Beauty in the Darkness
Bella Swan lives her life in a cycle. Most of it is spent in rehab where she tries to handle her growing depression. Can newcomer Edward Cullen help find the real Bella and the beauty in the darkness? Rated Adult for talk of drug use. Chapter three up for validation!!!
I couldn't get this ridiculous storyline out of my head, so I just had to write it down. For faster chapters, read and review on fanfiction.net
Rating 5/5 Word Count 1454 Review this Chapter
I rolled over and groaned once again. Still here, still in this stupid room, in this stupid place, in this stupid life. It annoyed me that I woke up every morning in the same place. I had hoped, almost foolishly, that I would never wake up here again. But of course, I was so messed up that I would probably spend the rest of my life here. I sighed and unwillingly stepped from the bed.
I set myself a few tasks each morning, to fall into a familiar routine. I quickly changed into a pair of simple jeans and a black t-shirt - nothing out of the ordinary. I made sure that every piece of clothing hid the tops of my shoulders; I couldn’t handle interfering eyes that would radar in on them. Pulling my hair into a messy ponytail, I busied myself by rolling the bed neatly back into order and opening the navy curtains.
I peered out into the wilderness outside my window. Trees and forests took up most of the horizon; the greenery shimmering in the early morning light. There was still clouds hiding the sun, as always, but to me, this place was beautiful. A few flowers lived precariously in random bushes and pots, and it amazed me that they stayed alive with the lack of sunlight, however I was sure that the daily amounts of water helped them along. Forks, Washington was known for the scarcity of sun and heat; the water and decreasing temperatures making the area not as popular as others. The green forests were less inviting than the brown, dead plants of hotter places in America. I, however, seemed to enjoy the simply tranquillity Forks held. I knew it could be boring to some, but I truly enjoyed gazing out of my window from time to time. It was like an alien planet, the remote colours and plants and it somehow comforted me to watch, know I wasn’t the only alien around here.
A loud knock brought me rapidly out of my reverie. I spun around, my breathing coming out in short spurts.
“Bella? Can I come in?” a familiar voice enquired.
I, of course, never answered, instead optioning to timidly wander to my door. Hesitantly, I opened it an inch, glanced at the visitor, before opening it wider. I walked quickly away from the door, choosing to sit on my hard bed.
He walked in, flashing a quick smile in my direction before stopping in the middle of my minute room. He cleared his throat for a second before beginning his speech.
I took the time in which he hesitated to gaze at him. He was beautiful, in a strange way. His blonde, wavy hair sticking around his head, a small smile playing on his lips. Although that held nothing to his voice. A southern edge always invaded it, leaving many in the residence swooning - perhaps also to the amount of drugs they were ingesting.
“So, Bella. You remember our one-to-one counselling for today?” Jasper, Doctor Hale asked.
I nodded, staring at his face as he talked.
Many in the centre believed I had a crush on the man named Jasper. That assumption was misguided, of course. I felt no emotion to anyone. I just, I suppose, trusted Jasper more than anyone else. He was easy to get along with, never pushed me too hard and always slowed down if he saw my discomfort. Our sessions were the only time I would utter a word or two. I trusted him. He was trying to help me, I knew that. Not for a promotion or recognition, but because he wanted to help me. I was grateful for that. I didn’t know what he actually thought about me, but I was happy to have someone familiar that I could talk to.
“Good. It would perhaps be better if you ate breakfast first and then joined me in the therapy room. Is that okay?”
Again, I nodded, liking Jasper even more in that moment. The previous doctor I had liked me to have breakfast with her in the therapy room. I didn’t truly know if it had anything to do with our sessions or if she was checking that I was eating. But either way, it left me embarrassed and uncomfortable. Jasper, however, allowed me to eat in privacy and then join him on my own terms. I didn’t think he did this for anyone else, but I did not think it was case of simple favouritism. I think he was genuinely worried, and again, he wanted to help.
“Thank you. I’ll be waiting in our room,” he murmured before turning and leaving my room silently.
I sighed, not welcoming the realization of sharing my feelings once again.
I ate in silence and alone. I preferred it that way. The other residences all sat together in little “friendship groups” and were still babbling about the new addition to the ranks. Honestly, it was like high school all over again and I didn’t like high school at all. I blocked out their over-exaggerated gushing and quickly finished my meal.
I hurried down the bright corridor without a second glance. The lemon walls burned my eyes, the brightness seeming too much today. I hadn’t had much sleep again last night. The horrors of my vivid dreams were too much to handle.
I reached the clearly labelled therapy room within 5 minutes. I always got embarrassed at this point, a slight blush dancing across my pale cheeks. I didn’t know whether to knock or just walk straight in. I stood in obvious indecision until I quickly tapped lightly on the wooden door. I heard a quiet “come in” and I complied without hesitation.
Jasper was sitting in a pair of simple black trousers and a white shirt but his face was bright and expectant. He gestured to the seat in front of him. I picked at the one bracelet around my wrist - a nervous habit - and then sat opposite him.
“Good morning, Bella,” he greeted me, a file and pen in hand.
I cleared my throat, remembering that I would probably struggle speaking when it had been a few days since I had done so.
He smiled tightly at me.
“Remember, you may call me Jasper in privacy, if that makes you more comfortable,” he reminded me.
“I don’t mind,” I whispered, looking to the floor in embarrassment.
“Okay, well, shall we begin?”
I nodded and glanced up at him. He wrote something small down on his paper before his eyes came up to meet mine.
“How are you feeling today?” he asked with concern.
“Fine,” I muttered.
He nodded but with a look of scepticism etched on his face.
“You look tired.”
“I am,” I replied, as if it was childishly obvious, what with the purple circles eternally painted under my eyes.
“I thought. Did you not get enough sleep, Bella?”
He nodded again, writing on his clipboard.
“And why is that?” he enquired.
“The same as usual,” I muttered.
I knew what was coming next. He would try to dig further, ask what they were about and ponder openly as if this was to why I constantly took overdoses. I wondered why he even tried. I would never tell him the real reason I do it. I would never tell anyone, ever.
“Yes. Would you like to talk about what happens in them?”
“No, I wouldn’t” I answered.
“I could help. If these nightmares are a reflection of your life, to your depression” he talked as if it was a question. “then talking about it could help. I could help you,” he murmured, staring right into my eyes.
For that one moment, I believed him. I believed that he could help me, that he could make it all go away. But he couldn’t. I couldn’t tell him anything because everything I would say would be written on a report. Then the world would know what sort of person I was.
I could handle my inner demons in my own way. But I could not handle what he was asking for me. I sucked on my bottom lip, ignoring the splashes of tears escaping my eyes, before shaking my head furiously at him.
“No, you can’t help me. No one can,” I whispered, watching as his face changed the moment I uttered it.