began to write quickly, a tune quickly forming in my head. By now Carlise had looked up as well. It pained me that Edward still didn't care and continued to ignore me. It was like he wasn't my 'true love' anymore. He wasn't the Edward I fell in love with. If I didn't find him soon, I was going to die.
I wrote with a new intensity, quickly filling the page and it's back. I sped to the piano and sat on the bench. My hands ghosted over the lid. The piano hadn't been touched in years either. I shook my head, forgetting of the neglected piano and my own pain. I opened the lid and blew the dust off all the keys. By now everyone had gotten up to follow me, even Jasper getting up. Edward finally looked up and joined us. I grabbed Edward's hand to pull him onto the bench to sit next to me, but he pulled his hand away before I could touch it. I saw Jasper flinch in next to Carlisle , and lowered my head as Edward turned to look at Jasper, obviously hearing his thoughts. I cleared my throat, lifted my head, and began to talk.
"I know every one's been in pain because of Renesmee . We all love her dearly and miss her. But we need to realize that as much as we hate to admit it, she's gone, and she's not coming back. Ever. This pain is ripping our family apart." I started out in a whisper, but I got louder and louder until I was yelling. "Look at Jasper! Do you see how much pain he's in? He not only has to deal with his own pain, but all of ours as well! Nobody talks, Carlisle , you're always gone, Esme's depressed and lonely, Alice is practically dead, Rosalie is moping around as well, Emmett, you haven't laughed since she died! And Edward! You won't talk to me, you won't let me touch you, you wont even look at me! Hell! Do any of you guys see any of this? It's been THREE YEARS!!! I know! I miss her too! She was my daughter! I get it! But I can't take it anymore you guys! We're a family and we have to stick together other wise we won't make it!"
I screamed in frustration.
"Bella-" Edward started, put I cut him off.
"No Edward! I wrote something for you guys to express my feelings, so if you won't listen to me then listen the words at least."
I blinked the un-shed tears from my eyes and placed my hands on the keys. As I started to play the music filled the room, it's deafening noise a change from the deafening SILENCE from before.
"There's a time to live ,
and a time to die .
There's a time to laugh ," I looked into Emmett's saddened eyes.
"and a time to cry.
There's a time for war," I looked at Rosalie now.
"and a time for peace ." I moved my eyes back down to my hands.
"There's a hand to hold,
in the worst of these.
in the worst of these.
He is with you when your faith is dead" I sang to Alice.
"and you can't even get out of bed,
or your husband doesn't kiss you, anymore" I looked into Edward's eyes for the first time in a long time as I sang this before he broke eye contact and I looked at Esme.
"He is with you when your baby's are gone,
and your house is still,
and your hearts a stone." Rosalie.
Cryin ' God, what'd you do that for?
He is with you."
The music continued as I began to silently sob.
"There's a time for yes,
and a time for no" I moved my head to look at Emmett again.
"There's a time to be angry,
and a time to let it go." I stared at everyone and sang this part louder than the rest.
There's a time to run,
and a time to face it." I continued to stare.
"There is love to see you,
through all of this.
Through all of this" I stared at Carlisle as I sang the next part, it all for him and only him. He needed to hear it.
"He is with you in the conference room,
when the world is coming down on you,
and your wife and kids don't know you, anymore" I sang this louder too.
"Yes he is with you in the ICU,
when the doctors don't know what to do,
and it scares you to the core" Carlisle was beginning to cry as well.
"He is with you.
We may weep for a time,
but joy will come in the morning.
The morning light." I turned back to Esme to sing these next words to her, only to find her crying as well, and Carlisle finally wrapping his arms around her for the first time in a while.
"He is with you when your kids are grown,
and there's too much space,
and you feel alone,
and you're worried if you got it right or wrong" I looked back at Edward and opened up my mind, showing him all the pain he has caused me, and how much I needed him, as I sang the last part of the song.
Yes he is with you when
you've given up on ever finding you're true love,
the one who feels like home,
he is with you" I looked back to my hands and finished the song.
"When nothing else is left,
and you take your final breath.
He is with you."
The second my fingers lifted off the keys and Edward spun me around and hugged me to his chest so tight I couldn't breathe. He began to sob as he ran his hands through my hair and picked me up to cradle me in his lap. This was the first contact in three and a half years, and I cried even harder as I squeezed tighter, holding on for dear life. I don't know what I'd do if he let go of me now.
"Bella. I'm s-s-so s-sorry. Ple-ease forgive me Bella. I c-can't live without youuu . Please. I'm sorry Bella. I love you. I ne-eed you. Please. Please." He continued to sob into my hair.
"I love you too, Edward. So much. I'm not going anywhere. I've missed you so-o mu- uch , Edward, I n-need you too. Ple-e -ease come back to me. Pleease ."
We clutched to each other, sobbing into each other, and I was suddenly aware that the whole family was in pretty much the same position. Carlisle and Esme were crying into each other , Carlisle's face twisted in pain as he sobbed endlessly telling her he loved her and was sorry. Alice was on Jasper's lap, him crying into her chest as she sobbed and ran her hands through his hair. Emmett had picked up Rosalie and her legs were around his waist as he cried to her saying he needed her and couldn't live without her, her sobbing into him saying she needed him too.
After about an hour everyone had calmed down and had switched positions, everyone leaning against the wall. Edward had me on his lap, curled into his chest. Every so often he would kiss my head like he used to, and I would kiss his chest. Esme and Carlisle were next to each other, holding hands and staring into each others' eyes. Emmett and Rosalie were kissing each other heavily, their movements willed with need and desire. Alice was perched up on Jasper's lap, running her hands through his hair. She probably showing Jasper how much she loved and missed him, because there was a blanket of love in the air coming from Jasper.
I looked around at my family, and for the first time in nearly 4 years, it looked like everything would be OK . I looked at Jasper, and sensing my eyes on him, he looked back at me, and smiled. No more pain. No more sadness. Alice zoned out for a second, and looked back at me, and I could tell that she saw that everything would be all right. We would be all right. We would make it together in the end as a family.
Because God is with us every step of the way.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.